Dan’s back from Lake Garda and we somehow go from holidays and football burnout to Chelsea players chatting too freely on international duty, Spurs handing Roberto De Zerbi the keys, and whether fans really care about the morals of the game when results start rolling in. We also get stuck into football’s goodies and baddies, relegation nerves, away days in the Championship, childhood football trauma, and a completely necessary amount of shark chat.

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Dan's playlist: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5CsykjycxHhDfWAbSfxNXZ?si=d5btK_oJSGO1idRV0DqzDg&pi=k852UlC2SW2ps

We veered all over the place on this one. We got into the fuss around Mo Salah and whether anyone outside Liverpool really cares, talked through Rodri flirting with Real Madrid, had a laugh about Wales crashing out, and somehow ended up deep in sharks, herons, cockerels and funeral songs. Proper international break behaviour.

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We start with the most unexpected question possible: what song would we want played at our funeral? From there it spirals nicely into Tottenham’s latest collapse, Palace’s European push, the sack race, Dougie Freedman, bizarre betting stories, bird fights, sharks, giraffes and the general emotional instability that football seems to create in all of us. Basically, another very normal episode.

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This week we spiral through football tattoos, cursed fan behaviour and the strange clarity that comes with a proper relegation scrap. We chat Spurs showing signs of life, the fan-planned coach welcome before Sunday, Chelsea becoming meme FC under Rossini, and why getting knocked out of the Champions League somehow felt fine. There’s also Palace in Europe, dodgy away-end etiquette, Roy Keane in Saipan, and the usual drift into complete nonsense. Fear, dread, humility and a lot of very stupid chat.

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We’re back after missing Thursday and, for once, it doesn’t feel like total despair. A draw at Anfield has somehow shifted the mood, even if the table barely has. We get into Spurs finally showing some fight, whether Igor Tudor was right to push back in that awkward post-match interview, and why one scruffy Richarlison goal has changed the emotional weather completely. There’s also chat about Chelsea’s bizarre centre-spot huddle, dodgy penalty consistency, Carrick at United, fans turning on players, Championship arrogance, medical conditions, and why football always seems to drag us into the strangest conversations imaginable.

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We start with Palace beating Spurs and what that game revealed about just how bad things have got. From there it turns into a proper spiral through relegation fears, whether the Championship might actually reset Tottenham, VAR ruining the moment, the proposed offside law change, and the absolute chaos of Rangers v Celtic. There’s also a £3 pint, one of the worst pub moments ever told on a football podcast, and a bit on Paul Scholes randomly going after Michael Carrick. Classic us, basically.

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We get into Dr Tottenham vs Charity FC, whether anyone actually wants it (players, managers, us), and why football feels like it’s simultaneously life-or-death and deeply stupid. There’s Arsenal discourse, set-piece moaning, and a quick detour into Wolves’ “direction of travel” glow-up, plus why some clubs are happier bottom than others are chasing the Champions League.

Also: the Jacob Ramsey “dive” that wasn’t a dive, VAR being VAR, Dan’s militant Palace mate threatening to hang ticket-touts from the roof, and a community-owned pub shout. Finish strong with listener questions, overseas fans watching alone, and the noble art of getting through it all by talking nonsense into microphones.

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The world feels like it’s on fire, our timelines are chaos, and somehow we still have to talk about football like it’s normal. We get into Arsenal winning ugly and why set pieces and long throws are basically superpowered now, then spiral into VAR doing what VAR does, handball nonsense, the Lacroix red card, and the general death of consistency. We also chat Bundesliga trying to crack the UK via Goldbridge and The Overlap, why everyone’s obsessed with viral clips, and whether football can ever be a proper escape again. Plus: Malady Monday returns with visual snow syndrome, away day costs, and Flav learning the hard way that raving at 44 comes with interest.

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We’re bouncing from Palace’s biggest night of the season vibes to Spurs doomposting in about 30 seconds, which feels about right. Dan’s convinced this European run might not come around again, we talk Zrinjski Mostar and the weird terror of “we should batter them” football, then immediately spiral into absolute refereeing nonsense, handball rules, and the Lloyd Kelly red that made our heads fall off. There’s a chaotic little Prem quiz, a Donnarumma vs Raya debate, and then we finish with proper life chat about watching football in pubs, Boxpark nightmares, and why we’re all just tired, mate.

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Tottenham lose 4-1 to Arsenal again as Igor Tudor takes charge for his first game and the North London derby delivers another brutal reality check. We break down why Spurs were never really in it, how injuries and players out of position shaped the match, and what Tudor was trying to change in such a short turnaround. We also react to Tudor’s early comments about Spurs needing to “become serious,” talk survival maths, and look ahead to a tricky run including Fulham away. Plus: Palace’s European trip chaos, Glasner backlash, modern football’s “aura” obsession, and a listener-driven debate on whether VAR should be replaced by a challenge system or binned altogether.

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