Fangs for Listening

The year is 2004, cinematic universes haven’t been invented yet, and CGI is the new exciting tech on the scene. So why not make a fantasy action movie where Van Helsing teams up with Frankenstein’s monster to fight werewolves and defeat Dracula (and beat up Edward Hyde while he’s at it)? Well, it turns out there are many reasons, but on the bright side there are horses, corsets, opera singers on stilts, sunlight bombs, and three very fabulous brides to show us a good time! Listen to us get increasingly angry in our in-depth review of Stephen Sommers’ Van Helsing. Happy Halloween!

Perhaps the most controversial of all vampire tales, Twilight deserves its own hot-take extravaganza, and we’re here to deliver! Join us as we reveal our Twilight origin stories, our opinions on the original Stephenie Meyer novel, and most importantly, our play-by-play of the infamous 2008 film adaptation (directed by Catherine Hardwicke). 

Are the Cullens stuck in purgatory? If it’s raining, why is everyone dry? Do Edward and Bella even like each other?? We answer all these questions and more in a very special, very in-depth Twilight episode!

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Nicholas Cage as Dracula. Is there anything else you need to know??
Well, just in case you need a little more information: we’re reviewing Chris McKay’s Renfield (2023), a  movie about our favorite bug-eating familiar attempting to leave his toxic relationship. Will he succeed? How many different uses are there for severed arms? And why is Didi so flustered? Listen to our episode to find out!

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Come with us on a journey of angsty teenage vampires, aggressive saxophones, too many scarves, our goth mom, and mullets - so many mullets - as we review The Lost Boys (1987), THE quintessential summer vampire movie. 

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The episode that the CIA, the FBI, and Jim Carrey himself tried and failed to suppress! Join us as we review the highly offensive, highly mediocre '80s teen comedy Once Bitten (1985), featuring a very young Jim Carrey, a vampire MILF, goth flamingos, the longest castle chase in history, and a high school dance-off we can only describe as “not the worst part of the movie." Enjoy!

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We’re back! And we’re taking it all the way back, with the most iconic vampire movie of all time, Tod Browning's Dracula (1931)! In our new, shorter format, we’ll fill you in on the history and background of this production, how Bela Lugosi got the part, why this movie essentially invented goth, why we all have a monster fetish, and what the heck those armadillos were doing in Dracula’s castle. CGI bats not included.

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Who’s ready for hot vampire summer?? Well, certainly us. But also all the characters in Brad Michael Elmore’s Bit (2019)! Join us as we delve deep into this indie queer intersectional feminist romp (just in time for Pride!), featuring combat boots, disco vampires,  and most importantly, the female gaze. Also we’re buying a nightclub! What could go wrong?
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Who’s that stalking the secret vampire museum behind the secret vampire library under the secret Japanese vampire nightclub? Why, it’s our friend and fellow Cool Guy, Blade! Put on your leather and take a deep dive with us into Stephen Norrington’s Blade (1998), in which rave party bloodbaths can only be topped by apocalyptic blood tsunamis that never happened. Could this be our first-ever 10 rating??
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What if Dracula took place in a small town in Maine? What if the main character was a self-insert plagued by gay panic? And what's Didi's secret to making books more fun to read? Find the answers to these questions and more in our first-ever book review episode, where we read Stephen King's novel 'Salem's Lot (1975)!
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Are you looking for a podcast episode to bring a little warmth and positivity into your life? Something to shine some light in the darkness, and remind you why the world isn’t so bad after all? Well, this isn’t the episode for you. But if you want to hear us yell about the anime Vampire Knight (2008) for an hour and a half, you’ve come to the right place!
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