Fresh Perspective

Fresh Perspective

By Francois EsterhuizenEducationSelf-ImprovementCourses
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Fresh Perspective episodes

  • #83 The Four Voices in Your Head. Only One of Them Helps.
    Why are we so hard on ourselves, and why doesn't it help? And when you stop being hard on yourself, why doesn't that help either? When something isn't working in your life, when you're not making progress on the thing that matters, you ask yourself why. And I think one of four voices talks. Three of them will keep you exactly where you are, and might even make it worse. I would like you to be able to tell them apart.
    The judge aims internally and it shames you. You're useless. You're lazy. The judge puts labels on you, and labels are heavy to carry with you. The cheerleader aims externally and it blames. It's because of this person, it's because of these circumstances. Even when the blame is valid, it doesn't help. Blaming is not taking responsibility. The comforter is very caring, but it excuses you. It's okay, you did enough, try again tomorrow. Sometimes it shows up through gratitude, which is also a very good hiding place.
    If you're hard on yourself and you've been told to be kinder to yourself, what usually happens is that you swap the judge for one of the other two. It feels better, but nothing changes.
    The fourth voice is the coach. When the judge asks why can't you, the coach asks how can you. Try it like this next time. Tomorrow do this. Do, notice, adjust. For nearly all of us, this is the voice that we need to develop.
    In this episode I also give you a way to check which voice is talking, and something to try over the next few days. The next time you catch yourself asking why am I not further along, stop and listen to who answers. Then ask the coach's two questions. What is the actual reason, and how can I address it?
    Watch this episode on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zuumaYtEeEY
    The RUT Diagnostic takes three minutes and tells you which groove you are stuck in right now, routine, uncertainty or trance: https://clarityquest.francoisesterhuizen.com/rut/
    Join me live, Wednesday mornings at 8 a.m. SAST, the personal growth class: https://events.francoisesterhuizen.com/
    Join me live, Thursdays at 8:30 a.m. SAST, the Clarity Quest: https://clarityquest.francoisesterhuizen.com/
    Work with me: https://www.francoisesterhuizen.com/work-with-me
    Fresh Perspective, my weekly newsletter: https://francoisesterhuizen.us5.list-manage.com/subscribe?u=097ed8fb3c6e3c943817d0d80&id=7a7438d8f4
    My website: https://www.francoisesterhuizen.com
    8 min
  • #82 Three Burnout Warning Signs, and What You Are Really Afraid Of
    In this episode I explore burnout, and I start with two questions. What specific burnout warning signs should we pay attention to? Which red flags should we watch out for? Because you might still be functioning, you're getting things done, and the problems are already present beneath the surface.
    Here are three of the signs I see working with people. Your exhaustion doesn't change after rest: you sleep eight hours and wake up tired, you take the weekend off and Monday feels the same as Friday. It takes a week to start your holiday: physically you're on the beach, mentally you're still in the office. And you dread getting in trouble: a low, constant feeling that you've missed something, so every message and notification feels extremely urgent.
    Then I go back a step. Do you judge yourself for being tired? Nothing's wrong with you. What actually needs attention is your boundaries. So the question changes from how do I manage my workload to what am I so afraid of. You're not replying to emails to be useful. You are replying to stop yourself from being found out.
    Three things you can do, very practical. Turn off all your notifications. Structure your checking: pick your times, let's say nine, one o'clock, five o'clock. And notice what happens in the gap. Don't fix it. Don't act on it. Just notice it. I also answer the objection I get almost every time I share this: but you don't understand my boss.
    Just for this coming week, try it. Instead of turning yourself into toast by burning out, rather treat your inbox like toast.
    Watch this episode on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g_KtI1Ymz-U
    The RUT Diagnostic takes three minutes and tells you which groove you are stuck in right now, routine, uncertainty or trance: https://clarityquest.francoisesterhuizen.com/rut/
    Join me live, Wednesday mornings at 8 a.m. SAST, the personal growth class: https://events.francoisesterhuizen.com/
    Join me live, Thursdays at 8:30 a.m. SAST, the Clarity Quest: https://clarityquest.francoisesterhuizen.com/
    Work with me: https://www.francoisesterhuizen.com/work-with-me
    Fresh Perspective, my weekly newsletter: https://francoisesterhuizen.us5.list-manage.com/subscribe?u=097ed8fb3c6e3c943817d0d80&id=7a7438d8f4
    My website: https://www.francoisesterhuizen.com
    15 min
  • #81 Six Reasons You Lose Momentum. Which One Is Yours?
    I'm going to give you six reasons we lose momentum. Three of them come from the research, and three of them come from what I see in the work I do with people. Pick the one that's most relevant to you, and use it to get your momentum back.
    Momentum doesn't work like a ramp, starting small and building. It works more like a smile. High at the start, low in the middle, high again at the end. The middle is the dip. It's the boring part, where you do the same thing over and over long after it stopped being exciting. That's where momentum goes. And instead of crossing the dip, we go back to the start, where the energy is high and free.
    The three from the research: we misunderstand how momentum works, progress gets so small that it turns invisible, and we want the reward now, while the reward for anything big sits a long way off.
    The three from my own experience: addiction to novelty, which is a new course, a new podcast, a new idea, anything that feels like progress without crossing the dip. Craving easy problems, the ones you've already solved a hundred times, instead of the one you don't know how to solve yet. And avoiding the mirror, because proper reflection shows you things you would rather not find.
    In this episode I use one example the whole way through, changing careers. If yours is getting fit, or writing a book, or starting a business, swap it in. It works exactly the same.
    If I had to point you at one of the six, it's the last one. Look at what you find in the mirror. That's how you get your momentum back.
    Watch this episode on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lyqXDJz3xNk
    The RUT Diagnostic takes three minutes and tells you which groove you are stuck in right now, routine, uncertainty or trance: https://clarityquest.francoisesterhuizen.com/rut/
    Work with me: https://www.francoisesterhuizen.com/work-with-me
    Fresh Perspective, my weekly newsletter: https://francoisesterhuizen.us5.list-manage.com/subscribe?u=097ed8fb3c6e3c943817d0d80&id=7a7438d8f4
    My website: https://www.francoisesterhuizen.com
    14 min
  • #80 How To Deal With Life’s Biggest Regrets
    There's a lot about my thirties that I regret, and regret deeply. I could tell you that I've made peace with that, but really I haven't.
    At the end of 2007 I had been married for about five months, I'd quit full-time ministry and we'd moved to Cape Town. Three major life changes all at once. Not something I would recommend.
    I had sponsors, so there wasn't money pressure. I had a lot of different options, and that was part of the problem for me. All these different possibilities, and choosing one of them felt dangerous, felt hard. Because if I choose one path, I'm letting go of all the others. So I'd think about pursuing one thing and say no, wait, wait, wait. And then I'd pursue them all at once, all a little bit.
    What I've done instead, I think, helped me more than just making peace with it. Because sometimes making peace with something in the past means you don't really get what you are supposed to get from it. You're not learning anything, you just accept it. Accept the regret, accept that you've wasted time, accept that you've wasted potential.
    Regret is inevitable. Regrets are painful. And that pain can either trap us or teach us. It's a very expensive teacher, regret, because you pay in time and you pay in potential. There's no bursary for this. You pay the full tuition fee. We all pay in some way. But you can choose how you want to pay, where you are now. Instead of paying with regret, we pay with effort, we pay with failure, we pay with embarrassment.
    My big lesson looking back: make a strong choice and execute.
    In this episode I take you through what I call passing the class. Extract the lesson. Integrate it, allow it to change your world view. And then invest it into your next chapter, so that the school fees you paid in lost time and lost potential now get invested and can compound. If you just make peace with something, that doesn't happen.
    If there's a time in your life that you regret, whatever it is, this one is for you.
    Watch this episode on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K1WDGperNKU
    The RUT Diagnostic takes three minutes and tells you which groove you are stuck in right now, routine, uncertainty or trance: https://clarityquest.francoisesterhuizen.com/rut/
    Work with me: https://www.francoisesterhuizen.com/work-with-me
    Fresh Perspective, my weekly newsletter: https://francoisesterhuizen.us5.list-manage.com/subscribe?u=097ed8fb3c6e3c943817d0d80&id=7a7438d8f4
    My website: https://www.francoisesterhuizen.com
    11 min
  • #79 Stuck in a Pretty Good Life
    Nothing is wrong and you still feel stuck. Career fine, bills paid, and still restless.
    Why do I feel stuck when nothing is wrong? I know what to do and I'm still not doing it. Those two questions tend to arrive together, and they arrive with guilt, because you have a pretty good life and you are supposed to be grateful for it.
    You are, unfortunately, very normal.
    In this episode I show you the two engines that move people, pain and possibility, and why a pretty good life switches both of them off. Then the cruise control problem: how you can be moving every single day, losing momentum in the one direction that matters, and never notice it, because there is nothing bad to point at. We look at how gratitude turns into a hiding place. And I give you the RUT, the three grooves that a life on cruise control wears into your weeks: routine, uncertainty and trance.
    You leave with one sentence to finish and one hour of steering to do this week.
    The RUT Diagnostic takes three minutes and tells you which of those three grooves runs deepest for you: https://clarityquest.francoisesterhuizen.com/rut/
    Watch this episode on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JJeRkyYV2tA
    Work with me: https://www.francoisesterhuizen.com/work-with-me
    Fresh Perspective, my weekly newsletter: https://francoisesterhuizen.us5.list-manage.com/subscribe?u=097ed8fb3c6e3c943817d0d80&id=7a7438d8f4
    My website: https://www.francoisesterhuizen.com
    11 min
  • #78 How to Stay Unstuck: The Four Step Comeback
    You will get stuck again. Not maybe, guaranteed. The final episode of the Getting Unstuck series is about what to do when it happens, because coming back is the skill: the observer and the giver of meaning, structure as your friend, and the four step comeback.

    Watch this episode on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JWQNvOCifPQ
    Free: see where and how you are stuck with the RUT Diagnostic: https://clarityquest.francoisesterhuizen.com/rut/
    The whole series: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLYr4VXEPUU5o
    12 min
  • #77 ’What If I Choose Wrong?’ Is the Wrong Question

    Two options in front of you, months at the crossroads, and every person you ask leaves you exactly where you were. In this fourth episode of the Getting Unstuck series: what you are actually collecting when you ask around (confirmation, not information), the two questions that work like a brake you are pressing yourself, the guarantee hiding inside the word right, why the first hard part convinces you that you chose wrong, and the ten-year question that lets you choose today, standing right where you are.

    Watch this episode on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ln10DW4kbko

    The Ten-Year Question card (free): https://resources.francoisesterhuizen.com/ten-year-question/
    All free tools: https://resources.francoisesterhuizen.com/

    Part one: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IdZGSQr9kBE

    Part two: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l5ihPiQ_QOI
    Part three: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mKLdHsbgslY

    Work with me: https://www.francoisesterhuizen.com/work-with-me

    Fresh Perspective, my weekly newsletter: https://francoisesterhuizen.us5.list-manage.com/subscribe?u=097ed8fb3c6e3c943817d0d80&id=7a7438d8f4
    My website: https://www.francoisesterhuizen.com

    16 min
  • #76 How to Start When Everything Feels Too Much

    You sit down to start, and all of it arrives at once. The thing is not too big. You are lifting all of it at the same time. In this third episode of the Getting Unstuck series: what overwhelm actually is (the carrying, not the task), the next visible move, the two-minute test, and the deciding-once principle that makes starting almost automatic.

    Watch this episode on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mKLdHsbgslY

    The Headlights System card (free): https://resources.francoisesterhuizen.com/headlights-system/
    All free tools: https://resources.francoisesterhuizen.com/

    Part one: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IdZGSQr9kBE

    Part two: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l5ihPiQ_QOI

    12 min
  • #75 How to Stop Procrastinating on What Matters Most
    You do not procrastinate on everything. You procrastinate selectively, and the more something matters, the harder it gets to start. In this second episode of the Getting Unstuck series: what you are actually managing when you procrastinate (it is not time), why caring turns a task into a test, the trade behind every snooze, and four steps to catch it happening. Free Pattern Breaker workbook: https://resources.francoisesterhuizen.com/procrastination-pattern-breaker/ Watch the video version: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l5ihPiQ_QOI
    15 min
  • #74 How to Break the 4-Step Loop That Keeps You Stuck

    Have you ever known exactly what you should do, and still not done it?

    That is not laziness. It is a loop: discomfort, avoidance, relief, cost. In this first episode of the Getting Unstuck series I walk through the loop, the five fuels that drive it, how to map one of your own in five honest sentences, and the small interruption that starts rebuilding self-trust.

    The free Unstuck Loop Map: resources.francoisesterhuizen.com/unstuck-loop-map

    Watch this episode on YouTube: You Are Not Lazy. You Are in a Loop.

    All resources: resources.francoisesterhuizen.com

    25 min

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