Nick and Sabrina Kohlberg were told at their 20-week anatomy scan that their daughter Collins had anencephaly. This condition is not compatible with life. They were given a couple weeks to decide whether to terminate the pregnancy or continue with the expectation that she could pass at any time. They were told if she made it to delivery, she could live a few minutes or a few hours. Sabrina said, " I could not make the decision to terminate her life, so we put it in God's hands, and we hoped to get some time with our daughter alive.

During the episode they shared about the next 4 months of pregnancy. Times when complete strangers asked if it was a boy or girl? Co-workers that would just sit and cry with Sabrina. The support from the high-risk doctor that Sabrina said was amazing as well as all the people he connected them too. The guidance and support for them through the rest of the pregnancy, delivery and funeral services was so helpful. Nick and Sabrina talked about the amazing 11 hours that Collins lived and the 2 days they were able to spend with her. They shared about creating memories, mementos and ways they are honoring Collins life.

Advice and Encouragement from Nick and Sabrina: Nick: First, talk about the child you lost. Don't worry about making others uncomfortable when talking about your child. This is your life, and your child deserves to be talked about. Don't be scared to mention your baby. Second, yes it sucks. Just hold on, it might take a year, it might take 6 months or multiple years. There can be good that comes out of a bad situation. Honor your baby, which is good and keep hope alive. The loss community is not one that we would choose to be part of but it is a community that takes care of each other.

Sabrina: Facebook support groups can be amazing, search for a group specific to your situation. I will caution you though that it can be overwhelming, and you may need to step back. I learned that grief could look very different even with spouses. We both lost Collins and the path we went through was very different. For women the trauma is different for you because your body is going through a lot of change.

Connect with Teresa:

EMAIL [email protected]

Facebook https://www.facebook.com/.livingaftergrief/.

Instagram: @livingaftergrief

Website: www.livingaftergrief.com

click and schedule a time to talk: https://calendly.com/teresa-reiniger/podcast-discovery-call

Shannon Curry with ConceiveAbilities shared with me the processes and procedures for those very special women that are considering becoming a surrogate. This was a very informative episode for those women that are natural givers and want to give back in a big way. Shannon shared that she needed to use a surrogate for her second child due to a health issue. This is what brought her to begin working at ConceiveAbilities. Listen to her entire story on episode 83.

I had so many questions for Shannon since surrogacy is so near and dear to my heart. Listed are just a few questions I asked about becoming a surrogate and we also talked about some myths.

What are some scenarios in which a family would work with a surrogate?

What are some of the common misconceptions about surrogacy?

What are some of the qualifiers to be a surrogate?

What is the process to be a surrogate?

ConceiveAbilities is a privately woman-owned company that was founded 25 years ago for egg donation and has expanded into surrogacy. When you listen to this episode, I'm sure you will agree with me that they have put together very thorough processes and procedures to support both the surrogate and the intended family. At present time they have 180 families looking for surrogates.

Shannon's advice for you: Learn about the process. First step is to see if you qualify by taking the 5-minute survey. If you are a mom or know a mom that loves being pregnant and is a natural giver and wants to give back in a big way, take the first step. There is a huge need, so I encourage you to take the first step and remember I am a resource for you whether you want to give a gift to a family or you are the family that needs help with becoming parents.

 Qualification Questionnaire: https://share.conceiveabilities.com/teresareiniger60

Connect with Teresa:

EMAIL [email protected]

Facebook https://www.facebook.com/.livingaftergrief/.

Instagram: @livingaftergrief

Website: www.livingaftergrief.com

click and schedule a time to talk: https://calendly.com/teresa-reiniger/podcast-discovery-call

Shannon Curry shares with us her journey to grow her family after being diagnosed with a rare eye condition during her first pregnancy. She remembers feeling very scared for her own health while feeling she should be thinking about the health of her unborn son. She was told by 3 doctors she would lose the vision in her eye by the time the baby was born. She was so thankful she found a 4th doctor that would monitor her closely through her pregnancy. She gave birth via C-section to a healthy baby boy and immediately started on medication for her eyes.

Shannon and her husband decided they wanted to have another child and she was willing to risk becoming blind to have a second child. Her husband was not in agreement. He said I do not want a blind wife with 2 babies, so they began looking at other options. After doing a lot of research, networking and talking with a high school friend who had used a surrogate. They met with their surrogate and decided that was the right choice for them. Shannon shares the steps they went through to pick a surrogate and the pregnancy. What a beautiful story and a beautiful gift to be given. Shannon shared the moment her son was put in her arms. We both became teary eyed as she shared that moment with me.

Shannon's words of advice and encouragement for you: Do the research, read about each option, and learn about the process. Trust your gut and you know what is best for you and your family. Find your people, find your community support, and take them along for the ride. People really want to help, and I think as women we don't want to put tuff stuff on friends and family. we don't want to burden them. People are open to help if you give them the opportunity.

Connect with Teresa:

EMAIL [email protected]

Facebook https://www.facebook.com/.livingaftergrief/.

Instagram: @livingaftergrief

Website: www.livingaftergrief.com

click and schedule a time to talk: https://calendly.com/teresa-reiniger/podcast-discovery-call

Grief Coach Teresa shared on this episode receiving devastating news, why she continues to listen, comfort and now coach those that are receiving this news. In addition, she talks about a few of the questions she is asked most frequently from podcast guests and clients.

Teresa continues this podcast to first and foremost to help, love and care for those around her. This was modeled to her by very giving parents, and to continue to bring meaning to her losses of both her miscarriages and her daughters' miscarriages. And to now share her expertise with her podcast guest and her clients.

Questions asked: How do I know if I'm grieving the right way?

How do I know that I'm going through every stage of grief in the right way or order?

I don't think I'm grieving properly because my friend, coworker and family member is no longer grieving.......

Teresa gave some great information in this episode to answer these questions.

4 key things to take time to focus on for healing during your grief journey.

1. Honor Your Baby or Honor your journey

2. Journal

3. Find Support

4. Take Time

Journal Prompts to think about and use.

What kindness have you felt or received during your journey?

What songs, quotes, bible verses have been comforting to you on your journey?

Book Reference: A Grief Observed by C.S. Lewis

Connect with Teresa:

EMAIL [email protected]

Facebook https://www.facebook.com/.livingaftergrief/.

Instagram: @livingaftergrief

Website: www.livingaftergrief.com

Click and schedule a time to talk: https://calendly.com/teresa-reiniger/podcast-discovery-call

Amanda Tooley is very passionate about sharing her own story of PCOS that she describes as hell. During her teen pregnancy she went to the hospital for bleeding and pain. She was told she had an involuntary abortion which was very upsetting to her. She said I did not have an abortion. This is when her PCOS was diagnosed.

Amanda shared about her 7 years of nonstop biopsies due to precancerous cells. Being given hormones and every type of birth control to attempt to control her excessive bleeding and painful periods. Amanda said hormone imbalance makes a female feel nuts. She said you can see yourself being crazy and you can't stop it. At one point she bled for 10 months because everything the doctor tried did not work. It finally stopped when a good friend took her to the hospital, and they found the right doctor to help. When the bleeding stopped, she was told her uterus was like a spider web due to all the bleeding.

Amanda at that point took her health into her own control. She began to educate herself on the principles of Cherokee medicine and was able to heal her body with herbal teas. NOTE: Amanda is sharing her story and not giving you medical advice. She stated: do your research, be very aware that herbal teas can cause miscarriage. Educate yourself and be aware of the things you are putting into your body. Listen to the entire podcast to hear about the children Amanda was able to have.

Amanda's words of advice and encouragement: Get the book and look up principles of Cherokee medicine that will give you a base. You are not alone; this is far too common and far too big of a problem. We as women in general have been given the fuzzy end of the lollipop. There is help out there and if you are not comfortable with what your doctor is doing, speak up for yourself. Tell them you're not comfortable, tell them if you do not understand and ask questions. We have to educate ourselves on our own health as women. Be open to talking with your doctor even if what you're talking about is gross to you. It's not to them.

Book Amanda referenced: The Desktop Guide to Herbal Medicine: The Ultimate Multidisciplinary Reference to the Amazing Realm of Healing Plants in a Quick-Study, One-Stop Guide

https://www.amazon.com/dp/1591203759/ref=cm_sw_r_apan_glt_i_JYEX8KTP78QMQAHZ3NSA

Connect with Teresa:

EMAIL [email protected]

Facebook https://www.facebook.com/.livingaftergrief/.

Instagram: @livingaftergrief

Website: www.livingaftergrief.com

click and schedule a time to talk: https://calendly.com/teresa-reiniger/podcast-discovery-call

Rebecca Rudolph knew she would have infertility struggles even before she was married due to irregular periods and a PCOS diagnosis. With also having type 1 diabetes, when her and her husband decided to have children a treatment plan was put together with her doctor. She said infertility shows no mercy and it doesn't move by your timeline or plan. They did several rounds of IUI that didn't work. Rebecca said I felt like my body failed me, the treatment plan we had didn't work.

The next treatment plan was IVF and with the first transfer she became pregnant with a baby girl. When deciding to try to have another baby things did not go as smoothly. Rebecca talked about the failed cycles, insurance change and Covid shut down made for a long delay. They did after all those challenges became pregnant again with a baby boy. They still have frozen embryos at this time and have a year to decide what they will do with them.

Listen to our conversation about where Rebecca found support and healing during their journey.

Rebecca's words of advice for you: Find your support network. Find a group or person you can talk to. She said for her it was the group on Facebook that was instrumental. I could just vent about things that I knew they would understand because they were going through the exact same thing. Whether it's a person going through this or a group on Facebook, find someone who understands what you are going through.

Connect with Teresa:

EMAIL [email protected]

Facebook https://www.facebook.com/.livingaftergrief/.

Instagram: @livingaftergrief

Website: www.livingaftergrief.com  

(Part 2 of 2) Lisa Colon shared in last week's episode her high risk first pregnancy and the loss of her daughter Gracie at 5 1/2 months. In this episode she talks more in-depth about how she handled the grief of losing her daughter. One thing she did right away was quit her job. She said I didn't want coworkers to ask me questions about Gracie. She started a new job within weeks and headed out of town for training. She never had time to process the grief due to a new job and family situations. She said I wasn't even conscious that I wasn't grieving, and I just know I need to move on to the next thing, so my grief was different. She just kept moving on to the next thing and caring for her growing family.

We also talked about Lisa becoming pregnant again after her loss. She shared about freaking out because she was told to see a specialist before becoming pregnant again. Lisa shared about the anxiety and stress she experienced during her pregnancy after the loss. She said her grief was delayed and she remembers when her boys were young that she began to think about Gracie more frequently. She thought about how the family dynamics would have been much different.

I loved that Lisa shared that she didn't know the problem that caused the loss of Gracie at the time, so she doesn't feel guilty that Gracie isn't here. She said, I didn't do anything wrong because I just didn't know, and this is great advice for all mom's that have experienced a loss.

The movie that Lisa referenced was, Heaven is for Real

Lisa's advice and encouragement: Don't ever think that you should not do things to honor your child if people don't understand the things. It's for you to honor them most importantly. There is no right or wrong way to honor them and you should be proud of whatever that is and know that everyone is not going to understand. When you make decisions to honor your baby in different ways it does allow your family and friends to come right alongside you and support you in a way that they love to do as well. Many times, they will want to honor your baby because they are still part of your family. Lisa said I want to help people to remember Gracie too. She shared that grief is a lifelong journey and you can have joy and pain walking parallel to each other through that journey.

Connect with Teresa:

EMAIL [email protected]

Facebook https://www.facebook.com/.livingaftergrief/.

Instagram: @livingaftergrief

Website: www.livingaftergrief.com  

This is part 1 of a 2-part interview with Lisa Colon. Lisa shared about her first pregnancy which was very unique in the fact that she had a 2-vessel cord which I have researched and found is very rare, it happens in 1 to 1.5 % of pregnancy. She was told there should be no complications with the 2 vessel cords. Her son was delivered by an urgent C-section, he was a very small healthy baby.

With her second pregnancy she went to the doctor for a routine visit and was told, there is no heartbeat. At 5 1/2 months pregnant and being told your baby has no heartbeat she was in a state of shock. She remembered not crying and asked what happens next. She said I remember my husband being very kind. I thought he would be mad at me. I thought he would think I did something wrong. We named her Grace Paula and I remember looking up the meaning of her name while waiting for my husband to get to the doctor’s office. Grace means Favor of God which was God's little nugget for me to help me through delivery and the days following. Lisa shared about the memories that were created at the hospital and about things she wishes they would have taken more time to do. She talked about how she often thinks about how their life would have been so different with a little girl. They have created many ways to honor Gracie and they have a special "Gracie" blanket that has been in pictures and travels with them.

In part 2 Lisa talks about quitting her job because she just couldn't go back, starting a new job and having a third child. Grief was delayed.

Connect with Teresa:

EMAIL [email protected]

Facebook https://www.facebook.com/.livingaftergrief/.

Instagram: @livingaftergrief

Website: www.livingaftergrief.com  

Click and schedule a free complimentary coaching

Podcast Guest: ⁠⁠https://livingaftergrief.coachesconsole.com/calendar/podcast-interview-call⁠

Grief Coach Teresa Reiniger shared about how and why clients struggle with grief. Everyone's grief is different, and I want to give people a better understanding of grief so we can truly love people through their darkest days of grief.

* You feel grief because you have loved

* There is no time limit on your grief. It will be with you for the rest of your life

* Others want to help and fix you

* Grow your grief BIGGER so your love can be bigger

* You are not alone, and you are not crazy

* Navigating Grief Recommendations

As a grief coach I am here to walk with you, so you are heard and seen. I am here for you when the grief is raw, and I am here to help you navigate through the grief. I am here to guide you to see living your life as a strong, caring woman even before you can see her.

Connect with Teresa:

EMAIL [email protected]

Facebook https://www.facebook.com/.livingaftergrief/.

Instagram: @livingaftergrief

Website: www.livingaftergrief.com

Click and schedule a free complimentary coaching

Podcast Guest: ⁠⁠https://livingaftergrief.coachesconsole.com/calendar/podcast-interview-call⁠

This is previously released episode #19.

In this episode Candace talked about the grief and trauma she and her husband endured during their two losses and then secondary infertility. With the first early loss they just tried to move on, which didn't help with their healing. She questioned why after the second loss? 

Candace talked about the grief and trauma that pulled her and her husband apart. She just wanted a baby and that was the focus.  They grieved very differently, and she said the person I had become was not who I wanted to be. I hated my body because it did not do what I wanted it to do which led to not loving myself. Two years after the birth of their son they started to heal their relationship which included healing from the grief that they both had from the losses and infertility.

Advice and Encouragement from Candace:

Remember the love that started your journey, and it will take you back to your partner. Remember to hang on to the things you love about yourself and your life. Stay connected to love because we get so deep into grief, we have a hard time coming out of the dark. Love will heal you, so stay in love with yourself, your partner and keep love in your heart because it will get you through the worst days of grief.

Connect with me:

EMAIL [email protected]

Facebook https://www.facebook.com/.livingaftergrief/.

Instagram: @livingaftergrief

Website: www.livingaftergrief.com  

Click and schedule a free complimentary coaching

Podcast Guest: ⁠⁠https://livingaftergrief.coachesconsole.com/calendar/podcast-interview-call⁠