Kiley Hanish planned to have a home birth but after not feeling well at 35 weeks and having some bleeding she went to the doctors office to be checked. She was told I can't find the heartbeat. She was by herself and in total shock and she said all I remember saying is "What am I supposed to do" and the doctor said maybe you should cry. Her traumatic experience was intensified due to the care she received. She is sharing her story to help you have a voice and to encourage you to be an advocate for yourself and your baby.
~ She was sent home " It was creepy to walk around with my baby inside knowing he had died."
~ No guidance' I wish I would have been guided to realize that these are my final moments with my baby
~ No guidance in creating memories of my baby.
~ The midwife said, " I didn't feel a soul in the room did you?
~ When they removed my baby from the room it was as if he wasn't even a baby, he was put in a cardboard box.
After Kiley talked about the hospital experience with no support she goes on to share some very valuable suggestions on how she is envious of the support and guidance that others have received. And we talked in depth about how to advocate for yourself if you experience a loss.
~ Bath and Dress your baby
~ Keep the baby in the room as long as you want. Have the family come to meet your baby.
~ There is no hurry to say goodbye to your baby. This will be the only time you have with them.
Kiley gave some great advice also to medical providers to create normalcy for the families. Prepare them by talking about what is going to happen and what the baby will look like. Most people haven't seen someone that has died and especially not a baby. Tell them things that were helpful for other parents and share ways that other families have created memories so they know it's not scary and so that they don't feel crazy. Such as pictures, hand and foot molds and/or prints, and a lock of hair. Encourage the parents to name their baby and again keep the baby in the room as long as they want so others have time to meet the baby. Allow them to take the blanket home that the baby was wrapped in.
We also talked about her journey of grief and postpartum PTSD. She shared about how she felt, the symptoms she had and the struggle to get the help she needed. She shared a ton of advice in this area as well. Here is just one of the nuggets she shared, You need to go to someone that knows about baby loss, if you go to someone that hasn't worked with baby loss, it is useless.
Kiley's advice: I want you to know you are not alone. It feels very isolating and there are others that have been through it and connect with them. Even if you are an introvert like myself, it is still nice to have those people that you can let your guard down, be vulnerable and honest with. And that there is information out there to help guide you on this path. It's not like you are thrown in the middle of an ocean without a raft. I think knowledge is empowering. There are books, videos etc. out there, seek it out and there are others to help you.
Film Return to Zero: https://rtzhope.org/return-to-zero-film (this has links to Amazon, YouTube, and iTunes)
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