Footprints On Our Hearts

This week, I chat to Hayley Bennett Stanley about her son, Ike, the rollercoaster of grief and why she chose to run a marathon in his memory.

Ike was born in August 2019 and I’m really grateful to Hayley for coming on the podcast to share his story and her experiences just eight months after his death.

In the interview, we talk about:

• Getting pregnant and relaxing into her pregnancy (6:55)

If you find the podcast useful, I’d really appreciate reviews on iTunes or other podcast apps and please help me spread the word by sharing the episode on your favourite social media channels.

If you’d like to get in touch with me, you can message me on Instagram (https://www.instagram.com/footprintsonourhearts/) or Twitter (https://twitter.com/skyesfootprints) or email [email protected].

Welcome to Episode 11 of Footprints on our Hearts. I’ve got a special episode for you today. I felt that I couldn’t just carry on putting out weekly interviews without really addressing the impact of the current coronavirus pandemic on those of us belong to the baby loss club.

So this is going to be a solo show, in that you’ll just have me talking, but it’s not just about me. I’ve asked others about their experiences and spent hours reading about how other bereaved parents are feeling right now and, most importantly, how they’re staying sane!

I’ve divided this episode into five segments:

• Grief, anxiety and covid-19

I’ve put pregnancy after loss at the end as I know some of you may want to skip this part. I’ll give you a warning before we move onto that segment so you can stop your podcast player if you don’t want to listen.

If you find this episode useful, please share it with others and I’d welcome any feedback. I’d also love to hear how your finding life and adjusting to our new normal. You can email [email protected] or get in touch on me on Instagram (https://www.instagram.com/footprintsonourhearts/) or Twitter (https://twitter.com/skyesfootprints).

The transcript of this podcast containing all the links I mention is online at https://footprintsonourhearts.com/episodes.

We’ve reached Episode 10! This week, I chat with Chris Binnie about his son Henry, a dad’s perspective on loss, grief and pregnancy after loss and how health care professionals can support Dads better.

Chris has so many words of wisdom particularly around things such as memory-making and society’s expectations of how men “should” grieve. While Chris is obviously talking from the perspective of a male parent, I’m sure some of what he says will also resonate with mums in a same-sex relationship who weren’t the parent carrying their baby.

If you have a friend who is a midwife or doctor who comes across bereaved parents, I’d love it if you could share this episode with them. It definitely opened my eyes and made me think about things differently.

In the interview we talk about:

• Chris’s experience of losing his first child, his son, Henry. (7:47)

You can find Chris on Instagram @pine_cones_and_study_days – he’d love to hear from other dads who’ve been affected by baby loss.

Find out more about Beyond Bea at https://www.beyondbea.co.uk/. The charity is also on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter. I’d also recommend listening to Episode 6 which is an interview with Beyond Bea’s founder, Steph Wild.

If you enjoy the podcast, I’d really appreciate it if you could leave a review on your podcast app. You can connect with me on Instagram (https://www.instagram.com/footprintsonourhearts/) and Twitter (https://twitter.com/skyesfootprints) or email [email protected].

This week, I talk to Lucie Burns about her daughters, Merry and Willow, and her son, Benedict, who died during labour in 2012.

As well as talking about Benedict’s story and his legacy, we also talk about how Lucie and her husband spoke about him with Merry, who was three when Benedict died. If you’re wondering how to support siblings after a loss, you may find this episode useful.

In the interview we talk about:

• The mental and physical challenges Lucie faced with her first pregnancy and the birth of her daughter, Merry. (4:06)

You can connect with Lucie on Instagram @polksaladlucie.

If you enjoy the podcast, I’d really appreciate it if you could leave a review on your podcast app. You can connect with me on Instagram (https://www.instagram.com/footprintsonourhearts/) and Twitter (https://twitter.com/skyesfootprints) or email [email protected].

In Episode 8 of Footprints on our Hearts, I talk to Sarah Playle about the challenges she faced in her four pregnancies, giving birth (twice) to very premature babies and the unique sense of loss that comes when one of your twins dies.

In every podcast we talk about legacy, but I think Sarah’s words at the end of this podcast, when she talks about the greatest gift that Rosie has given her, are some of the most poignant I’ve heard. They definitely had me tearing up!

In the interview we talk about:

• The challenges she faced in her first pregnancy, which ended in miscarriage, and her second pregnancy, when she gave birth to her son, Indy. (7:17)

In the episode, I mention Brené Brown’s short video on the difference between sympathy and empathy.

Sarah recommends the book Sam and Finn by Kate Polley for talking with a surviving twin about their brother or sister. You can also get personalised versions.

In the podcast introduction, I talk about Mother’s Day, coronavirus and why we need to support each other in these difficult times. In the words of Victor Hugo, “Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise”.

I also mention a selection of free books that I collated for my readers. You can check them out here.

If you enjoy the podcast, I’d really appreciate it if you could leave a review on your podcast app. You can connect with me on Instagram (https://www.instagram.com/footprintsonourhearts/) and Twitter (https://twitter.com/skyesfootprints) or email [email protected].

In this week’s episode of Footprints on our Hearts, I talk to Sophie Martin about infertility, being a midwife and her twin sons, Cecil and Wilfred, who died shortly after they were born.

I haven’t had to go through IVF so I’m incredibly grateful to Sophie for sharing her experiences of IVF so openly. If you haven’t experienced infertility yourself, I’d recommend listening to her story so you, like me, you can better understand what many women have to go through on their journey to bring home a baby.

In the interview we talk about:

• Infertility and what’s involved with IVF (9:36)

You can connect with Sophie on Instagram @the.infertile.midwife.

In the introduction, I mention Dancing in the Wings, a play about baby loss. Tickets are still available here for the final performance next Friday 20th March in Chester, Cheshire.

If you’re currently pregnant, you may want to look at the information issued by the Royal College of Obstetricians & Gynaecologists about COVID-19 (coronavirus).

And I give a shout out to the Finally Pregnant podcast hosted by Cat Strawbridge (@tryingyears) who talks to women about their experiences of pregnancy after infertility or loss.

Question of the week: when was the last time grief hit you out of the blue? For me, it always seems to hit when I go on holiday…

If you enjoy the podcast, I’d really appreciate it if you could leave a review on your podcast app. You can connect with me on Instagram (https://www.instagram.com/footprintsonourhearts/) and Twitter (https://twitter.com/skyesfootprints) or email [email protected].

In Episode 6 of Footprints on our Hearts, I talk to Steph Wild about her daughter, Bea, who had a rare brain condition. Steph and her partner had to make the terrible decision to go through a compassionate induction (also known as medical termination). We also talk about Steph’s experience of working as a midwife both before and after Bea died.

Even within the baby loss community, termination for medical reasons feels like a bit of a taboo subject, so I’m very grateful to Steph for discussing her experience so openly, in particular, how she fought to ensure that her daughter passed away as peacefully as possible.

Steph Wild is a midwife and the chair and founder of Beyond Bea, a charity she set up in memory of her daughter to provide free training to help healthcare professionals better support bereaved parents.

In the interview we talk about:

• Why Steph decided to become a midwife and her experience of baby loss leading up to her pregnancy (3:55)

You can find out more about Beyond Bea, including the services they provide and how you can donate or volunteer at https://www.beyondbea.co.uk/. The charity is also on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter.

If you enjoy the podcast, I’d really appreciate it if you could leave a review on your podcast app. You can connect with me on Instagram (https://www.instagram.com/footprintsonourhearts/) and Twitter (https://twitter.com/skyesfootprints) or email [email protected].

In Episode 5 of Footprints on our Hearts, I talk to Emma Jefferys about her daughter, Amelia, finding hope in grief and volunteering with Sands.

Emma is a life and business coach who also volunteers with Sands to provide bereavement support for parents who’ve lost a child. Her daughter, Amelia, was stillborn in 2012 and she has a living child, Ophelia, who is six.

In the interview we talk about:

• Emma’s experience with miscarriage and stillbirth (6:38)

You can find out more about Emma’s coaching business at Action Woman (https://www.actionwoman.co.uk/) and connect with her on Instagram @action__woman.

In the interview, I talk about Brené Brown’s book Rising Strong and her popular TED talks on shame and vulnerability.

If you enjoy the podcast, I’d really appreciate it if you could leave a review on your podcast app. You can connect with me on Instagram (https://www.instagram.com/footprintsonourhearts/) and Twitter (https://twitter.com/skyesfootprints) or email [email protected].

For a transcript of the podcast, please visit our website https://footprintsonourhearts.com/.

This week’s interview is with Ruth Hopkins who describes herself as an eternal optimist, despite having been through a complex baby loss journey including a traumatic ectopic pregnancy, miscarriage and the stillbirth of her son, Dexter Bear.

This episode may be particularly helpful if you’re wondering how you can parent a child who isn’t there for others to see, or if you’re wanting to support someone whose child is about to be stillborn. As a word of warning, there’s also a bit of dark humour!

In the interview, we talk about:

• Ruth’s first pregnancy, which was ectopic and led to her experiencing a traumatic rupture of her fallopian tube. (7:34)

You can connect with Ruth on Instagram @ruth_and_her_bear and read her blog.

In the introduction, I mention the Northumberland Endurancelife event my husband and I are running this weekend to raise money for Tommy’s in Skye’s memory. You can support us here.

If you have any suggestions for guests for the podcast or you’d like to come on to talk about your experience of baby loss and legacy, I’d love to hear from you. As well as talking to parents, I’d love to talk to grandparents, other relatives or friends who’ve been affected by the loss of a child about their experiences. You can email email [email protected] or get in touch on me on Instagram (https://www.instagram.com/footprintsonourhearts/) or Twitter (https://twitter.com/skyesfootprints).

For a transcript of the podcast, please visit our website https://footprintsonourhearts.com/.

If you’re struggling to get pregnant or you’ve lost a child, you dream of the day you’ll bring a living baby home. Whatever we go through, we cling to that hope. But what happens when there is no more hope? When you reach the end of the road without a living child in your arms?

Philippa’s story is one of the most heartbreaking I’ve come across. But it’s a tale that needs to be told, because not every story has a happy ending.

Introduction

Philippa Davies is the author of Dancing in the Wings, a play based on Philippa’s experience of infertility and baby loss. Dancing in the Wings is showing across theatres in North Wales and Cheshire during February and March 2020.

In the interview, we talk about:

• Undiagnosed polycystic ovary syndrome and struggles with getting NHS support for fertility treatment. (7:25)

We talk about grief and I mention the sculpture, Melancoli, which can be found in Geneva, Switzerland.

You can connect with Philippa on Twitter @PhilippaWriter.

Dancing in the Wings is being performed at the following theatres:

Theatr Clwyd, Mold

27th-29th February 2020. Tickets: www.theatreclwyd.com or 01352 701521

Tŷ Pawb, Wrexham

6th-7th March 2020. Tickets: www.typawb.wales/or 01978 292144

Galeri Caernarfon

13th March 2020. Tickets: www.galericaernarfon.com or 01286 685222

The Forum Studio Theatre, Chester

20th-21st March 2020. Tickets: www.chestertheatre.co.uk or 01244 341296