It's a common story. We've all heard it before. There's this one podcast that you love so much. Every week you look forward to the latest episode, where you can welcome the hosts into your home via headphones, or car radio, or Dolby surround-sound speakers, if you can afford that shit. You've made them a part of your routine. A part of your life. Then they skip a week. No big deal, right? Everybody needs a break now and then. But then they skip another week. Then the episodes come every other week. Then twice a month. Then one day your favorite podcasters tell you they're stepping out to buy a six-pack and some lottery tickets. That was in May. Now your headphones only play sub-par ASMR. Your car radio has nothing to offer but ads for Thomas Heist Insurance (You'll Like the Way They Do Business™), and your nice ass Dolby speaker system is only being used to watch Dunkirk in 4k. You go through withdrawal. You find yourself sitting at the table pretending your comb is a microphone talking to no one in particular, just to get your fix. One day, the podcasters return. They're tanner. Their smiles are wide. They have no six pack, they must have drank it on the way back. Do they really have the fucking audacity to just come back and act like nothing ever happened? Well...

Hello and welcome to another episode of Everybody Loses! This week, John and Matt discuss Sorry to Bother You, a movie that, to risk a clichéd phrase, blew their minds. You know what else blows their minds? Ted Cruuuuuz! In the Everybody Loses segment, Matt must explain why Ted Cruz would have been a better president than Donald Trump, while John must explain why humidity is the best weather condition to live in (cut us some slack, we're a little rusty).

 

LINKS

Play Frog Fractions at your own risk: http://twinbeard.com/frog-fractions/

Ted Cruz for Human President

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It's a time filled with milestones. The Marvel Cinematic Universe has been releasing movies for 10 years, they just dropped their largest crossover project to date with the 19th film in the series, and most of all, Everybody Loses has reached its 50th episode. To celebrate their Gold Jubilee, John and Matt offer their thoughts on Avengers: Infinity War (filled with spoilers, obviously). In the Everybody Loses segment, John must argue why Thanos was right in his thoughts and actions in the film, while Matt must argue why Bruce Springsteen's "Other Band" of the 1990s was better than the iconic E Street Band.

 

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From everybody here at Everybody Loses, we hope you had a great Easter! And St. Patrick's Day. And whatever other holidays we missed since the last episode.

This week, John and Matt discuss their latest trip to a craft beer festival and John provides his thoughts on the Harry Potter film series (minus Fantastic Beasts and Where to Give a Shit), which he has recently watched in its entirety for the first time. In the Everybody Loses segment John, who lives by the six-string, must explain why guitars are the worst instrument, while Matt must explain why Christianity is the worst religion (sorry, God).

 

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Fly, Eagles, Fly

On the road to Victory.

Fly, Eagles, Fly

Score a touchdown - one, two, three!

Hit 'em low, hit 'em high,

And watch our Eagles fly!

Fly, Eagles, Fly,

On the road to Victory!

 

Also, it was Valentine's Day.

 

LINKS

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Welcome back to Everybody Loses! In this week's episode, our hosts discuss the latest controversies of one Donald John Trump, and are inspired by his risqué behavior to guess what kind of scandal each other would have to pay to keep quiet. In the Everybody Loses segment, John must explain why being single is better than being taken off the market, while Matt must explain why the United States becoming a puppet state of Russia would be beneficial. And now, Stormy Daniels with the weather.

 

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New year, new us. Welcome to the 2018 edition of Everybody Loses, where we've slightly upped the audio quality, and literally everything else is the same. In support of that point, this week our hosts give their reviews of Star Wars: The Last Jedi. In the Everybody Loses segment, John must explain the downsides of New Year's resolutions, while Matt must do the same for spending the holidays with your family.

 

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It's that time of year again: Finals, Christmas shopping, sliding back and forth on the road on your way to work. On this episode, John and Matt discuss the impending Christmas holiday and the recent explosion of Bitcoin and other cryptocurrencies. In the Everybody Loses segment, John must explain why Twitter is the worst of social media platforms, while Matt must explain why romantic comedies are the best genre of movies.

 

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We at Everybody Loses want to wish all our listeners a Happy Thanksgiving! We're truly thankful for the select few of you that choose to listen to us on a regular basis. This week, John and Matt once again make a bracket, this time in a battle for the best Thanksgiving side dish. In the Everybody Loses segment, John must explain why teaching high schoolers is better than teaching college students, while Matt must explain why being a hater is the best way to live.

 

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Welcome back to the Everybody Loses Podcast! This week's discussion covers such pressing matters as our hosts' Halloween costumes, kegs of ranch dressing, and unoriginal restaurant food. In the Everybody Loses segment, John must explain why Chris Christie will be the most missed outgoing politician in recent history, while Matt must explain why being a front runner is the best way to be a sports fan.

 

LINKS

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Happy Halloween to all our listeners, but more importantly Happy One Year Lose-iversary! This week, John and Matt comment on the past year of podcasting and discuss the holiday, along with their favorite Halloween movies. In the Everybody Loses segment, John must explain why beer festivals are a bad time, while Matt must tell his co-host why Mischeif Night is better than Halloween (or, why tricks are better than treats).

 

LINKS

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