Friendshipable

From Project BFF HQ, Terri and Manya riff about happiness and friendship. Human beings are wired to care about relationships.  And quality of friends counts more than quantity. Friends prevent isolation and loneliness and give you a chance to offer needed companionship, too. Friends can also:

·      Increase your sense of belonging and purpose

·      Boost your happiness and reduce your stress

·      Improve your self-confidence and self-worth

·      Help you cope with traumas, such as divorce, serious illness, job loss or the death of a loved one

Resources we reference in the episode:

Friendships: Enrich your life and improve your health, Mayo Clinic
Why Does Having Friends Make Us Happy? by David B. Feldman Ph.D. in Psychology Today
5 Ways Your Friends Make You Happier, Healthier And An All-Around Better Person by Lindsay Holmes

#BeAFriend  

*****
Thank you for listening.

After much reflection, we have made the difficult decision to shut down Project BFF and the podcast. Our last podcast episode aired on August 23, 2024. We are leaving the podcast live on Buzzsprout through the end of 2024.

We are proud of this podcast and honored to have hosted such amazing and engaging guests.

Our hope is that Project BFF and Friendshipable have inspired you to form new friendships, strengthen existing ones, and encourage others to do the same

Thank you for being a part of our story. The two of us have truly deepened our friendship during this time, and we look forward to new and memorable adventures together in and around New England, which serves as the adopted home for both of us.

With gratitude and friendship,
Manya and Terri

To contact us, you can email Manya at [email protected]

It is human to be aggressive, no matter the gender, but that doesn't mean it's any fun to be on the receiving end of that aggression. This can come from friends, friends of friends, and colleagues. The aim of the person doing the bullying is to make someone look bad. That can take the form of cyberbullying, gossiping, intimidation, or ostracizing.  We also talk about some workplace bullying that we've been on the receiving end of.

"The same attributes that allow girls to be socially intelligent also allow them to be aggressive. They are drawing from the same skill set." - Rachel Simmons

Sometimes these bullying experiences happen in front of others, who may themselves be afraid to step up out of fear of becoming the next victim. 

Some ways to deal, though it does not always feel simple. The key is to recognize what you cannot control in the encounter.

• Pretend you didn't hear: Excuse me, can you repeat that?
• Ask for clarification: I don't understand, what do you mean?
• Walk away and disengage
• Keep responses polite, while standing up for yourself.

Resources we discuss:
When the ‘mean girl’ is a woman: How to deal with an adult bully, By Cathy Alter
How to Deal With Mean Girls in Adulthood, by  Sherri Gordon
Odd Girl Out: The Hidden Culture of Aggression in Girls, by Rachel Simmons

#BeAFriend  

*****
Thank you for listening.

After much reflection, we have made the difficult decision to shut down Project BFF and the podcast. Our last podcast episode aired on August 23, 2024. We are leaving the podcast live on Buzzsprout through the end of 2024.

We are proud of this podcast and honored to have hosted such amazing and engaging guests.

Our hope is that Project BFF and Friendshipable have inspired you to form new friendships, strengthen existing ones, and encourage others to do the same

Thank you for being a part of our story. The two of us have truly deepened our friendship during this time, and we look forward to new and memorable adventures together in and around New England, which serves as the adopted home for both of us.

With gratitude and friendship,
Manya and Terri

To contact us, you can email Manya at [email protected]

From Project BFF HQ, Terri and Manya riff about making friends as an adult.  It doesn't just feel difficult, it absolutely can be challenging.

By the time we are adults our lives are more complex--families, children, work and career exceptions all take time and can make it harder to have time to devote to friendships.  In addition, life just has a way of filtering people in and out of our lives as well, such as changes in politic beliefs, successes or failures (yours or your friends'), moving, strokes of luck, both good and bad, and even death.

 It's estimated that it takes more than 200 hours of time together for someone to become a good friend. When you consider that the average American spends just 41 minutes a day socializing.

The pandemic has changed how some of us think about friends and friendships. With hours of isolation early in the podcast, we had some hard decisions to make about how to spend the time we did spend socializing, which friends and family to prioritize as we struggled with what was going on in the world around us.

Resources we talk about:
Why Making Friends in Midlife Is So Hard, by Katharine Smyth
How Many Hours Does it Take to Make a Friend? by Jeffrey Hall
It's Your Friends Who Break Your Heart, by Jennifer Senior
The Friendship Report, from Snapchat

#BeAFriend  

*****
Thank you for listening.

After much reflection, we have made the difficult decision to shut down Project BFF and the podcast. Our last podcast episode aired on August 23, 2024. We are leaving the podcast live on Buzzsprout through the end of 2024.

We are proud of this podcast and honored to have hosted such amazing and engaging guests.

Our hope is that Project BFF and Friendshipable have inspired you to form new friendships, strengthen existing ones, and encourage others to do the same

Thank you for being a part of our story. The two of us have truly deepened our friendship during this time, and we look forward to new and memorable adventures together in and around New England, which serves as the adopted home for both of us.

With gratitude and friendship,
Manya and Terri

To contact us, you can email Manya at [email protected]

From Project BFF HQ, Terri and Manya riff about loneliness and how having friends helps combat it.

We thrive when we are connected. And social connections are the key to happiness and health. "Loneliness can have long-term effects on health and is as lethal as smoking 15 cigarettes a day."

How to build a more connected life:

• Get to know yourself, connect with yourself and your  own instincts
• Have/cultivate self-compassion. This can soften the blow of judgement and ridicule from people who don’t understand us

Obstacles to building friendships can raise the risk of loneliness. People skilled at friendship may have a natural defense against prolonged or severe loneliness. Those who are not yet as skilled  can develop the habits and behaviors that support friendships.

Books and articles and resources we discuss:
Together: The Healing Power of Human Connection in a Sometimes Lonely World, by Vivek Murthy
Goodbye loneliness, Hello happiness - a prescription for healthier lives, in The Boston Globe
The Unlonely Project, The Foundation for Art & Healing
Emerging Together: The Tackling Loneliness Network Action Plan, UK government 

#BeAFriend  

*****
Thank you for listening.

After much reflection, we have made the difficult decision to shut down Project BFF and the podcast. Our last podcast episode aired on August 23, 2024. We are leaving the podcast live on Buzzsprout through the end of 2024.

We are proud of this podcast and honored to have hosted such amazing and engaging guests.

Our hope is that Project BFF and Friendshipable have inspired you to form new friendships, strengthen existing ones, and encourage others to do the same

Thank you for being a part of our story. The two of us have truly deepened our friendship during this time, and we look forward to new and memorable adventures together in and around New England, which serves as the adopted home for both of us.

With gratitude and friendship,
Manya and Terri

To contact us, you can email Manya at [email protected]

From Project BFF HQ, Terri and Manya riff about how love languages matter in friendships.

The 5 love languages:

• Words of affirmation
• Quality time
• Acts of services
• Gifts
• Physical touch

Just like in  romantic relationships, it's helpful to understand what makes ourselves feel happy and loved, and what makes our friends feel happy and loved.  Do you know what your primary love language is? Take this quiz to find out.

The book: The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts, by Gary Chapman, Ph.D.

Articles we discuss:
What Are The 5 Love Languages? Everything You Need To Know, on Mind Body Green
What Are The 5 Love Languages? on Verywell Mind
Here's How Understanding the 5 Love Languages Strengthened My Friendship, on HelloGiggles

#BeAFriend  

*****
Thank you for listening.

After much reflection, we have made the difficult decision to shut down Project BFF and the podcast. Our last podcast episode aired on August 23, 2024. We are leaving the podcast live on Buzzsprout through the end of 2024.

We are proud of this podcast and honored to have hosted such amazing and engaging guests.

Our hope is that Project BFF and Friendshipable have inspired you to form new friendships, strengthen existing ones, and encourage others to do the same

Thank you for being a part of our story. The two of us have truly deepened our friendship during this time, and we look forward to new and memorable adventures together in and around New England, which serves as the adopted home for both of us.

With gratitude and friendship,
Manya and Terri

To contact us, you can email Manya at [email protected]

From Project BFF HQ, Terri and Manya riff about lessons we can learn from our friends.

We talk about the things friends have taught us. Such as:

• Making time for our friends is an important aspect of friendship. 
• Being a real friend means you can always be your real self, you shouldn't need to fake it or edit yourself. 
• How to fight and compromise and what might it mean if you've never fought with a friend. 
• Change is good.

We have friendships for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. Not everyone we become friends with are lifelong friends. And it's really nice to have good friends along the way as you figure it all out.

Articles we discuss:
7 Lessons Only Your Best Friends Can Teach You
10 Things I've Learned from 10 Years with My Bestie

#BeAFriend  

*****
Thank you for listening.

After much reflection, we have made the difficult decision to shut down Project BFF and the podcast. Our last podcast episode aired on August 23, 2024. We are leaving the podcast live on Buzzsprout through the end of 2024.

We are proud of this podcast and honored to have hosted such amazing and engaging guests.

Our hope is that Project BFF and Friendshipable have inspired you to form new friendships, strengthen existing ones, and encourage others to do the same

Thank you for being a part of our story. The two of us have truly deepened our friendship during this time, and we look forward to new and memorable adventures together in and around New England, which serves as the adopted home for both of us.

With gratitude and friendship,
Manya and Terri

To contact us, you can email Manya at [email protected]

From Project BFF HQ, Terri and Manya riff about ways to make new friends.

We discuss some ideas about how to build a friendship. Find ways to let people know you want to hang out with someone such as telling them you are enjoying hanging out with them.  This may feel uncomfortable as we don't usually have that kind of conversation with our friends, talking about the relationship in the way often happens in romantic relationships.

Also, a key to making new friends is to show up. Be open to friendship, and also make time to do the socializing that builds and maintains friendships.

Did you know?

• The average American trusts only 10 to 20 people.
• It takes 50 hours of socializing to go from acquaintance to casual friends. A total of 90 hours  before someone becomes a "real" friend. And about 200 hours to become a close friend.
• School, works, groups and clubs, and activities we share are some ways that we build those hours.
• Self disclosure makes us more likable.

"Longing for closeness and connection is pervasive. Which suggests that most of us are stumbling through the world pining for companionship that could be easily provided by the lonesome stumblers all around us."

Articles we discuss:
How to Make Friends, According to Science
If You're Wondering Why You've Lost Friends in Adulthood, This is Probably Why

#BeAFriend  

*****
Thank you for listening.

After much reflection, we have made the difficult decision to shut down Project BFF and the podcast. Our last podcast episode aired on August 23, 2024. We are leaving the podcast live on Buzzsprout through the end of 2024.

We are proud of this podcast and honored to have hosted such amazing and engaging guests.

Our hope is that Project BFF and Friendshipable have inspired you to form new friendships, strengthen existing ones, and encourage others to do the same

Thank you for being a part of our story. The two of us have truly deepened our friendship during this time, and we look forward to new and memorable adventures together in and around New England, which serves as the adopted home for both of us.

With gratitude and friendship,
Manya and Terri

To contact us, you can email Manya at [email protected]

From Project BFF HQ, Terri and Manya riff on how friendship is both simple and complicated.

We talk about what we learned about social structures on What is Friendship? on How Stuff Works. What kind of structure do you prefer?

Throw in some conversation on the four core types of friendships:

• acquaintance
• friend
• close friend
• best friend

And how our concept of friendship has been altered by social media: "The process of actually 'making true friends' hasn't changed! What has changed is the blanket labeling of acquaintances, acquaintances of acquaintances, and close friends all with the same title, 'friend."

And before we close, we remind ourselves to reply to friends who have recently called or texted us. We all forget, we all get busy. But friendships do require attention.

#BeAFriend  

*****
Thank you for listening.

After much reflection, we have made the difficult decision to shut down Project BFF and the podcast. Our last podcast episode aired on August 23, 2024. We are leaving the podcast live on Buzzsprout through the end of 2024.

We are proud of this podcast and honored to have hosted such amazing and engaging guests.

Our hope is that Project BFF and Friendshipable have inspired you to form new friendships, strengthen existing ones, and encourage others to do the same

Thank you for being a part of our story. The two of us have truly deepened our friendship during this time, and we look forward to new and memorable adventures together in and around New England, which serves as the adopted home for both of us.

With gratitude and friendship,
Manya and Terri

To contact us, you can email Manya at [email protected]

From Project BFF HQ, Terri and Manya riff about how our friendships change us--you change your friends and they change you.

Relationships should change us, and ideally for the better. One of the values of a friendship is the things we can learn from them. We don't always know we are being influenced.

In fact, many of our actions depend just as much on our friends as ourselves. We share our identities with the people we hang out with, and are influenced by them. We all find ourselves in situations where we don't know what to do, and often we look to the people around us to guide us. If the people you are with are a positive influence, you are likely to behave that way. Identification with a group can lead to negative behaviors, as well.

A study showed that the people we surround ourselves with have the power to make us fatter, drink more alcohol, care less about the environment, and be more risky about sun protection (see  article below).

The article we discussed: How Your Friends Change Your Habits -- for Better or for Worse

#BeAFriend  

*****
Thank you for listening.

After much reflection, we have made the difficult decision to shut down Project BFF and the podcast. Our last podcast episode aired on August 23, 2024. We are leaving the podcast live on Buzzsprout through the end of 2024.

We are proud of this podcast and honored to have hosted such amazing and engaging guests.

Our hope is that Project BFF and Friendshipable have inspired you to form new friendships, strengthen existing ones, and encourage others to do the same

Thank you for being a part of our story. The two of us have truly deepened our friendship during this time, and we look forward to new and memorable adventures together in and around New England, which serves as the adopted home for both of us.

With gratitude and friendship,
Manya and Terri

To contact us, you can email Manya at [email protected]

From the Boston Public Library, Terri and Manya riff on the first season of the podcast and what we are looking forward to in season two!

We know that we can speak about many aspects of friendship, but we haven't seen it all. We know our listeners have so many different experiences about friendship. We want Project BFF to be a resource for friends and are looking for your feedback and your ideas for topics.

#BeAFriend  

*****
Thank you for listening.

After much reflection, we have made the difficult decision to shut down Project BFF and the podcast. Our last podcast episode aired on August 23, 2024. We are leaving the podcast live on Buzzsprout through the end of 2024.

We are proud of this podcast and honored to have hosted such amazing and engaging guests.

Our hope is that Project BFF and Friendshipable have inspired you to form new friendships, strengthen existing ones, and encourage others to do the same

Thank you for being a part of our story. The two of us have truly deepened our friendship during this time, and we look forward to new and memorable adventures together in and around New England, which serves as the adopted home for both of us.

With gratitude and friendship,
Manya and Terri

To contact us, you can email Manya at [email protected]