Foundation Father

Fatherhood always looks to the future. You have a goal in mind for your children, and as they grow and mature and differentiate themselves, your role changes with them. Once they leave the house, you can no longer ground them. You can’t control their movie choices.

You must train them to live on their own. But you still have an important role.

Scott Beyer has eight children, ranging in age from one to twenty-one. His oldest daughter is now married. He has children at almost every stage of life, and he has a lot of them. We focus a lot of time on the teenage years because that’s what people seem to have the most anxiety about.

We cover:

* The different stages of individuation. When they are born, they don’t think they are a different person from their mother. Of course, that changes.

* Cultivating gratitude.

* How a parent’s power shifts to influence, but only if you lay the proper foundation. Will they even want to listen to you when they are older?

* The most important attributes to instill in your children before they are teenagers.

* Being at peace when your children make different decisions than you would have. If you want them to be better people than you, you hope they make some better decisions anyway.

You can find Scott on his Love Better podcast, which releases once per week. He also runs the website BibleGrad, a free website to learn the basics about the Bible.

Foundation Father is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

This is a recorded X (formerly Twitter) Space with Harrison from Save Your Sons. Harrison has started to create wholesome entertainment for his own children, and we talked about his motivations and process.

We also talked about the new streaming service preparing to launch called Sherwood Entertainment. Right now, you can get lifetime access for a one-time price of $299. However, you can get $100 off by using the code “Franklin” during checkout. (I personally know the people involved and have an affiliate relationship with them.)

Lifetime access to wholesome content, which will include classic cartoons like Mighty Mouse and Superman, along with a huge library of audiobooks.

Some of the highlights from the episode:

* We discount the role media plays in our reality. This is especially true for kids when their brains and personalities are malleable. What they watch, what they listen to, what they read will shape them for the rest of their lives. Media can give you a warped sense of what is healthy and what is good. Fathers are the first line of defense.

* Media has always been bad in some way, but it’s gotten worse. Over-stimulation, quick cuts, no time to breath. A lot of times, it seems like its a drug meant to induce ADD. And that’s before we even get to the content. Hidden messaging. Propaganda. Nowadays, it’s not even subtext. They want to beat us over the head with their vision of the world.

* The good things that media and entertainment can provide. The power of imagination. You have to be able to imagine a future and reverse engineer that future to start building it. Stories play an important role in this. You can’t just eliminate the bad. You have to provide something that is good.

* When you start creating stories, focus on creating them for one person. C.S. Lewis did this with Chronicles of Narnia. He started writing the first one for his goddaughter. Create what your children will like and what you want them to consume. You’ll naturally fill a need for others as well. It will also come across as more personal and emotionally resonant.

* It’s impossible to insulate kids from all entertainment. They will be exposed to something by friends or by grandparents or by a TV at a restaurant. Better to teach them discernment and train their filter. You can’t avoid the water. They have to be able to swim. Actively consume things with your kids and talk with them about it, especially at the end, but also in the middle. Pause it and ask questions.

* Imitation is becoming. Kids need pictures of heroes to which they can aspire. They are begging for examples. They will latch on to good examples or bad examples. There is no neutrality. Parents are the main influence and example, but there has to be some standard outside of themselves that everyone is striving for.

You can find Save Your Sons on X (formerly Twitter) and Instagram.

His podcast for children, Froggy the Gator, can be found wherever you normally listen to podcasts. The most popular episodes are:

* Froggy the Gator and the Lego Firetruck Rocket Ship Rescue

* Froggy the Gator and the Superhero Surf Contest

* Froggy the Gator and the Superhero Showdown

Foundation Father is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

This is a recorded Twitter Space with Jim Clair. Jim blogs at jimclair.com/ and has one of those rare newsletters that I look forward to and read all the way to the end. In this episode, we talk about:

* Why do you want to improve your reading taste? Just like you don’t want to have a diet that consists mostly of candy, you want a better diet for your mind. Nothing wrong with candy, and we don’t want to look down on it, but if you want to improve your thinking, you must improve your reading habits. You are also forming the ceiling for your children’s reading habits. Books are almost magic. You can read the thoughts of someone 1000 years ago and dive into the

* What is a good book that requires a better palette? Something that has shaped how generations have thought, that has had an impact, that has stood the test of time. We speak against the relativism of the modern day. Just because you don’t like something doesn’t mean it’s bad. Don’t let your terrible taste deprive you of something wonderful. There is some objectivity that we must submit to. Some books may be a slog, but that doesn’t mean it’s bad. It just means you have to develop your own cognitive endurance.

* You don’t have to be intimidated by better books. A lot of the better books are accessible and readable. They didn’t have such a wide-ranging effect because they were obscure. Many were accessible to the common man. Some of Plato’s dialogues, for example, are easy to read and follow (though thinking through them is another matter). A good translation of The Odyssey is a page-turner.

* How do you improve your taste? Like training a muscle, you want to ease into it. Don’t try squatting 500 lbs when you’ve never been inside a gym. It’s ok to do a few bodyweight squats. “Read what you love until you love to read.” We talk about some of the books that gradually led us to better tastes. Both of us read Calvin and Hobbes. One of our best pieces of advice when reading fiction: enjoy it. That should go without saying, but many people read only to glean lessons and treat the story as a husk to be discarded. C.S. Lewis recommends you read one old book for every two new books you read. Which old books do you read? Swim upstream. Who do you already like reading? What are their influences? What are you personally curious about? Don’t drink from the firehose too soon. Be patient. And be prepared to spend some money.

Recommended reading from the podcast:

* An Experiment in Criticism by C.S. Lewis

* Reading Like a Writer by Francine Prose

* Cannery Row by John Steinbeck

* Basic Economics by Thomas Sowell

* Meditations by Marcus Aurelius

* Huckleberry Finn by Mark Twain

* Tom Sawyer by Mark Twain

* Old Man and the Sea by Ernest Hemingway

* Washington by Ron Chernow

* Some plays of Euripides

* Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen

* Classical English Style by Ward Farnsworth

* The Landmark Herodotus

* The Landmark Thucydides

* Rubicon by Tom Holland

* Persian Fire by Tom Holland

* Coolidge by Amity Schlaes

Foundation Father is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

If you are serious about finding a wife, you need to get serious about vetting the women you date. Don’t string women along with indecision. It wastes your time, and it wastes her time.

This information is worth thousands of dollars and can save you from years of heartache. Men used to get this information from their fathers and grandfathers. No more. And so our broken culture gets worse and worse.

Vetting is not just about choosing the best woman; it is about knowing what you are getting yourself into. Are you ok with the tradeoffs? Because once you marry a woman, you have made your choice, and you are responsible.

In this episode, Noah covers what you need to look for.

* Is the woman attractive? This means attractive to you. This may seem shallow at first, but it’s a deep need and is the first item for a reason. But this also means you need to work on your taste for beauty. Most men know within 10 seconds.

* Do you get along with her? If, after you the first few dates, you haven’t had any fun, there’s your answer. Stop wasting time. Beyond that, create situations that simulate real life. You can dig deeper by doing tasks together. If you get along with her while painting a house, and she doesn’t complain, that’s a huge signal. Related questions: does she follow your lead, and does she try to manipulate you?

* Does she have the domestic skills necessary to be a wife? Most women today don’t have these skills, but is she willing to learn? Does she have a teachable spirit? Buy her a cookbook and see if she’ll cook something for her family.

* Is she a conscientious woman? This is the desire to be excellent in everything you do. You can tell this by the state of her home, but if she lives with her parents, it’s harder to find this out. The Proverbs 31 woman is a high conscientious woman.

* What is her attitude towards marriage and adultery? Many will come from divorced homes, so ask her, “Why do you think your parents got divorced?” You can’t assume their attitude toward this just because they go to church.

* What is her family like? Are they going to make her a better woman? Do you want to deal with a terrible mother-in-law? The woman might be fantastic enough to do this.

* Will she make a good mother? How soft and feminine is she, because the softer she is, the better mother she will be. Is she interested in holding babies? Does she want children? If a woman says she doesn’t want children, what that really means is that she doesn’t want children with you. This question is last because to get to the truth, you must already have a trusting relationship with her.

How young should you get married? The better your family is supporting you, the earlier you should get married.

We also answer the time you need from the first date to popping the question. It’s probably shorter than you think.

You can find Noah at noahrevoy.com. Buy his book Become Immune to Manipulation.

Foundation Father is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

I talked with Jake Mentzel about what young men should look for in a local church. Because you should be part of a local church. Jake is a pastor at Church of the King in Evansville, IN, a father of 7, and helps run Warhorn Media.

We had some technical difficulties, so there was some awkwardness, but it was still a good discussion. We go over some of Jake’s history and how that ties into the topic. Are there strong families in the church? Does the preacher/pastor refuse to be embarrassed over the word of God?

Leave any questions you have below.

This was recorded from a Twitter Space.

Your children approach you over and over to show you something. They are proud. They are excited. They want to share these emotions with you.

So get excited for them.

We have to help our kids face their fears while they are in the controlled environment of our home. We do them no favors if we let them wallow in timidity.

Evil rises and good is defeated. Epics are written in a moment, acted out with vitality, and then forgotten every single day.

You can’t let your kids live in a bubble. Eventually, it will be popped by something beyond your control and they will have to deal with the outside world. If your children need to walk around with a fainting couch, just in case they hear someone use a bad word, you have failed as a parent.

Better to introduce the outside world to them on your own terms. This takes discipline, wisdom, and patience. Not easy, but doable, as long as you don’t mind doing it imperfectly.

Being a man means doing the right thing even when you don’t feel like it. Even when you know you will suffer. 

And not complaining about it.