Foosball was just a trick pulled on us by its inventor. It's actually an anagram for "ONLY FOOLS DO BATTLE". It was staring us in the face this whole time, but we were too blind to see it. To know what exactly this trick was all about, listen to today's episode.

The late 19th and early 20th centuries were a time when college football worked very differently. A time when the teams might not even be lining up to play a game of football, as it turns out. It might be a different sport entirely. It was a time when football might not have been football.

The Cannonball Run is not just a movie. Well, I guess maybe you didn't even know that it was a movie. So FYI, The Cannonball Run is a movie. Okay, now, The Cannonball Run is not just a movie. It was an actual thing that actual people actually did, complete with actual crimes. Also, people can now drive as fast as they want. QED.

This episode presupposes the existence of a universe in which a student, somewhere, may not have read a book in its entirety before handing in a report on it. I know that's impossible and just plain silly, but just try to suspend your disbelief, if only for today.

Whom among us could say they've never thought that some little rat kid was excruciatingly annoying? Well, the people who manufactured toys decades ago not only seemed to feel that way about every single kid alive, but they actively took matters into their own hands. They say it's good to be proactive, right?

This week, we're finally going to address the elephant in the room: Anime. Specifically, the classic 90s series titled, "Help! My Room Became an Elephant and Now Must Do Battle!!!!" I know it doesn't sound like it, but it's mostly about the elephant's wildly disproportional breasts.

Good news and bad news: The good news is that we have discovered all the secret techniques that the saboteurs are using to grind our operations to a halt. The bad news is that it's everything your boss does, every single day, and there's no possible way to stop them. This information actually seems useless to you, now that I think about it. Well, forget I said anything.

If you're reading this, you fucked up. No reasonable series of life choices could have possibly led you to listen to this podcast, let alone to be reading one of the episode descriptions. Lucky for you, though, this episode offers you a second chance at life. With the power of hindsight, you'll be able to get in on the ground floor of that pyramid scheme. Your only problem was that you didn't buy in early enough, right?

Chronovoyaging, also known in some circles as "time travel" is not all it's cracked up to be. It's mostly because of the smell. There are other reasons, but honestly, the smell is enough.

With the Nazis occupying your hometown, you probably feel powerless in the face of their brutal repression. However, you might be surprised to learn just how much can be accomplished with what you have lying around the house. Seriously, you're going to be extremely surprised.