Soul Talk
Lesson 3: Listen Well to Others
I. Table Time- Introduction
a. Share a BRIEF High and/or low from the week (Don’t have to have one to share).
b. What gets in the way of you listening well to other people? What are some ways to adjust?
c. What are some good questions you use to get to know/check on other people? Why do you think they are so helpful?
II. Teaching Time: (Gen 3:8-13; 1 Ki 19:9-18; Pr 18:13, 20:5; Gal 6:2; Rom 12:15; Lk 6:45; Ja 1:19)
a. Some Major Problematic Thought Categories:
i. 1. Fear/Worry; 2. Guilt/Shame; 3. Anger/ Irritation/Frustration; 4. Lust
b. God Often Draws out our Hearts by Questions (Adam, Elijah, Job, Jonah)!
i. Questions Cause Reflection “What are you doing here?”
ii. Questions that Reorient our Perspective “Where were you…?”
c. Love People Enough to Be Curious
i. Look and Listen for Cues Something is Up:
1. Body Language, Facial Expressions (Don’t Overread)
2. Repeated Words or Themes:
a. I was/am Guilty … Worried … Scared … Irritated:
b. Jokes, Sarcastic Comments, Frequent Subjects:
3. Interactions w/ Those Close to Them
4. Words reveal the heart: Listen Long Enough and Ppl will Tell You
5. Not everything people carry is obvious: Love and Pursue Ppl
6. How they say it and what don’t say (avoid)
ii. Asking Good Questions . . . Then Asking More Good Questions
1. Posture of Love, Humility and Concern
2. Open Ended Questions:
3. General Questions that Allow them to Share what they think is Going on:
4. Specific Questions to Drill Down into Pressing Hurts or Sins:
5. Remember you are a Friend not an Interrogator
d. Barriers to Us Drawing Out the Deep Waters of Others Hearts:
i. Stopping Long Enough to Sense Something is Up w/ Others!
1. Love and Relationship
ii. Hurting and Sinful People Can be Prickly and Self-Protective!
1. Certain Boldness Required to Pry into Layers
2. Talk without Saying Anything: Arms Length
3. Am I Humble and Receptive; Are my Friendships Inviting This?
iii. Be Quiet Long Enough to Listen to Others!
1. Two Ears and One Mouth Principle (Ja 1:19)
2. Listen, Don’t Wait to Speak (Pr 18:13)
3. Listen to What is Said … Not Said:
4. If we are honest we don’t listen to others very well.
iv. Accepting 1st Answer or Stopping with an Incomplete Answer
e. Three way conversations: God, You and Them- Stay Prayerful
f. A note of Caution: Sinner or Sufferer
i. Am I dealing w/ a Sinner who is Suffering: Truth-> Grace
ii. Am I dealing w/ a Sufferer who is Sinning: Grace-> Truth
g. Some Examples:
i. You hear a friend make sarcastic joke about spouse, remember that’s the third one in as many hours; as you sit down for lunch you ask?
ii. Sitting over coffee your friend talks about being worried about relationship (kids, spouse, roommate, friend); remember worry seems to come up
each time you meet and about a variety of subjects, so you ask?
iii. Having a fun night catching up w/ friends, your friend casually mentions feeling guilty about not doing more ministry. Later guilty comes up again
not accepting new role invited to at church. Then for 3rd and 4th time guilty comes up w/ yet other areas. So you ask? [Pretend not legit guilt]
iv. You hear about and see some instances where a friend or spouse gets sinfully angry (low level but hot). Ask to grab breakfast and you ask?
III. Table Time- Application
a. Review the Examples above and discuss 3-5 questions/follow ups to understand more about what is going on with your friends?
b. What is your most common barrier to drawing out friend’s heart? How does that play out? (Maybe on list or maybe different one all together)
c. How could you see yourself practically and intentionally listening better to others?
i. What changes or practices would you implement?
d. APPLY:
1. Create 2 mor
