Feelings You Can Trust with Dominique Davis

The Cost of Abandoning Yourself - Why You Still Feel Unseen

Feelings You Can Trust - Episode 27

Sometimes the reason you feel unseen…is because you’ve been abandoning yourself to belong.

In this episode of Feelings You Can Trust, we explore identity, safety, and what it really means to feel aligned in your relationships and community.

Through our first listener letter, we talk about what happens when you don’t feel accepted — even in spaces that are supposed to understand you — and why you don’t have to force yourself to “cope” in environments that don’t feel safe.

We also unpack the difference between social identity and your true, spirit-based identity, and how abandoning yourself to meet expectations can keep you stuck in survival mode.

Because real belonging doesn’t require you to shrink.

⏱️ Chapters

00:00 – Life update: grief, growth & showing up anyway03:05 – Mental load, EMDR & processing

06:57 – Proof of Life: good news still exists

08:48 – Listener Letter: feeling unseen in community12:00 – You don’t have to cope in unsafe spaces

14:00 – Inner circle standards & safe relationships16:18 – Social identity vs. true self

20:13 – Building aligned community22:44 – How identity keeps you in survival

31:04 – You are not your career34:58 – Stop abandoning yourself

📚Books Mentioned:

📖 The Princess and the P.I. by Skye Warren — A romance that explores trust, vulnerability, and connection between two very different worlds.

📖 Deep End by Allie Hazelwood — A contemporary romance centered on consent, communication, and emotionally safe intimacy.

📖 Secrets of the Millionaire Mind by T. Harv Eker — A mindset-focused guide on how your beliefs about money shape your financial reality.

📩 Want to submit a listener letter?Email: [email protected]

🎧 Available on YouTube, Apple Podcasts, Spotify & Substack

Disclaimer

I am not a licensed therapist. The perspectives shared in this podcast are based on personal experience, education, and reflection. This content is for informational and self-development purposes only and should not replace professional mental health support.

Taking action is one of the hardest parts of building a life you love.

Visualization can be inspiring. Planning can feel productive. But the moment you actually have to do the thing, fear tends to show up.

In this episode of Feelings You Can Trust, we talk about why taking action often feels so intimidating, how perfectionism keeps us stuck in the planning stage, and why you may never actually feel “ready.”

We also discuss how fear shows up in the body, how anxiety can spiral when we’re about to make a big decision, and how learning to recognize that fear response can help you move forward anyway.

Because the truth is: building a life that you love often requires making decisions while you’re still scared.

And the more you practice moving through fear, the more confident you become in your ability to handle whatever comes next.

⏱️ Timestamps

00:00 – A moment of loving my life02:01 – Why this episode is about taking action04:04 – Proof of Life: kindness in everyday moments06:24 – What I’m reading07:48 – The Feelings You Can Trust framework

08:36 – Why taking action feels intimidating09:53 – How perfectionism blocks growth11:12 – Letting go of the “perfect vision”14:05 – When expansion feels uncomfortable

16:01 – Anxiety, fear, and catastrophizing17:30 – Recognizing fear in your body19:47 – Catching fear before it spirals

21:15 – Moving forward even when you’re scared23:23 – The boulder metaphor: resistance and growth25:47 – The truth: you may never feel ready

26:26 – Doing it scared28:18 – Final reflections on growth and possibility

🎧 Feelings You Can Trust explores how to build a life you love through a simple framework:

* Get out of survival

* Declutter and organize your mind

* Visualize

* Take action

* Rinse and repeat

📩 Listener Letters are coming next episode!If you have a question, perspective, or something you’d like advice on, send it to:[email protected]

⚠️ Disclaimer:I am not a licensed therapist. The perspectives shared in this podcast are based on personal experience, education, and reflection. This content is intended for informational and self-development purposes only and should not replace professional medical or mental health guidance.

This episode is different.

Today, I’m sharing a real-life example of what happens when you actually apply the Feelings You Can Trust framework.

Not perfectly.Not overnight.But consistently.

From mindset shifts to intentional action, this episode walks through what it looks like when visualization, alignment, and stewardship move from theory into real life.

This is not a conversation about dreaming.

It’s a testimony about building.

Because the life you love doesn’t happen by accident —it happens through awareness, alignment, and action.

⏱️ Chapters

00:00 – Life Update: A Real Milestone01:20 – Why This Matters

02:00 – Proof of Life03:45 – Humanity & Perspective

05:30 – The Framework Refresher

07:30 – Applying the Work in Real Life10:00 – Scarcity vs Vision14:00 – Stewardship & Responsibility18:00 – Choosing Alignment Over Comfort

22:00 – Faith in Action26:00 – Patience & Process29:30 – What This Really Represents

31:00 – Closing Reflection

🎧 Episode 25 is available now on YouTube, Apple Podcasts, Spotify & Substack.

Disclaimer

I am not a licensed therapist. The perspectives shared on this podcast are based on personal experience, education, and reflection. This content is for informational and self-development purposes only and should not be considered medical, psychological, or legal advice. Please consult a qualified professional for support specific to your situation.

Feelings You Can Trust EP 24: Change Your Self-Talk, Change Your Life

We often think change happens through information.

But real change happens when what you know aligns with what you believe.

In this episode of Feelings You Can Trust, we explore the unconscious mind — the part of you that stores patterns, emotional memory, and learned responses — and how self-talk acts as the bridge between conscious intention and unconscious belief.

If you’ve ever wanted to show up differently but found yourself repeating the same reactions, this conversation will help you understand why.

We discuss:

* The role of the unconscious mind

* Why “knowing better” doesn’t automatically change behavior

* How self-talk reveals what you truly believe

* The impact of repetition on identity

* Listening to yourself without shame

* Becoming a safe space for your own growth

🎧 Episode 24 is available now on YouTube, Apple Podcasts, Spotify, and Substack.

💌 Listener Letters return next cycle — send yours to [email protected]

Disclaimer

I am not a licensed therapist. The insights shared in this podcast are based on personal experience, education, and reflection. This content is for informational and self-development purposes only and is not a substitute for medical, psychological, or legal advice. Please consult a qualified professional for support specific to your needs.

If you’ve ever said something you didn’t mean…Shut down when you wanted to speak up…Or reacted in a way that didn’t feel aligned with who you’re trying to become…

This episode is for you.

Today we’re talking about emotional reactivity — what it is, why it happens, and how to respond instead of react.

We explore how survival mode shows up in conversations, relationships, and even in the way we cope alone. I introduce the “watchtower” metaphor to help you understand what’s happening in your nervous system when you’re triggered — and why slowing down is the key to reclaiming choice.

Because building a life you love requires bravery.Living in survival keeps you in fear.

Let’s talk about the difference.

⏱ Chapters

00:00 – Why I’ve Been Gone + Life Update02:08 – New Segment: Proof of Life 🌎04:31 – Plastic That Dissolves in the Ocean (Hope Is Real)08:35 – Listener Letters Are Coming10:06 – The 5-Step Framework Refresher11:43 – What Is Emotional Reactivity?12:23 – The “Watchtower” vs. Alarm System17:03 – The Gap Between Trigger & Reaction20:04 – Emotional Reactivity & Self-Sabotage22:53 – Who Is Your “True Self”?26:06 – Old Habits vs. New Behavior27:26 – Slowing Down: Tools for Choice28:22 – Reaction vs. Response (The Real Difference)30:46 – Is Survival Running Your Life?31:28 – Final Reflection

💌 Listener Letters Coming Next CycleWant advice, perspective, or to share a story?Email: [email protected]

📚 Join the Book Clubhttps://bookclubs.com/join-a-book-club/club/black-girls-love-smut

Disclaimer

I am not a licensed therapist. The perspectives shared on this podcast are based on personal experience, education, and reflection. This content is for informational and conversational purposes only and should not be considered medical, psychological, or legal advice. Please consult a qualified professional for support specific to your situation.

Episode 22 — You’re Doing a Lot — But Is It Working?

In this episode of Feelings You Can Trust, we’re talking about prioritized action — and the self-awareness required to admit when our actions don’t actually support the life we say we want.

This conversation is about honesty, alignment, and recognizing when we’re staying busy to avoid discomfort rather than moving with intention. We explore how priorities are revealed through action (not intention), why distraction can feel productive, and how momentum is created when your behavior finally matches your vision.

We also discuss the difference between intentional stillness and immobilization, why growth isn’t a dramatic leap but a slow-moving river, and how to assess your daily actions without shame.

In this episode, we cover:

* The difference between doing things and taking prioritized action

* How your visualization reveals your real priorities

* Why some actions feel productive but miss the “bullseye”

* When distractions act as emotional security blankets

* Intentional stillness vs. fear-based avoidance

* Why momentum only comes from aligned action

* Learning through action instead of rumination

This episode is an invitation to stop judging yourself — and start telling yourself the truth.

⏱️ EPISODE 22 TIMESTAMPS

00:00 — Welcome back + holiday reflections01:30 — Panic attacks returning & listening to the body04:40 — Understanding anxiety beyond intellectual awareness07:23 — School, injustice, and nervous system overwhelm10:25 — Regulation, sustainability, and stress hormones12:30 — Accepting long-term support & therapy13:25 — Reading updates & book club interest18:03 — Listener letters reminder19:15 — FYCT framework refresher19:52 — Step four: taking prioritized action21:16 — The difference between action and aligned action22:14 — How visualization reveals true priorities24:10 — When priorities and behavior don’t match26:03 — Self-awareness without shame26:33 — Stillness as an intentional action28:50 — Growth as a river, not a leap34:00 — The bullseye metaphor: action vs. distraction36:11 — Distractions as comfort and security37:15 — Learning through action, not rumination39:00 — When action feels triggering40:05 — Final thoughts + see you next episode

⚠️ DISCLAIMER

The perspectives shared in this episode are based on personal experience, reflection, and ongoing education. I am not a licensed therapist, and nothing discussed in this podcast should be considered medical, clinical, or legally binding advice. Please seek support from a licensed mental health professional for guidance specific to your individual needs.

Episode 21 — You Can’t Outrun Your Purpose

In this episode of Feelings You Can Trust, we’re talking about what happens when you know you’re called to more — but find yourself stuck in impostor syndrome, stagnation, or self-sabotage instead of momentum.

We explore how purpose and vision are deeply connected, why clarity can sometimes activate fear instead of confidence, and how comfort can quietly keep us from evolving. This conversation reframes procrastination, self-doubt, and avoidance not as personal failure, but as nervous-system responses to expansion.

You’ll hear why:

* Visualization can feel pointless right before momentum builds

* Purpose isn’t something you become — it’s something you uncover

* Impostor syndrome shrinks vision before action ever begins

* Self-sabotage is often a response to joy, alignment, and possibility

* Stagnation can feel like “contentment,” but is really fear of capacity

* Commitment — not motivation — is what carries vision forward

This episode is for the woman who feels called, capable, and tired of circling the same lessons. You’re not behind. You’re being invited to stay the course.

⏱️ EPISODE 21 TIMESTAMPS

00:00 — Welcome back + holiday reflections01:28 — Why community regulates anxiety and self-focus03:31 — What I’m reading + book club update05:06 — Listener letters & collective growth06:15 — The FYCT framework refresher08:03 — Today’s focus: Visualization & purpose09:08 — When visualization starts to feel pointless10:06 — Purpose isn’t something you chase — it’s already within you12:00 — Why being offline matters when discovering purpose13:21 — Vision as a reflection of purpose14:08 — What happens when you don’t know your direction15:01 — Belief systems vs. action16:10 — Limiting beliefs & regret-free reflection17:19 — Impostor syndrome and worthiness18:33 — Learning to see yourself objectively20:26 — Why self-criticism shrinks vision21:23 — Self-sabotage explained22:36 — When alignment feels uncomfortable24:30 — Returning to decluttering the mind25:42 — Stagnation disguised as comfort26:49 — Why vision determines direction27:34 — When the answer is “just do it”29:06 — Personality expansion vs. becoming someone else30:53 — Vision beyond money and status31:40 — Commitment as the antidote33:47 — You can’t outrun your purpose34:49 — Final encouragement: stay the course

⚠️ DISCLAIMER

The perspectives shared in this episode are based on personal experience, reflection, and ongoing education. I am not a licensed therapist, and nothing discussed in this podcast should be considered medical, clinical, or legally binding advice. Please seek support from a licensed mental health professional for guidance specific to your individual needs.

Episode 20 — Why Being Happy Makes You Anxious

In this episode of Feelings You Can Trust, we explore a quiet, often unspoken experience: when life is going well, but joy still feels hard to access, trust, or sustain.

For many of us, the struggle isn’t survival anymore — it’s allowing ourselves to enjoy what we’ve built.

We talk about how anxiety can show up as waiting for “the other shoe to drop,” how joy can feel undeserved or unsafe, and how unfamiliarity with happiness can sometimes be a sign of depression that doesn’t look like sadness.

This conversation gently reframes joy not as something you earn, but something your nervous system has to learn how to tolerate.

In this episode, we explore:

* The anxiety of anticipating loss when things feel good

* Why some people feel unworthy of joy

* How survival mode teaches us to distrust happiness

* The difference between joy being absent vs. unfamiliar

* How depression can show up as emotional numbness or guardedness

* Letting joy exist without waiting for it to be taken away

This episode is for the woman who isn’t falling apart — but isn’t fully letting herself feel good either.

📧 Email me your listener letters:

[email protected]

📚 Black Girls Love Smut:

https://bookclubs.com/join-a-book-club/club/black-girls-love-smut

⏱️ EPISODE TIMESTAMPS

00:00 — Welcome Back & Emotional Check-In02:10 — When Life Is Good but Joy Feels Hard05:48 — The Anxiety of the Other Shoe Dropping09:42 — Joy Feeling Unsafe or Undeserved13:55 — Survival Mode & Distrusting Happiness18:30 — Joy as Unfamiliar, Not Absent22:14 — When This Experience Can Be Depression26:40 — Emotional Guarding & Hypervigilance30:55 — Letting Yourself Feel Good Without Fear35:20 — Closing Reflections & Gentle Encouragement

⚠️ DISCLAIMER

The perspectives shared in this episode are based on personal experience, reflection, and ongoing education. I am not a licensed therapist, and nothing discussed in this podcast should be considered medical, clinical, or legally binding advice. Please seek support from a licensed mental health professional for guidance specific to your individual needs.

Feelings You Can Trust — Episode 19: How Survival Mode Rewires Your Mind (and Fuels Rumination)

In this episode, we’re circling back to Step 1 of the Feelings You Can Trust Framework: Getting Out of Survival Mode. Today’s focus?Rumination.Why we do it, where it comes from, and how understanding your own thought patterns can help you step into a safer, more empowered internal world.

Together, we explore generational influences, trauma, social conditioning, the science behind rumination, and practical ways to interrupt repetitive thoughts—so you can finally breathe, observe, and move toward a life you feel safe in.

This episode is especially for the woman who’s ready to build emotional clarity, soften survival instincts, and create a mindset that supports her healing… not her fear.

⏱️ Episode Timestamps

00:00 – Welcome back + holiday break update01:13 – Grad school burnout + cultural immersion paper03:48 – Winter semester updates & upcoming practicum05:24 – What I’m reading (and not reading)06:17 – Book club update: Black Girls Love Smut07:51 – Colleen Hoover thoughts + movie adaptations09:35 – The Bone King obsession10:26 – Listener Letters (how to submit yours)12:04 – Framework refresher: The 5 Steps12:51 – Today’s topic: Getting out of survival mode13:47 – Understanding thought patterns as a “character trait”14:59 – How parents shape our thinking17:02 – Generational trauma & big T trauma explained22:07 – Seeking awareness without blame23:22 – Trauma’s impact on how we think24:00 – What rumination is + how it forms25:05 – NIH research on rumination26:21 – Narrow focus vs. broadened awareness27:53 – The difference between processing and getting stuck28:48 – Fear, immobility, and survival mode29:50 – Why awareness is the first step out of survival31:04 – Mindfulness + vagus nerve breathing33:39 – Anxiety, presence, and self-observation34:09 – The emotional relationship to your thoughts35:29 – How to alchemize rumination into empowerment36:57 – Changing perspective vs. changing circumstances37:26 – Worrying is not always a choice38:10 – Final encouragement + closing thoughts

⚠️ Disclaimer:

I am not a licensed therapist. Everything shared on this podcast is based on personal experience, research, and my own perspectives. Nothing in this episode should be considered medical, clinical, or legal advice. Please seek support from a licensed mental health professional for guidance specific to your situation.

Resources:

Black Girls Love Smut:

https://bookclubs.com/join-a-book-club/club/black-girls-love-smut

Rumination Tools:

Studies Referenced:

Michl, L. C., McLaughlin, K. A., Shepherd, K., & Nolen-Hoeksema, S. (2013).Rumination as a mechanism linking stressful life events to symptoms of depression and anxiety: Longitudinal evidence in early adolescents and adults. Journal of Abnormal Psychology, 122(2), 339–352. https://doi.org/10.1037/a0031994

Querstret, D., & Cropley, M. (2013). Assessing treatments used to reduce rumination and/or worry: A systematic review. Clinical Psychology Review, 33(8), 996–1009. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.cpr.2013.08.004

Episode 18 — The Art of Letting Go: Making Space for the Life You Want

In this episode of Feelings You Can Trust, we enter Step 4 of the framework: Take Action — and we begin with the most overlooked part of the action phase: releasing what no longer aligns with the life you’re trying to build.

Before you start manifesting, planning, or creating new habits, the very first step is clearing space.That means evaluating the people, routines, environments, and internal narratives that no longer support your growth — and gently letting them go.

This episode is for the woman who feels herself evolving but doesn’t yet know how to restructure her life to match that evolution.

We explore:✨ Releasing habits, people, and environments that block your alignment✨ Why “trimming the fat” gives you momentum✨ Emotional regulation during times of transition✨ Finals week, grad school updates, and cultural identity paper reflections✨ The ICE raids in Charlotte + the emotional weight of injustice✨ Social constructionism, race, and the stories we are taught to believe✨ How to take action without forcing, rushing, or performing

⏱️ Timestamps

00:00 — Welcome Back & Grad School Life Update04:12 — Finals Week, Cultural Identity Paper & Research Reflections09:28 — ICE Raids in Charlotte & Emotional Processing14:55 — The Action Step: Why “Trimming the Fat” Comes First21:02 — Letting Go of Misalignment (People, Habits, Spaces)28:10 — Social Constructionism, Race, & Identity Work33:40 — Making Space for Who You’re Becoming38:10 — Closing Thoughts + Listener Letters Announcement

📧 Submit a Listener Letter: [email protected]

⚠️ Disclaimer

The perspectives shared in this podcast come from personal experience and my ongoing social work education. I am not yet a licensed therapist. Nothing shared should be interpreted as clinical advice, therapeutic guidance, or legally binding recommendations. For personal mental health support, please consult a licensed professional.