Far Fetched Fables

"This Week: “Caveat Emptor/Caveat Venditor” by Ed Ahern(Originally published in Silver Pen.)As warlocks go, Harald was a failure. Even though his curses were vigorously evil, and his pitches quite logical, he almost always lost the business. Harald partly blamed his sex. Most internet advertising for spells and curses came from witches. Those seeking vengeance or unfair advantage picked the repugnant hags rather than Harald, who was merely homely and middle aged. Harald had given himself mental hernias trying to increase sales..Fifteen years an apprentice and sorcerer, he thought, and nothing to show for it. Washed out priests and ministers become counselors or teachers, but who’s willing to pay tuition to learn the uses of bloodwort?Harald had joined Wizards Anonymous, but the other members only talked about their mushroom dependencies. Needing money to live on, he took a job with a livery service, driving pampered executives to and from New York airports. It was several months of traffic jams before Harald realized what a premium resource he had at his disposal. He practiced the phrasing of his questions.Ed Ahern resumed writing after forty-odd years in foreign intelligence and international sales. He has his original wife, but advises that after forty-eight years they are both out of warranty. Ed has had more than ninety stories and poems published so far, and two books. You can find him on Twitter as @bottomstripper and online at swampgasworks.com.About the Narrator:Rish Outfield is a writer, actor, and podcaster who can be heard as co-host of The Dunesteef Audio Fiction Magazine, which presents genre stories with a full cast. He also performs audiobooks for Audible, and occasionally becomes a wolf when the wolfsbane blooms and the moon is full and bright."

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"This Week: “Dependent Assemblies” by Philip A. Suggars(Originally published in Interzone #262.)“Purity of blood, purity of spirit. One nation united by the river, one nation united under the sun” – Elias Rojas presidential campaign slogan, Buenos Aires 1894.Alfonso and Marcelo were cold and tired as they shovelled the dirt onto Celia’s small body in the shallow grave. Alfonso dared himself to look down, catching a glimpse of her porcelain fingers and the yellowing heads of the freesias that they had buried with her in the garden. He wanted to cry, but all he felt was an aching numbness in his fingertips.A sudden play of spotlights above the cloud announced the arrival of an ornithopteron. The monolithic black moth burst through the grey canopy that covered the city and flapped low over their house, bellowing a hunting call so deep it throbbed in Alfonso’s chest.Philip A. Suggars is a British writer with a single yellow eye in the middle of his forehead and a collection of vintage binoculars. His work has appeared in the Guardian, Strange Horizons, Persistent Visions Magazine, and Interzone, and has been performed for Starship Sofa and the London chapter of the Liars’ League. He was winner of the short story award at the Ilkley Literature Festival, (judged by Man Booker long-lister Jane Rogers) and runner-up in the James White Award. He lives with three hairless primates and an imaginary cat. Visit him at philipasuggars.com or follow him on Twitter: @felipeazucares.About the Narrator:Seth Williams is the avatar for a three-kilometer sentient starship that is parked (probably uncomfortably) close to the third planet. Surprisingly he has not yet been discovered. He is very happy that the inhabitants have discovered enough technology to that he can communicate in this limited fashion. Any communications can be directed to theboojum.org."

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“Sea of Strangers” by Michael M. Jones(Originally published in Inscription.)There was a weird vibe in the halls before first period today. As I made my way towards homeroom, weaving between people with experienced ease, I picked up a thousand different emotions-- everything you’d expect from a building packed to the gills with hormone-ridden teenagers and long-suffering adults-- and something new, strange, and impossible to identify. A slippery, elusive, emotional flavor that tinted the rest without revealing itself. It poked at my subconscious, put me on edge, made me just a little careless. I bounced off a man-mountain wearing a football letter jacket, and got a snarled, “Watch it, lesbo,” for my troubles. The shove he gave me wasn’t gentle; I stutter-stepped away, trying to regain my balance.It was going to be one of those days. Some people hate Mondays; this was proof that Tuesdays could be just as bad, given the opportunity.Sometimes, it really sucks to be queer and out in high school. I blame the combination of pack and herd mentalities. Those who aren’t preying on the weak and different, are shunning those who don’t belong… and every group has a different idea of what’s appropriate. Unfortunately, when you draw a Venn diagram of “different” and “doesn’t belong,” the overlap tends to include people like me. The black-clad loner types with few friends and a thing for the same sex.Michael M. Jones lives in Southwest Virginia, with too many books, just enough cats, a plaster penguin, and a wife who once clothes-lined a legendary author without remorse or mercy. His fiction has appeared in such anthologies as B is for Broken, Clockwork Phoenix 3, and A Chimerical World. He also edited Scherazade's Facade and the forthcoming Schoolbooks & Sorcery.About the Narrator:Heidi Hotz is a voiceover artist with a range of personalities who has been in the industry for more than 10 years, and has worked on TV commercials, radio, documentaries, audio fiction, and narration in general. She can be found at Voices.com."

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"“Languid in Rose” by Frances Silversmith(Originally published in Fantasy for Good.)Lilia I, Queen of Roses, reluctantly opened her eyes to yet another perfect day, courtesy of the Enchantment. The briar rose outside her windows threw moving shadows on the salmon-colored material curtains of her four-poster bed. What a disgustingly lovely sight.Lilia forced her heavy limbs to a sitting position. Instantly, her maid appeared with a cup of hot chocolate -- as she did every morning. When she was younger, Lilia had often tried to trick the Enchantment, getting up in the middle of the night, or staying prone in bed until long past her usual hour -- to no avail; the maid always appeared on time.Lilia sipped the cocoa, wishing that she could decline the too-sweet drink. But Queen Rose I, Lilia’s great-great-grandmother and the Great Benefactress of the kingdom, had decreed that the queen should have a cup of hot chocolate upon awaking. And so the queen did.Queen Rose I had made a Great Sacrifice a hundred years ago when she cast the Enchantment to protect the kingdom and give its citizens peace and prosperity. Disobeying the Great Benefactress’ commands could not be risked, because nobody alive knew which of those commands were vital for the protective spell’s stability.Frances Silversmith writes computer software for a living and science fiction and fantasy stories for fun. She lives in a small town in Germany with her husband, six guinea pigs, and two Icelandic horses. Please visit her website at francessilversmith.com.About the Narrator:Deanna Sanchez is a voiceover artist and actress who has performed professionally for 14 years. She has voiced various commercials, industrials, and characters, and specializes in the “sexy voice” of powerful female roles. An avid fan of science fiction since her grandfather gave her a copy of Heinlein’s Tunnel in the Sky when she was 9, she feels greatly privileged to help bring this story to life. While pursuing a voice talent and acting career, Deanna also consults in Geographical Information Systems and develops custom mapping applications for real estate and other industries. Her background in IT management does not prevent her from owning multiple old computers, some with Windows 98 still running. Three-dimensional visualization of spatial data is a favorite pastime, and she has spent many hours translating real-Earth elevation data into unique 3-D worlds. Deanna’s voice over demo can be heard at the Lambert Studios website, an outstanding full service recording studio."

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"First Story: “The Girl in the Windmill” by Wendy Nikel(Originally published in Enchanted Spark. Based on the Italian fairy tale "In Love with a Statue")Maartje van Dijk lived in a windmill.At the age of ten, her vater and moeder perished at sea, and she was sent to live with her Opa on the coast. Despite her grief, she grew to love him and he taught her all about how to grind the village's grains and tend the enormous sails and gears that made the mill run.Her Opa hadn't always run the mill, though. Each evening, by firelight, he would show Maartje the amazing feats of transformation that he used to perform all over the world.When Wendy Nikel isn't traveling in time, exploring magical islands, or investigating mysterious phenomena, she enjoys a quiet life near Utah's Wasatch Mountains with her husband and sons. She has a degree in elementary education, a fondness for road trips, and a terrible habit of forgetting where she's left her cup of tea. Her short fiction has been published by AE, Daily Science Fiction, and others, and she is a member of SFWA. For more info, visit wendynikel.com.Second Story: “Soldier's Return” by Robert Dawson(Originally published in Niteblade.)If a dead woman waits at a window, and nobody is there to see her, what marks the passage of time?#The ruined house broods on the shore. The sleety February rain seeps through the rotting shingles, drips through sagging plaster, and trickles down the wallpaper. The hall is festooned with gray scrims of cobweb, hanging so low that even the mice must follow a labyrinthine path between them. A staircase ascends in a broken sagging arc, its stringers long rotten. The air is dank with the odor of time and decay.Robert Dawson teaches mathematics at a Nova Scotian university. When not teaching or doing research, he writes, fences, cycles, and volunteers with a Scout troop. His fiction has appeared in Nature, Futures, AE, Compelling Science Fiction, and numerous other periodicals and anthologies. He is an alumnus of the University of Cambridge, Sage Hill, and Viable Paradise.About the Narrators:Josie Babin was lucky to grow up with wizards and fey mentors and hobbits and fawns for companions. Keeping her head in the clouds allowed her to always be looking up and out and ahead, leading to an over-developed curiosity that she freely indulges to this day. As a grown up, she gets to play in the ever curious sandbox of medical science, on a quest to cure evil diseases. In her spare time she can be found keeping company with the San Diego sun or tormenting her two cats with attempted belly rubs.Jack Calverley lives in Central London where he watches a very small patch of land struggle into gardenhood. In even quieter moments he has been known to narrate science fiction stories for Starship Sofa and horror stories for Tales to Terrify, and also hosted the now defunct Crime City Central podcast for its entire two-year run. He is a member of the T-Party genre writers' group, another group called WINOS, and critters.org, and (having attended two online classes from the Odyssey Writing Workshops) is a member of the Odyssey online critique group. A testament to perseverance if nothing else. He lives online at jackcalverley.com where he watches a very small patch of website struggle into nethood."

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sh Fiction: “Connection” by Lynette Meija(Originally published at Daily Science Fiction.)The magician wobbled a little on his bar stool."Ask me what I did for a living," he said. Somewhere deep inside of him a small voice was shouting to shut up, that he sounded like a fool, but he ignored it. His plane was likely delayed until morning, anyhow."I already know what you are," she answered. Her pale skin seemed to shimmer a little in the murky atmosphere of the bar. He liked the way the dim light played on her features, rendering half of her in shadow."And what is that?" His words were slurred. Was this his fourth whiskey, or his fifth?"You're a magician," she said, as if it were obvious.Lynette Meija writes science fiction, fantasy, and horror prose and poetry from the middle of a deep, dark forest in the wilds of southern Louisiana. Her work has been nominated for the Rhysling Award and the Million Writers Award. You can find her online at lynettemejia.com.Main Story: “Starspawn” by Cyril Simsa(Originally published in Albedo One.)The first time I saw Starspawn was in 1985. January or February, I expect. Perhaps early March. This was back in the days when British law still forbade the hoi polloi to dance on a Sunday. Really. People forget, it was a different century. There were still bombsites from the Second World War in the poorer parts of town, and London Underground was still running trains from the 1930s. David Lynch shot The Elephant Man on location at Paddington station, and it was no problem. Think about it.Cyril Simsa was born and raised in London, and for a while pretended to study zoology, though in actual fact he rarely left the obscurer regions of the university library and has rarely come closer to doing any real science than various holiday jobs at the Natural History Museum. Since 1992 he has lived in Prague, where he shuffles students around the borders of the former Austria-Hungary and does his best to avoid the fate of his near-namesake in the Kafka story. He has been hovering on the fringes of the SF world for much longer than is really sensible, and has contributed reviews and articles to a wide variety of genre publications such as Foundation, Locus, The Encyclopedia of Fantasy, and Wormwood. His story credits include Darkness Rising, Here & Now, StarShip Sofa, The World SF Blog, and Electric Velocipede. His short story collection Lost Cartographies: Tales of Another Europe (Invocations Press, Brighton, 2014) is available on Amazon and via select genre retailers.About the Narrators:Chris Lade is a Leipzig-based orchestral conductor, pianist, and English teacher by day, and an avid reader by night. When not doing either of the four, you can usually find him listening to music, reading classical music blogs, riding his bike, or trying to cook something Italian in his kitchen. Life goals include motorcycling through Europe on a Triumph Bonneville and owning a Bernese Mountain Dog, preferably at the same time.Andrea Richardson is a British singer and actress. With extensive stage and film performances to her name, she began narration and voiceover work in 2014 but enjoys using her existing skills in a different way. You can find Andrea at andrea-richardson.co.uk and on Facebook."

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Flash Fiction: “Descanso Dream” by Jay Lake & Ruth Nestvold("Tales of the Rose Knights" #12, originally published at Daily Science Fiction.)Descanso is the smallest of the Rose Knights, and perhaps the strangest. He is a dream made flesh, a pale man with skin the white of the ocean's dead, riding a horse of fog and silk. His banners trail behind him like a wind from the Orient. His smile gleams of starlight and the gentle thoughts of a loving woman. Jay Lake lived in Portland, Oregon until his death in 2014, shortly before his 50th birthday. His books include Kalimpura from Tor and Love in the Time of Metal and Flesh from Prime. His short fiction appeared regularly in literary and genre markets worldwide. Jay was a winner of the John W. Campbell Award for Best New Writer, and a multiple nominee for the Hugo and World Fantasy Awards. In 2015, he posthumously received the Locus Award for his collection Last Plane to Heaven.Learn more about him and his work at jlake.com.Ruth Nestvold has published widely in science fiction and fantasy, her fiction appearing in such markets as Asimov's, F&SF, and Gardner Dozois' Year's Best Science Fiction. Her work has been nominated for the Nebula, Tiptree, and Sturgeon Awards. In 2007, the Italian translation of her novella Looking Through Lace won the Premio Italia award for best international work. She maintains a web site at ruthnestvold.com and blogs at ruthnestvold.wordpress.com.Jay and Ruth's collection of short stories, Almost All the Way Home from the Stars, is available at Amazon and via iTunes.Main Story: “A Bend in the Road” by Robert Dawson(Originally published in Zen of the Dead.)Story excerpt.Robert Dawson teaches mathematics at a Nova Scotian university. When not teaching or doing research, he writes, fences, cycles, and volunteers with a Scout troop. His fiction has appeared in Nature, Futures, AE, Compelling Science Fiction, and numerous other periodicals and anthologies. He is an alumnus of the University of Cambridge, Sage Hill, and Viable Paradise.About the Narrators:Geoffrey Welchman writes, produces, and voices The Reigning Lunatic podcast, a medieval sitcom (and 2016 Parsec Awards finalist). He lives in Baltimore, Maryland. You can find him online at geoffreywelchman.com.Anthony Babington is a voice in the internet’s head who looks almost, but not quite, exactly how you expect him to. Having escaped from the sinister forces of Texas, he has retreated to an ingeniously disguised bunker in a secure, undisclosed location in Burnsville, Minnesota. his life goal is to someday annoy Norm Sherman into letting him voice a part on Escape Pod, but until then, he'd be happy to voice a project for you. Yes, you in the checked shirt. Contact him on Google Plus, or on Twitter at @AlephBaker."

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"First Story: “The Bed of the Crimson King” by Filip Wiltgren(Originally published in Grimdark #9.)The king lies in his big bed under the crimson covers, and dreams of freedom. The bed is not his, not the way the grasses of the savanna were, but he must sleep in it. It is the king's bed, and he is the Crimson King, and he has no choice.He had no choice when he went into the military at thirteen. He had no choice when he shot his commander and formed his own band at nineteen, and he had no choice when he led his men against the soldiers of the Witch King at twenty-six. Now he's an old man lying in a dead man's bed, dreaming of life as a young boy sleeping on the sandy ground.Filip Wiltgren is a writer and tabletop game designer based in Sweden. He's held jobs ranging from coal loader to martial arts teacher -- which are a lot more impressive on paper than in reality -- and his publications range from Nature to Daily Science Fiction. When he isn't writing he spends time with his wife and kids. For more writing and free stories visit wiltgren.com.Second Story: “Bridge of Teeth” by Mark Finn(Originally published in Adventure Vol. 1.)Casa Blanca, Nuevo Leon, MexicoOctober 24th, 1994The bartender turned around, a dented and worn Louisville Slugger in his fist, and swung it with all of his strength at the spot where on the bar where my hand had been an instant before. I backed up, throwing as much broken Spanish between us as possible. “Senor, senor, por favor, no violencia...”He wasn’t having any. He hurled himself bodily against the bar, trying to come over it, as he swung at me again. “Brujah!” he shrieked. “trabajador del diablo!”I started to say more, but my duffel bag tripped me up and I hit the wood planks in a cloud of sawdust, the wind knocked out of me. I regained my breath and my sight just in time to get a spectacular view of the Louisville Slugger as it rushed up to kiss my face. For an instant, I saw the duplicated etch of Ted Williams’ scrawl, and then my vision went white and red and I had the weirdest ringing in my ears. I couldn’t feel my nose, but I could feel blood on my lip and taste it in my mouth. The bat was coming down again. I barely rolled out from under it.Mark Finn is an author, actor, essayist, pop culture critic, and movie critic. He is a nationally recognized authority on iconic Texas author Robert E. Howard, and has written extensively about him. His biography, Blood and Thunder: The Life and Art of Robert E. Howard, was nominated for a World Fantasy award in 2007 and is currently available in an updated and expanded second edition. His articles, essays, reviews, short stories and comics have been published by Playboy.com, RevolutionSF.com, Dark Horse Comics, DC/Vertigo Comics, Monkeybrain Books, The University of Texas press, Greenwood Press, Scarecrow Press, F.A.C.T. Publications, Tachyon Press, and others. For the past three years, Finn was named one of the top movie critics in Texas by the Texas Associated Press Managing Editors awards. He lives in North Texas over an old movie theater that he owns and operates along with his long-suffering wife, far too many books, and an affable pit bull named Sonya. He tweets at @finnswake, blogs at marktheaginghipster.blogspot.com, and podcasts at thegentlemennerds.com.About the Narrators:Nikolle Doolin a voice actor and a writer of fiction, scripts, and poetry. She has performed narrations for a number of popular and award-winning podcasts, such as The NoSleep Podcast, Tales to Terrify, and StarShip Sofa. She also narrates classic literature in her own podcast Audio Literature Odyssey. To learn more about Nikolle, visit her website at nikolledoolin.com.By day, Roberto Suarez works as a community college student advocate and recruiter. By night he geeks out on all things fantasy and science fiction, comic books and board games He is the co-host and producer of A Pod of Casts: The Game of Thrones Podcast and the new Radio Westworld, a podcast dedicated to HBO’s recent science fiction series. You can find Roberto on the web at robertosuarez.me, or on Twitter as @PuertoGeekan."

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"Flash Fiction: “The Robbed” by Tim W. Boiteau(Originally published at Every Day Fiction.)You can’t find your keys this morning, so your wife drives you to work.At dinner, it seems, the salt is lacking, but when you attempt to add some more, the shaker is bare.The only consolation at the end of such a troubling day, of course, is Aurelius, but he too is absent from the shelf.When sleep doesn’t come, the bedroom grows long, the blankets constrict the body, stretching over with elastic tension, blood stagnates in the head, and the ears sharpen to the muted creeping of thieves, careful things, biding their time in air vents and drains and the narrow crevices between walls, watching through miniscule peepholes.Tim W. Boiteau's fiction has appeared in such places as Every Day Fiction, The Writing Disorder, LampLight, Kasma Magazine, and Write Room. He was a finalist in Glimmer Train’s 2013 Fiction Open contest. Tim holds a PhD in experimental psychology and lectures at Eastern Michigan University. He lives in Michigan with his wife and son.Main Story: “Notes on a Page” by Barbara A. Barnett(Originally published in Orson Scott Card's Intergalactic Medicine Show #32.)Yesterday Maestro Fuhrmann took the Beethoven so fast I was gasping for breath; today I'm wondering if I'll make it to the end of the phrase before turning blue in the face. Rehearsals like this leave me wishing I had learned violin instead of oboe — string players aren't encumbered by the limits of their lungs. But as the maestro is so fond of reminding me, I have another limitation to worry about."Feeling, Ms. Adams!" he says, his German accent as thick as his eyebrows. Every criticism begins with those same words, that same exasperated tone of voice that makes me want to crawl inside the music and hide behind the staff lines. "Beethoven wrote a piece full of passion. You're just playing notes on a page."Barbara A. Barnett is a writer, musician, orchestra librarian, coffee addict, wine lover, bad movie mocker, and all-around geek. Her short fiction has appeared in publications such as Beneath Ceaseless Skies, Lady Churchill's Rosebud Wristlet, Orson Scott Card's Intergalactic Medicine Show, Daily Science Fiction, and Flash Fiction Online. She is a graduate of the Odyssey Writing Workshop and currently serves as managing editor of the workshop's blog. Barbara lurks about the Philadelphia area and can be found online at babarnett.com.About the Narrators:Anthony Babington is a voice in the internet’s head who looks almost, but not quite, exactly how you expect him to. Having escaped from the sinister forces of Texas, he has retreated to an ingeniously disguised bunker in a secure, undisclosed location in Burnsville, Minnesota. his life goal is to someday annoy Norm Sherman into letting him voice a part on Escape Pod, but until then, he'd be happy to voice a project for you. Yes, you in the checked shirt. Contact him on Google Plus, or on Twitter at @AlephBaker.C.J. Plog has her Master's from Washington University in St. Louis and has worked in the mental health field for 20 years. She grew up in the Midwest and does not remember a time when she didn't love reading a good book. Between family life, education and career, time has become a precious commodity and leisurely reading, a guilty pleasure. Listening to audio books became the perfect substitute during long commutes to work. C.J. was always curious about how readers for audio books were selected and secretly desired to be one, but that seemed as ludicrous as dreaming of a career in Hollywood or Nashville. CJ has enjoyed listening to completed works and reading for Librivox since July 2014."

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"Flash Fiction: “Hope for Enthos” by Addison Smith(Originally published in Fireside magazine.)The muted horns of passing cars drifted up to Enthos, where he sat on his ledge, peering over the street. The familiar lights and sounds were both comforting and maddening. The scent of flowers washed over him, the blossoms continuing their cycle of blooming and dying under his watch. How much time do I have left?The sun fell below the horizon, casting shadow over the city, but he felt no chill of night on his wings. The wind howled, but it did not tickle the fur of his neck. The gargoyle sat still, stationary. Stone.Addison Smith lives and writes in the wilds of icy Minnesota with a wolf, a baby wolfling, and (one day soon) another human. He tweets as @addisoncs, but it’s mostly an excuse to share photos of his pets.Main Story: “A Proper War” by James A. Moore(Originally published in Grimdark #8.)They found their prey near the edge of the cliff that fell into the Rehkail River a few hundred feet below. There was a damp trail of footsteps that ran from the edge of the cliff to where the shape waited. Allim wondered if the furry mass they stared at had actually climbed the sheer cliffside and then shook the notion away. Madness."What do you make of that, then?" Allim stared at the lump of fur leaning against a large rock and frowned. Under him his piebald shifted from hoof to hoof, but did not bolt. The damned thing was always skittish."It’s a big bastard of a man, or a bear. Damn near the same size." Benny spoke, no more troubled than if they were having a pint around a fire. Just the same Benny checked that his weapons were in easy reach.James A. Moore is the award-winning author of more than twenty novels, thrillers, dark fantasy and horror alike, including the critically acclaimed Fireworks, Under The Overtree, Blood Red, the Serenity Falls trilogy (featuring his recurring anti-hero, Jonathan Crowley), and his most recent novels The Blasted Lands and City of Wonders. In addition to writing multiple short stories, he has also edited, with Christopher Golden and Tim Lebbon, the British Invasion anthology for Cemetery Dance Publications.James cut his teeth in the industry writing for Marvel Comics and authoring over twenty role-playing supplements for White Wolf Games, including Berlin by Night, Land of 1,000,000 Dreams, and The Get of Fenris tribe book for Vampire: The Masquerade and Werewolf: The Apocalypse, among others. He also penned the White Wolf novels Vampire: House of Secrets and Werewolf: Hellstorm.His first short story collection, Slices, sold out before ever seeing print. His most recent novels include A Hell Within (With Charles R. Rutledge) and the forthcoming apocalyptic sci-fi thriller Spores, and a new series tentatively called The Tides of War, with the first book The Last Sacrifice slated for release in January 2017. More information can be at jamesamoorebooks.com and genrefied.blogspot.com. James can also be found on Twitter as @JamesAMoore and on Facebook.About the Narrators:By day, Roberto Suarez  works as a community college student advocate and recruiter. By night he geeks out on all things fantasy and science fiction, comic books and board games He is the co-host and producer of A Pod of Casts: The Game of Thrones Podcast and the new Radio Westworld, a podcast dedicated to HBO’s recent science fiction series. You can find Roberto on the web at robertosuarez.me, or on Twitter as @PuertoGeekan.Mark "The Encaffeinated One" Kilfoil loves fiction, so much so that he's written some (such as the Parsec-nominated Tainted Roses), read quite a lot (a library of over a thousand half-read books and growing), and now narrates it (sometimes actually recorded for others). He's found that volunteering for a dozen years in radio was a decent way to get a full-time job as a Program Director at a community radio station in Fredericton, New Brunswick, Canada, but not such a great way to finish his thesis, so he stopped at a Masters in Computer Science. He can be heard frequently on CHSRfm.ca, and two of his shows regularly appear as podcasts, and can be found at encaffeinated.ca and theweirdshow.com. He likes cats enough to pet them but not enough to own one, and computers enough to own several but pet none of them. He will someday write a million words, but at this rate, that will require life extension, so he eagerly awaits the ability to upload into a computer, if that hasn't already happened and this is all only a simulation."

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