#selfhealersdiaries

Disrespected in your relationship?

They talk to other people about relationship while in a relationship with you.

2. They talk about you with other people without involving you.

3. They talk about you in your presence without including you.

4. They make decisions which you normally make together without you, and without telling you what they have done.

5. They do not consider your feelings.

6. Physical harm.

7. Override your decisions with children or others. They might make a counter-decision in your presence of absence.

8. Seeing other people behind your back.

9. Telling you what to do with your life, what to wear, who to see.

10. Comparing you with other people.

11. Silent treatment.

12. Withholding support.

Plan

Self-love and self-respect.

Self-worth

Boundaries.

Disengage.

Walk away.

#selfreparenting

The missing element in our existence.

Why we might struggle when we want to improve our lives.

Missing Tools in the psychological existence.

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A self-management, self-parenting, trigger assessment, objective evaluation, root cause analysis, self-soothing , cognitive restructuring and solution focused tool.

24 Unmet needs

Autonomy. Acceptance. Independence .Freedom

Attention. Love.

Safety. Fun.

Consistency

Respect. Peacefulness.

Predictability. Being liked

Be needed. Being right.

Being valued

Being treated fairly.

Being in control

Feel included

To be understood.

Love.

New challenges .

Order.

Balance

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Why do men people leave relationships with people they might have made promises to or women they love?

Lack of peacefulness

Cannot do anything without you complaining.

You are criticising him constantly.

You are negative.

Cannot do anything without you trying to control outcomes.

You try to tell him what to do.

You do not give him space.

You do everything for him to make him feel wanted and loved.

Let go of control

Let him choose

Let him be an adult.

Do not do everything for him.

Make requests not demands.

Appreciate him

Give him space

If his choice is to leave you, that is best for the relationship. You cannot do this relationship alone. Or drag someone who is unwilling.

The pyschological environment you are creating.

Weekly we will bring you a movie and we will discuss trauma and relationships in the movie

#selfhealersdiaries

When you feel used in friendships. Friends that come and go as they wish!

It sounds hard yet here is the thing:

In any relationship break ups are possible. What you need is to hold on to your values.

Whether it is family, friendships and romances, there are allowances you can make and then decisions about the level of contact you can maintain.

Even children are given to us. Family is a place to practice alignment.

Friends too but the level of tolerance differs in each situation or relationship type. For example, you cannot ideally break up with your young children. If it happens it might not be an informed choice. Sometimes we do from our severe trauma, end up separated from our children.

If it happens or has happened, learn from what happened and move on. Also watch Tallulah!

However, friendships are a different ball game. These are like romantic relationship, in that you need not hold on.

Do not ignore red flags. Some friends are toxic.

People do what they do for their own reasons. It is not personal.

We get into people's lives for a reason, a purpose. Perhaps reflecting on this story and parenting yourself and reversing roles can help.

She probably is one of those people who have not learnt the importance of maintaining a healthy social circle outside romance. Perhaps she puts more emphasis on romance and forgets that people are on loan.

Which is what you can also reflect on. Perhaps you served your purpose and now it is time to move on.

We break up with family, friends and romantic relationships too.

None of us is entitled to hurt the other in the name of family, friendships, because they know your secret, bosses, child or parent. In any relationship, your values are held together by your boundaries.

Self-compassion looks like wishing her well and choosing yourself so that you do not feel used in future. Be grateful for the opportunity you had to support her and learn from her behaviour.

People are not necessarily meant to be in our lives forever. Detach from an outcome.

Grieve the end if you choose to, and look for other friends. While you can not entirely change your family, you can minimise contact, and heal. Until you are grounded, sometimes it helps to stay in spaces that are healthy for you.

Bullies can come in any form. We can also bully those closest to us.

Meanwhile focus on people who love and care about you back.

Nobody looks like they have trauma. Do not rely on a face , looks or money as a compatibility factor.

The habit of complaining or talking behind people's backs.

Complaining is human, but when you are conscious, make it brief then stick to solutions.

Minimise discussing other people. You have so much of you that you have not half way explored.

It can feel encouraging to discuss someone in order to connect with your circle or build a circle. Yet, what idea are you developing in that?

Besides talking behind people's backs is a self-esteem struggle. Just trying to feel better or look better than the other person.

It also indicates poor conflict resolution skills.

That cab indicate low vibration mentality. You do not connect with the tears of another person.

Discuss ideas to support someone yes, or what you might want to do about the situation with another person, instead of dwelling on this person's issues.

You can become judgemental.

You can become negative.

You also do not develop from that mindset except to feel as if you are in control of something. This is a sign of self-disconnection.

Sometimes you might talk about someone without understanding the whole story. You therefore draw conclusions without adequate information.

If you have a history with someone that is ongoing, do a SIFTSEM and create boundaries in yourself first. Parent yourself and soothe.

Reframe your perspective of the person you are complaining about. Or the issue. Their behaviour is a symptom of more than you know. Additionally, apply dichotomy of control. Are you talking about someone in relationship to you or something you have nothing to do with?

We tend to want to be judge and jury and executioner sometimes where we have no idea about what other information is missing from this story.

Reverse roles. What if people were talking about you? How would you feel?

Then go on the second level and create boundaries or express how you feel.

You can also seek support to create solutions on the second level from others.

Give and receive love from your circle where there are no complaints.

Rather than find fault with or focus on someone who goes home to their family or problems, find someone who needs help to focus on.

Instead of complaining you can work towards forgiveness gradually.

Read a book, watch a movie, do something and avoid people who are constantly complain.

Where you work with someone, find best ways to communicate concerns. If people complain, leave, change subjects or get busy.

If you cannot fix it, let go of control and make peace with the situation, leave or keep a distance.

Use Segment intending and setting an intention and affirmations.

When people want to do something, they will do it. Stick to your values

#selfhealersdiaries

Unconditional Peacefulness is both a skill and a state of being

Focus inwards

No comparisons.

Being OK inwards.

Accepting that life is unpredictable.

Preparing tools for self-management

- to improve emotional baseline.

- Tools for emotional regulation

- The dichotomy of control

- Living in the moment.

- Making peace with what is.

- Not attaching to outcomes.

- Learning new skills and behaviours because to change your destination requires new behaviours.

More self-focus.

Love on three levels!