Formed by Jesus Podcast

Your Clock Stuck at 8:40? Making Peace with the Past Through the Cross and Resurrection (Ephesians 5)

Using Miss Havisham from Charles Dickens’ Great Expectations as a picture of being stuck in the past, the message asks how to make peace with what cannot be changed. Drawing from Ephesians 5, it explains that people get stuck either through guilt over what they’ve done or grief over what they’ve lost. Paul reminds believers that they “were once darkness” but are now “light in the Lord,” so identity precedes behavior, and sins must be exposed to Christ’s light, which brings healing rather than shame. The sermon contrasts chronos (time passing) with kairos (God-given moments to steward), urging wisdom to grieve without wasting what remains and warning against numbing pain. It concludes that the cross pardons guilt and the resurrection promises restoration, then assigns practices: “confess and bless” in groups and memorizing Ephesians 5:15–16.

00:00 Miss Havisham at 840

01:45 Clocks Stuck in Us

03:12 Guilt and Condemnation

04:54 Darkness to Light

10:53 Expose Sin to Light

12:04 Christ Shines Not Shames

15:35 Grief and Regret

17:08 Wisdom and Kairos

21:06 Unmet Dreams and Loss

29:39 Cross and Resurrection Hope

32:09 Practices Confess and Bless

34:42 Memorize and Sendoff

Peacemaking, Church Hurt, and Healing Without Reconciliation | Pastor Trey & Jordan

Pastor Trey welcomes his wife Jordan to the Formed by Jesus podcast in their new studio to reflect on the Formed by Peacemaking practice and discuss making peace with church hurt. Jordan shares takeaways about understanding both the people involved and the process, examining her own heart, and approaching conflict with humility. They talk candidly about how young, inexperienced leadership can unintentionally hurt others, including early mistakes in staff management, unclear expectations, oversharing, and giving false hope, and how Trey has grown toward more intentional leadership. Jordan describes the hidden burdens of being a pastor’s wife, including carrying behind-the-scenes pain, resisting defensiveness, and enduring slander without setting the record straight. They explore Whitney’s points that healing can happen without reconciliation, forgiveness as release, the danger of bitterness, and the temptation to lock away one’s heart, while emphasizing that peacemaking is hard but rewarding.

00:00 Welcome and Studio Update

00:52 Peacemaking Takeaways

02:56 Church Hurt Topic Setup

04:13 Early Leadership Mistakes

06:46 Leading Staff Better

11:12 Oversharing and Boundaries

13:49 Pastor Family Hidden Load

17:04 Slander and Wolves

20:13 Truth And Boundaries

21:00 Healing Without Reconciliation

22:02 Bitterness And Malice Spiral

23:13 We Will Not Die

25:15 When Peace Isnt

26:29 Calling Survives Failure

27:53 Release And Forgive

30:30 Church Hurt And Transaction

32:16 Locked Heart Season

35:52 People Who Stay

38:40 Peacemaking Is Hard

40:45 Final Blessing And Comment

There comes a point where peacemaking is no longer just a principle we proclaim but a process we must practice. So what is the process?

In Luke 17, Jesus gives it in a single sentence. If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him, even seven times in a day.

https://formedbyjesus.com/peacemaking/process/

A process you practice, again and again

There comes a point where peacemaking is no longer just a principle we proclaim but a process we must practice. So what is the process?

In Luke 17, Jesus gives it in a single sentence. If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him, even seven times in a day.

https://formedbyjesus.com/peacemaking/people-of-peacemaking/

PROVERBS 1

Four kinds of people.

Wisdom begins with knowing who is actually in the room.

01

The simple

is the untrained.

Open, inexperienced, easily influenced: not evil, just unformed. The simple absorb the values of whoever surrounds them. When someone sins against you, it's worth asking: did they actually know better? Sometimes they truly didn't. That doesn't make the sin okay, but it changes how you respond.

REQUIRES TRAINING

Patience, and someone to show them the way of Jesus.

02

The young

is the unproven.

This isn't only about age; it's about experience. The unproven know the right answers but haven't faced the pressure that tests them. They know suffering requires faith, but they've never walked through devastating loss. Knowledge can be gained in a moment. Wisdom is proven over years of pressure.

REQUIRES OPPORTUNITY

Room to try, fail, and grow.

03

The fool

is the unteachable.

Proverbs doesn't treat foolishness as harmless immaturity but as a heart that resists God's wisdom. A fool doesn't just reject correction; they reject you for giving it. They'll blame-shift and change the narrative, keeping you focused on the details of the conflict so you never address the condition of their heart.

REQUIRES BOUNDARIES

There is a place for drawing the line.

04

The wise

is the unoffendable.

The wise are never the perfect ones; they're the teachable ones. They learn to love correction. They'd rather be righteous than be right. And being unoffendable isn't about never feeling offended. It's about refusing to let offense make your decisions.

REQUIRES HONOR

Don't spend all your time trying to fix fools while ignoring the wise voices God has already placed in your life.

Four kinds of people.

Wisdom begins with knowing who is actually in the room.