We travel back in time to the land of Turok: Dinosaur Hunter and try to reprogram our brains to comprehend the controls, all while Jess eludes a crazy window stalker.

We’re out to settle the long-standing debate of which kart racer is the best. Mario Kart 64, Diddy Kong Racing, or Crash Team Racing? With a gun to our pouses, we are forced to crown a victor.

Tom regales us with tales of the British government while we pretend to love the entirety of Battletoads, when in fact we only made it as far as we did because we took the time to memorize the first three levels.

It’s actually happening! Our thoughts on the Final Fantasy VII remake, Batman Forever, True Lies, and giant, menacing Haboobs as we welcome Tom to the crew.

8-Bit Baby joins us to discuss lullabies and Mega Man 2 while Dan struggles to figure out why he can’t keep his electricity turned on.

Oliver Aguilar joins us once again in an attempt to explain the plot of Metal Gear Solid to Jess, Eric outlines the particulars of Urban Golf and Potato Baseball, and Dan stuns everyone with just how poorly he pronounces Konami.

Final Fantasy 8 is finally over! We’ve compressed time. One of us beat Omega. Ultimecia has fallen. And Squall goes back in time to set in motion the events that kicked this whole thing off in the first place.

We made it past 50! We celebrate with E.V.O.: Search for Eden and Wild Guns, introduce Factory Sealed Relives, mourn a crashed Mac HDD, and revile some of our most overrated retro games.

It’s all coming into focus. Squall is finally opening up, Rinoa is a Sorceress, Laguna is President, and monsters are falling from the moon. But who is Ultimecia and how are the past, present, and future going to become one?

A review of Excitebike 64 that doesn’t jive well with history, Axiom Verge and modern retro games,  the unsurprisingly terrible Toy Story 2 (GBC), and not surprisingly terrible Race Drivin’. No semis allowed.