Every Other Weekend

As kids, we hear all kinds of stories. Some are fairy tales, some are about other kids (where my Judy Blume fans at???) and some are stories parents, grandparents, and other relatives tell us about our own families. Jen and Allison unpack how those stories – and the ones we tell ourselves – impact our beliefs and relationships as adults, including our marriages and how we handle our divorces. Yes, it’s intergenerational trauma, the gift that keeps on giving! And what we learn is that if you can push through the fear, unpack it and see what’s in there, it really CAN be a gift. Then the challenge is doing the work so you create a whole new gift to pass on to your kids and the generations that come after.

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Nature abhors a vacuum and just like Mother Nature, so do most moms. So we swoop right in to do EVERYTHING for EVERYONE and then wonder why we're exhausted, frustrated, and resentful. But asking for help presents its own challenges. We have to give up control and accept that things might not be done the way we would do them or on our timeline. The first in an ongoing series about managing mental load, Allison and Jen reveal how a simple haircut led to a pretty intense discussion about dealing with "all the things," realizing that we set ourselves up to be victims/martyrs, and learning how to ask for and accept help. And in a shocking turn of events, Jen defends the menfolk.

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Join Jen and Allison on the journey to find stepfamilies represented in shows and movies, only to end up - in desperation - talking about porn and a movie from 1935. There's just not a lot of us out there in pop culture, even though there's a TON of us in real life. What impact does that have on us as a society and how stepfamilies are viewed? Does it impact what people expect when they join the ranks of "step?" When do we get a toilet paper commercial featuring stepfamilies? Should Jen and Allison add "screenwriters" to their resumes? Let's talk about it and give us your suggestions for what we should be watching!

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Welcome to the New Year! It's time once again for fireworks, champagne and....resolutions. Are they worth it? Do they help or hurt? Do we even need to improve or are we perfect just as we are? (Spoiler alert - no, we're not.)  If you are setting resolutions, are you trying to change behaviors or are you being too hard on your authentic self? Is there a new way to look at resolutions that could be more helpful? We have not figured this out, but we're working on it! Bonus content: share in real time drama as we get Thing 1 home for Christmas break. 

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Ah, the name game. What do your kids call their new stepparent? What does the new stepparent call the kids? What do the adults call each other? Whether we're quoting Beyonce or William Shakespeare ("What's in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet"), what we call each other holds meaning and how we refer to each other to those outside the family holds power. This week Jen and Allison talk about naming conventions in blended families and how Jen became a stepmother formally (and still currently) known as Aunt Jenny.

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That time Allison and Jen understood the assignment (thanks, Producer Marc) and attempted to engage in the #BlendedFamily and #stepmom communities on Instagram. We really do complicate things in divorce. #biomom, #bonusmom, #stepmom, #HCBM....it's a #shitshow. If the parents aren't communicating and the stepparent is left to figure things out on their own with no support and no tools, nobody wins, especially not the kids. And remember: We have to stop vilifying the ex. There can't possibly be this many horrible, evil people in the world. One thing we do know is we need a new hashtag.

#BlendedFamily

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That time Jennifer said "yes" after Scott said "no" and the only winner was Chick-Fil-A. Kids are smart and they are master manipulators. Allison and Jen talk about the balance of discipline between parents and step-parents, exes and new partners. Because if you're not all part of a united front, those kids will bring one of you to the Dark Side faster than a Sith Lord.

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(Part 2 of 2): Now that we've identified FDS (that's Fun Dad Syndrome), how do we treat it? We realize we've got unrealistic expectations and stop our binary thinking. Then we buy some donuts and take a ferry ride. Enter stage left - Fun Mom.

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(Part 1 of 2): Allison and Jen talk about "Fun Dad," one of the most common phenomena in post-divorce parenting. And it's even harder to deal with when you have control issues. After lots of discussion we realize that "Fun Dad" is an issue in lots of homes (even when there's NOT been a divorce) and that sometimes "Fun Dad" is really "Frustrated Mom."

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Allison has aggressive Christmas Village goals and we both have VERY different approaches to the holidays. Listen to our special Thanksgiving episode for our thoughts on turkey, stuffing, sides and pie. And maybe a few other completely unrelated (and inappropriate) things!

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