Fictitious Truths - Barbara Lane

There are those who are passionate about their calling, and Dr. John DeGarmo is one.  Dr. DeGarmo is THE foster care expert to turn to for answers to your questions or to find support for your efforts in helping abused and neglected children.

Dr. DeGarmo is the  founder of The Foster Care Institute, is an  International Speaker and Author.  Dr. DeGarmo uses all of his talents to educate you and to enhance your understanding of the crisis surrounding the foster care system.

Find out what you can do as a lay person to help children who find themselves within the system.

You can learn more about this amazing man on his website. I dare you not to cry when you listen to his TedTalk.

http://drjohndegarmofostercare.com

It's a topic that is tough to discuss: the abuse of children by clergy. How can a man of God abuse the very child that is calling him "father?" We turn to our religion, our church, our synagogue for comfort, direction and support. What happens to faith when a child's very soul has been betrayed?

Listen in as attorney Mark Bello informs us of his experiences while defending in court two young boys abused by a priest . You will want to know just how it all went down, how the Church fought the suit and what eventually happened in this case of child abuse by a clergy member.

Mark Bello is also the author of some great novels, each dealing with timely issues of social justice. In "Betrayal of Faith," author Bello writes a realistic legal fiction surrounding the issue of clergy abuse of children. You can buy Mark's books on Amazon.com. You can also get to know more about this remarkable man at markmbello.com  You will enjoy his page-turning novels while gaining a deeper understanding of the issues we are facing in society today.

Here are some startling statistics. According to Fosteron.com 23,000 kids age out of the US foster care system every year. Of those kids, over 20% become homeless, under 60% will graduate from high school, 71% of young women will be pregnant by age 21, 25% will be involved in the justice system within 2 years of leaving foster care, under 3% will earn a college degree, 50% are unemployed by the age of 21 and 60% of sex trafficked youth came from foster care.

In this podcast, we have been learning a lot about the plight of abused children, foster care and the social services system. This summer I have lined up some special guests willing to share their stories, as well as social workers and foster parents as they weigh in to help us understand the process of growing up as an abused child.

Did you know that a report of child abuse occurs every 10 seconds in the United States alone? According to Statista Research Department, there were 618,399 victims of child abuse in the United States in 2020. Of those, 136,000 victims were under one year of age and 150,673 between the ages of two and five. 

In keeping with those numbers, Fictitious Truths recaps Lucy’s story, one beginning when she was five years old, as she watched violent fighting between her parents. She cried out for her mother when she walked out the door, never to look back and leaving her daughter with Glitch, her father.

Lucy’s story takes a turn for the worse when she and her father move into a one-room apartment. Her father is an alcoholic and Lucy tries to survive the bitter cold winter in a filthy apartment with little heat, no warm clothes, no food and only cold water running from the faucets. 

Meantime, Glitch, needing beer and cigarettes, decides to rob the neighborhood market. The clerk, Charlie, shoots Glitch in self-defense. Yet, Charlie is a kind and gentle man who feels awful that he had shot someone. He visits Glitch in the hospital and agrees to drop charges, as long as Glitch attends AA meetings, church on Sundays and works in the market for his room and board.

Glitch isn’t even aware that Lucy had run away to a big blue trash ben where she could hide and search the trash for food. Luckily, before she froze to death, she was found by an elderly woman who brought her home and cares for her. The problem? The elderly woman decides Lucy is the perfect candidate to replace her dead child, Bess and so she doesn’t report Lucy to the authorities.

Lucy is too young to understand what is occurring and learns to love Em (the elderly lady) and her puppy, Riley. Months pass before Glitch, Lucy’s father, realizes that he doesn’t even know where Lucy is. With Charlie’s help, he files a missing child report.

Shortly, Em’s scheme is discovered by a neighbor and Lucy is removed to an emergency shelter. Em is placed on house arrest for kidnapping while Lucy grieves the loss of Em and the puppy. She doesn’t understand why she can’t return to live with Em.

Within days, Lucy is placed in an emergency foster home where the foster mom, Mrs. Garrison, becomes captivated by the little girl. She applies to foster Lucy for an extended period of time, rather than a short emergency stay, and little by little she wins the small girl over as their relationship deepens. 

Lucy refers to Mrs. Garrison as Mrs. G and begins to feel safe in her presence, until she learns that the court has ordered her to visit with her father, Glitch. Remaining ever fearful of her father, Lucy must now face her deepest fear and go with her social worker for a supervised visit with the father she ran away from. We pick up Lucy’s story the morning of her visit with her father.

Season Two – Episode Thirteen

The Children of Ukraine

This is Barbara Lane. I know I told you I would release the next episode of Lucy’s Story, but today I think the events of the world require me to shift focus, just a bit, and speak to the needs of the children of war. I am specifically, today, speaking about the children of Ukraine. I, as many, am morally outraged.

Let’s talk about this for a moment. Childhood trauma comes in many ways: abandonment, loss, separation, hunger, thirst, cold, abuse... all of these things are happening to the children in Ukraine. My intent is not to take focus off of the abused and neglected children that Lucy’s story represents, because the types of experiences Lucy’s story details are going on right this moment, as we speak. My intent is to take an even wider lens and shed some light on the pain and suffering children experience during war.

Evil has no need for a reason to spread its darkness. There is no empathy found in darkness. There is no love, except for the self, which, of course, could not be loving in any way, shape or form.

How evil it is to cause 1 million or more children to flee from Ukraine into neighboring countries, often alone, without their parents who stay behind to fight? How do they deal with separation and anxiety? Coming to terms with their loss will take a life-time, if it happens at all.

How dark can it be to reportedly strike a children’s hospital in Ukraine, despite a ceasefire, that buried children under the debris? Call evil what it is when children suffering from cancer need to be relocated perhaps to have their treatments disrupted—perhaps nonexistent. And who can excuse striking a maternity ward?

What happens to a child who is fearful of the next missile, unable to sleep, fleeing from their home, their playgrounds, their schools and their schoolmates with nothing but a backpack? 

Now, I’m not a reporter, and get my information the same way you do. But I am a human being, with a heart, as are you, and it aches for these children and their families.

I ask myself what can I do to help? I ask you, what can you do to help?

First, we can pray, and at the end of this short podcast, I will lead us in prayer for the people of Ukraine—and their children. No matter your faith, creed or belief, join me in uniting our voices in prayer.

Secondly, we can contribute to organizations that send support directly to the children and families of Ukraine. Beware of scams.  It’s shameless that we have to watch out for these types of crimes, and, they are crimes, crimes against children and their families.

I would refer you to a website, listed below in the description. Go to https://www.today.com/news/news/5-verified-charities-working-help-ukrainians-invasion-rcna17590 to find a list of 5 verified charities working to help ukranianas. Do your research. Make sure your contribution goes where it will truly be of help.

And now, for prayer.

Please take a moment of silence to settle yourself and to find that place of peace and calm that is deep within you. In our mind’s eye, may we envision joining together, hand in hand, to send our prayers up to the heavens. 

Dear Holy One, Our Father, The Christ, The Ultimate:

We join together, hearts and souls, different but the same, with a common prayer, asking that our fellow brothers and sisters in Ukraine be aware of your ever-present comfort, support and love. Help us all to remember that the dark shadows cast upon the world can never hide the light of your love—that no matter what occurs, nothing can change the truth that we are one with you. Where life and death are at stake, may we focus on our life-everlasting—our eternal spirits, and their true and, undefeatable  existence found surrounded by your love a

Hats off to all the social workers out there. March is social worker month and I want to send a thank you to each and every one of you who work so hard to help out abused and neglected children!

I remember the social worker assigned to my case when I was just a little thing. As a matter of fact, I mention her in my upcoming memoir. Here’s what I wrote: “If I closed my eyes and thought about her, I could still see the kind face of that social worker: soft brown eyes and brown hair turned up in a flip, so common in those days.” 

Anyway, although I can’t remember her name, I will never forget her face. That social worker was always kind and patient with me. She made an impact on me at a time when such an influence was very important to my wellbeing. 

Just to give you some insights into what social workers are up against, I’d like to share with you some information to think about.

Did you know that the average number of cases social workers are expected to manage tend to be anywhere from 20 on up? Now, this is cases, not number of individuals a social worker must interact with.

In the United States, social workers working in child welfare are required to prepare a case plan for each child that includes, when at all possible, efforts to move toward family reunification. This means extensive work within the family and possibly siblings, which means that numbers of children involved may grow even larger.

This month, I plan to host an interview with a social worker who works on the frontlines of child welfare. I’ll keep you posted on when the interview will be available. I’m sure we will all find it very informative and interesting.

In today’s episode of Lucy’s Story, we are going to see how one social worker attempts to help improve the life of our sweet Lucy.

We begin our story with Lucy in the care of Mrs. Garrison, an emergency foster care mom. Lucy’s story, begins now.

What would you say is the biggest contributing factor to the continuation of child abuse? Would your answer be addictions, poverty, family structures or belief systems that are either too rigid or too permissive? You would be correct in your answers, but during my graduate studies, I determined one common and powerful factor that we all need to think about.

Listen in to this discourse as well as Episode 11 of Lucy's story.

Thanks for listening!!

Here is a simple prayer I send your way to help heal your heart and soul.  May you find peace.

As a gift to you, I offer a free download of my newly released manuscript: Living Beyond Childhood Pain-Learning to Live in the In-Between Space.

You deserve to live a life free of the pain you carry from your childhood. Letting go of the experience of childhood abuse and neglect is never easy. Sometimes, it is helpful to have a structure to follow in order to find your way from sadness to living a joyful and fulfilling life.

In this episode, I introduce my manuscript and speak with you about Chapter One which covers, what I believe, to be the most important and yet most difficult step to take toward healing:  Acceptance.

Please take advantage of my free offer to you, downloadable only from my website. Visit barbaralane.info and visit my store to get your instant download.

Entering foster care is a trauma in and of itself. Lucy, now six has found herself placed in an emergency foster home. Mrs. Garrison, her foster mother, is highly trained and knowledgable as to what abused and neglected children need. Listen in as Mrs. Garrison advocates for Lucy who is frightened of her upcoming visit with her father while her heart aches for Miss Maudie.

Next week I will provide you with the link needed to obtain a free download of "Living Beyond Childhood Pain," my newly released healing workbook. In next week's  episode, I will go through the first chapter with you to help you use the workbook, and the exercises it contains as a springboard toward your own recovery from trauma.

There is no charge for the workbook. My wish is that it helps you find some direction in your own healing, as healing should be available to all who seek it.