Freaky Franchise

We're ending our coverage of the Amityville Horror franchise where it really began: with the murder of the DeFeo family at 112 Ocean Avenue. We'll discuss the ethically murky waters that this film resides in, and try to parse out what is true from what was clearly created for a compelling film. We'll also talk about Long Island accents, applying to only one college, fake nightmares, and vibing with Nona.

What is this? A movie with a theatrical release? After the last few Amityville films we watched, we weren't sure that something like this would ever happen again. But here we are, with recognizable actors and a significantly bigger production budget than we have seen in some time. Once again, a family has moved into the Amityville House, only this time, the original book and movie are well-known cultural icons to everyone except for the family. At first it seems like it's all hype, but when the family's son suddenly awakes from a... coma? Persistent vegetative state? It's unclear. All we know is that he probably isn't alone in there. We'll talk about some big issues, like ableism and sexism. We'll also talk about cool middle school styles, pottery barn, tunics, and whether or not you pull a literal plug.

This film takes a whole new approach to the Amityville haunting, through the lens of a twelve-year-old boy making a documentary about the haunted house that he and his family just moved into. The literal lens, since this is a found footage movie. We'll join Tyler and his family as his father quickly descends into madness, the ghost of Ronald DeFeo causes all sorts of problems, and a family under-reacts to multiple people dying in their home under mysterious circumstances. We'll also talk about spying on each other, bad parenting, and John Matthews.

This week, we're finally back in the Ocean Avenue house... in miniature. The miniature house is inside a real house that is definitely not the Ocean Avenue House. We can't tell you exactly how this dollhouse got there, or how it's doing the things that it's doing, or why there are wasps involved, since all of the previous movies have featured flies. What we can tell you that this house is just as haunted and evil as the full-sized version. We'll also talk about fire safety training, detention, and suspicious gerbil death.

Happy New Year! With 2020 coming to an end, we thought that this might be a good time to continue our vacation from the Amityville franchise and make some predictions for the coming year. We tried a variety of different divination methods to see what the next year has in store for all of us. Here's looking forward to 2021!

Happy holidays! We're continuing our annual tradition of discussing why a beloved Christmas special is actually a horror movie. This year we're talking about Santa Claus is Comin' to Town. This film is typically thought of as the origin story of our beloved Kris Kringle, but it also examines what it means to be a monster. Sometimes, the monsters aren't the big scary wizards with evil powers. Sometimes, the monsters are people just like us. They might even be the people that we would call our heros.

We are now officially on our third haunted object movie of the Amityville Horror franchise. But don't worry, this time it's TOTALLY different (and actually slightly more connected to the original plot than the others have been). This time around, we've got a mysterious demon-filled mirror that comes to haunt a group of unsuspecting artists, weird detectives who may or may not be part of a profiling unit, and some serious daddy issues. We'll also talk about Candance Cameron Bure, the best Justin Timberlake songs, how to style overalls, and "phertographers" (furtographers?).

The title says it all: this is a movie about time. Once again, we are whisked away from Amityville and taken to California, this time in the form of a clock that apparently belonged to a cannibalistic headmaster before it made its way to Ocean Avenue, where it was picked up by an architect designing a planned community. And this isn't just any clock: it's an EVIL clock, that makes men angry and violent and makes girls dress sexy. We'll try and wrap our heads around how this works, and what the relationship is between the two main adults in the film, which are equally difficult narratives to unravel. We'll also talk about tapestries, a citizen's grounding, ectoplasm colors, and full on ROFLing.

Join us around the (metaphorical) campfire as we tell our own versions of some of our favorite scary stories, with Special Guest, our Mom! Tales include The Pink Sweater, The High Beams, The Clown Statue, Aren't You Glad You Didn't Turn on the Light?, and The Black Velvet Band. Happy Halloween!

After making a detour to California, this movie brings us back to Amityville—but not to the Amityville house that we're all familiar with, to a different house in Amityville, because apparently they're all haunted. The fifth movie in the Amityville Horror franchise features a group of friends who intend to flip a house, only for one of them to maybe probably become possessed by the ghost of a man who maybe probably didn't die in this house. We'll also talk about the werewolves of Jane Eyre, ANTM: Boys in the House, an unknown Alice, and Theo's super cool discman.