Fitz In The Morning: What Are You Kidding Me?! Stories of the Day

A nurse who brags on TikTok that she doesn’t wear a mask while traveling and having playdates with her kids gets fired, a post-Thanksgiving dinner turns deadly after someone digs into the leftovers with their bare hands, a contestant named Kovid competed on “Project Runway” in 2019 and his outfit included a mask, the mysterious monolith in Romania has now disappeared as well as the one in Utah, and the McDonald’s McRib is back and they’re offering a free one men who post pictures of newly clean-shaven faces.

The mysterious metallic monolith found in Utah has vanished, scented candle makers are reporting a drop in average review rankings due to Covid loss of smell, a woman filming a TikTok video is interrupted by an intruder, a man is arrested for repeatedly calling 911 to belch into the phone, a stolen ukulele is recovered when the thief is spotted playing it in a park, and a tequila bar is dodging pandemic restrictions by registering as a church.

A thief steals a wheel from someone’s car and leaves a frozen turkey in its place, some doctors are reporting Covid-19 may cause unexpected tooth loss, Florida Man thaws his Thanksgiving turkey in his swimming pool every year, a flight attendant is in big trouble for running a side-hustle with her “Only Fans” offerings while in-flight, a really high couple calls police several times to report possums jumping out of their fridge and microwave, and Snoop Dogg does an amazing job commentating on the Tyson-Jones and Paul-Robinson Fights, including singing a hymn for Nate Robinson after he hits the deck.

Fitz has advice on how NOT to prepare your Turkey and how to handle leftovers, a new TikTok trend is kids fooling their parents into thinking the TV is smashed, two Yoga teachers beat the crap out of each other over a heater, a Canadian council meeting stalls when someone’s mic is on in the bathroom, a Oregon man is caught stealing 108 rolls of TP in Walla Walla, and a guy who stole a Coors Light truck from outside a store tries to jump out of the moving truck and runs himself over. (You won’t believe how many P1s call in to say they’ve run themselves over.)

The popular 12-foot-tall Halloween skeleton from Home Depot is now a popular Christmas decoration with people adding Santa stuff to it, a babysitter is being sued for getting Chicken McNuggets for the kids of a vegan family, the Oxford Dictionary Word of the Year is “Covid-19”, a squirrel staggers around drunk after eating a fermented backyard pear, Dr. Fauci’s announcement that Santa is immune to Coronavirus has internet freaks wanting to drain Santa’s plasma for his antibodies, and a guy who went to the doctor to get treatment for depression over his cheating wife finds out she was cheating with the doctor.

An award-winning new kit being designed England lets you grow your own steaks from human tissue (eeww!!), a 62-year-old woman is carrying her daughter’s child while is daughter is busy being pregnant with another kid, a fight at the opening for a Colorado In-N-Out Burger results in a man losing his pants, a man is arrested for spitting on hikers that aren’t wearing masks, a lab worker is arrested for forging drug test results that lost families their custody rights and Instant Karma meets a meth dealer who crashes his motorcycle and has his waistband-gun go off into his hip, and…gets hit by a car.

A Burger King worker steals $30K by creating fake employees and while discussing that we learn Claire is somehow connected, a website is offering $2500 to watch 25 holiday movies in 25 days, a new study indicates the smaller a man’s junk is the more money he makes, there is special new Christmas music just for dogs (so have your dog here when you listen), a 17-year-old takes his Dad’s $3.4 million car for a joy ride and wrecks it, and a woman ticketed for using her cell phone while driving claims she was really eating an ice cream sandwich and has the wrapper and chocolate stains to prove it.

A guy leads police on a high-speed chase that includes ditching his car and diving under Lake Shasta in a mini submarine, a new study shows men who have a beard in dating profile pics are 3x more likely to get a match, a new dating term called “Hat Fishing” has men trying to hide their baldness under hats on dating apps, a new phone hotline helps people get through bad psychedelic trips, a Connecticut man is arrested for getting freaky with his neighbor’s tree, and America is having another TP crisis so Ryder and Fitz think we all just need to install bidets.

A teenager in China wanted an iPhone so badly he sold a kidney to get it, a British man is arrested for driving in circles yelling “Wakey Wakey!”, a university Zoom class is interrupted by the professor’s butt-sniffing cats, a UFO is spotted flying over the UAE, Jimmy Dean is offering glass sausage Christmas Ornaments, and two college kids are arrested for stealing the Exits signs from a bunch of dorms.

Women named Karen say their name is ruining their chances on dating sites, police in Italy use a Lamborghini to deliver a heart to a transplant patient, a home invasion ends when a 16-year-old takes out the robber with a Louisville Slugger, an Alaska Airlines plane hits a bear on a runway while landing, a Florida couple is arrested after pulling over on the highway for a quickie, and the original figures of Santa and Rudolph from the 1964 “Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer” are auctioned for $300K.