In another sign of the deepening economic recession Jimmy John's, the beloved sub sandwich shop that used to offer "Free Smells," will start charging $1 for them effective immediately.

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With fuel prices in the U.S. now averaging four dollars per gallon, no one has been harder hit than NASA astronauts. To lessen that impact, NASA has announced that it will now allow its non-essential astronauts to telecommute.

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According to a new study by the Center for Popular Hypocrisy, 70 percent of American Dental Association workers have "f***ed-up teeth."

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The hostile takeover was a surprise to Folgers executives, who only found out about the sale after an English gentleman told them that he had secretly replaced the fine Procter & Gamble stock they usually hold with J.M. Smucker's stock.

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Big Bird, the well-known actor and bird, was arrested for driving under the influence this morning at the corner of Sesame Street and Steampipe Alley, just blocks from The Electric Company.

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The federal government has begun mass-mailing preapproved offers for its new Federal Reserve Rewards MasterCard.

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The 33 drivers participating in last Sunday's Indianapolis 500 were distracted by sky-high gas prices, which rose three times during the race, causing several crashes.

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Dollar Stores, International asked Congress today for 1/700,000,000,000th of the federal bailout funds.

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The U.S. Department of Homeland Security begins formal deportation proceedings against the 1970s rock band Foreigner.

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The U.S. Department of Homeland Security begins formal deportation proceedings against the 1970s rock band Foreigner.

For these stories and more, go to www.freeasspress.com.