The first R is Refraining from the urge to take it personally, snap back and jump to conclusions.
As caring adults, it is our responsibility to respond in a calm manner and to provide a calm environment for youths to respond too. 

Adults, being in the position of responsibility, must never seek to secure their validation from youths. 
We need to soul-search ourselves while establishing healthy avenues for self-care.
Although reaching youths starts with me, it's never for or about me. 

We must not presume that our desire to help youths is based on the correct assumptions. In order to make a real diference and align with the youth's best interests, we need to first check with them.
We must seek to understand the hearts of the young person in order to align with their best interests, and not solely ours. 

Knowing ourselves and what really drives us to want to reach youths will enhance our efforts. 
It's also important to know that the youth is not a vicarious extension of our own unfulfilled childhood dreams or ambitions.
We must regularly search our inner selves honestly and answer the question why we want to reach or infuence the child or youth. 

The formula is Friendly-Firm-Fair-Flexible-Fun.
It comes as a package to remind us how we should guide youths.
We need to apply a balanced approach when reaching youths. 

Avoid power struggles. As adults we don't win at all. 
We need to check in our pride, ego and face when confronting teens, particularly when it's a boundary issue. 

Play the role of a learner. Ask the teen to teach you stuff but don't expect patience from them.
We must exercise humilty and patience in involving teens in the role of teacher. It builds their confidence and prepares then for emerging adulthood. 

Understand the place of drama in a teen's life. So don't over-react or respond too quickly. 
We have to assure youths that we hear them and that they can share their fears and frustration with us. 

Resist the urge to nag. Instead, listen. 
Anatomically, we've been given two ears and only one mouth - so we must listen twice as much as we speak
We must exercise refrain and succumbing to anxiety when directing teens who want to be acknowledged that they can be trusted, even when they fail. We a huge dose of patience 

Relating to teens is not logic-based. Often, it is feelings-based.
The teenage brain is not fully empowered cognitively. 

We need to reach the hearts of the teens first, journey with them before we can reach their minds.