Film Chat

This week we review Paul Thomas Anderson's sumptuous period drama Phantom Thread, a film which is going straight into my top four films with the word "Phantom" in the title*.

Then we tackle Loveless which unfortunately is not a Wild Wild West spinoff film focussing on Kenneth Branagh's villain but the latest masterpiece from acclaimed Russian director Andrey Zvyagintsev. If you like your art bleak, uncompromising and totally enthralling then this is the movie for you!

We also try our best to speak vaguely intelligently about Tarantino and the latest wave of sexual assault allegations, discuss the various Superbowl trailers and talk about how The Cloverfield Paradox was dumped on Netflix like the steaming dump it is...because it's shit?...I don't know there's a joke there somewhere.

*Official Rankings

1. The Phantom 

2. The Phantom of the Opera

3. The Phantom Menace

4. Phantom Thread

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It's the landmark 150th episode of Film Chat, which we celebrate with a completely normal episode that is the same as all the others—though it does depart from our recent bitter denunciations of prestige dramas by tackling some gentle kiddie films. Danny reviews Coco, Pixar's latest magical journey with laughs along the way and a nice big cry at the end, and Sam gives his thoughts on Early Man, the new claymation adventure from Aardman Animations.

Plus, we get judgey about the following people: Ridley Scott for having a patchy filmography, JK Rowling for backtracking on the diversity she previously retconned into the Potterverse, and Mel Gibson for shamelessly rubbing his rehabilitation in our faces by making a sequel to his antisemitic torture porn film, Passion of the Christ. 

Finally, our pal James drops in at the end to hear about some stupid trailer Sam watched on YouTube.

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It's white saviour week on Film Chat as we review two film which pinpoint the world's problems with laser like focus and tell us all how to solve them.

First up is Downsizing, in which Matt Damon plays an everyman who undergoes an experimental shrinking process to increase his wealth and decrease his carbon footprint. Danny SIZES the film up, decides that despite its BIG ambitions it has very LITTLE to say and is ultimately kinda AVERAGE*.

Then he and Sam tackle The Post, a timely picture all about the free press standing up to a corrupt president. Not since that time a few days ago when Hillary read an extract of Fire and Fury has Trump been so thoroughly and conclusively owned. I assume that in the time it takes me to click "post" Trump will have been impeached and this paragraph will just serve as reminder of the darkest chapter in the history of the republic.

Plus we examine the surprisingly good Oscar nominations, give you the lowdown on Charlie Kauffman's next slice of existential despair and tell you which documentaries you must watch. 

*His review contains 400 more height puns

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January blues continue to afflict either us or the slate of current releases, as our thumbs remain firmly down for this week's trio of reviews. Danny was unimpressed by documentary The Final Year, a would-be puff piece about Obama's foreign policy team that struggles to sell its message in the face of the massive celebrity baby who is currently destroying everything they achieved. Sam enjoyed the seamless Spacey-to-Plummer transplant that Ridley Scott performed for All the Money in the World, but was underwhelmed by pretty much everything else. The most concentrated bile however is reserved for Darkest Hour, the Churchill jingo fest which offended Danny so deeply it turned him into a Nazi.

Plus!! We also discuss the first 45 minutes of The Rock, what films that haunted us as kids, and some of the stuff Chadwick Boseman and the Safdie brothers are working on. Finally, Winston Churchill celebrates in song his most famous catchphrase. Up your bum!!!

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We ring in the new year with a bumper episode packed to the rafters with thumbs-down reviews. Danny did not care for James Franco's The Disaster Artist, a vanity project about the making of another vanity project (cult "worst film ever" The Room), and Sam was unimpressed by Aaron Sorkin's directorial debut Molly's Game, the drabbest showcase yet for Sorkin's unchanging repertoire of grating dialogue tics. Nor were we much endeared to Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri, in which an admittedly barnstorming Frances McDormand performance gets sunk by dated, offensive humour and misjudged racial politics.

We also discuss the awards season and find that it has been an absolute crock, we marvel at the gumption of greedy-guts Mark Wahlberg*, and we check in with everyone's favourite contrarian film critic Armond White. Plus we say "up your bum" a lot.

We're doing a quiz next week, and you should come!!! It's on Tuesday, January 23, at the Social Bar in London. Here is the link with all the details: https://www.facebook.com/events/515393308840218/permalink/515609948818554/

*At the time of recording he hadn't yet donated his massive fee for the All the Money in the World reshoots to Time's Up so he gets no credit for that from us. Should've done it earlier Wahlberg!!

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On this special yuletide episode, we give our scorching hot take on The Last Jedi a mere 16 days after it was released. Fear not though, the belated nature of this episode just means we had more time to ponder all the questions the film provoked. Questions such as " Why is General Holdo's hair purple?" , "Can Porgs fly" and "Is it good?"

We also review the Netflix blockbuster Bright in which Will Smith proves that he can somehow make a film as bad as Suicide Squad and Collateral Beauty. The man is an absolute legend.

Plus we look back at 2017 and decide which films stood out for all the right reasons and which ones stood out because of comically bad CGI upper lips. 

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This week, eat your reviewing greens in the form of Stronger, an admirably almost-unsentimental drama charting the recovery of one of the survivors of the Boston Marathon bombing. Then, tuck into the tasty, mindless dessert that is Blade of the Immortal, a samurai epic whose IMDb page is the first Google result for the phrase "orgy of bloodletting".

Elsewhere in this episode, we talk about Mr Dick Pants himself, John Oliver, and his interrogation of Dustin Hoffman; we ask whether the TV series Twin Peaks, created for TV and broadcast solely on televisions, is a film; we make interested noises about Tarantino and Star Trek; and we wonder about Bryan Singer's suspiciously timed health-related departure from the Freddie Mercury biopic.

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Can women play tennis? Are rich people arseholes?

If you've ever asked yourself those questions then this is the podcast for you as we review two films that tackle them head-on. First up is the Emma Stone sports drama Battle of the Sexes, in which the recent Oscar winner plays Billy Jean King facing a series of adversities, namely: a failing marriage, rampant misogyny, and really unflattering glasses.

Then we examine Michael Haneke's ironically titled Happy End, in which a group of sexy French people (and for some reason Toby Jones) act in increasingly deplorable ways. 

Plus we discuss our favorite 4th wall breaking moments in movies, discuss the latest project from Chris Morris and exhaustively break down every pixel of the Avengers: Infinity War trailer.

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Justice League, one of the most hotly anticipated car crashes of all time, has arrived. The DC cinematic universe has given off bad vibes from the start, but even the staunchest pessimists could not have predicted that its flagship $300 million team-up would go so wrong that Superman's face had to be covered in a kind of emergency CGI silly putty to disguise his bristling moustache. And yet here we are. Danny and Sam pore over the wreckage with horrified fascination.

We also challenge the near universal critical acclaim lavished on Mudbound, a sprawling drama examining racial tensions and PTSD in post-war rural Mississippi. Sam in particular did not care for it, but he was quite tired when he watched it on Netflix and he reserves the right to produce a more nuanced assessment in future if necessary. And in case everyone else changes their minds, he also reserves the right to crow about having got Mudbound's number straight off the bat.

PLUS!! We coo over a pair of lavish upcoming TV series and get transported, via an epic trailer, to dog heaven.

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On this week's episode, Film Chat reviews the widely acclaimed crime thriller Good Time but when they watched it did they have.....a pleasurable viewing experience? Yes.

Then Danny gives his verdict on Ingrid Goes West a satire of the Instagram culture but did he....... "like" it. No.

And then they join forces once more to talk Paddington 2 the latest film about everyone's favourite Peruvian, duffle coat wearing bear but they did think...........it was fucking delightful. Yes.

Plus they wonder discuss all the news surrounding the latest Tarantino project and have an in-depth discussion about whether the twinkle in Christopher Plummer's eyes burns hotter than the sun.

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