Friendshipable

From Project BFF HQ, Terri + Manya riff about the so-called Dunbar number--that describes the numerical limits on how many connections an individual can have.

The conversation centers around Robin Dunbar, Emeritus Professor of Evolutionary Psychology at Oxford University. Based on his research, he believes the size of the neocortex in our brains is linked to the size of a cohesive social group--that ratio limits the complexity of the social systems we can handle.

According to his theory:

• 5 loved ones
• 15 good friends
• 50 friends
• 150 meaningful contacts
• 500 acquaintances
• 1,500 people you can recognize

Resources we discuss:

• You Can Only Maintain So Many Close Friendships, Sheon Han in The Atlantic
• Dunbar's number: Why we can only maintain 150 relationships, BBC
• Friends: Understanding the Power of our Most Important Relationships by Robin Dunbar

#BeAFriend  

*****
Thank you for listening.

After much reflection, we have made the difficult decision to shut down Project BFF and the podcast. Our last podcast episode aired on August 23, 2024. We are leaving the podcast live on Buzzsprout through the end of 2024.

We are proud of this podcast and honored to have hosted such amazing and engaging guests.

Our hope is that Project BFF and Friendshipable have inspired you to form new friendships, strengthen existing ones, and encourage others to do the same

Thank you for being a part of our story. The two of us have truly deepened our friendship during this time, and we look forward to new and memorable adventures together in and around New England, which serves as the adopted home for both of us.

With gratitude and friendship,
Manya and Terri

To contact us, you can email Manya at [email protected]

From Project BFF HQ, Terri + Manya riff about traveling with friends.

Fresh from a trip abroad with some friends, Terri shares about her experiences. And we discuss mistakes to avoid--like expecting one person to plan everything, not talking about money, or making decisions when hangry.

Resources we mention:
12 Mistakes to Avoid When Traveling with Friends, by Valerie Wheatle
10 Tips For Traveling With Friends, Geoffrey Morrison, Forbes

#BeAFriend  

*****
Thank you for listening.

After much reflection, we have made the difficult decision to shut down Project BFF and the podcast. Our last podcast episode aired on August 23, 2024. We are leaving the podcast live on Buzzsprout through the end of 2024.

We are proud of this podcast and honored to have hosted such amazing and engaging guests.

Our hope is that Project BFF and Friendshipable have inspired you to form new friendships, strengthen existing ones, and encourage others to do the same

Thank you for being a part of our story. The two of us have truly deepened our friendship during this time, and we look forward to new and memorable adventures together in and around New England, which serves as the adopted home for both of us.

With gratitude and friendship,
Manya and Terri

To contact us, you can email Manya at [email protected]

From Project BFF HQ, Terri + Manya riff about the definition of a friend.

Thirty-nine episodes in and we decided to the word friend.  Merriam-Webster defines a friend as: one attached to another by affection or esteem.

Friends are people you can share intimacies and experiences with, and you are an important part of each other's lives.  There are two key elements of a friendship--interdependence and voluntary participation.

Types of friendship:

• Acquaintance -- feel comfortable with, but probably don't make plans with, work friends and neighbors often all into this category
• Casual friend -- feel comfortable meeting one on one, feel emotionally attached to
• Close friend -- spend time with regularly, can depend on
• Intimate friend -- similar to a close friend, usually someone you've spent even more time with and can share almost anything.

One study found that the difference between friends and acquaintances is that we reveal much more of ourselves to a friend than an acquaintance. And we try harder to impress acquaintances than friends.

Resources we talk about:
11 Qualities of a Good Friend & Ways to Be An Even Better One, on MindBodyGreen
Acquaintance versus friend, on SocialPro
What is friendship?, How Stuff Works

#BeAFriend  

*****
Thank you for listening.

After much reflection, we have made the difficult decision to shut down Project BFF and the podcast. Our last podcast episode aired on August 23, 2024. We are leaving the podcast live on Buzzsprout through the end of 2024.

We are proud of this podcast and honored to have hosted such amazing and engaging guests.

Our hope is that Project BFF and Friendshipable have inspired you to form new friendships, strengthen existing ones, and encourage others to do the same

Thank you for being a part of our story. The two of us have truly deepened our friendship during this time, and we look forward to new and memorable adventures together in and around New England, which serves as the adopted home for both of us.

With gratitude and friendship,
Manya and Terri

To contact us, you can email Manya at [email protected]

From Project BFF HQ, Terri + Manya riff about how to leave a group of friends.

Tips for leaving a group of friends:

• You can make it quick, like pulling off a bandage, or slow and steady, where you spend less time with these friends
• Be honest and respect their feelings, but it may also require tact. Sometimes vague (and honest) answers or explanations may be the best option.
• Friends may try to bring you back into the fold. If there is a chance (i.e., changed behavior means you want to stay with the group) then be open about what you need. If you need to leave (for whatever reason including if the group is a bad influence or they don't treat you well), stand your ground.

As with so many things relationship related, these may be easier said then done.

Groups of friends are fabulous. Check out episode 37, the opposite of this one, in which we talked about joining a group of friends.

Resources
How to leave a group of friends, WikiHow

#BeAFriend  

*****
Thank you for listening.

After much reflection, we have made the difficult decision to shut down Project BFF and the podcast. Our last podcast episode aired on August 23, 2024. We are leaving the podcast live on Buzzsprout through the end of 2024.

We are proud of this podcast and honored to have hosted such amazing and engaging guests.

Our hope is that Project BFF and Friendshipable have inspired you to form new friendships, strengthen existing ones, and encourage others to do the same

Thank you for being a part of our story. The two of us have truly deepened our friendship during this time, and we look forward to new and memorable adventures together in and around New England, which serves as the adopted home for both of us.

With gratitude and friendship,
Manya and Terri

To contact us, you can email Manya at [email protected]

From Project BFF, Terri + Manya riff about how to join a group of existing friends.

It is easy to feel intimidated when trying to join a group of existing friends. They already know each other--will they be welcoming of a newcomer?  How can you get to know the people involved?

Like all friendships, building friendships with a group will take time and effort. Also, every group has its own personality and you will need to figure it out to see if you fit in. Some groups are close knit and may be harder to break into because they aren't looking to expand. Other groups may be loosely connected and more open to.

How to join the group:

• Get to know one or two individuals first, rather than trying to get to know everyone at once. You may naturally gravitate toward some people over others in the group.
• Make conversation with as many people in th group as possible.
• Think about what brought the group together and what your shared interests are--that is the low hanging fruit for starting conversations and building shared experiences.
• Focus on the environment and the group, instead of being inside your own head and worrying about whether or not you fit in.

Resources we mention:
How to join an existing group of friends, at SocialPro
How to join an existing group of friends, at SucceedSocially

#BeAFriend  

*****
Thank you for listening.

After much reflection, we have made the difficult decision to shut down Project BFF and the podcast. Our last podcast episode aired on August 23, 2024. We are leaving the podcast live on Buzzsprout through the end of 2024.

We are proud of this podcast and honored to have hosted such amazing and engaging guests.

Our hope is that Project BFF and Friendshipable have inspired you to form new friendships, strengthen existing ones, and encourage others to do the same

Thank you for being a part of our story. The two of us have truly deepened our friendship during this time, and we look forward to new and memorable adventures together in and around New England, which serves as the adopted home for both of us.

With gratitude and friendship,
Manya and Terri

To contact us, you can email Manya at [email protected]

From Project BFF HQ, Terri + Manya riff about how the pandemic has impacted our social lives and our friendships.

Especially early on in the pandemic, with many of us isolated in our homes and dealing with the stress of the pandemic, most of us faced limited time and energy to devote to friendships. It was a time that many of us, willingly or not, focused on quality of friendships over quantity. We ended up pruning some friendships and getting closer to other friends.

The pandemic changed the rules for hanging out. And for some of us, it also revealed that friendships do require work to maintain and really showed us the value of these relationships.

We had to make some decisions--which friends were worthy of doing a video chat with?

Resources we mention
Why pruning friendships has been common in the pandemic, in The Guardian
How the pandemic has proven the true test of friendship, in Glamour UK
The pandemic has affected our friendship and here's why that's ok, in Real Simple
Friendships have never been harder to maintain, in The Cut

#BeAFriend  

*****
Thank you for listening.

After much reflection, we have made the difficult decision to shut down Project BFF and the podcast. Our last podcast episode aired on August 23, 2024. We are leaving the podcast live on Buzzsprout through the end of 2024.

We are proud of this podcast and honored to have hosted such amazing and engaging guests.

Our hope is that Project BFF and Friendshipable have inspired you to form new friendships, strengthen existing ones, and encourage others to do the same

Thank you for being a part of our story. The two of us have truly deepened our friendship during this time, and we look forward to new and memorable adventures together in and around New England, which serves as the adopted home for both of us.

With gratitude and friendship,
Manya and Terri

To contact us, you can email Manya at [email protected]

From Project BFF HQ, Terri + Manya riff about making friends by volunteering.

For those who have time to volunteer, it can be a great way to meet people. You are doing something you both enjoy and helping out the community. It isn't automatic that you will connect with someone while you volunteer, but you have a very good chance--since having things in common and spending time together are key building blocks for a friendship.

Volunteering is also a great way to strengthen existing friendships when you volunteer together and practice your social skills--even if you don't become close friends with anyone you share similar interest and have a shared topic to discuss.

In a recent survey, 1 in 5 people said that volunteering is a way to combat loneliness.

We discuss volunteering for organizations that have personal meaning for you. And how not every volunteer opportunity is the right fit.

#BeAFriend  

*****
Thank you for listening.

After much reflection, we have made the difficult decision to shut down Project BFF and the podcast. Our last podcast episode aired on August 23, 2024. We are leaving the podcast live on Buzzsprout through the end of 2024.

We are proud of this podcast and honored to have hosted such amazing and engaging guests.

Our hope is that Project BFF and Friendshipable have inspired you to form new friendships, strengthen existing ones, and encourage others to do the same

Thank you for being a part of our story. The two of us have truly deepened our friendship during this time, and we look forward to new and memorable adventures together in and around New England, which serves as the adopted home for both of us.

With gratitude and friendship,
Manya and Terri

To contact us, you can email Manya at [email protected]

From Project BFF HQ, Terri + Manya riff about friendships in our current times.

There is a fear that friendships have changed, thanks to social media and our always-on culture. Is that really true? With Facebook choosing the word "friend" to mean our connections on the site, does that diminish the value of the word? Does online interaction with a friend have any impact on our relationship in real life?

There have been fears about technology impacting our relationships all through recorded history, including fear in the early 20th century that landline telephones were going to ruin social interaction.

We also discuss the Dunbar number and what are the limits on the number of friends we can have.


Resources we discuss:
The myths and reality of modern friendship, by Rebecca Roache
Why the Digital Age Is Not Destroying Friendship, by Lydia Denworth, author of Friendship

Read our interview with Lydia on Project BFF.

#BeAFriend  

*****
Thank you for listening.

After much reflection, we have made the difficult decision to shut down Project BFF and the podcast. Our last podcast episode aired on August 23, 2024. We are leaving the podcast live on Buzzsprout through the end of 2024.

We are proud of this podcast and honored to have hosted such amazing and engaging guests.

Our hope is that Project BFF and Friendshipable have inspired you to form new friendships, strengthen existing ones, and encourage others to do the same

Thank you for being a part of our story. The two of us have truly deepened our friendship during this time, and we look forward to new and memorable adventures together in and around New England, which serves as the adopted home for both of us.

With gratitude and friendship,
Manya and Terri

To contact us, you can email Manya at [email protected]

From Project BFF HQ and Bergen, Norway, Terri + Manya riff with Jesper Algaard, founder and CEO of the Venn app, about machine learning and friendships.

Venn means friend in Norwegian.

How do we figure out who we will be friends with?  What kind of people do we hang out with and why? And what do computers have to do with it? And how can technology make it easier to make a connection?

Jesper and the team at Venn have been doing some research about how we relate to each other and how people trust each other. Yet these qualitative studies only give a small piece of the story. How can machine learning help us understand what really draws friends to each other?

What kind of friend are you looking for--like, a gym partner, a travel partner, or a gaming buddy, for example? What are you interested in doing with a friend? What kind of social settings do you prefer? Once you enter in that info, you can find new friends. Venn has connected 10,000 friendships so far. And they have evolved to connect people in many different ways, including their new group activity setting (because for some folks, it can be easier to get to know people in a group instead of one to one.)

Download Venn here or in the app store, the app that makes it easy to find new people and create activities based on interests and preferences.

Follow Venn on Facebook or Instagram

Want to learn more about Venn? Reach Jesper directly: [email protected]

#BeAFriend  

*****
Thank you for listening.

After much reflection, we have made the difficult decision to shut down Project BFF and the podcast. Our last podcast episode aired on August 23, 2024. We are leaving the podcast live on Buzzsprout through the end of 2024.

We are proud of this podcast and honored to have hosted such amazing and engaging guests.

Our hope is that Project BFF and Friendshipable have inspired you to form new friendships, strengthen existing ones, and encourage others to do the same

Thank you for being a part of our story. The two of us have truly deepened our friendship during this time, and we look forward to new and memorable adventures together in and around New England, which serves as the adopted home for both of us.

With gratitude and friendship,
Manya and Terri

To contact us, you can email Manya at [email protected]

From Project BFF HQ, Terri and Manya talk about how friends can be the antidote to loneliness.

Humans are social animals, and that collaboration has enabled us to survive as a species. Loneliness "is an aversive state that has evolved as a signal to change behavior, very much like hunger, thirst, or physical pain, to motivate us to renew the connections we need to survive and prosper."

We all feel lonely at times. Profound loneliness is an issue that hides in plain site--we don't necessarily see it as a threat. Yet it can be as big as risk factor to premature death as smoking 15 cigarettes a day. 

Feeling disconnected from people puts us on alert to change that situation and look for meaningful engagement. Reaching out to others and building friendships can be the cure for loneliness.

Resources we mention
A Cure for Disconnection, by Jennifer Latson in Psychology Today

#BeAFriend  

*****
Thank you for listening.

After much reflection, we have made the difficult decision to shut down Project BFF and the podcast. Our last podcast episode aired on August 23, 2024. We are leaving the podcast live on Buzzsprout through the end of 2024.

We are proud of this podcast and honored to have hosted such amazing and engaging guests.

Our hope is that Project BFF and Friendshipable have inspired you to form new friendships, strengthen existing ones, and encourage others to do the same

Thank you for being a part of our story. The two of us have truly deepened our friendship during this time, and we look forward to new and memorable adventures together in and around New England, which serves as the adopted home for both of us.

With gratitude and friendship,
Manya and Terri

To contact us, you can email Manya at [email protected]