This might sound crazy, but I bought my wedding dress 15 years before my actual wedding.

Back in the early 2000’s, I was a stressed out single mom and my daughter worked at a bridal shop.

It was on my way home from work and I would often stop by to say hi to her.

I’m a girly girl and the allure of all those beautiful gowns was irresistible.

I’d never worn one before then.

So it was absolutely intoxicating to prance around a bridal shop in gorgeous wedding gowns after a tough day at the office before going home to the chaos that awaited me there as a single mom of 4.

Life didn’t offer me many escapes from my crushing responsibilities, but this was one of them.

When I tried on this gown, it was “The One” and I just had to have it.

Even though I hadn’t had a date in years and was nursing a huge crush on a guy at work who didn’t want anything to do with me.

So I plunked down my credit card and brought it home.

Then years went by.

The kids grew up.

I moved a few times and it always came with me.

And then I lost my job.

The unemployment was running out and I was dead broke and terrified.

The bills were piling up and I was packing up my few remaining possessions to move in with my son.

I couldn’t believe that my life had come to this and I was absolutely devastated.

I pulled the dress out of the closet and wondered why I’d held onto it for so long.

It seemed laughable.

So I snapped a few pictures of it and put it on Craigslist.

I figured I could use a few bucks.

But no one bought it!

So I brought it with me.

I felt increasingly silly each time I moved this dress, but I didn’t know what else to do with it.

It seemed more unlikely than ever that I’d find love at this point in my life.

Especially since I didn’t even have my own place or a “real job”.

But on New Year’s Day of 2017, The Hubbs and I matched on Tinder.

We fell in love quickly and we knew we were right for each other, so that October, I finally got to be a bride!

I truly believe that the reason I was finally successful is because I never gave up, even though things looked terrible.

I kept on learning as much as I could about dating, showing up on Tinder and going on dates.

I worked with coaches, read books, journaled and tried new things.

It was 100% worth the effort I put in to walk down the aisle in that dress to marry The Hubbs.

I’m so glad that no one bought it and I finally got to wear it after all.

I can teach any woman how to create these results for herself.

No matter what her life looks like now or how many disappointments she’s faced.

I’ve distilled the process I used into practical steps that are easy to implement.

I use everything I learned to help women figure out how to get these results without spending 15 years spinning their wheels.

I have a great free resource to help you create your very own custom man plan so that you can find a quality man ASAP.

Click here to download it or go to bit.ly/MANPLAN

I just created a brand new package to help you write an amazing dating profile! If you’d like to check it out, click here.

I don’t love long distance relationships because dating after 40 is hard enough without creating extra difficulties.

In my opinion, “long distance” is anyone who is over 90 minutes away from you. Dating local men will save you so much trouble and drama.

Here are my top reasons why I don’t recommend dating long distance:

*It ties you up and keeps you unavailable to local men who may be better candidates

*They drag on and on and take longer to figure out

*Cheaters love distance

*So do online scammers

*You don’t really get a chance to know the person in a real context

*Even if it works out, which it almost always doesn't, one of you will have to move and give up his/her life for the other person, which introduces unnecessary problems.

I have a great free resource to help you create your very own custom man plan so that you can find a quality man ASAP.

Click here to download it or go to bit.ly/MANPLAN

I just created a brand new package to help you write an amazing dating profile! If you’d like to check it out, click here.

Your picture is so important. It's the first time a man sees you.

Yes, men read the profiles. At least the kinds of men you want to date will. But he needs to click on your picture in order to read it.

So, what makes a great profile picture? I'm glad you asked!

Here are some sugestions:

*You alone

*Smiling no-weird duck/pouty face

*Look straight at the camera

*No filters

*No hats/sunglasses

*Not in your car/bathroom mirror!!!

*Dress nicely but don't show too much skin, no bikini shots

*At least 1 full body shot

*Try wearing red if it flatters you, it stands out in a sea of thumbnails

*Pictures should be recent (less than 2-3 years old)

*Reflect what you look like NOW (if you changed your hair, gained/lost weight, etc get new ones)

*Get your hair and makeup done, don’t worry, you’ll still look like you

*Get professional photos if possible

Guys don’t know this stuff, so please be forgiving of their pics/profiles. It simply doesn’t serve you to hold them to these standards. You’re looking for the love of your life, not a professional dater who could make the cover of GQ.

I have a great free resource to help you create your very own custom man plan so that you can find a quality man ASAP.

Click here to download it or go to bit.ly/MANPLAN

I just created a brand new package to help you write an amazing dating profile! If you’d like to check it out, click here.

Do you place impossible conditions on the kinds of men you’re willing to date?

For example, does he have to be a member of your (very fringe) religion?

Share every single one of your 117 very specific political views?

Be a super fan of some band that only 9 people in the world have ever heard of?

Share your passion for raising wild iguanas in Madagascar?

If so, you’re literally keeping yourself from finding a perfectly good man over ridiculousness.

There I said it, these kinds of things are ridiculous.

A man doesn’t have to be your preferred version of a needle in a haystack to love you and be a wonderful partner.

If it’s been way too long since you’ve had love in your life, ask yourself if these things apply to you and then please stop immediately if you’re serious about finding love.

Finding love after 40 is hard, but it is not impossible unless you make it so.

I have a great resource to help you create your very own custom man plan so that you can find a quality man ASAP.

⁠Click here⁠ to download it or go to bit.ly/MANPLAN

If you’re worried about online scammers you really don’t need to be.

Think about it logically.

Scammers don’t just reach through your screen the minute you post your dating profile and drain your bank account.

There are several things that need to happen before it comes to that.

They’ll need to contact you, start a conversation, hook you and ask you for money.

You will have choices about how you respond to each and every one of these things.

Make the right ones and you’ll be fine.

It really is that simple.

With that in mind, here are some common red flags to look out for:

Good, relationship-minded men are givers.

They want to impress you and do things for you. They’d ask everyone in their family and circle of friends for a loan if they needed one before they'd ask the woman they are trying to impress. Do you really want a man hitting you up for money with some sob story? No!!

If you follow this advice, you’re not going to end up getting scammed.

Please don’t swear off online dating and apps because you’re worried about scammers.

There are wonderful men on these platforms who really want to meet you.

Heed this advice and go online anyway.

Your future husband is looking for you.

I have a great resource to help you create your very own custom man plan so that you can find a quality man ASAP.

⁠Click here⁠ to download it or go to bit.ly/MANPLAN

This week I interviewed my fitness coach Jo of Couture Fitness. She shares how we can actually repair our metabolism, no matter how old we are or what we've done in the past, so that we can meet our health and fitness goals. I'm working with her personally and improving my body composition and feeling great. It's not a quick fix, but it is a game-changer.

So many women tell me they'd love to feel more confident, lose a few pounds and look better in (and out) of clothes. They're sometimes reluctant to date because of these things. If this sounds familiar, this episode is for you.

Jo shares her best advice on how to boost your metabolism and the benefits of doing so. She also shares her 4 step process for achieving this, or any dream.

It's never too late to build your dream body or meet your dream man.

You can find out more about Jo's work with Couture Fitness here. Check out her podcast "Boost your metabolism after age 30" here. She has a great free course to help you boost your metabolism which you can download here.

I have a great resource to help you create your very own custom man plan so that you can find a quality man ASAP.

⁠Click here⁠ to download it or go to bit.ly/MANPLAN

I see this all the time;

Someone has a dating disappointment or is just plain scared and says she’s going to wait on God or the Universe to bring her a good man.

I get it.

I spent many years doing this myself.

I don’t recommend it.

God and the Universe love you and want to help you, they really do.

And they want you to help yourself.

Finding love is a lot like your very own personal development program and they don’t want you to miss out on that.

The process of finding love is often what prepares you to have the relationship you want so much.

You’d never wait on God or the Universe to find you a job, raise your kids, go to the grocery store for you.

You’d get to work.

Please don’t do yourself this disservice.

Learn how to date effectively so that you can find that good man you want so much.

You absolutely can do this and it’s much more effective than waiting.

I have a great resource to help you create your very own custom man plan so that you can find a quality man ASAP.

⁠Click here⁠ to download it or go to bit.ly/MANPLAN

Meet one of my fabulous mentors Bobbi Blum Palmer!

I met her at a workshop I attended when I was in my 40's and trying to figure out how to date.

She is a dating coach and became a first-time bride at age 47.

I'm forever grateful to her for her work and influence in my life.

She teaches her clients how to prioritze what's important in a mate when you're in your 40's and beyond so that you can actually find love instead of making the same mistakes over and over again, which I definitely needed to learn.

We talked about the most common mistakes she sees women make that keep them from finding love, how we unwittingly close our hearts to good men and the special challenges women face when they're dating in their 40's and beyond.

Click here to learn more about Bobbi and her work.

I have a great resource to help you create your very own custom man plan so that you can find a quality man ASAP.

⁠Click here⁠ to download it or go to bit.ly/MANPLAN

Buckle up ladies, there’s a truth bomb coming here.

So many women, including myself a few years back, need to take this to heart, so I’m going to spill the beans.

If you haven’t found anyone you want to date for months or even years, I want you to perk up your ears.

You might be an alpha widow.

According to the googles, an “alpha widow'' is someone who compares the men who are available to her unfavorably with a man (or men) she once dated, or even just had a thing for, that she feels was the best. 

Even though the relationship didn’t pan out and she’s not capable of attracting that man for a long term relationship, she sets the bar so high that she keeps herself from finding love.

This tends to intensify when we get older and think about the men we used to be able to attract and now cannot.

It’s tempting to think that men are just terrible and all want young hot women, but that’s not necessarily true. 

We all want to be with who we think is the best mate we can possibly get, but the key word here is “can”. 

You’re never going to get that alpha male who dumped you or didn’t call you back and comparing all the men who reach out to you to him will just keep you stuck and alone. 

Please Don’t do this to yourself.

Holding out for impossible and often superficial standards and refusing to date the men who are available to you is not “refusing to settle”, it’s being delusional.

You’re already settling, my friend.

Settling for nights alone pining for someone who didn’t want to be with you; solo holidays, weddings, and vacations; and an increasing sense of bitterness about the whole thing.

If this is hitting home at all, I want you to know that there are plenty of men out there who would love to be with you.

You don’t need an alpha male or the one that got away.

You need someone who wants to date you.

That is the #1 most important quality a man can possibly possess.

So here’s what I want you to do:

Consider the bell curve from stats class.

Out of the last 100 men who’ve shown interest in you, the bottom 10% are probably awful and the top 10% are probably unattainable.

The middle 80% is your sweet spot.

You can even go for the high end of the middle, the top 60, 70, 80%.

Just don’t insist on the top 10% or the guy who got away.

Stop telling yourself that’s who you should be dating.

Because it isn’t true.

The guys you should be dating are the men who want to date you.

You’ll never get anywhere with a man who doesn’t.

I have a great resource to help you create your very own custom man plan so that you can find a quality man ASAP.

⁠Click here⁠ to download it or go to bit.ly/MANPLAN

Do you believe any of these unhelpful things about dating?

"I'm too {heavy, skinny, old, young, broke, successful, smart, etc.} to find love"

These things are always a lie

However {fill in the blank} you are, a quick Google search will most likely reveal someone with your exact situation who has indeed found love.

So can you.

But you must stop telling yourself how hopeless it is, how awful dating is, how men don’t want women like you.

You absolutely have to stop.

Because not only are these things untrue, they are the real actual reason you can’t find anyone.

Your thoughts are a very big deal.

They become habits over time and fuel your beliefs.

Your beliefs and your habits create your life.

So please argue with your brain when it presents these ideas to you.

Tell it “Hey brain, we’re not doing that anymore. 

We’re going to navigate away from everythingsucks.com to let’sdothis.com”

It won’t work the first time, or even the 101st time.

You’ve been thinking this stuff for awhile.

But over time, your brain will start to shift and you will have new better thoughts, better habits and a better life.

This is why coaching is so effective.

You get to talk to another person who believes in you and the possibility of you finding love.

A good coach will help you question your old beliefs, dismantle them and find new ones that will help you create the life you want.

I have a great resource to help you create your very own custom man plan so that you can find a quality man ASAP.

Click here to download it or go to bit.ly/MANPLAN