For A Pessimist I’m Pretty Optimistic

episode thirteen is all about the aroace spectrum as i delve into the aspects within it and how i resonate with them.

Episode twelve of season three has finally arrived. What a whimsical blur as time has taken its flight quite quickly. About halfway into the season, already, oh wow. Here we are! In this episode, I discuss sobriety and relapse and their impact on my life, my passions and ambitions as a writer, wards, and an update on deity work when it comes to walking away from Catholicism and proudly wearing my heart on my sleeve when it comes to devotion and working with infernal and angelic realms.

In episode 11 of season 3, I talk about coping with psychosis delusions and how they can be quite distressing, sometimes I may not even be aware of them occurring at all. Also, I touch upon how psychosis PTSD can really feel a lot like emotionally spiraling. I also talk about breaking repetitive cycles when it comes to this mental disability; truth be told it's not easy at all! For me, it was a lot of sitting with my shadow and breaking my fear of doing so, and understanding the barriers my psychosis creates are breakable. With just a smidge of courage and a will to carry on, anything is possible.

This is something I've been working to do for sometime! After sometime in the broom's closet, and revisiting the memory, from time to time, I was completely not sure how I could be able to do so. Learning about how I can has been a goal of mine since I had done an oracle card reading on myself that indicated I should be able to find a balance between both my spiritual and physical life.

I first got The Complete Cthulhu Mythos Tales when I was twenty years old, and I decided to pick it up in my bookshelf about three years later. Here is my honest review of At The Mountains Of Madness by H.P. Lovecraft! I also share my thoughts about the passing of this cosmic horror author, and how he came into personal growth when it came to facing his past racist views and coming into a positive transformation by squashing these racial biases as a work in progress in his later years as a writer, and thus coming into absolution when he had resurrected into spirit in the spirit realm.

So, I had a brief manic phase and depressively crashed after what felt like a mixed episode, and I'm at a point of refusing to believe that the spur of my writing career is based off the manic impulse to create something. I'm coming to understand how I feel in this podcast episode, when it comes to the aftermath of yet another bipolar psychosis episode, and to be honest, I feel quite broken and melancholy. I am hoping to reach a point of acceptance and continuing where I left off, as frustrating and devastating this mental disorder is.

Dreamwalking is basically when someone is conscious and awake, yet is in a state between awake and asleep in which dreams can stream through somewhere in the spiritual matrix, and projected by the mind in vibrance and varying intensities. I was able to notice I could dream walk at around nineteen/twenty. Dreamwalking can sometimes be receiving dreams in a non-linear manner, so I hope folks know I am doing my best to explain it from the physical world!

I wrote something sentimental, something of a goodbye letter and a hello in spirit. If you're a directioner I hope this finds you, wherever you may be in the grieving process. This is for One Direction, their family, their friends, and the directioners who knew the heart and soul of Liam Payne so beautifully.

I'm definitely in dysphoric mania, and I open up about what it's like when it comes to the ins and outs of being in a mixed bipolar state, it's a lot of what I'd like to call brain splat which is this garble of blackout when the psychosis (psychotic features/symptoms) aspect to bipolar disorder intensifies. It's quite the mental health battle, and it's quite literally the most challenging thing about bipolar disorder yet I think. I also talk some more about my books that are soon to be published, which is Crescent and She's Just Not Into Him, and share some details about these worlds.

In this episode, as October is Domestic Abuse Awareness Month, I uncover my writing journey as a 21-year-old poet navigating heartbreak and life as I reclaim my narrative as a survivor of domestic abuse through my teen years, trickling into my twenty-somethings, starting with opening up as a victim of domestic abuse particularly. This is poetic justice for the young girl in me who deserved to walk away and was silenced, and this is poetry to free my heart and mind relentlessly, recklessly, and beautifully. If I can't burn it, then why write it? I can't be a dancing storm without my thunder and my lightning.