Everyday Happiness - Finding Harmony and Bliss

The mind works in mysterious ways, and sometimes it gets things wrong. In this mini-series, we explore how our biases and misinformation can hinder our happiness. In today's episode, we discuss impact bias. 

Transcript:

Welcome to Everyday Happiness where we create lasting happiness, in 2 minutes a day,  through my signature method of Intentional Margins® (creating harmony between your to-dos and your priorities), happiness science, and musings about life. 

I'm your host Katie Jefcoat and I was listening to the Yale happiness course by Dr. Laurie Santos and yesterday we talked about this idea that our minds are built to get used to stuff, but what Dr. Santos says is even more nuanced is that we don’t even realize that our minds are built to get used to stuff.  

This is problematic because the things we seek out that we think will make us happy, we think it will make us happy for a long time, but that’s simply not true, our minds think it will and we want to believe our mind, our intuition, but it’s scientifically not true.  Dr. Santos calls this just an illusion.  We think eating the 7th cookie will taste as good as the first, but it won’t.   

Again, Daniel Gilbert and his colleagues came up with a word that describes this phenomenon that we don’t even realize that our minds are built to get used to stuff, and it’s called, Impact Bias.  He says it’s “the tendency to overestimate the emotional impact of a future event both in terms of intensity and it’s duration”.  

As I read that quote, I thought about the random impromptu brunch with friends that was so fun.  There was no expectation.  As opposed to a New Years Eve party, where there is so much expectation.  I totally overestimated my happiness for the New Years Eve party and had no expectations for a brunch I had no time to think about.   

So, why are we so bad at this?  Why can’t we change this?  Well, Daniel Gilbert has this term called Focalism.  “The tendency to think just about one event and forget the other things that happen” in our lives.  So we predict losing a job is the worst thing ever.  But we don’t think about other things, like getting a new job, making new friends.   When we focus on the one narrow thing, we mispredict, but if we can zoom out, and look beyond that moment, we can create a better prediction.   

So, if you are feeling like something is going to cause great distress in your life.  One way to counterbalance that, is to take a wider view of other things that may happen to tip the scales to the happier side of the coin. 

Until next time. 

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Links:  https://onamission.bio/everydayhappiness/

The mind works in mysterious ways, and sometimes it gets things wrong. In this mini-series, we explore how our biases and misinformation can hinder our happiness. In today's episode, we discuss perceptual adaptation. 

Transcript:

Welcome to Everyday Happiness where we create lasting happiness, in 2 minutes a day,  through my signature method of Intentional Margins® (creating harmony between your to-dos and your priorities), happiness science, and musings about life. 

I'm your host Katie Jefcoat and I was listening to the Yale happiness course by Dr. Laurie Santos and she mentioned how our minds are built to get used to stuff, she used the example of being in a dark room and when you walk out into the light, it’s like, oh my gosh, the brightest day of your life. Your eyes can’t take it.  We got used to the dark and we adjusted.  This phenomenon is called Perceptual Adaptation. 

And this is the same in the context of Hedonic Adaptation.  We’ve talked about this before, you can check out episodes 31, 34, 36, or 128.  This is the concept that we get used to what makes us happy.  When we get the pay raise, we are happy and then we get used to that level of income and soon, we want more.  It’s also called the Hedonic treadmill.  

Dr. Santos also enlightens us with a study on marriage.  Which I found fascinating.  It’s this idea that when you get married, everything is awesome and you are full of all of the happiness and then, two years into the marriage, you are, well, just … married.  It’s this idea that you’ve gotten pretty used to your partner over the past two years and the excitement has worn off.  Fascinating, right? 

The scientist Dan Gilbert wrote a book called Stumbling on Happiness and he says “Wonderful things are especially wonderful the first time they happen, but their wonderfulness wanes with repetition.” 

But this is sad, right?  We want to maintain the wonderfulness, but our brains are just not wired this way. So what can we do?  I would argue that being aware this will happen is the first step and then, being intentional about how we look at things and try to remember how it felt the first time your partner said “I love you” or your child said “mommy or daddy” or your wedding day or when you got that job promotion you worked so hard for.  Our emotions are so complex, but revisiting these first moments can bring you gratitude and happiness - which are great feelings to have.   

Until next time. 

Get Everyday Happiness delivered to your inbox by subscribing at: https://www.katiejefcoat.com/happiness

And, let’s connect on social at @everydayhappinesswithkatie  and join the community on the hashtags #IntentionalMargins and #everydayhappinesswithkatie on Instagram

Links:  https://onamission.bio/everydayhappiness/

The mind works in mysterious ways, and sometimes it gets things wrong. In this mini-series, we explore how our biases and misinformation can hinder our happiness. In today's episode, we discuss social comparisons.

Transcript:

Welcome to Everyday Happiness where we create lasting happiness, in 2 minutes a day,  through my signature method of Intentional Margins® (creating harmony between your to-dos and your priorities), happiness science, and musings about life. 

I'm your host Katie Jefcoat and I was listening to the Yale happiness course by Dr. Laurie Santos. 

Yesterday we talked about reference points that were mostly internal.  I may make 30K a year and I want to make 50K, for example.  

But today, we’re talking about reference points when it comes to social comparison.  Look, it’s everywhere, right?  Whether it’s on TV or on your street, social comparison is out there, and we are constantly using it as a reference point to determine our own happiness.  Some more than others. 

There is a study, where they looked at office workers and they found that if you knew you earned less than the other peers you worked with, you would be less happy.  For no other reason.  You could buy the car, the house, the life you wanted.  But you were less satisfied with your job if you knew others were making more money than you.  

This is a problem when we ask, what counts as a reasonable social comparison?  Is it Beyonce or Real Housewives of Beverly Hills?  Or is it the colleague with the similar background and work?  When we are scrolling Instagram, watching TV, glued to Tik Tok, we are watching all of these highlight reels with people with so much more means that us.  What this is doing, is messing up our intuition as to what “normal” is.   We start to think, to use as a reference point, that this wealth is normal and we start to feel really crappy about our own circumstances and our brain tricks ourselves into thinking more of this stuff will make us happier.  But that’s just not how this works.  

The lesson is that we have to be intentional and check ourselves when it comes to who and why we use social comparison, because we are on auto-pilot doing it anyway, this is the opportunity to take a step back and be more mindful. 

Until next time, we’d love for you to follow us over on Instagram @everydayhappinesswithkatie where we share quotes, episodes and have conversations with all of you. 

The science mentioned in this episode can be reviewed at:  Solnick and Hemenway (1997). Is more always better?: A survey on positional concerns. Journal of Economic Behavior and Organization, 37, 373-383.

Get Everyday Happiness delivered to your inbox by subscribing at: https://www.katiejefcoat.com/happiness

And, let’s connect on social at @everydayhappinesswithkatie  and join the community on the hashtags #IntentionalMargins and #everydayhappinesswithkatie on Instagram

Links:  https://onamission.bio/everydayhappiness/

The mind works in mysterious ways, and sometimes it gets things wrong. In this mini-series, we explore how our biases and misinformation can hinder our happiness. In today's episode, we discuss reference points. 

Transcript:

Welcome to Everyday Happiness where we create lasting happiness, in 2 minutes a day,  through my signature method of Intentional Margins® (creating harmony between your to-dos and your priorities), happiness science, and musings about life. 

I'm your host Katie Jefcoat and I was listening to the Yale happiness course by Dr. Laurie Santos and she was talking about how our minds don’t think in terms of absolutes, we are constantly judging everything by our own reference.  

This is why the studies have results when someone making $30,000 a year is asked what would you need to be even happier and they say $50,000 but when you ask someone making $100,000 they say $250,000.  Our minds are judging what would make us happier by our surroundings - our reference points.  And quite frankly, 50,000 or even 75,000 might make us just as happy.   We already know that money doesn’t buy us happiness.  

So we’re talking about a REFERENCE POINT as a salient point, (the most noticeable but often completely irrelevant) point against which all subsequent information is compared, because we're judging all the time. 

So, in the scenario of salary, the reference point is what we used to make.  It’s not done in absolute objective terms. 

One of the most famous examples of this is seen through the olympics.  We watch these sporting events and some athletes take the podium and some don’t.  So if I were to show you a photo of one of the greatest swimmers of all time, Michael Phelps on the podium with his gold medal, he would look happy.  But what’s interesting is the silver medalist looks less happy.  But he just won a medal at the olympics, which is a huge deal.  And then, if we turn to the bronze medalist, he looks as happy if not happier than the gold medalist.  But why?  It’s all relative.  

The silver medalist sees a reference point of being so close to winning the gold medal but falling short.  And the bronze medalist sees a reference point of not making it on the podium at all and just being so darn happy to be there.  

All of these athletes are experiencing a different salient reference point.  Our minds don’t think in terms of absolutes - it’s clouded by our salient reference points.  

Researchers studied olympic athletes in exactly this scenario over and over and what they found was silver medalists were less happy than the bronze medalists over and over again.  

Today, I invite you to consider your reference points when thinking about your wants. 

The science mentioned in this episode can be reviewed at: Medvec et al. (1995). When less is more: Counterfactual thinking and satisfaction among Olympic medalists. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 69(4), 603–610.  

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Links:  https://onamission.bio/everydayhappiness/

The mind works in mysterious ways, and sometimes it gets things wrong. In this mini-series, we explore how our biases and misinformation can hinder our happiness. In today's episode, we discuss miswanting.  

Transcript:

Welcome to Everyday Happiness where we create lasting happiness, in 2 minutes a day,  through my signature method of Intentional Margins® (creating harmony between your to-dos and your priorities), happiness science, and musings about life. 

I'm your host Katie Jefcoat and I was listening to the Yale happiness course by Dr. Laurie Santos and she was talking about how we can’t always trust our intuition, our mind when it comes to our own personal happiness, because our mind doesn’t get the nuance.  

We’ve been talking about this idea that what we think we want for happiness won’t actually, scientifically, make us happier.  The best job, perfect body, winning the lottery won’t really change our happiness as much as we think it will.  We’re focusing on the wrong goals.  Check out episodes 170 and 171 for a little more high-level background on this concept of our intuition overestimating how happy we think we will become if we get that thing or achieve that goal.  

In her lecture at Yale, professor Dr. Laurie Santos introduces the work of researchers and professors Tim Wilson at the University of Virginia, and Dan Gilbert at Harvard.  They coined this fantastic term called MISWANTING. The definition of this is “this act of being mistaken about what and how much you're going to like these things in the future”. The problem is that our brains deliver to us this idea that we want certain things, but we are often wrong about it. We are constantly miswanting.

So why does this miswanting occur and what can we do about it?  Well, the researchers seem to think that just being aware of our biases is the way to counterbalance miswanting.  It can be as simple as wanting a doughnut.  I want a fried dough ball with a sugary frosting, it will taste good, and it will make me happy.  I eat the doughnut and although it tastes delightful at the moment, but now, I am no longer happier - the feeling didn’t last.  I miswanted.  

This all comes down to the perils of us humans predicting our future feelings and people specifically mis-predict the duration of how good or bad a feeling will be.  

So today, I invite you to think about miswanting in the context of your day-to-day and just be aware of when our brain plays these little tricks on us.  

Until next time, smash that subscribe button and leave a review, we would be forever grateful.   

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And, let’s connect on social at @everydayhappinesswithkatie  and join the community on the hashtags #IntentionalMargins and #everydayhappinesswithkatie on Instagram

Links:  https://onamission.bio/everydayhappiness/

I was writing this title and the song lyrics “take a walk on the wild side” popped into my head.  I didn’t think I could use that as a title, but it sure did make me giggle inside, which, of course, boosted my happiness. 

Transcript:

Welcome to Everyday Happiness where we create lasting happiness, in 2 minutes a day,  through my signature method of Intentional Margins® (creating harmony between your to-dos and your priorities), happiness science, and musings about life. 

I'm your host Katie Jefcoat and today we are talking about the benefits of walking for your happiness. 

When was the last time you took a walk without distractions? This means no texting, no music, no podcast (not even me), no nothing?

Has it been a while? Taking the time to go for a walk during your busy schedule may be hard enough, but to do it without any distractions or multi-tasking is even harder. I get it! But what if I were to tell you that walking, just walking, could boost your happiness?

A 2008 study found that walking not only improves your health through exercise but it also decreases depression and gives people greater vigor. A 2016 study also found that regular walks by the elderly provided the same results as well as improved mental health. So, why wouldn’t you want to take a walk?

Remember, there are no limits or expectations when it comes to taking a walk. For most of us, it will be a 30-minute jaunt around the neighborhood, but there truly are no boundaries. I'll give you two examples: In The Atlantic, happiness scientist Author Brooks, talks about the benefits of his 100-mile walk on the Camino de Santiago in Spain. He spent a week walking and truly found peace by letting all his pent-up jumbled thoughts out by actually taking the time to think about them. In contrast, one of my teammates, Chelsey, experienced a sunrise meditation walk of about 50 feet over the course of an hour (yes…that is a super slow walk) when staying at a Buddhist temple in South Korea. There, she was encouraged to embrace silence and to let go of errant thoughts to meditate by walking. 

How you choose to pursue your walk and the purpose behind it is up to you, but the sheer act of taking time to walk each day or even a few times a week can drastically improve your happiness levels. Therefore, today I challenge you to take a walk. Whether it is 10 minutes or an hour, just take the time to get out there, distraction-free, and walk. 

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And, let’s connect on social at @everydayhappinesswithkatie  and join the community on the hashtags #IntentionalMargins and #everydayhappinesswithkatie on Instagram

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Inspired by this article in The Atlantic. https://www.theatlantic.com/family/archive/2021/09/happiness-walking-pilgrimage/620075/ 

Would you say you are an optimist or a pessimist? If you are a pessimist or are feeling pessimistic lately, there are actions you can take to improve your optimism. 

Transcript:

Welcome to Everyday Happiness where we create lasting happiness, in 2 minutes a day,  through my signature method of Intentional Margins® (creating harmony between your to-dos and your priorities), happiness science, and musings about life. 

I'm your host Katie Jefcoat and if I were to ask you which side you tend to fall on, would you say you were an optimist or a pessimist? 

Studies have shown that optimist character traits lead to better physical and mental health, higher motivation, a longer lifespan, and lower stress levels. So, why wouldn't everyone want to be an optimist? Well, optimism and pessimism, while partially hereditary, tend to stem from childhood experiences. It's a classic nature vs. nurture debate. 

Martin Seligman, a clinical psychologist, author, former president of the American Psychological Association, and father of modern positive psychology, found that optimism can be increased through practiced optimism training. This training tends to focus on the 3 Ps of Cognitive Distortions - personalization, pervasiveness, and permanence. 

First, personalization. This is how we diagnose when bad things happen. Pessimists tend to blame themselves, whereas optimists recognize the reality of the situation and focus on doing better next time. 

Second, pervasiveness. Pervasiveness is when you take the results of an event and contribute them to the rest of your life. Pessimists take negative results, and optimists take positive results. For example, a pessimist might say a failed job interview means they will never get a job. 

Third, permanence. This is whether one views a negative situation as temporary or permanent. For example, a musician who performed poorly would either think, "I've always been a terrible musician," or "I played poorly today because X, but I'll do better next time”. 

By relearning and taking a more positive mindset to these three cognitive distortions, people can improve their optimism and happiness. 

I do want to caution that improving optimism doesn't happen overnight. Just like relearning any skill, it takes time and patience. I also want to note that there is such a thing as being too optimistic. This is when people don't accept the realities of life and magically think everything will work out no matter what, life cliff jumping with no experience or instruction. This isn't healthy either, so it is essential to find a balance that leads towards optimism. 

Get Everyday Happiness delivered to your inbox by subscribing at: https://www.katiejefcoat.com/happiness

And, let’s connect on social at @everydayhappinesswithkatie  and join the community on the hashtags #IntentionalMargins and #everydayhappinesswithkatie on Instagram

Links:  https://onamission.bio/everydayhappiness/

Inspired by these articles:

https://www.verywellmind.com/i-can-do-anything-mindset-5220083

https://www.verywellmind.com/learned-optimism-4174101

https://positivepsychology.com/learned-optimism/

What if we are looking at the “glass half full” analogy all wrong?  

Transcript:

Welcome to Everyday Happiness where we create lasting happiness, in 2 minutes a day,  through my signature method of Intentional Margins® (creating harmony between your to-dos and your priorities), happiness science, and musings about life. 

I'm your host Katie Jefcoat and I was listening to a podcast from 2019 with happiness expert Shawn Anchor and Oprah talking about all this happiness. 

Shawn Anchor is a former Harvard professor, New York Times Bestselling Author and happiness expert.   He said something that made me think and I wanted to share it with you.  He said he doesn’t care whether you think the glass is ½ full or ½ empty.  It’s not about the glass and when we focus on the glass we are focusing on the wrong thing.  

He says, there is a pitcher right next to the glass.  Every glass.  Whether you see it or not.  What we should be focused on is not the glass but how we fill it.  Life is the pitcher.  How am I connecting with people around me, connection with others is where we find happiness.  Am I filling my pitcher with authentic connections to pour into my glass.  When we need to fill our cup, we can do that with the people around us.  The pitcher is always there, we just need to be looking for it.  

Our happiness habits are the pitcher.  Are we filling our pitcher with habits that provoke happiness and well-being?  

His analogy boils down to the same thing people get at when they say, do you see the glass as half full or half empty.  Are you optimistic or pessimistic?  It’s what you perceive.  He just takes a spin at it by saying, it’s not about the glass, it’s about what we are looking for and what we see those experiences and perceptions that we pour into the glass that matters.  

Fascinating right.  I love this idea and I am going to be cultivating happiness habits so I always have a full pitcher if my glass is low.   

Until next time, take two minutes and write a kindness email, a note of gratitude or thanks to someone you’ve been thinking about lately.  It makes all the difference and it will fill your pitcher.  Remember, kindness is contagious. 

Inspired by this Super Soul podcast episode. 

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The weeks after the holiday season can be hard after living on a rollercoaster of hype and emotions for over a month. In this episode of Everyday Happiness, we discuss some tips on how to be happy after the holidays are over!

Transcript:

Welcome to Everyday Happiness where we create lasting happiness, in about 2 minutes a day,  through my signature method of Intentional Margins® (creating harmony between your to-dos and your priorities), happiness science, and musings about life. 

I'm your host Katie Jefcoat, and I’ll be honest; I adore the holidays, but there is undoubtedly a sense of relief when they are over. For many of us, the holidays last from Thanksgiving to the New Year. For over a month, we experience a near constant hustle as we prepare, an overwhelming amount of peopling, and likely an intense rollercoaster of emotions ranging from joy to even loneliness. After the last decoration is put away and we recover from New Year’s Eve partying, it can be easy to fall into the post-holiday blues.  Unless you celebrate carnival season, because then Mari Gras season is right around the corner.  But, let’s assume we don’t go all out for Mardi Gras.  

What are the post-holiday blues? They are a down period immediately after the holiday season where people can sink into an unpleasant or unhealthy mindset. Most of those who get it often swing back to normal afterward, but for others, it can take a bit longer. Common signs of the post-holiday blues include feeling anxious, unmotivated, irritable, lonely, stressed, or depressed. You may also have insomnia, worry about money, ruminate more than average, or simply be in a bad mood.

Fortunately, there are ways to fight the post-holiday blues and be happy after the holiday season ends. The first step is to recognize that you are not alone. The post-holiday blues are super common, even if people don’t talk about it much, so give yourself some grace. After, it is recommended to try the following tips:

#1: Give yourself an extra day to get caught up. Whether that is cleaning the house or getting the mail!

#2: Get back into a healthy routine. The holidays can promote bad behaviors, so now is the time to exercise, get plenty of sleep, and practice a balanced diet. 

#3: Get outside. A bit of nature therapy can go a long way!

#4: Share your feelings with others. If you are feeling those post-holiday blues, don’t be afraid to talk about them. Share your feelings with your spouse, a close friend, or a therapist. Sometimes simply getting it out there is the first step to healing.

#5: Give yourself and your family something to look forward to. With all the hype of the holidays, the period after can seem monotonous and uneventful. I recommend planning something small but fun for your family to look forward to. It would be as big as a vacation, a Saturday of mini-golf, or a family movie marathon.

#6: This is one of my favorites; do something nice for someone else! By performing a random act of kindness for someone else, you can boost their happiness and yours. Remember, kindness is contagious! 

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And, let’s connect on social at @everydayhappinesswithkatie  and join the community on the hashtags #IntentionalMargins and #everydayhappinesswithkatie on Instagram

Links:  https://onamission.bio/everydayhappiness/

Inspired by:

• https://www.verywellmind.com/what-are-the-post-holiday-blues-5214403

A short recap of the holiday road trip in search of magical Christmas experiences. 

Transcript:

Welcome to Everyday Happiness where we create lasting happiness, in about 2 minutes a day,  through my signature method of Intentional Margins® (creating harmony between your to-dos and your priorities), happiness science, and musings about life. 

I'm your host Katie Jefcoat, and this is really just a story about our holiday road trip.  The premise:  Small New England towns that could have inspired a Hallmark Christmas movie.  You know I love the holidays and twinkle lights and Christmas cheer and I had never been to Maine or Vermont, so that’s where this road trip was taking us. 

We left on a Friday night and drove to Connecticut where we just slept for the night and ate the most delicious donut breakfast sandwich.  The place, Donut Crazy in New Haven Connecticut takes a large yeast donut and cuts it in half.  Then, they grill the inside just slightly.  Take some bacon, egg and cheese and layer that between two halves of the donut.  What is smart, is that they flip the donut so that your hands are not touching all the glaze, but the grilled inside of this deliciousness.     

Next we continued to the Cliff House Maine, where we were staying for 2 nights.  The drive took us through picturesque Portsmouth, New Hampshire where the town square was bustling on the Saturday before Christmas.  When we arrived at the Cliff House it exceeded all of our expectations.  It smelled like fresh pine.  A 3 story christmas tree filled the great room, wood burning fires everywhere and the banisters were adorned with pine garland.  It felt like fancy Christmas. The room was amazing, ocean views and a little bunk room for the kids.  

We visited Kennebunkport Maine which ended up being our favorite stop on the driving trip.  We indulged in all things Maine.  We ate lobster rolls, Maine blueberry pie, drank blueberry soda and even tried our hand at some of the local craft brews.  We happened on a Christmas themed bar that was everything I could have dreamed.  It was a perfect way to warm up and to indulge in some Christmas cheer. 

Next we were off to Woodstock, VT.  Woodstock is a charming little town and they sure know how to do Christmas.  Unlike The Cliff House where you had to drive to anything you wanted to see, the Woodstock Inn was in the center of town and you could walk everywhere.  They had a large fireplace the size of a human in the front lobby where guests congregated all day and night.  We managed to get a spot and play a few card games by the fire and it was delightful. 

We took a drive up north to Stowe, Vermont where we did some ice skating, but we were not prepared for skiing, so we passed.  

We basically spent the week driving around looking at holiday lights with the snow covered trees and indulging in the most delicious meals. It was 24/7 family time and we loved every minute of it.  So much, that when we got back home, we basically grabbed a board game and kept the good time rolling.  

So there you have it.  The road trip in search of Christmas did not disappoint. If you ever find yourself in that general area, send me an email and I’ll give you any pointers I can.  

Until next time, remember, kindness is contagious. 

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