From Guilt to Good with Jeanette Yates

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What happens when you're the one managing every doctor's appointment, pharmacy call, and emergency for your aging parents, while your siblings stay on the sidelines?

Family caregiving can be exhausting, but the resentment that comes from carrying the responsibility alone can make it even harder.

In this episode, Jeanette Yates explores why siblings sometimes withdraw from caregiving, why asking for help often doesn't work, and how assigning specific responsibilities can change the conversation.

She also discusses ways siblings can contribute from a distance, how to handle advice that creates more work, and the difficult process of accepting that some family members may never provide the support you're hoping for.

Whether you're struggling with unequal caregiving responsibilities or simply feeling unseen by your family, this episode offers practical ways to protect your energy and build a more realistic care plan.

Key Takeaways

• Why some siblings distance themselves when parents need care.
• The difference between asking for help and asking someone to own a responsibility.
• How distant siblings can contribute without being physically present.
• How to respond when siblings offer advice but no actual support.
• Why repeatedly asking for help can leave caregivers feeling powerless.
• How to plan around what family members will realistically do.
• Why caregivers deserve emotional support and care themselves.

Podcast Show Notes

00:00 – The frustration of being the primary caregiver

01:30 – Why siblings may avoid caregiving

02:40 – Assigning ownership instead of requesting help

03:25 – Responding to unsolicited advice

04:00 – Remote caregiving responsibilities

04:50 – When help becomes another burden

05:20 – Setting clear expectations

06:00 – Accepting a sibling's answer

06:20 – Processing disappointment and resentment

06:40 – Building a support system outside your family

Find your Area Agency on Aging: https://eldercare.acl.gov/home

Northeast Florida Area Agency on Aging/Eldersource: https://myeldersource.org/

Support the show

NOW AVAILABLE! From Guilt To Good Enough: A Caregiver’s Journey of Overcoming Burnout Through Healing Childhood by Jeanette Yates. Having been a caregiver for her mother since childhood, Jeanette knows firsthand the emotional toll caregiving can take. In this memoir-turned-self-help guide, she shares her journey of healing, setting boundaries, and reclaiming her life. Click here to purchase your copy!

At The Self-Caregiver LLC we guide women caring for their aging parents overcome burnout and release guilt to create more freedom and fulfillment in their life. 

We believe you cannot give more of yourself until you heal the wounds, replenish your being and reconnect to the fullness of who you are, embracing the purpose you‘ve been called to live. 

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What do you do when your aging parent insists they're fine, even though you're the one constantly managing their appointments, meals, medications, and emergencies?

For many family caregivers, getting an elderly parent to accept help can feel like an endless argument. But what if their refusal isn't really about stubbornness?

In this episode, Jeanette Yates shares her personal experience caring for her mother, who was determined to remain in her own home and reluctant to accept outside support.

Jeanette explores the fears that may be hiding behind a parent's refusal and explains how changing the way you approach these conversations can make a meaningful difference.

She also discusses practical ways to offer choices instead of ultimatums, involve trusted people in difficult conversations, introduce outside caregivers gradually, and establish boundaries that protect your own well-being.

Finally, Jeanette explains the distinction between respecting a parent's independence and recognizing when their safety may require additional support.

If you're navigating resistance from an aging parent, this episode offers practical guidance, understanding, and reassurance that you don't have to figure everything out alone.

In this episode:

• Understanding why aging parents resist help
• Recognizing the fear of losing independence
• Reframing conversations around what your parent values
• Offering choices instead of ultimatums
• Introducing outside caregivers gradually
• Getting support from doctors, friends, and trusted community members
• Setting and maintaining caregiver boundaries
• Knowing when to involve a doctor over safety concerns

Key takeaway: When your parent refuses help, their answer may reveal what they're trying to protect. Understanding that can be the starting point for a better conversation.

Mentioned resource: Your local Area Agency on Aging can help you explore available support and caregiving resources. If you are in Northeast Florida, check out Eldersource: https://myeldersource.org/

Coming next: What to Do When Your Siblings Won't Help With an Elderly Parent.

Support the show

NOW AVAILABLE! From Guilt To Good Enough: A Caregiver’s Journey of Overcoming Burnout Through Healing Childhood by Jeanette Yates. Having been a caregiver for her mother since childhood, Jeanette knows firsthand the emotional toll caregiving can take. In this memoir-turned-self-help guide, she shares her journey of healing, setting boundaries, and reclaiming her life. Click here to purchase your copy!

At The Self-Caregiver LLC we guide women caring for their aging parents overcome burnout and release guilt to create more freedom and fulfillment in their life. 

We believe you cannot give more of yourself until you heal the wounds, replenish your being and reconnect to the fullness of who you are, embracing the purpose you‘ve been called to live. 

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What happens when caregiving isn’t a role you chose — but one you were drafted into?

In this deeply honest conversation, Jeanette sits down with her friend Bernadette of Caregiver Collaborative to talk about the parts of caregiving families often struggle to say out loud.

After more than a decade of caring for her elderly parents, Bernadette shares what it meant to commute eight hours between states, raise her own children while caring for her parents, lose her father, reach her own breaking point, and finally decide that caregiving had to change.

Jeanette and Bernadette talk candidly about caregiver burnout, complicated relationships with aging parents, the pressure to sacrifice your own health, bringing in outside help, and why being a “good caregiver” doesn’t always mean providing all the care yourself.

They also explore something many caregivers desperately need: community. From finding other caregivers online to finally hearing someone say the thing you were ashamed to admit yourself, this episode is a reminder that caregiving can hold love, anger, grief, resentment, humor, exhaustion, and compassion all at once.

If you’ve ever wondered, “Am I a bad person for feeling this way?” — this conversation is for you.

Find Bernadette @thecaregivercollaborative on TikTok and YouTube!

Support the show

NOW AVAILABLE! From Guilt To Good Enough: A Caregiver’s Journey of Overcoming Burnout Through Healing Childhood by Jeanette Yates. Having been a caregiver for her mother since childhood, Jeanette knows firsthand the emotional toll caregiving can take. In this memoir-turned-self-help guide, she shares her journey of healing, setting boundaries, and reclaiming her life. Click here to purchase your copy!

At The Self-Caregiver LLC we guide women caring for their aging parents overcome burnout and release guilt to create more freedom and fulfillment in their life. 

We believe you cannot give more of yourself until you heal the wounds, replenish your being and reconnect to the fullness of who you are, embracing the purpose you‘ve been called to live. 

Send us Fan Mail

When Juana Libedinsky's husband, Conrado, suffered a catastrophic skiing accident in Patagonia, life changed in an instant.

The journalist, wife and mother suddenly became a caregiver navigating a severe brain injury, a coma, international medical logistics, two children, insurance, hospitals and the enormous uncertainty of what came next.

In this episode, Juana joins Jeanette Yates to talk about the experience behind her memoir, Downhill: A Memoir of an Accident, Two Comas, Many Books, and Starting Over.

They explore the side of caregiving that rarely makes it onto the screen: paperwork, practical decisions, awkward questions, school schedules, medical systems and the constant work required simply to keep life moving.

Juana also shares how friends, family and complete strangers stepped in during the crisis, why well-meaning advice can sometimes make things harder, and how laughter unexpectedly helped her feel human again.

They also discuss something caregivers often struggle with: the gradual erasure of your own identity.

For Juana, continuing to play tennis, read books and eventually write helped her hold onto pieces of herself.

And when the crisis eventually eased, her family didn't emerge as completely transformed people with a profound new philosophy of life.

They mostly wanted normal life back.

For caregivers carrying the pressure to survive perfectly, learn a great lesson from suffering or become a “better” version of themselves, Juana's story offers another possibility:

Sometimes getting your ordinary life back is enough.

Get your copy of Downhill today; click here.

Support the show

NOW AVAILABLE! From Guilt To Good Enough: A Caregiver’s Journey of Overcoming Burnout Through Healing Childhood by Jeanette Yates. Having been a caregiver for her mother since childhood, Jeanette knows firsthand the emotional toll caregiving can take. In this memoir-turned-self-help guide, she shares her journey of healing, setting boundaries, and reclaiming her life. Click here to purchase your copy!

At The Self-Caregiver LLC we guide women caring for their aging parents overcome burnout and release guilt to create more freedom and fulfillment in their life. 

We believe you cannot give more of yourself until you heal the wounds, replenish your being and reconnect to the fullness of who you are, embracing the purpose you‘ve been called to live. 

Send us Fan Mail

What happens when your aging parent starts struggling to get out of their chair—but absolutely refuses to give up the chair they love?

Jeanette talks with Matt Cavanaugh, Director of Customer Engagement at Enhance-It, about a simple device that converts an existing recliner into a powered lift chair.

They discuss how even a small amount of assistance can make standing easier, why repeatedly lifting a loved one can take a physical toll on caregivers, and how maintaining the ability to sit and stand independently can affect an older adult’s overall independence.

Matt also explains installation, chair compatibility, white-glove installation options, pricing, warranty information, and the Medicare reimbursement process discussed in the episode.

Most importantly, this conversation is about a simple caregiving principle: sometimes your family doesn’t need the newest or most complicated technology. Sometimes they need one straightforward tool that solves one very real daily problem.

Learn more about Enhance-It at liftmychair.com.

Support the show

NOW AVAILABLE! From Guilt To Good Enough: A Caregiver’s Journey of Overcoming Burnout Through Healing Childhood by Jeanette Yates. Having been a caregiver for her mother since childhood, Jeanette knows firsthand the emotional toll caregiving can take. In this memoir-turned-self-help guide, she shares her journey of healing, setting boundaries, and reclaiming her life. Click here to purchase your copy!

At The Self-Caregiver LLC we guide women caring for their aging parents overcome burnout and release guilt to create more freedom and fulfillment in their life. 

We believe you cannot give more of yourself until you heal the wounds, replenish your being and reconnect to the fullness of who you are, embracing the purpose you‘ve been called to live. 

Send us Fan Mail

Most caregivers already know music can be comforting. But there’s a big difference between putting on a favorite playlist and intentionally using music as a caregiving tool.

Jeanette talks with board-certified music therapist and SingFit co-founder Andy Tubmann about how active singing, rhythm and movement can help caregivers connect with someone living with dementia.

Andy shares what he learned professionally after more than 25 years working with music therapy—and personally while serving as the primary caregiver for his mother throughout an eight-to-ten-year dementia journey.

They explore why active music-making can create a different level of engagement than passive listening, how singing can still be used when verbal communication is declining, and why caregivers should match their loved one’s emotional state instead of immediately trying to change it.

Andy also explains how SingFit uses age, musical preferences, goals and guided song sequences to help caregivers create more intentional sessions—including sessions designed around reducing agitation.

This isn’t about curing dementia.

It’s about having another practical tool to create connection, comfort, stimulation and moments of meaningful engagement throughout the dementia journey.

Andy Tubman is a board-certified music therapist and the co-founder and Chief Clinical Officer of SingFit. He has spent more than 25 years developing, researching and teaching techniques that use music intentionally in care.

His expertise is also deeply personal. Andy served as the primary caregiver for his mother during her eight-to-ten-year journey with dementia, integrating music into daily routines ranging from car rides and activities to interactions with professional caregivers.

Resources / Links

SingFit
SingFit Caregiver App: Available through SingFit’s website
Jeanette Yates / The Self-Caregiver

Support the show

NOW AVAILABLE! From Guilt To Good Enough: A Caregiver’s Journey of Overcoming Burnout Through Healing Childhood by Jeanette Yates. Having been a caregiver for her mother since childhood, Jeanette knows firsthand the emotional toll caregiving can take. In this memoir-turned-self-help guide, she shares her journey of healing, setting boundaries, and reclaiming her life. Click here to purchase your copy!

At The Self-Caregiver LLC we guide women caring for their aging parents overcome burnout and release guilt to create more freedom and fulfillment in their life. 

We believe you cannot give more of yourself until you heal the wounds, replenish your being and reconnect to the fullness of who you are, embracing the purpose you‘ve been called to live. 

Send us Fan Mail

What if your aging parent had a simple way to tell you when they actually needed help?

No phone.

No complicated app.

No yelling from another room.

And no constant monitoring.

In this episode, Jeanette talks with Dominique “Dom” Austin, founder of Parent Ping, about the constant state of alert many caregivers experience.

Dom originally created Parent Ping for exhausted parents caring for newborns.

But almost immediately, families caring for aging adults began telling her they had the exact same problem.

Sometimes the hardest part of caregiving isn't knowing someone needs help.

It's wondering if they need you.

Dom explains how Parent Ping works, why simple technology can sometimes be more useful than complicated caregiving systems, and how giving someone an easy way to ask for help can preserve both safety and independence.

Jeanette and Dom also explore the surprising similarities between parenting and caregiving.

Dom puts the difference beautifully:

Parenting is about helping someone become independent.

Caregiving is about helping someone stay independent.

They also discuss caregiver hypervigilance, smartphone accessibility, hovering, caregiver exhaustion and how even a few extra minutes of breathing room can make a meaningful difference.

Learn more about Parent Ping.

Find more caregiver resources including trusted care tech on my website.

Support the show

NOW AVAILABLE! From Guilt To Good Enough: A Caregiver’s Journey of Overcoming Burnout Through Healing Childhood by Jeanette Yates. Having been a caregiver for her mother since childhood, Jeanette knows firsthand the emotional toll caregiving can take. In this memoir-turned-self-help guide, she shares her journey of healing, setting boundaries, and reclaiming her life. Click here to purchase your copy!

At The Self-Caregiver LLC we guide women caring for their aging parents overcome burnout and release guilt to create more freedom and fulfillment in their life. 

We believe you cannot give more of yourself until you heal the wounds, replenish your being and reconnect to the fullness of who you are, embracing the purpose you‘ve been called to live. 

Send us Fan Mail

Talking to an aging parent about driving, assisted living, finances or accepting help can quickly turn into an argument.

According to Aging and Change Coach Tami Calais, one reason is surprisingly simple: families often begin the conversation with the solution already decided.

“Mom, you need to stop driving.”

“We need to talk about assisted living.”

“You need someone helping you at home.”

After 16 years in senior living, Tami has seen what happens when families wait until a crisis forces these decisions — and what changes when they begin the conversation earlier.

In this episode, Tami joins Jeanette Yates to explain how motivational interviewing, curiosity, empathy and values-based conversations can help caregivers understand what their aging parents actually want instead of immediately trying to persuade them.

They discuss the difference between Solution Forward and Feelings Forward conversations, navigating role changes between parents and adult children, talking with someone who has dementia, caregiver burnout and why one of the most powerful caregiving skills may simply be learning how to ask instead of tell.

Tami's driving example captures the approach particularly well: rather than immediately asking someone to surrender their keys, she suggests asking what feels different about driving compared with five years ago.

Tami Calais is an Aging and Change Coach with 16 years of experience in senior living. Her work focuses on helping adult children and families navigate difficult conversations around aging using motivational interviewing, empathy, curiosity and values-based communication.

She is also the creator of Hard Conversations Handled Well: Aging Parents Edition, a five-week program designed to help families develop the skills and confidence to navigate resistance, changing family roles and difficult decisions. Tami describes the program as covering safe-space building, ambivalence, curiosity, reflective statements and putting those tools together into an ongoing conversation framework.

Resources

Tami Calais / Aging and Change Coach Website
 

Social
 @agingandchangecoach

Hard Conversations Handled Well: Aging Parents Edition

Caregiver Coupon Book

Jeanette Yates Website INCLUDING Trusted Care Tech Resources

Support the show

NOW AVAILABLE! From Guilt To Good Enough: A Caregiver’s Journey of Overcoming Burnout Through Healing Childhood by Jeanette Yates. Having been a caregiver for her mother since childhood, Jeanette knows firsthand the emotional toll caregiving can take. In this memoir-turned-self-help guide, she shares her journey of healing, setting boundaries, and reclaiming her life. Click here to purchase your copy!

At The Self-Caregiver LLC we guide women caring for their aging parents overcome burnout and release guilt to create more freedom and fulfillment in their life. 

We believe you cannot give more of yourself until you heal the wounds, replenish your being and reconnect to the fullness of who you are, embracing the purpose you‘ve been called to live. 

Send us Fan Mail

Most people don’t become caregivers gradually.

Sometimes everything changes with one phone call.

For Nicole Smith, it was more like three.

Her mother developed Alzheimer’s, her stepmother was diagnosed with aphasia, and her father dealt with normal pressure hydrocephalus—all while Nicole was navigating family life and the uncertainty of 2020.

That experience eventually led Nicole to become a Certified Senior Advisor, Daughterhood circle leader, caregiving advocate, and author of Diagnosis Dementia: Your Guide to Elder Care Planning and Crisis Management.

In this episode, Nicole and Jeanette talk about what happens when caregiving suddenly becomes your responsibility—and what families can do before reaching that point.

They explore powers of attorney, finding trustworthy professionals, navigating family conflict, support groups, difficult conversations about aging, caregiver isolation, and why delegation can be one of the most important skills a caregiver develops.

Because caregiving involves much more than providing care.

You're suddenly learning medical terminology, financial systems, legal processes, senior living options, insurance, family dynamics, and an entirely new world of decisions—often while already overwhelmed.

Nicole's message is simple: don't wait until the crisis to start talking about caregiving.

Most families are only one phone call away.

• Nicole Smith / Good Daughter AZ Nicole Smith website
• Diagnosis Dementia: Your Guide to Elder Care Planning and Crisis Management
• Daughterhood
• Good Daughter AZ YouTube
• Dementia Book Review Instagram

Connect with me on my website (you'll find my socials there too!) 

Support the show

NOW AVAILABLE! From Guilt To Good Enough: A Caregiver’s Journey of Overcoming Burnout Through Healing Childhood by Jeanette Yates. Having been a caregiver for her mother since childhood, Jeanette knows firsthand the emotional toll caregiving can take. In this memoir-turned-self-help guide, she shares her journey of healing, setting boundaries, and reclaiming her life. Click here to purchase your copy!

At The Self-Caregiver LLC we guide women caring for their aging parents overcome burnout and release guilt to create more freedom and fulfillment in their life. 

We believe you cannot give more of yourself until you heal the wounds, replenish your being and reconnect to the fullness of who you are, embracing the purpose you‘ve been called to live. 

Send us Fan Mail

Caregivers often become responsible for the essentials: medications, medical appointments, finances, transportation and safety.

But what happens to the small moments that make an older adult’s life enjoyable?

In this episode, Jeanette Yates speaks with Nick Mehdi, co-founder of Donna, an AI phone companion designed for older adults.

The idea began when Nick noticed that his grandfather—a lifelong Detroit Tigers fan—kept missing baseball games because he did not realise they were on. His family was successfully managing the major responsibilities of caregiving, but smaller reminders connected to his identity, interests and enjoyment were getting lost.

Nick explains how Donna uses scheduled conversational phone calls to remind older adults about sporting events, appointments and everyday activities. He also shares why a phone conversation can offer something that a standard smartphone notification cannot.

Jeanette and Nick explore the difference between helping an aging parent survive and helping them thrive, as well as the responsibility technology companies have to protect privacy, consent and autonomy.

They also discuss why Donna is intended to add to family connection—not replace it—and why an older adult should remain in control of whether their call summaries are shared.

This conversation offers a thoughtful look at how technology might reduce some of the mental load caregivers carry while helping older adults remain connected to the interests and experiences that make life meaningful.

00:00 – When Caregiving Conversations Become Logistics
01:34 – Watching a Parent Become a Long-Distance Caregiver
02:56 – The Missed Baseball Games That Started Everything
05:41 – Why Older Adults May Need More Than a Notification
06:28 – Finding a Co-Founder and Developing the Idea
08:03 – Why Voice AI Became Possible Now
09:48 – What Donna Actually Does
11:21 – How Older Adults Build Rapport With AI
13:26 – Surviving Versus Thriving in Older Age
15:32 – Supporting Human Connection Instead of Replacing It
17:50 – Why Small Reminders Fall Through the Cracks
19:20 – Privacy and Who Can Access Conversations
21:22 – Giving Older Adults Control and Consent
22:27 – Why Ethical Onboarding Takes Longer
24:13 – How Families Can Try Donna
26:14 – A Final Message for Caregivers

Donna (website)
App: Search “Donna Companion” in the App Store
Call Donna: 442-212-1723
Jeanette Yates website for caregiver support and care tech resources
Guest: Nick Mehdi on LinkedIn

Support the show

NOW AVAILABLE! From Guilt To Good Enough: A Caregiver’s Journey of Overcoming Burnout Through Healing Childhood by Jeanette Yates. Having been a caregiver for her mother since childhood, Jeanette knows firsthand the emotional toll caregiving can take. In this memoir-turned-self-help guide, she shares her journey of healing, setting boundaries, and reclaiming her life. Click here to purchase your copy!

At The Self-Caregiver LLC we guide women caring for their aging parents overcome burnout and release guilt to create more freedom and fulfillment in their life. 

We believe you cannot give more of yourself until you heal the wounds, replenish your being and reconnect to the fullness of who you are, embracing the purpose you‘ve been called to live.