One inspirational story of the ripple effect of kindness between two people.    

Transcript:

Welcome to Everyday Happiness! I'm your host, Katie Jefcoat, and today we're jumping right in

because I have had something on my mind for so long. And I decided I'm just going to go off the cuff and chat with you as if you were sitting right next to me on my sofa, sipping a warm cup of coffee like friends would do. 

And the topic that I wanted to talk to you about today is kindness.

I don't know what happened in this world, but we're not doing enough kindness. Whether that's random acts of kindness, being kind to people, saying kind things to people when we see them.

It just seems like whether there's too much angst or there's too much busyness or there's too much hustle or whatever is going on in the world, I feel this. I feel this energy.

And I just wanted to come chat with you as my friends in this micro-podcast. 

So I 100% totally believe we need to be doing more kindness. And if you have listened to this podcast episode or this series at all, you know that of course we talk about kindness.

But I wanted to tell you a story of a member in my community. 

Right before Christmas, she was out shopping, and she saw this plant. So she bought this plant because she thought it would be perfect for one of her clients, who she does some work for. And so she bought this plant, and she was just going to drop it off at the front door, sent a quick text, and then zip right on out. Because, like all of us, especially right before the holidays, were so busy.

But she had sent the text, and the woman that she was delivering the plant to must have been like literally at the door because she opened the door right away and she's like, "Oh, my gosh, this is so nice. Totally unexpected. Come in. Have a glass of wine with my husband and I."

It was like happy hour.

And my friend knew she was so busy and she had so much to do, but she was like, "Okay, I'll stop in. I need to catch up anyway. It'll be great." So she sits down in their living room. They open a bottle of wine. They have one glass. It was a nice conversation.

And it was about an hour and a half later, my friend leaves. And the other person was like, "Thanks for the plant. Happy holidays." All the things.

Well, the first week of January, my friend gets a handwritten note in the mail thanking her for the plant and for staying to have a glass of wine and for the connection and the community through this experience. My friend was floored. She couldn't believe it.

She was like, why are you sending me a thank you? I was giving you the plant as a thank you because I was thinking of you. And she just couldn't even believe it. And it made her feel so happy. So happy that she told me and told a bunch of us on our weekly coffee chat on Zoom.

So now she has by sending this plant (delivering this plant to a client), she has then gotten this message — this letter; she tells all of us and we all get to experience this beautiful act of kindness.

And it just reminds me that there is more good in this world if we seek it out. So that's my mission to seek out more kindness. And I can't wait to share more with you. Take care.

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And, let’s connect on social at @everydayhappinesswithkatie  and join the community on the hashtags #IntentionalMargins and #everydayhappinesswithkatie on Instagram

Links:  https://onamission.bio/everydayhappiness/

To conclude my 4-part exercise series, we wrap up our discoveries, and I reveal the only exercise that has ever worked to really clear my mind. P.S. It is NOT running!  

Transcript:

Welcome to Everyday Happiness where we create lasting happiness, in 2 minutes a day,  through my signature method of Intentional Margins (creating harmony between your to-dos and your priorities), happiness science, and musings about life.

I'm your host Katie Jefcoat and this is the 4th of 4 episodes on exercise.

My path to finding the joy in moving has been windy and bumpy.  Super bumpy.

Yesterday I mentioned how tennis, for a while, was the activity where I could be present and mindful while engaging in that activity.  I also mentioned that yoga could be good for this.  

Years ago, when I played tennis, I was terrible, and I was only really a tennis lesson junkie, but when I was there I was present.  Mostly because I was scared to death to look away and get a tennis ball to the face.  So, there I was, following the ball, watching each bounce, without another thought in my mind.  

What is the movement activity that you can get lost in?

So, to recap the last few days.

Exercise is healthy!  It’s good for our mental health and physical health.

Exercise is being re-framed and called movement

Movement (formerly known as exercise)  for happiness can’t be about fixing something.  We need to change our mindset between movement and that dark urge to change our body. 

being present and mindful in whatever movement you choose and gratitude for our body, exactly as it is, is the first step to rewiring our mindset

Tennis is my story, I invite you to find what works for you.  And let me know, I’m so curious what’s working for people. 

And until tomorrow, let’s connect on social at @everydayhappinesswithkatie and join the community on the hashtags #IntentionalMargins and #everydayhappinesswithkatie on Instagram.

I did a recent blog post about exercise and happiness, you can find it here: Will Exercise Make Me Happier?. 

Get Everyday Happiness delivered to your inbox by subscribing at: https://www.katiejefcoat.com/happiness

And, let’s connect on social at @everydayhappinesswithkatie  and join the community on the hashtags #IntentionalMargins and #everydayhappinesswithkatie on Instagram

Links:  https://onamission.bio/everydayhappiness/

Why do you exercise? Is it to "fix" something or to achieve a goal? In part 3 of this 4 part series, we discuss how exercise should make you feel and how you can reframe your mindset. 

Transcript:

Welcome to Everyday Happiness where we create lasting happiness, in 2 minutes a day,  through my signature method of Intentional Margins (creating harmony between your to-dos and your priorities), happiness science, and musings about life.

I'm your host Katie Jefcoat and we’re still talking about exercise, but now, we’ve reframed that into movement and everything feels right.

If you listened to the last 2 days, you may have caught that I’m settling into this idea of “movement” instead of “exercise” and I can say, I’m liking it.  A little reframing in my mind and a little tweak of the wording made all the difference for me.   What I know for sure is that there are a million ways to do anything, you have to find what works for you.

Today is about finding the joy in moving.  The biggest shift comes from changing your mindset between exercising and that dark urge to change your body. We can do that by concentrating instead and how the exercise makes us feel. The goal of exercise should be that it brings you some sort of joy and happiness.

One idea is: You start with being present and mindful in whatever movement you choose.

Yoga is a good one for this.  But it could be anything.  Tomorrow, I’ll tell you why tennis worked for me.  

If you want to dig more into this podcast that I was inspired by, you can listen to Laurie Santos episode 20 of The Happiness Lab.

Think about how you experience your body not as the way it looks but as what you can’t see reframing movement in this way can lead to greater happiness

And until tomorrow, let’s connect on social at @everydayhappinesswithkatie and join the community on the hashtags #IntentionalMargins and #everydayhappinesswithkatie on Instagram.

I did a recent blog post about exercise and happiness, you can find it here: Will Exercise Make Me Happier?. 

Get Everyday Happiness delivered to your inbox by subscribing at: https://www.katiejefcoat.com/happiness

And, let’s connect on social at @everydayhappinesswithkatie  and join the community on the hashtags #IntentionalMargins and #everydayhappinesswithkatie on Instagram

Links:  https://onamission.bio/everydayhappiness/

Exercise improves happiness, FACT! But what does exercise actually entail? In part 2 of this 4 part series, we learn how a change in perception can alter your happiness habits. 

Transcript:

Welcome to Everyday Happiness where we create lasting happiness, in 2 minutes a day,  through my signature method of Intentional Margins (creating harmony between your to-dos and your priorities), happiness science, and musings about life.

I'm your host Katie Jefcoat and today we’re back talking about exercise

Yesterday we went through the science of why exercise matters, both mentally and physically.

I was listening to The Happiness Lab with guest Jessamyn Stanley, a love your body curvy yoga instructor. 

And she said one word that clicked for me - MOVEMENT. It’s the idea that we can be happier through “movement”.  Ah, movement, maybe I can get behind this.  A little reframing in my mind and a little tweak of the wording might make all the difference. 

The science is clear - we need to move.  Movement will make us happier (and healthier).  So, if you really don’t want to run and have no interest in jumping on the Peleton bandwagon, give yourself grace that those types of movement are not for you. 

One way to have a healthy relationship with exercise / movement is to re-frame the way you think about exercise.

Exercise for happiness can’t be about fixing something. That’s another ah-ha moment. It can’t be about body hating.  So many times we exercise to fix something, to tone something. 

That’s why tomorrow we are going to talk about how we find the joy in moving.  Notice how I didn’t say “exercise”;). 

until then, let’s connect on social at @everydayhappinesswithkatie and join the community on the hashtags #IntentionalMargins and #everydayhappinesswithkatie on Instagram.

I did a recent blog post about exercise and happiness, you can find it here: Will Exercise Make Me Happier?. 

Get Everyday Happiness delivered to your inbox by subscribing at: https://www.katiejefcoat.com/happiness

And, let’s connect on social at @everydayhappinesswithkatie  and join the community on the hashtags #IntentionalMargins and #everydayhappinesswithkatie on Instagram

Links:  https://onamission.bio/everydayhappiness/

Research has proven that exercise does increase happiness, but does that mean you need to run 5 miles every day to put a smile on your face? NO! Tune in to this 4-part series on how happiness with exercise actually works!

Transcript:

Welcome to Everyday Happiness where we create lasting happiness, in 2 minutes a day,  through my signature method of Intentional Margins (creating harmony between your to-dos and your priorities), happiness science, and musings about life.

I'm your host Katie Jefcoat and today we’re talking about exercise.

Most research shows that exercise makes us feel good. Even a half hour a day of cardio. Not only do the happiness scientists agree but also in a recent book by Sanjay Gupta, who is a neurosurgeon, also indicates that exercising is really crucial to a well rounded self.

So this has got me thinking about my health, both physically and mentally.  Can exercise be the ticket to help with both? 

Exercise can increase your dopamine (which is the feel good hormone) and serotonin levels (which make everything in your mind more even and less super “hot” or super down), making it a great option to boost your happy hormones. 

I’m not a scientist, but I can see this.  Going for a run when you are super stressed out increases serotonin.  I mean, you won’t catch me running unless someone is chasing me, but I can see how it works for some people.  

And of course, exercise produces these good endorphins, which can increase happiness, so I’ve bought into the science of “why” exercise is good for my happiness and perhaps, my mental health generally. 

It’s almost impossible to say that exercise isn’t good for you. 

But, I’m not the girl to hit the gym, or go for a run. It’s not for me.  So tomorrow I’m going to share with you my mental hack to re-frame how I was thinking about exercise, and I think you’re going to like it.

In the meantime, let’s connect on social at @everydayhappinesswithkatie and join the community on the hashtags #IntentionalMargins and #everydayhappinesswithkatie on Instagram.

I did a recent blog post about exercise and happiness, you can find it here: Will Exercise Make Me Happier?. 

Get Everyday Happiness delivered to your inbox by subscribing at: https://www.katiejefcoat.com/happiness

And, let’s connect on social at @everydayhappinesswithkatie  and join the community on the hashtags #IntentionalMargins and #everydayhappinesswithkatie on Instagram

Links:  https://onamission.bio/everydayhappiness/

How envy plays a positive role in identifying our own happiness. 

Transcript:

Welcome to Everyday Happiness where we create lasting happiness, in 2 minutes a day,  through my signature method of Intentional Margins® (creating harmony between your to-dos and your priorities), happiness science, and musings about life. 

I'm your host Katie Jefcoat and I was listening to a podcast interview of psychotherapist and Atlantic contributing writer Lori Gottlieb on How to Build a Happy Life. 

Specifically what caught my attention was when Dr. Gottlieb said “a good way to figure out what is fun for you is to look at your envy.”

Envy, what?  Envy seems to have such a negative association that was shocking to me.  

But what she said made sense.   She said “People don’t like to feel envy. They feel like it’s kind of like a taboo. They don’t want to feel that. They think that they’re a bad person for feeling that. But actually, envy is very instructive, and envy tells us something about desire.”  

She says when people follow their envy it tells them what they want. What they desire.  And  that might be a clue as to what might be enjoyable for you. 

She says that as humans, “we are so hesitant to look at our desire. We don’t want to give space for desire. We’re so much about the shoulds, as opposed to the “What do I want? What does desire look like for me?” We feel like it’s almost a selfish act.”

This is fascinating because it asks people to define what they want.  It seems clear that as a society, we are doing things we should do when it may not be in our desire. Culturally there is a certain prescription about the way things should be.  Within a family there are certain expectations about the way things should be.  It can be hard as adults and certainly hard as young-adults to articulate what it is that they really want to be. And to acknowledge that it’s something they want.

Especially if it is not part of the societal norm or the path we’ve put ourselves and others on.   

I invite you to take a moment and think about what you envy.  When you scroll social media, what do you envy?  And as a bonus, what don’t you envy? I think that gives us a very interesting perspective on our own happiness. 

Until next time. 

Inspired by this article in The Atlantic.

Get Everyday Happiness delivered to your inbox by subscribing at: https://www.katiejefcoat.com/happiness

And, let’s connect on social at @everydayhappinesswithkatie  and join the community on the hashtags #IntentionalMargins and #everydayhappinesswithkatie on Instagram

Links:  https://onamission.bio/everydayhappiness/

In this episode we talk about the right way to set boundaries and how we might be doing it all wrong.  

Transcript:

Welcome to Everyday Happiness where we create lasting happiness, in 2 minutes a day,  through my signature method of Intentional Margins® (creating harmony between your to-dos and your priorities), happiness science, and musings about life. 

I'm your host Katie Jefcoat and I’m here today to chat about boundaries.  So many of us have this misconception that I tell you how you need to behave around me and that is setting a boundary.  For example,  I tell you “don’t yell at me”.  This is me trying to control your behavior to set a boundary for myself.  

Friends, we do this all the time.  And it is 100% backwards.  And we wonder why we think people do not respect our boundaries.  

That is not actually a boundary.  Me, telling you how I want you to behave around me is not me setting a boundary.  

We can’t control others’ behavior - it’s a request. 

I request that you not yell at me when you are angry, its’ not you can’t yell at me.  It’s what am I willing to endure.  It’s my request that you not yell at me.  

My boundary with myself.  What I am I going to do if this person yells at me.  I will say “hey, I am going to leave this conversation”  my personal boundary has been breached.   

Maybe your boundary is that you don’t want to be in a relationship with this person.  Whatever the boundary is, it’s with yourself.  You hold the boundary for yourself. 

The person can yell, fly off the handle and you can say.  My boundary is that I won’t engage when I feel yelled at, I am going to another room.  I am leaving the space.  I am hanging up the phone right now.  

Maybe you have or you want to have a boundary that you don’t engage in political conversations with certain people.  You know how they end and frankly, you’re exhausted, it doesn’t help your mental health and it’s not a productive conversation.  You set a boundary, not that they can’t bring up politics around you.  But, when they do, you firmly and calmly say, “I have a personal boundary that I won’t engage in political discussions and I feel like this comment is going down that road.  Before I regret something, I need to hang up the phone.  Good bye.”  Full stop.  

Look, this is all pie in the sky right, personalities are inconsistent and sometimes irrational, but we need something to aim for and I hope this helps you think of boundaries to support your happiness.  

Of course, we want to know what boundaries you are setting and how that’s going.  So let us know on social @everydayhappinesswithkatie.     

Get Everyday Happiness delivered to your inbox by subscribing at: https://www.katiejefcoat.com/happiness

And, let’s connect on social at @everydayhappinesswithkatie  and join the community on the hashtags #IntentionalMargins and #everydayhappinesswithkatie on Instagram

Links:  https://onamission.bio/everydayhappiness/

Social connection is the thread that weaves the fabric of happiness.  Whether that’s in person or online, it’s critical for our happiness that we engage in relationships with others. 

Transcript:

Welcome to Everyday Happiness where we create lasting happiness, in 2 minutes a day,  through my signature method of Intentional Margins® (creating harmony between your to-dos and your priorities), happiness science, and musings about life. 

I'm your host Katie Jefcoat and social connection is the thread that weaves the fabric of happiness.  I was thinking about this.  Contemplating happiness for all and for myself, after recording yesterday's show.  The research by Sonja Lyubomirsky, (LU-BO-MER-SKE) her colleagues, and others in this field point to social connection as a happiness cornerstone.  The more you are in a relationship with others, the happier you are.  It’s actually a circle. You are happier when you have social connection and you will attract more social connection when you are happy.  If you can improve or cultivate connection, it will improve your well-being, it’s basically a positive feedback loop.  

When we isolate ourselves because of a global pandemic or feelings of depression or sadness, we interrupt this loop.  We retreat from social connection.  

While taking a pause may be beneficial for you at times, say a long weekend, a meditation retreat away, a couple months when you are head-down writing a book.  Those are instances where you are choosing to back off the social connection in a different way, so I don’t want to confuse the feelings here. 

When you are isolated, it can have a negative effect on happiness if you are not finding other ways to connect.  That’s probably not a surprise to you.  But, the Zoom craze is up a zillion percent since the pandemic. People are finding ways to connect.  Even my parents and grandparents learned how to use Zoom to connect with others. My extended family took our traditional 3rd Sunday breakfast online and even more people that were not local got to join in.  I’ve heard of people playing competitive video games with family online, like Mario Cart and games like that.  Nothing replaces real life human connection, there is an energy there, but we can be creative. Connection, even online, is a good thing.  It should give us hope.     

I invite you to connect with someone today.  Whether you meet for a cup of coffee or you send a text or a message that says “I’m thinking of you, hope you are well”.  Points of connection matter.  Not only for your happiness, but for the happiness of others.  

Get Everyday Happiness delivered to your inbox by subscribing at: https://www.katiejefcoat.com/happiness

And, let’s connect on social at @everydayhappinesswithkatie  and join the community on the hashtags #IntentionalMargins and #everydayhappinesswithkatie on Instagram

Links:  https://onamission.bio/everydayhappiness/

Today we get a little introspective to identify what makes us happy and if there are any themes to extrapolate as we continue on this happiness journey. 

Transcript:

Welcome to Everyday Happiness where we create lasting happiness, in 2 minutes a day,  through my signature method of Intentional Margins® (creating harmony between your to-dos and your priorities), happiness science, and musings about life. 

I'm your host Katie Jefcoat and the thing is, there are a million ways to do anything and if we want to achieve more happiness, I believe we have to do a little introspection and ask ourselves:  What makes me happy?  

So much of our society focuses on the wrong things.  The material pursuit of more money to have more things.  The job promotion or winning the race.  None of these things truly increase our happiness over time.  We think they will bring us happiness for a long time, yet science tells us that they will only boost our happiness for a short time.  Yet, we’re encouraged by society to go after the next best thing.  

I invite you to make a list of what makes you happy.  Just thinking about this can be so powerful. My list includes:  

Conversations with my husband, when I’m sitting in my favorite chair in the living room sipping warm coffee makes me happy.  There is a level of connection that feels content.  He has a very calming presence. Most of our conversations are much to do about nothing, but it’s a time that we carve out for one another and if there is a bigger topic to discuss, the opportunity is always there.  

Like yesterday’s episode, watching the ocean waves crash against a beach makes me happy.  

Spending quality time with my kids, snuggling if I can get it, makes me happy.  

As we continue to ask ourselves in this podcast, what is happiness and how do we achieve it, I think a reflection on what makes us individually happy is a great place to start.  

In my own reflection, it’s clear that connection with other people is an umbrella upon which a majority of my happiness is derived. I invite you to explore if any themes take shape when you ask yourself, what makes you happy?

Until next time. Join our movement by being kind to someone today.  It’s the quickest and easiest way to boost your own happiness and the happiness of others.  Write a positive review of a recent experience or tell someone in line that you like their coat or haircut.   

Get Everyday Happiness delivered to your inbox by subscribing at: https://www.katiejefcoat.com/happiness

And, let’s connect on social at @everydayhappinesswithkatie  and join the community on the hashtags #IntentionalMargins and #everydayhappinesswithkatie on Instagram

Links:  https://onamission.bio/everydayhappiness/

Do you have a happy place?  A place where you can find that calm in an otherwise busy world.  

Transcript:

Welcome to Everyday Happiness where we create lasting happiness, in 2 minutes a day,  through my signature method of Intentional Margins® (creating harmony between your to-dos and your priorities), happiness science, and musings about life. 

I'm your host Katie Jefcoat and I went to the beach this past weekend and it was freezing.  But I watched the waves out the window and I felt calm.  If I’m being honest, these past few weeks have been a lot.  From super fun snow storms to Covid in schools and everything in between.  I was carrying this level of stress and anxiety in my body that I know is not healthy.  And I’m fortunate to be able to drive a few hours and see the ocean, which to me, feels like an instant calm. 

It’s crazy because I think the ocean is terrifying. And I am on high alert any time my kids get near the water, even though they can swim.  But watching it from inside a building, through the glass, the repetition of the waves crashing at the beach.  That feels like a deep exhale.   

This got me thinking.  Am I alone in this idea that I have a “thing” that makes me feel calm pretty quickly.  Or does everyone have a “happy place” that can transport them from the stress and anxiety of the present situation?    

At home, my happy place is a specific chair in my living room. It’s a small chair, it’s super comfortable.  I love the fabric. It makes me happy.  And if I really need to zone out and re-center and my mind feels too busy, I use this app called https://www.brain.fm/app that plays specific sounds that you choose for what you are trying to achieve, like focus, relax, sleep. I swear by it.  

So, I’m curious, do you have a happy place?  What do you do or could you do to flip the switch when you feel like you need to re-center?  We’re always looking for ideas here at Everyday Happiness, so let us know what works for you.  You can find us on social @everydayhappinesswithkatie, you can leave a 5-star review or email us at [email protected]     

Get Everyday Happiness delivered to your inbox by subscribing at: https://www.katiejefcoat.com/happiness

And, let’s connect on social at @everydayhappinesswithkatie  and join the community on the hashtags #IntentionalMargins and #everydayhappinesswithkatie on Instagram

Links:  https://onamission.bio/everydayhappiness/