Kaya Oakes is a Catholic writer, feminist, teacher, and author of Radical Reinvention, The Defiant Middle, and most recently, Not So Sorry. Kaya’s work wrestles with some of the deepest tensions in faith: grief and joy, resistance and belonging, accountability and forgiveness. In this conversation, we explore her journey from Catholic schoolgirl to Bay Area punk activist and back to church on her own terms, her critique of how institutions weaponize forgiveness against survivors, and her vision for a more honest, embodied, and inclusive Catholicism.

We also discuss the impact of purity culture, queer joy, respectability politics in church spaces, and why she calls herself an “accomplice” to the queer community. Kaya challenges both secular and religious narratives that demand reconciliation without accountability — and reminds us that Catholicism can and must evolve.

Content note: This episode includes discussion of sexual abuse, conversion therapy, purity culture, family estrangement, cancer, and loss. Please take care while listening.