Send over your dead SMS messages.

Hello everyone! My husband has become a bureaucratic nightmare. He says that the podcast must start  following the Orpheus Protocol, and to keep Hermes from paying hefty fines, I would have to adhere to it going forward. I have no idea how anybody's expected to actually make the recipe if we do that, but if it keeps my half-brother out of having to pay off one of his debts accruing my husband's incredibly unforgiving interest rates, then it looks like I'll have to comply. Osiris, stop selling this as a ringtone in the Nile OS store, okay? I'm not as gracious as Hestia. Nor as much of a homebody! I know that's what you did with Hestia's bird aria! And you clearly did that with "Hollow Peace" too. 

For those of you who may be interested in making the featured recipe, you'll find it below. 

My love, for this episode, I chose to provide a recipe for Gambas al Ajillo, which is an appetizer consisting of shrimp with garlic sauce.  Tapas, what we call appetizers, are popular in Spain, and this one is absolutely incredible! Here is what you will need. 

1 1/2 pounds (or about 680 grams) shelled and deveined large shrimp, tails intact

Kosher salt

1/4 cup (or four tablespoons) thinly sliced garlic; that’s a lot of garlic! About 13 cloves.

1 1/4 cups (300 milliliters) extra-virgin olive oil (choose an oil that is fragrant and medium in body)

1 small dried hot red chile, seeded and crumbled

1/2 cup (about 120 milliliters or 32 grams) minced parsley

2 tablespoons dry sherry, such as manzanilla

1 teaspoon finely grated lemon zest

Crusty bread, for serving

Clams, diced ham, or chorizo, (optional)

Place the shrimp into a large bowl and add in a teaspoonful of salt. Incorporate it thoroughly so that the juices can be drawn out of the shrimp. Set it aside for ten minutes.

Be sure you wash your hands well after dealing with raw seafood! You don’t want to end up going to the Underworld before your time, after all. My husband may seem like a big Teddy bear, but in his eyes, rules are rules so you’ll probably end up in the Asphodel Meadows which are, for lack of a better phrase, mind-numbingly boring! So boring in fact that dying of boredom would be a whole lot more fun! Not even being a fan of this podcast would grant you quarter in the palace.

All right, now, in a large enameled cast-iron skillet, toss the olive oil and garlic and cook it at fairly low heat. You want to let the flavors really meld without burning the garlic or making your smoke detectors go off. The garlic will make your kitchen smell amazing, and should begin turning brown. I’d say just under ten minutes. 

Add in that chili and stir it into the garlic until you can smell it, 15 to 30 seconds, so don’t walk away!

Now throw in the shrimp and stir it in the pan, letting all that yummy garlic coat it. Do this until they’re just starting to get pink, around five minutes, more or less.

Finish the sauce by tossing in the other ingredients: the sherry, lemon zest, parsley, and a large pinch of salt. Stir until combined and move the pan to a cool burner. Let the heat from the cast iron skillet continue cooking the shrimp through for another 3 to 5 minutes.

Enjoy this dish and don’t forget to use some nice crusty bread to scoop up every dollop of extra garlicky goodness. If shrimp isn’t your thing, (or even if it is!), you can enjoy this sauce with clams, diced ham, or chorizo.

As ever, please send any feedback or dead letters to [email protected]. 

Send over your dead SMS messages.

Greetings, listeners! Hermes here! Yes, I said Hermes! I'm here to tell you all that I quit! Yes, I was keeping this podcast running ... sort of ... until I could teach my uncle how to use the Internet, a microphone, and the podcasting host. Now? I'm a traveling god. As a traveling god who has things to do and places to be, I'm hading this thing off to the one god who always stays. Yes, the Lord of the Dead himself! Listen as I complain about having to manage things and tell you all just exactly what this podcast is all about. We really had no idea until a midnight epiphany. Now? All I can say is the stories should release on a more reliable schedule. And if by chance that doesn't happen? Don't look at me! 

As ever, any and all mail should go to Hades at [email protected]. You're welcome!

Send over your dead SMS messages.

Greetings, listeners. It's been some time since we've convened on this feed. The production of that Jewish folktale we had intended to produce has been difficult. The anger has been immense, and so has the grief. So, rather than force something, we wrote a song in response to the "ceasefire" that was, at its core, political theater orchestrated by the West. Three versions. Three singers. The same haunting lyrics as interpreted by Ares, Persephone, and myself.

We will continue without a plan, tell the stories we feel like telling, and see what unfolds. The wound on humanity still bleeds, thus our continued struggle to tell the Jewish folktale remains. We will not allow it to guilt us into stone cold silence. Whether this means a continuation of this season as it stands, a return to the days of this podcast's beginning when tales were explorations without social conflicts tied to them, or something entirely new, we cannot say. We only know that creativity allows us to endure, and endure we shall. I refuse to allow this podcast to become a tomb because one story, still too raw to be told, could not be told and time slipped away, and apathy calcified into abandonment. 

Onward.

Feedback may be sent, as ever, to [email protected]. 

[verse 1]

The war is over, 
A ceasefire has begun!
There will be peace and prosperity, 
For everyone!
There's no need to cry; the hostages are free. 
Now we can celebrate the return of liberty.
Raise up the flags, strike up the band,
Proclaim the dawn of peace across the land.
Banners can't cover the bones buried beneath,
And musicians can't mask the cries of grief.

[chorus]

Do you think we are fools who can just simply forget, 
That we watched you shamelessly livestream a genocide? 
Oh, you'll try to shove distracting headlines down our throats, 
But your crimes aren't the kind you can easily hide. 

[Verse 2]

You paint the blood with olive oil,
You crown the graves with light.
But silence cannot sanctify
What’s buried out of sight.
You call it peace; I call it pause,
A treaty sealed with deceit.
For truth does not bloom in the ash,
Nor justice in the street.

[chorus]
Do you think we are fools who can just simply forget, 
That we watched you shamelessly livestream a genocide? 
Oh, you'll try to shove distracting headlines down our throats, 
But your crimes aren't the kind you can easily hide. 

[Bridge]
The cameras dim, the headlines fade,
But echoes never die.
The River Lethe cannot cleanse
A mother’s final cry.

[final chorus]

Do you think we are fools who can just simply forget,
That we watched you shamelessly livestream a genocide?
Raise your glass to hollow peace and gilded lies.
The living forget ; the dead remember, with open eyes.
The living forget ; the dead remember, with open eyes.

Send over your dead SMS messages.

Greetings, listeners! Just when I thought we'd be getting back to the serious business of telling some real folklore, Mr. President made it very clear he wouldn't be waiting on Pennsylvania Avenue when there was an Underworld to tour. Thus, I asked Thanatos to make sure the man was brought safely to the Underworld. Safely doesn't mean quickly, however, my friends. Oh no. It just means he won't get waylaid by any shades ... yet. 

Of course, Mr. President being who he was, he just couldn't enjoy the ride like a normal human being. So instead, we got to hear his promises about how he'd make Little Red Riding Hood great again. And, though it pains me to admit this, he does have a point.

Several of them, actually, but don't take my word for it. 

As ever, if you have any feedback, please send your dead letters to me, Hades, at [email protected]. 

Disclaimer From the Lord of the Dead

This episode is a work of satire, deliberate as ritual, and grim as prophecy. No events depicted herein are factual—though truth often chooses to wear a mask when it walks among the living.

It is forged in the long and hallowed tradition of folklore: that ancient mortal craft of cloaking truths in tales, mocking kings through riddles, and laughing at monsters to rob them of power. Just as mortals once whispered of tyrants as toads and foxes in the safety of hearth-lit tales, so too do we now cloak modern hubris in mythic absurdity. The Underworld is not for sale, nor would I entrust its keys to a man who cannot distinguish a coin for Charon from a coin for Musk.

This performance is an exercise of protected speech, under the First Amendment of the United States Constitution—a right mortals too often squander until the silence is all that remains. To fear satire is to fear reflection, and the dead do not flinch from mirrors.

“Ἐν τοῖς σκιώδεσι, ἡ ἀλήθεια ψιθυρίζει.”
“In the shadows, truth whispers.”

Listen well. Laugh deeply. And remember: not all jokes are harmless… but the ones that bite are often the ones you needed to hear.

— Hades,
King of the Dead, Keeper of Oaths,
and Guardian of Folklore’s Flame

Send over your dead SMS messages.

Greetings listeners, this podcast has been quiet in the last few months, and I finally have understood why. Quiet doesn't mean death; quiet is a time of reflection and understanding. Our writer has been wrestling with a personal quandary which has prevented her from working on this podcast, and she's finally decided to bring it into the light. As such, we'll be changing our next full-length episode, listeners, and share a story from her childhood. It's been lost to time, known apparently only to her and the few lucky enough to have read Cricket one holiday season, more than twenty years ago. This is her atonement ... for swiping left.

As ever, if there is any feedback, I'm at [email protected].

Send over your dead SMS messages.

Greetings, listeners! In this musical counterpoint, I sing a song that Mr. President will never hear. You see, my singing might scare him off, and I can't do that. Not yet. After all, I'm trying to sell my realm, and if there's no leader to buy it, then I can't take my much-needed retirement. So, within the confines of my chariot, I belt this out while Thanatos laughs. Thanks, Reaper.

As ever, any feedback may be sent to me at [email protected]. 

Disclaimer From the Lord of the Dead

This episode is a work of satire, deliberate as ritual, and grim as prophecy. No events depicted herein are factual—though truth often chooses to wear a mask when it walks among the living.

It is forged in the long and hallowed tradition of folklore: that ancient mortal craft of cloaking truths in tales, mocking kings through riddles, and laughing at monsters to rob them of power. Just as mortals once whispered of tyrants as toads and foxes in the safety of hearth-lit tales, so too do we now cloak modern hubris in mythic absurdity. The Underworld is not for sale, nor would I entrust its keys to a man who cannot distinguish a coin for Charon from a coin for Musk.

This performance is an exercise of protected speech, under the First Amendment of the United States Constitution—a right mortals too often squander until the silence is all that remains. To fear satire is to fear reflection, and the dead do not flinch from mirrors.

“Ἐν τοῖς σκιώδεσι, ἡ ἀλήθεια ψιθυρίζει.”
“In the shadows, truth whispers.”

Listen well. Laugh deeply. And remember: not all jokes are harmless… but the ones that bite are often the ones you needed to hear.

— Hades,
King of the Dead, Keeper of Oaths,
and Guardian of Folklore’s Flame

Send over your dead SMS messages.

Greetings, listeners! In this installment of our satirical skit, Mr. President stands outside of 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, waiting for Aidoneus to pick him up in that promised chariot. Of course, Mr. President isn't thrilled about the prospect of having to dine on a platter of pomegranates, but buying a ready-made realm with a multitude of subjects eager to bow to him makes it all the more worth it.

As ever, any feedback may be sent to me at [email protected]. 

If you'd like to download the song, "I'm Such a Genius", you may do so here.
https://www.jammable.com/conversion/jam-yLS7R1Od

Disclaimer From the Lord of the Dead

This episode is a work of satire, deliberate as ritual, and grim as prophecy. No events depicted herein are factual—though truth often chooses to wear a mask when it walks among the living.

It is forged in the long and hallowed tradition of folklore: that ancient mortal craft of cloaking truths in tales, mocking kings through riddles, and laughing at monsters to rob them of power. Just as mortals once whispered of tyrants as toads and foxes in the safety of hearth-lit tales, so too do we now cloak modern hubris in mythic absurdity. The Underworld is not for sale, nor would I entrust its keys to a man who cannot distinguish a coin for Charon from a coin for Musk.

This performance is an exercise of protected speech, under the First Amendment of the United States Constitution—a right mortals too often squander until the silence is all that remains. To fear satire is to fear reflection, and the dead do not flinch from mirrors.

“Ἐν τοῖς σκιώδεσι, ἡ ἀλήθεια ψιθυρίζει.”
“In the shadows, truth whispers.”

Listen well. Laugh deeply. And remember: not all jokes are harmless… but the ones that bite are often the ones you needed to hear.

— Hades,
King of the Dead, Keeper of Oaths,
and Guardian of Folklore’s Flame

Send over your dead SMS messages.

Greetings listeners, after silently watching the world burn for the past month, mustering up enough resolve to write has been ... difficult. Indeed, one wonders if ruling the Underworld is worth the trouble. Thus, I decided I needed to shake things up. Perhaps, cede the throne to one who has more vigor in him, not to mention the ambition to rule. Therefore, I took my trusted rotary phone to reach out to someone in the Upperworld who has clearly shown the world he means business. Hopefully, I'll have more to report after he comes to visit and enjoys our legendary hospitality. 

As ever, any feedback can be routed to me at [email protected].

Disclaimer From the Lord of the Dead

This episode is a work of satire, deliberate as ritual, and grim as prophecy. No events depicted herein are factual—though truth often chooses to wear a mask when it walks among the living.

It is forged in the long and hallowed tradition of folklore: that ancient mortal craft of cloaking truths in tales, mocking kings through riddles, and laughing at monsters to rob them of power. Just as mortals once whispered of tyrants as toads and foxes in the safety of hearth-lit tales, so too do we now cloak modern hubris in mythic absurdity. The Underworld is not for sale, nor would I entrust its keys to a man who cannot distinguish a coin for Charon from a coin for Musk.

This performance is an exercise of protected speech, under the First Amendment of the United States Constitution—a right mortals too often squander until the silence is all that remains. To fear satire is to fear reflection, and the dead do not flinch from mirrors.

“Ἐν τοῖς σκιώδεσι, ἡ ἀλήθεια ψιθυρίζει.”
“In the shadows, truth whispers.”

Listen well. Laugh deeply. And remember: not all jokes are harmless… but the ones that bite are often the ones you needed to hear.

— Hades,
King of the Dead, Keeper of Oaths,
and Guardian of Folklore’s Flame

Send over your dead SMS messages.

Greetings, listeners! After a long hiatus as we figured out our priorities and reconnected with our creativity, we decided to energize this feed with something lighthearted and fun. Our podcast has been classified by Spotify as being very much like those offering sleep stories. So, we thought it might be fun to lean into that a bit. Of course, as you should know by now, we can never seem to do anything ... right. Tonight is no exception. Hypnos, the god of sleep, is none too happy about having to get off of his cloud to tell a sleep story. Nonetheless, I managed to convince him after promising a few favors. 

Join him as he visits an aquarium where you'll find creatures like Hippocampi, merpeople, and Grindylows. Oh, and don't get left behind!

If you have any feedback, feel free to reach out at [email protected]. 

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Greetings, listeners. This is just a quick update regarding the podcast's direction. I'll be moving away from ElevenLabs due to some decisions they've made that go against my ethos as a creator. The new tech will mean a learning curve and a change to some of the voices. However, it is a small price to pay for my creative soul intact. Thank you to those who have been with me on this journey so far. I hope we'll be able to continue exploring the world of folklore together.