To all our family, friends and fans, we wish you the merriest of holidays and deeply thank you for your support in 2013. We look forward to an exciting 2014, with many new events on the calendar already! For all of you limited to a 16oz. egg nog,, enjoy a requested Christmas Classic; How the Mayor Stole Christmas!
Every Foodie
Down in The City
Liked Dining a lot…
But the Mayor
Who lived in his mansion
Did NOT!
The Mayor hated Eating! The whole Feasting season!
Now, please don’t ask why. No one quite knows the reason.
It could be that his head wasn’t screwed on quite right.
It could be, perhaps, that his arse was too tight.
But I think that the most likely reason of all
May have been that his heart was two sizes too small.
But,
Whatever the reason,
His heart or his arse,
He stood there during Holidays, hating repast
Staring down from his office with a sour, dogmatic frown
At the warm lighted bakeries below in the town.
For he knew every Foodie down in The City beneath
Was busy now, cooking up really good eats.
“And they’re hanging their sausages!” he snarled with a sneer.
“Tomorrow’s the Holidays! They’re practically here!”
Then he growled, with his nanny’s fingers nervously drumming,
“I MUST find a way to keep snacking from coming!”
For, tomorrow, he knew…
…All the Food nerds and geeks
Would wake up bright and early. They’d rush for their treats!
And then! Oh, the calories! Oh, the cals! Cals!Cals! Cals!
That’s one thing he hated! The cals! Cals! Cals! Cals!
Then the Foodies, young and old, would sit down to a feast.
And they’d feast! And they’d feast!
And they’d FEAST! FEAST! FEAST! FEAST!
They would start on bread pudding, and rare deli roast-beast
Which was something the Mayor couldn’t stand in the least!
And THEN
They’d do something he liked least of all!
Every Foodie down in the City, the tall and the small,
Would stand close together, it was a little bit hinky!
They’d stand hand-in-hand. And they’d deep fry a Twinkie
They’d eat! And they’d eat!
AND they’d EAT! EAT! EAT! EAT!
And the more the Mayor thought of the Foodie deep fry
The more the Mayor thought, “I must stop this or die!
“Why for seventy years I’ve put up with it now!
I MUST stop feasting from coming!
…But HOW?”
Then he got an idea!
An awful idea!
THE MAYOR
GOT A WONDERFUL, AWFUL IDEA!
“I know just what to do! I don’t need medication”
So he passed unilateral legislation
And he chuckled, and clucked, “What a great legal trick!
“I don’t need to be a doctor, I’ll just be a d**k!”
“All I need are some facts…”
The Mayor looked all around.
But since facts were scarce, there was none to be found.
Did that stop the old Mayor…?
No! The mayor simply said,
“If I can’t find facts, I’ll make some up instead!”
So he called his deputies. Then he made some red tape
And then he put on his Superman’s cape.
THEN
He banned popcorn bags
And some forms of drinking
Upon his high horse
He yelled “There’s no need for thinking!”
Then the Mayor said, “I will save ye!”
And the laws were enacted
Toward the places where Foodies
Liked to do all their snacking.
All were kept in the dark. No news filled the air.
All the Foodies were all dreaming sweet creams without care
When he came to the first pub in the square.
“This is stop number one,
