Are you living with an enemy?

People do not necessarily have a type, even though they say they do.

A tale of how insecurities ruin a relationship

Why are you here? How did you get here? Where do you need to go?

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It is only information you need to make decisions

#selfreparenting

Correction - One sided spirituality favours absolute over relative truth.

Spiritual bypassing

Spiritual bypass or spiritual bypassing is a "tendency to use spiritual ideas and practices to sidestep or avoid facing unresolved emotional issues, psychological wounds, and unfinished developmental tasks". The term was introduced in the early 1980s by John Welwood, a Buddhist teacher and psychotherapist. Wikipedia

Types of Spiritual Bypassing

We all benefit from becoming enlightened and interconnected by setting ourselves on fire to eliminate false beliefs, illusions and separating desires, ideals, and prejudices. Here we share spiritual bypass types that we sometimes do not recognise (or refuse to recognise) in life.

Blame Bypass

As we grow spiritually, we begin to see through the lies, delusions, and crazy behaviours of others, making us angry, downhearted, and frustrated. When we face challenges, we start blaming others, instilling ourselves with a false sense of righteousness, taking away our responsibility to look inside and work on ourselves due to fear and avoidance.

2. The Horoscope Bypass

This bypass is when we frequently look outside of ourselves for help, allowing predictions and guidance to control our lives' outcomes using Horoscopes and Psychics. We then fail to tap into our inner wellsprings of wisdom and strength and allow external predictions to control our lives' outcome.

The Prayer Bypass

When we use prayer to avoid personal responsibility to solve all our problems and issues, it can easily become limiting and misguided.

Intellectual Bypass

The use of logic and intelligence to avoid addressing emotional issues can be rationalizations in psychology. Most people who get into their heads are " clever" and want to reason everything out. They are the same people who can also struggle with emotional control.

Premature Transcendence

In this bypass, we try to rise above humanness and dismiss feelings, relational, developmental, psychological issues. We can avoid ego development needs and our lives' challenging emotional issues by circumventing self-development while claiming to be spiritual.

The Optimistic Bypass

Forced optimism and positivity where people love to laugh and smile, an effect of anger-phobia, or the inability to deal with negative emotions. Optimism bypass disregards negative emotions. We cannot take away all our sadness, anger, fear, and other unpleasant feelings with positive thoughts.

The Aggrandizement Bypass

Self-aggrandizement is the process of promoting oneself as being powerful and important. In this bypass, we might delude ourselves and mask our deficiencies and insecurities.

Disconnection Bypass

Disconnection bypass is when someone may avoid connections. They may appear cold and overly detached. They avoid feelings, community, family, nature, religion, or society..

The Guru Bypass

It is beneficial to follow a motivational speaker or spiritual teacher to learn and grow without worshiping them knowingly or unknowingly. They are just as human as all of us and as flawed as we all are.

Venting bypass

Venting is helpful and needed to let off steam, but if it becomes a way of coping, we can get useless feedback from people who do not want to hurt our feelings.

Overly self-sacrificing

Serves others out of obligation or personal responsibility to feel needed by being a do-gooder or a people pleaser.

Compensatory identity.

Compensatory bypassing involves covering up a lack of identity or lack of self-worth by becoming a spiritual healer or spiritual practitioner. Rather than do inner healing work, to address low self-worth and not feeling good enough and lack identity, someone becomes a coach or healer.

One-sided spirituality

One believes in absolute truth over relative truth, which is a one size fits all approach with no room for error.

#Memories of my mother - Why am I thriving? I had a mother!

#selfreparenting

Get turned off by bad behaviour

When you have tackled the larger part of your inner stuff or " healed trauma" and are still healing life daily, that comes with an awareness of what matters and what does not.

This is a typical feature of self-love. Choosing what is in your best interest.

When you love yourself, a partner picking fights does not trigger you. It is simply a turn off.

When you love yourself, and you do not feel understood in your relationship, you do not take your partner’s negative attitude personally. You SIFT through it, and if you start getting triggered frequently, you know it is a trauma bond. You do not need to keep efforting to be heard.

When you encounter anything unwanted in a relationship, rather than throw a tantrum, you can get lazy and do nothing.

If you love yourself , you do not wrestle with an aggressive partner. You tune out, switch off , get bored and get out.

Rather than beg, demand, order or force, you are content to retreat within and give yourself whatever they could not give you.

If you do not feel that a partner is not meeting your needs, you do not fight to be seen. You get bored of it all and see yourself out.

When you love yourself, drama is a turn off. You just get bored with it, and travel at the speed of lighting into your own inner sanctuary and have fun there.

When you love yourself, you can stop feeling the need to explain yourself to people. It just feels like it requires too much energy.

When you love yourself and a partner is behaving badly, you lose interest.

When you love yourself, you accept yourself flaws and strengths. You address both without needing to hustle for your worthiness by being hard on yourself. You learn to ignore put downs with compassion.

When you love yourself, you learn that you are a niche. You do not need to compete with anyone. Any competitive situations invite compassion.

When you love yourself, you do not try to prove yourself in a relationship. You shut shop if there is any behaviour that you suspect might lead you to question your worthiness.

When you love yourself, and you feel there are too many people in your relationship without prior agreement, rather than fight for a slot or space, switch off the relationship, and focus on yourself.

When you love yourself, a partner not maintaining consistent contact is a turn off. Rather than try to ask to be acknowledged, you just get bored with their behaviour.

This is because , when you love yourself, you do not feel that anyone is responsible for your feelings. You equally recognise that you are not responsible for everyone or anyone's feelings. Yet, you can still be compassionate even from a distance.

Loving yourself means recognising the shortness of life. You would rather spend your life pursuing your interests and being in the moment than being recruited to wars people are having with themselves.

Because if you engage in those wars, you are at war with yourself and that means you have disconnected from yourself, from the source within you. In short, you are not loving yourself!

So, understand the emotional currents of your relationship early on. Even now , it is not too late.

Rather than feeling triggered constantly, look out for yourself. Get bored with all, get turned off by the bad behaviour, tune out and get out!

Listen to this before you ask your friend out!

Wait until you meet in person!