Yuriy reflects on his three and a half years in the army, recounting experiences of loss, perseverance, and the ongoing conflict that has spanned 1,300 days. He shares personal anecdotes and the emotional toll the prolonged war has taken on him and his country.

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TRANSCRIPT: (Apple Podcasts & Podbean app users can enjoy accurate closed captions)  

It is September 16th.

I took a long post to try to make sense of what's happening. I've been in the army for over three and a half years. I've buried countless friends and colleagues, and I've watched entire towns perish and enemy bombardments. And there is still no, end in sight. The big war has been going on for over 1,300 days, and before that there was a smaller war confined to a couple of regions in the east of a country. In total, the war has been a region for 11 years. And I constantly think about how it could easily drag on for another 11.

I spent a lot of time driving now. Sometimes I have to cover 400-500 miles in a day. You drive and you constantly thinking, constantly recalling stories you'd almost forgotten. For example, I remember how in the first days someone gave me a NATO first eight kit- a very valuable thing even now, but back when it was worth its weight in gold. A few days later, I gave it to a guy who was replacing me at a position before I was sent to rest, that was the first or second week of a big war. I thought it would all be over quickly, so I wouldn't need the kit anymore. I figured I'd return from the rest straight to the civilian life. Why would I need a first aid kit there? It's been 1300 days ago and I still haven't returned. I don't regret giving away the kit. Maybe it saved someone's life. But damn, what a fool I was back then. I believed the end was near.

I also remembered a woman in Iraq who escaped from ISIS on the boat with several children, an ordinary peasant widow. She rowed it for nights, hiding in the reeds eating almost nothing, but she made it out. I asked her how she managed. She said 'I did not even want to see was bastards but that's what gave me strength.' Our whole country has been holding on for years, probably only because we don't want to see these bastards crawling over our northern border. But refusal, it seems to me it's the only inexhaustible resource a normal person has. All the other resources: optimism, faith in the future, hope for better days, even tolerance for hours are running out. At least for me.

I've become harsh in human root and I increasingly offend people for no reason. I understand it all, but I can't do anything about it. Everything has changed so much. And so have I.