Finding Purpose - Song of my Life - Kristine van Dooren

On returning from our tree planting adventure, a letter from Thomas’ mother in West Berlin, was waiting for us. He had written her a letter about our new baby, and our new life at the ranch. Maybe you remember in Episode 23, I had translated some of his letter. Now we had her response! It was full of questions, and her defences about her religious beliefs. He had been exchanging letters with her on these topics ever since we came to California. At that time they were both, on the same wave length.

I only started reading these letters in the past few months. I had no idea what was in them. She had carefully filed them away in a binder and given them to me a long time ago. They were valuable to her, especially because she missed her son, who had taken off for California. I found a letter that she wrote, in response to Thomas’ letter. He had gone through it and written numbers on her points, and sent it back to her with his responses.

Comparing their letters now, written in the summer of 1973, it almost feels like eavesdropping on their personal discussion. I think on many levels, we can relate to their way of thinking, and what they understood about the purpose of life.

Their correspondence is intriguing, it’s all about comparing religious beliefs. Not only, is it their experience at the time, but the topics are still relevant today.

You would never know that they were written almost 50 years ago, and the discussions were being exchanged, between two different countries. Thomas was 23, his mom was in her early 40s and his grandmother, in her early 60s. The desire to find God was something they all had in common.

Thomas and I, had been on a search for God and a spiritual way of living. We were young and adventurous. Nadja and Omi, on the other hand, were already set in their ways. Amd then all of a sudden, they got a letter from Thomas, talking about the Bible and following Jesus. I think at first, they thought, this is just another fad of our youth. But in reality, his letters were preparing the way for both of them, to turn from their old ways, and find the real truth.

I can imagine him in the prayer cabin up on the hill. It was a Saturday, in August of 73. He was probably sitting cross legged on the wooden floor, with her letter and his Bibles spread out in front of him. He was there for a few hours, while I was back at the tipi with Nomtini. He wrote 10 full pages in German and I am sure glad, that it is easy for me to read his handwriting.

Here is his introduction, that leads up to responding to her first point.

It is so sweet how he begins, with a greeting in the name of our Lord, like the example of the letters in the NT. And then he talks about our baby, that she is growing, just like we are, in our new life.

On returning from Eureka that Sunday, we were tired but filled with inspiration that would move us onward. It had been a long day of travel, and lots of fellowship, you would tend to think we came home exhausted. But that wouldn’t have been the case, we were only 23 years old. It was another one of those evenings where Thomas and I had lots to talk about once we were back in our tipi home. Gradually, since coming to Living Waters, we were realizing that our love, and our lives together, was not anymore just about us. We both could see, that God was pointing us in a direction that He wanted us to go.

What made the biggest impression on us that day, was listening to the letter of Philippians. We were beginning to get a glimpse of the apostle Paul’s heart, his life and his love for the new Christians. It was like walking into the light with him, towards Jesus.

He had sacrificed his career and reputation, to do one thing, to exalt Jesus. And teach the Christians how to live according to God’s plan. We realized that we needed to commit ourselves, to reading everything in the New Testament about his life, and the many letters that he had written.

Now that I have been looking back over our lives, I can see, not only how God protected us, but guided us. As the author of the Proverbs wrote in chapter 16, 9; “The heart of man plans his way, but the LORD establishes, and directs his steps.”

If you remember back in my story in Episode 10, I talked about God's invisible hand over our lives. We particularly sensed that, the day we got married at the Marin Civic Center.

If you remember where we were at, the year leading up to our arrival at Living Waters. Our lives were really messed up, we were living in a daze, of drugs, and eastern mysticism. In Episode 10, titled Trouble in Paradise, I told about how we ended up in jail because we were growing marijuana in our backyard. We were in love, but we were trying to do life, our own way. We weren’t married and we had a lot of struggles over the past three years.

Thomas and I, were from two different countries and cultures, and with different family backgrounds. Thomas grew up with the political unrest in West Berlin, his parents had lived through the horrors of the war, and had nothing to do with the Christian faith. I grew up within the comfort and safety of middle class suburbia near San Francisco. A big part of our family life, revolved around our church.

When we met in West Berlin in 1970, the main interest that we had in common was music. Gradually we fully entered into the hippie movement with the mantra; turn on, tune in and drop out. But once we finally heard the truth, that Jesus was the only way to God, that was the turning point for our whole lives.

It’s not, that there is anything wrong, with being a vegetarian. But since, it had been a big part of our spiritual philosophy about being holy, it was a belief that had to go. The Lord was challenging us step by step, to let go of our old values, based on false religions.

As in all areas of our new lives, we were looking to the Bible, for instruction. One scripture, that we had already become familiar, with is in 1 Cor. 10, verse 31 says “whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.” We understood this to mean, we should receive everything with thanksgiving, and that the basic things of our life, come from God.

We finally, got our turn to drive with a group to Eureka, for the Sunday church service. Actually, I think the first time was in the old school bus, before it got destroyed.

To start with, we enjoyed taking off with a bus full of friends. Most of us didn’t know what to expect, but we were looking forward to the adventure. On arriving near the Veteran's Hall, we could already see lots of hippies, women like me with long hair, long dresses and lots of babies and kids. Everyone, was gathered outside around the steps, and looked like they were happy to see each other. This was our first time, to see a couple hundred folks like us, that were hippie- looking- Christians. So far, we had only been at the Lords Land, and Living Waters, out in the country.

This first visit to the church in Eureka was a milestone in our lives. So let me tell you about it!

What we learned, and experienced that day, became the foundation, of everything Thomas and I, based the rest of our lives on. Even for me now, it’s the motivation and reason, for starting this podcast. I titled it “Finding Purpose”, based on the teachings that transformed our understanding, of God's purpose for our lives.

Once everyone was seated, there was a brief greeting, and then some musicians, began to lead us in song. Wow, I can only describe it as, out of this world! Thomas and I, always enjoyed the singing at Living Waters, but these musicians were excellent in their skills. With their beautiful voices accompanied by a piano, acoustic guitars, a violin and a tambourine, it can only be described as heavenly. They were not just singing for the congregation, they were worshipping God.

I was so excited, finally the weekend had come when my parents were going to visit us at Living Waters. We hadn’t seen them for 3 months, since moving away from the Bay Area. Now everything had changed. Like Thomas had written to his mother, we experienced the miracle of a home birth, and at the same time an even greater miracle, we found the truth. He wrote that God had opened our hearts, to receive the truth of our purpose for living. The absolute truth!

In his words in German; Die Wahrheit unseres Seins und Lebens. Die absolute Wahrheit!

Thomas had also written his mom, that he was happy that my parents were coming, and that God would reunite our hearts with them. We hoped for a new foundation in our relationship, now that we were also believers.

After they unloaded their bags we walked over to our little forest area, unveiling our tipi to them. I think they were pretty impressed to see it, knowing that we actually had made it ourselves, and were now living in it.

Now we wanted to start afresh in our relationship with our parents, with them, and his family in Germany.

He began saying to mom and dad, that he was sorry for all the trouble that he had caused them the past year. He said he knew now, that we had been deceived by the teachings of the Eastern Religions, and that he had not been open to listen to my dad’s warnings, or advice.

He asked them for forgiveness, for everything that he had done, especially that we ended up in jail. He thanked my dad, for bailing us out of the mess, and paying for a lawyer.

Thomas and I, were loving our new life out in the country, and being parents of a sweet little daughter.

We had been converted, and were living the reality of being like children, trusting God as our Father, and excited about every new thing we learned. We didn’t have any worries, we had been set down, in this beautiful place in the Redwoods, to grow up. It was like heaven on earth.

Some of them had really difficult backgrounds, and I was deeply touched, to see they had a safe place now to live, and could help each other out.

It made me feel extra thankful, that I was married, and had a husband that I could trust, and who loved our little daughter. Since we had met quite a few people over the past few weeks, we realized that it was pretty unique, that both Thomas and I, had come to believe in Jesus together. Some couples split up because of that issue, when one of the partners refused to accept the faith of the other one.

Most of us had been looking for a communal style of life, but had no idea, there would be some sacrifices along the way to learn to live together.

Thomas and I, had regular discussions about everything new that came our way. In the evenings we would pray together that God would help us trust Him. We had been learning at the Bible study, that our faith would be tested, and we wanted to be obedient to the Lord.

We made another type of commitment that day to the Lord. It became a building block in our foundation, as disciples of Christ.We never talked about these things with anyone else, we just kept them in our hearts.

Every time we made a conscious decision, to do exactly what the scripture said, we experienced a miracle! A miracle meaning, God was changing and humbling us, all to His glory.

Since Thomas, had thrown his marijuana into the bonfire, and vowed to never do drugs again, the reality of being delivered from his emotional addiction, was freeing for both of us. He knew, that the Lord had brought him out, of that horrible pit, and had set his feet on a firm foundation. He was confident, that God, would guide our footsteps from now on.

The challenge we faced, was to learn how that works out practically on a daily basis. As we went about our day on the ranch we would run into other “brethren.” The typical greeting was; “Praise the Lord, or Bless God!” This wassupposed to be a reminder to each other, to give glory to God, throughout our day. But this, was not the greeting that Thomas was accustomed, to with our hippie friends. It used to be more like, hey man, or peace brother, or do you have any stash?

Since he was a young boy, he had been following in his father’s footsteps; as a professional musician, composer and arranger. Thomas’ first instrument was the trumpet, and then he taught himself to play the guitar and piano. In the last few years, especially in West Berlin, he had been playing either trumpet or flute, with other musicians who were smoking hash for inspiration. The last band he played with before we left for California, was a free jazz group. They combined jazz influences with experimental sounds. He had imagined himself, being a full time musician, and finding his place in the San Francisco music scene.

I didn’t realize, how important his identity as a musician was, until he told me one day, that he thinks he should stop playing music. I loved his music and I couldn’t imagine why he would want to quit. But he was aware, that it was a major issue in his life, that was going to have to change. He was still thinking about, the scriptures that Tom Petersen had read to him, a few weeks before that.

We feel so blessed by this gift from God. Not only did he give us a beautiful daughter, but he opened our hearts to receive the truth. The truth about the purpose of our lives. The absolute truth!

As you know, from all of my past letters, we had been seriously seeking. We had been seeking everywhere, deep and wide, to find the truth.

Through yoga and drugs, and meditation, I found knowledge. Through astrology, we came quite far, as we explored those channels. With the help of auras, I have seen the complete cosmos in bright light, and how it binds our energies together. Yet at the same time, I came to the understanding, of how crazy and unimportant, all of these human works are. All of this vast amount of knowledge, had actually, led us astray and deceived us.

Simple living, and simple faith, was what we were looking forward to experiencing at the Living Waters Ranch. We had just moved in to our tipi home. I had fun decorating and making it cozy, with Indian bedspreads and my home made pillows. I laid my silk tablecloth from London over the trunk, that we had placed, at the head of our mattress. It was the perfect spot, for the oil lamp, and our new Bibles.

For our first free evening, Thomas prepared the tipi to make a fire in the center, and I put a pot of water on for tea. We celebrated our first family time with baby Nomtini, by the light of the lamp, and Thomas serenading us with his flute.

Many of us newcomers, were curious to know how such a beautiful community, came into  existence in the first place. The background story was, that Tony Tuck, the owner of the land, which encompassed some 80 acres, had a vision as a hippie, to start a “back to nature” commune.

For our Saturday dinner, I cooked for the first time at our tipi camp. I had lots of jars of various kinds of beans and flour, and my own cooking pots and dishes. I was allowed to get fresh vegetables from the garden, and I made corn tortillas over the fire, with my cast iron frying pan.

That is why we followed the vegetarian diet, because we thought that it would make us holy. And at the same time though, Thomas was taking LSD and smoking marijuana, thinking  it was connecting him to God. Actually, that didn’t make any sense because the drugs, aren’t good for the health of the body, or the mind.

But now, we were learning a different meaning of holiness according to God. We were accepted and loved by God, because of simply believing in his Son Jesus. We were aware, that we needed to put away our beliefs from the past, and start all over.

At the end of the study, Tom said, we will have the opportunity to put into practice, what we are learning. He told us that there would be a bonfire event on Friday night. We should prayerfully consider, if God wants us to throw things away, from our old life. He said, he hopes that the people with drugs, will get rid of them. He said it was time to act on your new faith, and make a clean slate.

PS:  If you like the music, check it out on Spotify, Naomi van Dooren, Jeder Moment!! My favorite song!

We realized that it wasn’t just the two of us anymore, we were a family now, and had a new responsibility as parents. We had just stepped over the threshold, not only of this little cabin, but into a brand new life together.

Remember awhile back in Episode 17, I talked about when we were standing by the road in Mendocino hitchhiking. Then Thomas said, “I guess we are Christians now, but we are not going to be like those other Christians, who are always preaching about their faith.”

Our new challenge would be to embrace the reality, that we too believed in Jesus. And here at the ranch, we would have the opportunity, to learn according to the Bible, what it means to be a Christian. Our identity as hippies, on the search for truth, was fading away. We were no longer seekers, we had been found. God, had given us a new identity as disciples, and followers of Jesus. 

This is how the daily schedule looked at Living Waters Ranch, near Garberville

Breakfast started at 7:00, then a short Bible study. From 8 - 9:00 their jobs would begin. Then from 9 – 10:00 it was quiet time, where everyone was supposed to stop working, and read their Bible.

From 10 – 4:00 was the main work day, with lunch in between. Dinner was at 5:00. The evening Bible study meetings were every Monday, Wednesday and Friday at 7:00. Saturday was everyone's free day (except of course for the ladies that prepared a simple meal). Sunday was a morning service at the dome. Sometimes they visited a local church in Garberville, or drove up in cars, and in a school bus to Eureka. There they had a big gathering with young Christians, where they listened to a Pastor named, Jim Durkin preach.

Thomas carried the baby, as we headed down the driveway in the dark. We both had something specific, that we had learned, and it was fun to talk about our impressions, of yet another big day, at the Living Waters Ranch.

I heard the guys from the front of the truck exclaim, there it is, the cross, we’re here! It was a bumpy dirt driveway that we turned onto, and I knew that it led up to this unusual looking building with the dome roof. Thomas had already been there twice, but this was my first time. I had mixed emotions, realizing, that we would actually live there and I didn’t even know anyone yet. Thomas jumped out and then helped me climb out of the back of the truck. He was obviously excited that we had arrived. First, he wanted to kiss our little baby that was sleeping in my carrier, and then he said, "We’re here honey, our new home, Living Waters Ranch! Come on, lets go in and see who is inside today." He made me feel at home, as he opened the wooden door with the cross on it, and led me up the steps into the spacious dining room.

At the sound of the women’s song, my little daughter who was laying there with us, woke up. This was her first greeting, to her our new home at Living Waters.

I dialled my family’s home number and was curious who would pick up. I still have a vivid memory, of me standing there and hearing my mom’s voice, when she picked up the phone. I knew that she missed me, and she was so happy that I called. She wanted to know how we were doing with our new baby, and where we were living. I told her that we were near Garberville, and had found a Christian commune, where we could live with our tipi.

We felt like we had “walked through the fire” in those past three weeks. We had experienced, some very extreme events, to say the least. But it seemed, like God was giving us a new start, and maybe in our marriage too.

Our new faith was being tested. We had a brand new baby and now we needed a home. Our hearts were being changed in a deep way, especially Thomas because of his near death experience. We were still on the search for a commune where we could live with our tipi. Were we willing to find out what it means, to be changed through believing in Jesus? I knew the first day after we had prayed together, that I was different. The question was, how does a new life as a Christian, develop and grow?

That day turned out to be a major turning point in his life. Here’s how he told some friends in Germany about it many years ago;

A few days after our baby was born, Richard and I, drove up to the Christian commune near Garberville. We followed the small road through the forest, past Whitethorn, until we found the large cross, and drove up the dirt driveway to the entrance.

This time there were more people around, but we found a couple of men, inside the dome building that greeted us. They introduced themselves as Jim Layne and Tom Petersen, and said welcome to “Living Waters Ranch”.