The Reverse Bucket List, by Arthur Brooks, is a concept to increase satisfaction. Today, we talk about creating a reverse bucket list and how it can make you happier with what you have accomplished in your life thus far! 

Transcript:

Welcome to Everyday Happiness where we create lasting happiness, in about 2 minutes a day,  through my signature method of Intentional Margins® (creating harmony between your to-dos and your priorities), happiness science, and musings about life.

I'm your host Katie Jefcoat and today I’m sharing The Reverse Bucket List by Arthur Brooks, of The Atlantic.  He created this concept called the Reverse Bucket List to improve satisfaction - which improves happiness.

He says “The fewer wants there are screaming inside your brain and dividing your attention, the more peace and satisfaction will be left for what you already have.” 

The traditional bucket list is all the dreams and things you want to accomplish.  That’s not a new concept.  What Arthur Brooks is trying to achieve is a reverse bucket list so that you feel more satisfied with the dreams you've accomplished and the things you already have.

He says it can solve the satisfaction problem.

Satisfaction is not a function of what you HAVE - its actually an equation of what you HAVE and what you WANT.   Think of it like a fraction: the top is what you have and the bottom is what you want.

When you don’t manage the denominator, the bottom, the wants will expand and sprawl. This is your traditional bucket list.

Instead, start a reverse bucket list.  You have all the desires and wants. 

Write a list of your haves and try to detach yourself from the wants by focusing on the haves.  Then, your denominator will fall, and satisfaction will rise. That is the reverse bucket list exercise. 

Tomorrow, I’ll share with you how I organize my reverse bucket list. 

I’m always working on my reverse bucket list and if you want to connect on this or work together, I’m on social @everydayhappinesswithkatie and on the hashtags #IntentionalMargins and #everydayhappinesswithkatie on Instagram. I’d love to know what’s on your reverse bucket list. 

Get Everyday Happiness delivered to your inbox by subscribing at: https://www.katiejefcoat.com/happiness

And, let’s connect on social at @everydayhappinesswithkatie  and join the community on the hashtags #IntentionalMargins and #everydayhappinesswithkatie on Instagram

Links:  https://onamission.bio/everydayhappiness/

Does getting more of what we want actually make us happier? Today, we discuss satisfaction and how it plays into our happiness. 

Transcript:

Welcome to Everyday Happiness where we create lasting happiness, in about 2 minutes a day,  through my signature method of Intentional Margins® (creating harmony between your to-dos and your priorities), happiness science, and musings about life.

I'm your host Katie Jefcoat and today we’re chatting about feeling satisfied.

Satisfaction is a key component of happiness.  Feeling satisfied I wonder, do I need to feel satisfied to be happy? 

There is this idea of satisfaction, that says:  If you have what you want, you will be satisfied. But you know that’s not true because you know that when you get all the things you want, the satisfaction is elusive and doesn’t last.  It’s like running on a treadmill and never getting to the destination.

Arthur Brooks and many other thought leaders define satisfaction as what you HAVE divided by what you WANT. 

So many of us think we will be more satisfied, happier even, if we get more of what we want. But there is this scientific theory called hedonic adaptation that tells us that we get comfortable with what we have and we always want more.  So it’s basically impossible to “get more” and be happier, long term.  

We’re chasing the wrong thing.  We’re chasing the “want” of the satisfaction equation instead of the “have”. 

Tomorrow, I am going to dive into exactly how to do this using Arthur Brooks’ reverse bucket list technique. 

In the meantime,  Let’s connect on social at @everydayhappinesswithkatie and join the community on the hashtags #IntentionalMargins and #everydayhappinesswithkatie on Instagram

Get Everyday Happiness delivered to your inbox by subscribing at: https://www.katiejefcoat.com/happiness

And, let’s connect on social at @everydayhappinesswithkatie  and join the community on the hashtags #IntentionalMargins and #everydayhappinesswithkatie on Instagram

Links:  https://onamission.bio/everydayhappiness/

I can’t wait for you to meet my friend Lindsey Smith.  Not only is she a mental health professional so she knows a thing or two about happiness, but she’s spent a lot of time helping people find their happiness. Today’s conversation is very insightful, tune in.   

Transcript:

Katie: Welcome to Everyday Happiness, where we create lasting happiness in about two minutes a day through my signature method of Intentional Margins®, (creating harmony between your to dos and your priorities), happiness, science, and musings about life.

I'm your host, Katie Jefcoat, and today I've got with me a very special friend. I cannot wait for you to meet her. 

This is my friend Lindsey Smith. She's a CEO, coach, and best self igniter. I mean, those words are magic. And I asked her how she defines happiness.

Welcome to the show, Lindsey. How do you define happiness?

Lindsey: Thank you so much. When I think of happiness, I actually go a step beyond that to think of, deeply ingrained joy. And when I think of what brings me joy or how I create sustained joy in my life, it's by choosing to believe that life is happening for me always, in all ways.

And when I choose this belief, I have abundant joy in my life. And sometimes I might choose not to believe it for a little bit. Sometimes I might need to process something, but when I'm ready and I shift back to choosing, I want to emphasize that word, choosing, because it truly is a choice.

When I shift back to choosing to believe that life is happening for me always, in all ways, regardless of what it is that's happening, it brings me deep joy because I know it's all leading me to where I am meant to be going.

Katie:  Oh, my gosh. This is so brilliant. I love this so much. It is exactly what we talk about so much on this show, which is we get to choose happiness. Even if it feels hard, we get to find those moments to choose.

So thank you for enlightening us. Thank you for sharing with us. I cannot wait for everyone to hear this episode. Lindsey, you are a shining, bright star, and we love you so much.

And remember, kindness is contagious. So go out there and sprinkle a little kindness around the world today.

About Lindsay

Lindsay is a CEO Coach and Best Self Ignitor! She teaches you how to release unnecessary suffering and create a life of abundant joy. Lindsay started as a mental health therapist; now, through dozens of team members, her counseling centers make a difference in the lives of hundreds of clients each week. Lindsay also provides CEO coaching for successful female entrepreneurs as they continue to grow their business, while elevating their relationships, loving themselves and bringing the things they love back into their life, and experiencing deep, authentic joy daily. www.bestselfelite.com

Get Everyday Happiness delivered to your inbox by subscribing at: https://www.katiejefcoat.com/happiness

And, let’s connect on social at @everydayhappinesswithkatie  and join the community on the hashtags #IntentionalMargins and #everydayhappinesswithkatie on Instagram

Links:  https://onamission.bio/everydayhappiness/

Did you know there is a counterpart to a trigger? It is called a Glimmer, and you can utilize it to increase your happiness. Check out our latest podcast episode to learn how they work!

Transcript:

Welcome to Everyday Happiness where we create lasting happiness, in about 2 minutes a day,  through my signature method of Intentional Margins® (creating harmony between your to-dos and your priorities), happiness science, and musings about life. 

I'm your host Katie Jefcoat, and have you heard of “triggers?” This now popular word is used to describe an internal or external cue that the brain associates with past trauma. This signal can send our sympathetic nervous system into a frenzy, forcing a negative physical, emotional, and mental response. Altogether, really not that fun. I recently learned that there is a flip side to this coin called a Glimmer.

A Glimmer is a cue that brings us back to a sense of joy of safety. The term itself was introduced in 2018 in The Polyvagal Theory in Therapy: Engaging the Rhythm of Regulation by licensed clinical social worker Deb Dana. However, it became a popular term thanks to TikTok last year.

The neat thing about Glimmers is that they are different for everyone. Essentially, a Glimmer activates the ventral vagal state, which in turn activates the parasympathetic nervous system, I.E., the rest-and-digest part of the body. A Glimmer is the warm and fuzzy feelings we get in response to some of our favorite things.

For example, some of my Glimmers include:

• A tight hug from my husband

If you want to find your Glimmers, I encourage you to find a moment when you are at peace to close your eyes and think of when you felt safe and cared for. It could be a person, place, or thing, or something that hits the senses: sound, smell, sight, feel, or taste. There is no one or correct answer. If it makes you feel safe and happy, that’s one of your Glimmers. Do you know what your Glimmers are? Please share them in the comments with me! 

Get Everyday Happiness delivered to your inbox by subscribing at: https://www.katiejefcoat.com/happiness

And, let’s connect on social at @everydayhappinesswithkatie  and join the community on the hashtags #IntentionalMargins and #everydayhappinesswithkatie on Instagram

Links:  https://onamission.bio/everydayhappiness/

Inspired by this article in Very Well Mind. https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-a-glimmer-5323168

How we ask a question can change our perspective. Today, we challenge common questions surrounding the pandemic and how we can reframe our mindsets to see the positives. 

Transcript:

Welcome to Everyday Happiness where we create lasting happiness, in 2 minutes a day,  through my signature method of Intentional Margins® (creating harmony between your to-dos and your priorities), happiness science, and musings about life.

I'm your host Katie Jefcoat and today we’re talking about our circumstances.  I was listening to a seminar by Authur Brooks, who writes for The Atlantic.  He says we can re-frame and mitigate our unhappiness by asking ourselves - and our friends - the right questions. 

This is especially important as the United States starts to move its way out of the global pandemic.   But we don’t need a pandemic to highlight this important re-frame.

Instead of asking “what do you miss about pre-pandemic times?”

We could ask ourselves and our friends,

“what do you not miss about pre-pandemic times and you do not want to go back to?

We could even celebrate this once in a lifetime chance to be away from things that did not bring us happiness and not go back to them.

There is so much trauma, heartache, emotion around the pandemic and I am certainly not trying to minimize that.  We need to walk through those emotions.  But we can also, as complex humans, look for the good.

Ask yourself, what are the 6-7 things that you LIKE during the pandemic? What will you miss? 

Some examples for me include:

Lunch with kids

Walk around neighborhood

Family game night

Intentional time with friends

It was an opportunity for our family to slow down and recalibrate. We feel grateful that it brought us closer together.  

If you can ask yourself these next two questions, you will come out ahead.

What will you NOT go back to?

What will you KEEP?

This is an enormous chance to re-set.  I invite you to ask yourself those two questions,

What will you NOT go back to? 

What will you KEEP?

And then, let me know over on social at @everydayhappinesswithkatie and join the community on the hashtags #IntentionalMargins and #everydayhappinesswithkatie on Instagram

Get Everyday Happiness delivered to your inbox by subscribing at: https://www.katiejefcoat.com/happiness

And, let’s connect on social at @everydayhappinesswithkatie  and join the community on the hashtags #IntentionalMargins and #everydayhappinesswithkatie on Instagram

Links:  https://onamission.bio/everydayhappiness/

Have you heard of oxytocin? It's a natural happiness hormone that you can easily produce every day. Want to learn how? Listen in on this podcast episode!

Transcript:

Welcome to Everyday Happiness where we create lasting happiness, in 2 minutes a day,  through my signature method of Intentional Margins (creating harmony between your to-dos and your priorities), happiness science, and musings about life.

I'm your host Katie Jefcoat and today I want to share a practical way to boost your happiness hormone, oxytocin. 

What we know is that happiness is up to you.  Now, a caveat, of course there are injustices and we should speak up, and there are things that we cannot control, and we should feel all those feelings.  But that should not preclude our happiness - in whatever moments of time, you can get it.

As we’ve discussed in this podcast, human connection is a basic way to quickly and effectively boost happiness.  We just talked about this again in episodes 264 and 266. 

On the flip side, for most people, scrolling through social media will not boost our happiness.  It doesn’t have the same connection. 

I’ve always said and felt like social media is my virtual coffee shop, I love it.  I am a connection junkie. But the science is pretty clear that social media is not a substitute for human connection, those likes and comments and seeing what your friends are up to, that’s not going to boost your happiness.  It’s like being on a diet, but binging on ice cream when you are hungry.  It’s not going to help your diet goals.

If you need a boost of the happiness hormone, oxytocin, human connection is a great way to go. And if this is true even for me, who thinks social media is my virtual coffee shop, it's probably true for you too.

When we are lonely, we are starving for OXYTOCIN.  We starve for eye contact and human touch, both boost oxytocin. 

If you can get with someone, do that. But if you can’t,  a video conference, or a Facetime is really the next best thing. 

The reason video conferencing works is that although I can not touch you, I can see you and OXYTOCIN comes from seeing you too - looking at your eyes. 

That means being intentional and not multitasking on the video call.

So, go out and touch someone or catch up with a friend on a video call.  Let me know over on social how it went - we hang out at @everydayhappinesswithkatie

Get Everyday Happiness delivered to your inbox by subscribing at: https://www.katiejefcoat.com/happiness

And, let’s connect on social at @everydayhappinesswithkatie  and join the community on the hashtags #IntentionalMargins and #everydayhappinesswithkatie on Instagram

Links:  https://onamission.bio/everydayhappiness/

Did you know that science says that hugging can improve your happiness? How long should I hug for, and how often? Tune in to find out!

Transcript:

Welcome to Everyday Happiness where we create lasting happiness, in 2 minutes a day,  through my signature method of Intentional Margins (creating harmony between your to-dos and your priorities), happiness science, and musings about life.

I'm your host Katie Jefcoat. 

I’m curious, are you a hugger?  I’m a hugger.  But I recently heard that a 20-second hug will boost happiness?  Have you ever hugged for 20 seconds?  I did this with my husband the other day.  It feels like a long time.   The research that Arthur Brooks over at The Atlantic is sharing is that a 20 second hug every 2 hours  - boosts happiness. It maximizes oxytocin and it’s super good for you.  There are even some thoughts that it can reduce blood pressure and lower stress.

I’m a hugger.  But that seems like a lot.  During the pandemic when my husband and I were both working from home, that could have been more doable. But as we are starting to get back in the office - less likely.

Gretchen Rubin has also chimed in to this hug discussion and she says that even a 6-second hug will “optimize the flow of mood-boosting chemicals”.

In the book, Burnout by Emily and Amelia Nagoski, they talk about being stressed out and they opine on some pretty solid research that when you hug, you don’t just “lean in” , you keep your own center of gravity and embrace the other person, for 20-seconds (seems like everyone is talking about the 20-second hug).  They also say that it’s not a magic 20-seconds, but enough time to feel relaxed.  And that can instantly decrease your blood pressure and heart rate and improve your mood.

So, this leaves me with, let’s hug more.  We know human touch is a cornerstone to happiness, so why not do a little more hugging?

I’d love to know if you participate in a 20-second hug today. Or if you opted for the 6-second version.  Send me a message on social @everydayhappinesswithkatie.  

Get Everyday Happiness delivered to your inbox by subscribing at: https://www.katiejefcoat.com/happiness

And, let’s connect on social at @everydayhappinesswithkatie  and join the community on the hashtags #IntentionalMargins and #everydayhappinesswithkatie on Instagram

Links:  https://onamission.bio/everydayhappiness/

Being happy all the time is an unrealistic and unhealthy goal. We need the full scope of our emotions to appreciate the highlights of life. Tune in to find out why science says we should increase happiness. 

Transcript:

Welcome to Everyday Happiness where we create lasting happiness, in 2 minutes a day,  through my signature method of Intentional Margins (creating harmony between your to-dos and your priorities), happiness science, and musings about life.

I'm your host Katie Jefcoat and today I'm taking a deep breath of relief  because there is no way me or anyone else can be “happy” all the time.  It’s completely unrealistic and we need all of our emotions.   We should have a wide range of emotions - that’s normal.  If you are happy a lot of the time, I hope this is a massive exhale that there is absolutely no permanent state of bliss. 

For me, it’s a relief to realize that every single moment with my kids doesn’t have to be “happy” (you can’t see me, but I’m totally doing air quotes}. Don’t get me wrong, I love them.  I want them to have a happy childhood. I want to have happy interactions with them. But sometimes, we’re just chill.  

The science indicates that instead, we should do what we can to increase the presence of happiness in our lives and when it shows up -- pay a little more attention, give a little gratitude or appreciation for that happiness feeling -  you might even realize, it shows up even more when you notice it.  

And also, it’s ok when that happiness feeling fades, it will, it has to in order to give space to other emotions in this complex mind we have. 

What will you pay attention to today that you maybe wouldn’t normally? Send me a message on social @everydayhappinesswithkatie - let’s have a conversation.

Get Everyday Happiness delivered to your inbox by subscribing at: https://www.katiejefcoat.com/happiness

And, let’s connect on social at @everydayhappinesswithkatie  and join the community on the hashtags #IntentionalMargins and #everydayhappinesswithkatie on Instagram

Links:  https://onamission.bio/everydayhappiness/

We are hardwired for social connections. In fact, our brains need them to function properly. Therefore, to bump up our happiness levels, we need to focus on increasing our levels of social connectedness.

Transcript:

Welcome to Everyday Happiness where we create lasting happiness, in 2 minutes a day,  through my signature method of Intentional Margins (creating harmony between your to-dos and your priorities), happiness science, and musings about life.

I'm your host Katie Jefcoat.  We’ve talked about how our mind is not programmed to help us be happier.   It makes sense, if you are unhappy or dissatisfied, you do better, you invest, you create.  So I’m willing to go along with the scientifically proven research.

We get to decide if we want to dial it up a little bit when it comes to our happiness emotion. That’s pretty cool.

If we want to improve on the happiness scale, the research is overwhelmingly clear, one of the best and easiest ways is to improve social connection.  Be present in real life, talk to a stranger, call a friend you haven’t talked to in a while. 

Now, you could be like me and think this is great news, I am already planning a coffee with a friend or the first person I’ll call to connect with after this episode.  

But for others, it seems easier to grab the remote to Netflix and binge.  I’d invite you to take one step.  

Make a phone call to someone you enjoy, but it’s been way too long since you’ve talked on the phone or seen them in real life.  Listen to the voice on the other end of the line.  Be present and intentional in that conversation.  You might just get that boost of happiness.  

Let me know what you did today, send me a message on social @everydayhappinesswithkatie - let’s have a conversation; I’ll be your biggest fan.

Get Everyday Happiness delivered to your inbox by subscribing at: https://www.katiejefcoat.com/happiness

And, let’s connect on social at @everydayhappinesswithkatie  and join the community on the hashtags #IntentionalMargins and #everydayhappinesswithkatie on Instagram

Links:  https://onamission.bio/everydayhappiness/

Today I get to chat with my good friend Keatha Landauer and ask her how she defines happiness.

Transcript

Katie:

Welcome to Everyday Happiness where we create lasting happiness, in about 2 minutes a day,  through my signature method of Intentional Margins® (creating harmony between your to-dos and your priorities), happiness science, and musings about life. 

I'm your host, Katie Jefcoat, and Today I am with my dear friend Keatha Landauer, and I'm asking her how she defines happiness. Keatha, welcome to the show.

Keatha:

Thank you so much, Katie, for having me.I just love your happy show. I love listening to it every day. It's fabulous.

Katie: 

Well, I'm so excited you're here, and since it's such a quick episode, I just have to dig in.

How do you define happiness?

Keatha:

Now, when I thought about this question, I immediately started thinking big things. What truly makes me happy? And then I started really coming down to what was a shift in my mindset, and I think that was around when I started practicing gratitude and trying to find the little things.

And so the very first thing I wrote down was chickens. Chickens make me happy. And then I went from there, and it's the sunrises in my front yard, it's the sunsets over my garden, it's the phone calls from my children and hearing them laugh.

It's the cats running across the front yard or a baby kitten being born. If we really just stop and take count of all the little things that are so wonderful in our lives, and every day, I think that it ends up being an overwhelming happiness if you just count those blessings every single day. 

Katie: 

Oh, my gosh, I love that so much.

And you're right, gratitude is one of the easiest ways to boost our happiness.

That is so perfect. And I follow you on social media, and I do love those chickens, so please keep posting about them.

It's so much fun. Chickens are a lot of fun.

Keatha:

Yeah, it really is so much fun.

Katie: 

Thank you for joining me on Everyday Happiness, and we look forward to having more conversations with others about happiness.

Take care.

Keatha:

Thanks, Katie.

Get Everyday Happiness delivered to your inbox by subscribing at: https://www.katiejefcoat.com/happiness

And, let’s connect on social at @everydayhappinesswithkatie  and join the community on the hashtags #IntentionalMargins and #everydayhappinesswithkatie on Instagram

Links:  https://onamission.bio/everydayhappiness/