From Guilt to Good with Jeanette Yates

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What happens when caregiving isn’t a role you chose — but one you were drafted into?

In this deeply honest conversation, Jeanette sits down with her friend Bernadette of Caregiver Collaborative to talk about the parts of caregiving families often struggle to say out loud.

After more than a decade of caring for her elderly parents, Bernadette shares what it meant to commute eight hours between states, raise her own children while caring for her parents, lose her father, reach her own breaking point, and finally decide that caregiving had to change.

Jeanette and Bernadette talk candidly about caregiver burnout, complicated relationships with aging parents, the pressure to sacrifice your own health, bringing in outside help, and why being a “good caregiver” doesn’t always mean providing all the care yourself.

They also explore something many caregivers desperately need: community. From finding other caregivers online to finally hearing someone say the thing you were ashamed to admit yourself, this episode is a reminder that caregiving can hold love, anger, grief, resentment, humor, exhaustion, and compassion all at once.

If you’ve ever wondered, “Am I a bad person for feeling this way?” — this conversation is for you.

Find Bernadette @thecaregivercollaborative on TikTok and YouTube!

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NOW AVAILABLE! From Guilt To Good Enough: A Caregiver’s Journey of Overcoming Burnout Through Healing Childhood by Jeanette Yates. Having been a caregiver for her mother since childhood, Jeanette knows firsthand the emotional toll caregiving can take. In this memoir-turned-self-help guide, she shares her journey of healing, setting boundaries, and reclaiming her life. Click here to purchase your copy!

At The Self-Caregiver LLC we guide women caring for their aging parents overcome burnout and release guilt to create more freedom and fulfillment in their life. 

We believe you cannot give more of yourself until you heal the wounds, replenish your being and reconnect to the fullness of who you are, embracing the purpose you‘ve been called to live. 

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When Juana Libedinsky's husband, Conrado, suffered a catastrophic skiing accident in Patagonia, life changed in an instant.

The journalist, wife and mother suddenly became a caregiver navigating a severe brain injury, a coma, international medical logistics, two children, insurance, hospitals and the enormous uncertainty of what came next.

In this episode, Juana joins Jeanette Yates to talk about the experience behind her memoir, Downhill: A Memoir of an Accident, Two Comas, Many Books, and Starting Over.

They explore the side of caregiving that rarely makes it onto the screen: paperwork, practical decisions, awkward questions, school schedules, medical systems and the constant work required simply to keep life moving.

Juana also shares how friends, family and complete strangers stepped in during the crisis, why well-meaning advice can sometimes make things harder, and how laughter unexpectedly helped her feel human again.

They also discuss something caregivers often struggle with: the gradual erasure of your own identity.

For Juana, continuing to play tennis, read books and eventually write helped her hold onto pieces of herself.

And when the crisis eventually eased, her family didn't emerge as completely transformed people with a profound new philosophy of life.

They mostly wanted normal life back.

For caregivers carrying the pressure to survive perfectly, learn a great lesson from suffering or become a “better” version of themselves, Juana's story offers another possibility:

Sometimes getting your ordinary life back is enough.

Get your copy of Downhill today; click here.

Support the show

NOW AVAILABLE! From Guilt To Good Enough: A Caregiver’s Journey of Overcoming Burnout Through Healing Childhood by Jeanette Yates. Having been a caregiver for her mother since childhood, Jeanette knows firsthand the emotional toll caregiving can take. In this memoir-turned-self-help guide, she shares her journey of healing, setting boundaries, and reclaiming her life. Click here to purchase your copy!

At The Self-Caregiver LLC we guide women caring for their aging parents overcome burnout and release guilt to create more freedom and fulfillment in their life. 

We believe you cannot give more of yourself until you heal the wounds, replenish your being and reconnect to the fullness of who you are, embracing the purpose you‘ve been called to live. 

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What happens when your aging parent starts struggling to get out of their chair—but absolutely refuses to give up the chair they love?

Jeanette talks with Matt Cavanaugh, Director of Customer Engagement at Enhance-It, about a simple device that converts an existing recliner into a powered lift chair.

They discuss how even a small amount of assistance can make standing easier, why repeatedly lifting a loved one can take a physical toll on caregivers, and how maintaining the ability to sit and stand independently can affect an older adult’s overall independence.

Matt also explains installation, chair compatibility, white-glove installation options, pricing, warranty information, and the Medicare reimbursement process discussed in the episode.

Most importantly, this conversation is about a simple caregiving principle: sometimes your family doesn’t need the newest or most complicated technology. Sometimes they need one straightforward tool that solves one very real daily problem.

Learn more about Enhance-It at liftmychair.com.

Support the show

NOW AVAILABLE! From Guilt To Good Enough: A Caregiver’s Journey of Overcoming Burnout Through Healing Childhood by Jeanette Yates. Having been a caregiver for her mother since childhood, Jeanette knows firsthand the emotional toll caregiving can take. In this memoir-turned-self-help guide, she shares her journey of healing, setting boundaries, and reclaiming her life. Click here to purchase your copy!

At The Self-Caregiver LLC we guide women caring for their aging parents overcome burnout and release guilt to create more freedom and fulfillment in their life. 

We believe you cannot give more of yourself until you heal the wounds, replenish your being and reconnect to the fullness of who you are, embracing the purpose you‘ve been called to live. 

Send us Fan Mail

Most caregivers already know music can be comforting. But there’s a big difference between putting on a favorite playlist and intentionally using music as a caregiving tool.

Jeanette talks with board-certified music therapist and SingFit co-founder Andy Tubmann about how active singing, rhythm and movement can help caregivers connect with someone living with dementia.

Andy shares what he learned professionally after more than 25 years working with music therapy—and personally while serving as the primary caregiver for his mother throughout an eight-to-ten-year dementia journey.

They explore why active music-making can create a different level of engagement than passive listening, how singing can still be used when verbal communication is declining, and why caregivers should match their loved one’s emotional state instead of immediately trying to change it.

Andy also explains how SingFit uses age, musical preferences, goals and guided song sequences to help caregivers create more intentional sessions—including sessions designed around reducing agitation.

This isn’t about curing dementia.

It’s about having another practical tool to create connection, comfort, stimulation and moments of meaningful engagement throughout the dementia journey.

Andy Tubman is a board-certified music therapist and the co-founder and Chief Clinical Officer of SingFit. He has spent more than 25 years developing, researching and teaching techniques that use music intentionally in care.

His expertise is also deeply personal. Andy served as the primary caregiver for his mother during her eight-to-ten-year journey with dementia, integrating music into daily routines ranging from car rides and activities to interactions with professional caregivers.

Resources / Links

SingFit
SingFit Caregiver App: Available through SingFit’s website
Jeanette Yates / The Self-Caregiver

Support the show

NOW AVAILABLE! From Guilt To Good Enough: A Caregiver’s Journey of Overcoming Burnout Through Healing Childhood by Jeanette Yates. Having been a caregiver for her mother since childhood, Jeanette knows firsthand the emotional toll caregiving can take. In this memoir-turned-self-help guide, she shares her journey of healing, setting boundaries, and reclaiming her life. Click here to purchase your copy!

At The Self-Caregiver LLC we guide women caring for their aging parents overcome burnout and release guilt to create more freedom and fulfillment in their life. 

We believe you cannot give more of yourself until you heal the wounds, replenish your being and reconnect to the fullness of who you are, embracing the purpose you‘ve been called to live. 

Send us Fan Mail

What if your aging parent had a simple way to tell you when they actually needed help?

No phone.

No complicated app.

No yelling from another room.

And no constant monitoring.

In this episode, Jeanette talks with Dominique “Dom” Austin, founder of Parent Ping, about the constant state of alert many caregivers experience.

Dom originally created Parent Ping for exhausted parents caring for newborns.

But almost immediately, families caring for aging adults began telling her they had the exact same problem.

Sometimes the hardest part of caregiving isn't knowing someone needs help.

It's wondering if they need you.

Dom explains how Parent Ping works, why simple technology can sometimes be more useful than complicated caregiving systems, and how giving someone an easy way to ask for help can preserve both safety and independence.

Jeanette and Dom also explore the surprising similarities between parenting and caregiving.

Dom puts the difference beautifully:

Parenting is about helping someone become independent.

Caregiving is about helping someone stay independent.

They also discuss caregiver hypervigilance, smartphone accessibility, hovering, caregiver exhaustion and how even a few extra minutes of breathing room can make a meaningful difference.

Learn more about Parent Ping.

Find more caregiver resources including trusted care tech on my website.

Support the show

NOW AVAILABLE! From Guilt To Good Enough: A Caregiver’s Journey of Overcoming Burnout Through Healing Childhood by Jeanette Yates. Having been a caregiver for her mother since childhood, Jeanette knows firsthand the emotional toll caregiving can take. In this memoir-turned-self-help guide, she shares her journey of healing, setting boundaries, and reclaiming her life. Click here to purchase your copy!

At The Self-Caregiver LLC we guide women caring for their aging parents overcome burnout and release guilt to create more freedom and fulfillment in their life. 

We believe you cannot give more of yourself until you heal the wounds, replenish your being and reconnect to the fullness of who you are, embracing the purpose you‘ve been called to live. 

Send us Fan Mail

Talking to an aging parent about driving, assisted living, finances or accepting help can quickly turn into an argument.

According to Aging and Change Coach Tami Calais, one reason is surprisingly simple: families often begin the conversation with the solution already decided.

“Mom, you need to stop driving.”

“We need to talk about assisted living.”

“You need someone helping you at home.”

After 16 years in senior living, Tami has seen what happens when families wait until a crisis forces these decisions — and what changes when they begin the conversation earlier.

In this episode, Tami joins Jeanette Yates to explain how motivational interviewing, curiosity, empathy and values-based conversations can help caregivers understand what their aging parents actually want instead of immediately trying to persuade them.

They discuss the difference between Solution Forward and Feelings Forward conversations, navigating role changes between parents and adult children, talking with someone who has dementia, caregiver burnout and why one of the most powerful caregiving skills may simply be learning how to ask instead of tell.

Tami's driving example captures the approach particularly well: rather than immediately asking someone to surrender their keys, she suggests asking what feels different about driving compared with five years ago.

Tami Calais is an Aging and Change Coach with 16 years of experience in senior living. Her work focuses on helping adult children and families navigate difficult conversations around aging using motivational interviewing, empathy, curiosity and values-based communication.

She is also the creator of Hard Conversations Handled Well: Aging Parents Edition, a five-week program designed to help families develop the skills and confidence to navigate resistance, changing family roles and difficult decisions. Tami describes the program as covering safe-space building, ambivalence, curiosity, reflective statements and putting those tools together into an ongoing conversation framework.

Resources

Tami Calais / Aging and Change Coach Website
 

Social
 @agingandchangecoach

Hard Conversations Handled Well: Aging Parents Edition

Caregiver Coupon Book

Jeanette Yates Website INCLUDING Trusted Care Tech Resources

Support the show

NOW AVAILABLE! From Guilt To Good Enough: A Caregiver’s Journey of Overcoming Burnout Through Healing Childhood by Jeanette Yates. Having been a caregiver for her mother since childhood, Jeanette knows firsthand the emotional toll caregiving can take. In this memoir-turned-self-help guide, she shares her journey of healing, setting boundaries, and reclaiming her life. Click here to purchase your copy!

At The Self-Caregiver LLC we guide women caring for their aging parents overcome burnout and release guilt to create more freedom and fulfillment in their life. 

We believe you cannot give more of yourself until you heal the wounds, replenish your being and reconnect to the fullness of who you are, embracing the purpose you‘ve been called to live. 

Send us Fan Mail

Most people don’t become caregivers gradually.

Sometimes everything changes with one phone call.

For Nicole Smith, it was more like three.

Her mother developed Alzheimer’s, her stepmother was diagnosed with aphasia, and her father dealt with normal pressure hydrocephalus—all while Nicole was navigating family life and the uncertainty of 2020.

That experience eventually led Nicole to become a Certified Senior Advisor, Daughterhood circle leader, caregiving advocate, and author of Diagnosis Dementia: Your Guide to Elder Care Planning and Crisis Management.

In this episode, Nicole and Jeanette talk about what happens when caregiving suddenly becomes your responsibility—and what families can do before reaching that point.

They explore powers of attorney, finding trustworthy professionals, navigating family conflict, support groups, difficult conversations about aging, caregiver isolation, and why delegation can be one of the most important skills a caregiver develops.

Because caregiving involves much more than providing care.

You're suddenly learning medical terminology, financial systems, legal processes, senior living options, insurance, family dynamics, and an entirely new world of decisions—often while already overwhelmed.

Nicole's message is simple: don't wait until the crisis to start talking about caregiving.

Most families are only one phone call away.

• Nicole Smith / Good Daughter AZ Nicole Smith website
• Diagnosis Dementia: Your Guide to Elder Care Planning and Crisis Management
• Daughterhood
• Good Daughter AZ YouTube
• Dementia Book Review Instagram

Connect with me on my website (you'll find my socials there too!) 

Support the show

NOW AVAILABLE! From Guilt To Good Enough: A Caregiver’s Journey of Overcoming Burnout Through Healing Childhood by Jeanette Yates. Having been a caregiver for her mother since childhood, Jeanette knows firsthand the emotional toll caregiving can take. In this memoir-turned-self-help guide, she shares her journey of healing, setting boundaries, and reclaiming her life. Click here to purchase your copy!

At The Self-Caregiver LLC we guide women caring for their aging parents overcome burnout and release guilt to create more freedom and fulfillment in their life. 

We believe you cannot give more of yourself until you heal the wounds, replenish your being and reconnect to the fullness of who you are, embracing the purpose you‘ve been called to live. 

Send us Fan Mail

Caregivers often become responsible for the essentials: medications, medical appointments, finances, transportation and safety.

But what happens to the small moments that make an older adult’s life enjoyable?

In this episode, Jeanette Yates speaks with Nick Mehdi, co-founder of Donna, an AI phone companion designed for older adults.

The idea began when Nick noticed that his grandfather—a lifelong Detroit Tigers fan—kept missing baseball games because he did not realise they were on. His family was successfully managing the major responsibilities of caregiving, but smaller reminders connected to his identity, interests and enjoyment were getting lost.

Nick explains how Donna uses scheduled conversational phone calls to remind older adults about sporting events, appointments and everyday activities. He also shares why a phone conversation can offer something that a standard smartphone notification cannot.

Jeanette and Nick explore the difference between helping an aging parent survive and helping them thrive, as well as the responsibility technology companies have to protect privacy, consent and autonomy.

They also discuss why Donna is intended to add to family connection—not replace it—and why an older adult should remain in control of whether their call summaries are shared.

This conversation offers a thoughtful look at how technology might reduce some of the mental load caregivers carry while helping older adults remain connected to the interests and experiences that make life meaningful.

00:00 – When Caregiving Conversations Become Logistics
01:34 – Watching a Parent Become a Long-Distance Caregiver
02:56 – The Missed Baseball Games That Started Everything
05:41 – Why Older Adults May Need More Than a Notification
06:28 – Finding a Co-Founder and Developing the Idea
08:03 – Why Voice AI Became Possible Now
09:48 – What Donna Actually Does
11:21 – How Older Adults Build Rapport With AI
13:26 – Surviving Versus Thriving in Older Age
15:32 – Supporting Human Connection Instead of Replacing It
17:50 – Why Small Reminders Fall Through the Cracks
19:20 – Privacy and Who Can Access Conversations
21:22 – Giving Older Adults Control and Consent
22:27 – Why Ethical Onboarding Takes Longer
24:13 – How Families Can Try Donna
26:14 – A Final Message for Caregivers

Donna (website)
App: Search “Donna Companion” in the App Store
Call Donna: 442-212-1723
Jeanette Yates website for caregiver support and care tech resources
Guest: Nick Mehdi on LinkedIn

Support the show

NOW AVAILABLE! From Guilt To Good Enough: A Caregiver’s Journey of Overcoming Burnout Through Healing Childhood by Jeanette Yates. Having been a caregiver for her mother since childhood, Jeanette knows firsthand the emotional toll caregiving can take. In this memoir-turned-self-help guide, she shares her journey of healing, setting boundaries, and reclaiming her life. Click here to purchase your copy!

At The Self-Caregiver LLC we guide women caring for their aging parents overcome burnout and release guilt to create more freedom and fulfillment in their life. 

We believe you cannot give more of yourself until you heal the wounds, replenish your being and reconnect to the fullness of who you are, embracing the purpose you‘ve been called to live. 

Send us Fan Mail

Can you love the person you care for and still feel angry, resentful, exhausted or desperate for the caregiving to end?
Brent has spent nearly two decades caring for his wife, Trudy, after she was diagnosed with young-onset Parkinson’s disease at 33. In this honest conversation, Brent and Jeanette discuss the side of long-term caregiving that is often hidden behind inspirational quotes and toxic positivity.
Brent explains why caregiving can feel like a “death by a thousand cuts,” how unspoken resentment almost broke him, and why acknowledging difficult thoughts does not make someone a bad caregiver.
They also discuss anticipatory grief, caregiver guilt, respite care, therapy, hospice and the small resets that can help caregivers make it through overwhelming moments.
In this episode:
• Why emergency medicine could not prepare Brent for long-term caregiving
• The reality hidden by the “sanitized” version of caregiving
• Why toxic positivity can leave caregivers feeling more alone
• Loving the person while resenting the caregiving situation
• The thoughts caregivers are often ashamed to admit
• Why difficult feelings do not make someone a bad caregiver
• What Brent means by “caregiver purgatory”
• How therapy helped him manage anger and resentment
• The small actions that help him reset during difficult moments
• How respite care can help even when using it creates guilt
• The difference support services made to his family’s survival
• What Brent would tell someone beginning a long caregiving journey
• Why families should communicate and seek therapy early
• The story and mission behind Held Light
Brent created Held Light to say out loud what many caregivers feel but cannot express. Through his videos, podcast and online community, he helps caregivers feel seen, understood and less alone.
Find Brent by searching Held Light or @heldlight on YouTube, Instagram, Facebook and TikTok. You can also listen to the Held Light podcast on Spotify.
For more caregiver support and resources, visit jeanetteyates.com.
If this conversation resonated with you, share it with another caregiver and subscribe for more honest conversations about caregiving, boundaries and feeling good without the guilt.

Chapters
00:00 Grieving someone who is still here
01:52 Trudy’s young-onset Parkinson’s diagnosis
03:31 Why emergency medicine did not prepare Brent
04:55 The sanitized version of caregiving
06:10 Caregiving as a death by a thousand cuts
07:20 Toxic positivity and the reality of Parkinson’s
09:32 Speaking directly to caregivers
11:04 Why Brent created Held Light
13:07 Becoming a better husband and caregiver
15:31 Misinformation and miracle cures
17:57 What caregiving taught Brent about love
19:21 How caregiving affected their sons
22:59 Caregivers do not have to be perfect
24:20 Admitting the darkest caregiver thoughts
25:44 Living in “caregiver purgatory”
27:37 Why perfect caregiving content can be harmful
28:20 Can caregiver burnout be prevented?
29:28 Small ways to manage chronic caregiver stress
31:21 Knowing when to step away
32:12 Respite care, hospice and outside support
35:38 How respite care actually works
37:20 The guilt of leaving a loved one in respite
39:20 Advice for a newly diagnosed family
40:40 Make memories before the disease progresses
42:02 Where to find Held Light

HeldLight website

HeldLight: TikTok &  Instagram & YouTube

Sponsor: Savi Security

A special thank you to our Sponsor, Savi Security. Learn more about how Savi protects your family from AI-powered scams across calls and texts, 24/7: https://www.savisecurity.com

Support the show

NOW AVAILABLE! From Guilt To Good Enough: A Caregiver’s Journey of Overcoming Burnout Through Healing Childhood by Jeanette Yates. Having been a caregiver for her mother since childhood, Jeanette knows firsthand the emotional toll caregiving can take. In this memoir-turned-self-help guide, she shares her journey of healing, setting boundaries, and reclaiming her life. Click here to purchase your copy!

At The Self-Caregiver LLC we guide women caring for their aging parents overcome burnout and release guilt to create more freedom and fulfillment in their life. 

We believe you cannot give more of yourself until you heal the wounds, replenish your being and reconnect to the fullness of who you are, embracing the purpose you‘ve been called to live. 

Send us Fan Mail

Most families do not make a comprehensive long-term care plan before they need one.

Instead, they rely on a few assumptions:

“Mom will move in with me.”

“My siblings will help.”

“We’ll figure it out when the time comes.”

But when an aging parent experiences a fall, receives a diagnosis, develops dementia, or can no longer live safely without assistance, those assumptions can quickly become a family crisis.

In this episode of From Guilt to Good, Jeanette Yates speaks with  Lindsay Friedman, a former nursing assistant, lifelong multigenerational caregiver, four-time founder, and the founder of CareBloom and LTCareNav.

Lindsay explains why families need to discuss long-term care before care becomes urgent—and why choosing where someone will live is only one small part of a complete plan.

They discuss the true responsibilities of family caregiving, preserving an aging parent’s dignity, the cost of professional care, Medicare and Medicaid misconceptions, sibling responsibilities, dementia care, and the questions every family needs to answer honestly.

Lindsay also shares the first two questions caregivers should ask:

What am I realistically willing and able to do?

What does my loved one want their future care to look like?

Because the best time to create a long-term care plan is before your family has to make impossible decisions with no information and no time.

Audio Chapters

00:00 The crisis created by not having a plan
01:28 Lindsay’s family caregiving journey
03:10 The hidden responsibilities of family caregiving
04:23 Autonomy, dignity, and the care recipient’s preferences
07:41 What Lindsay learned after becoming a family caregiver
09:00 Why families avoid planning for long-term care
11:26 Moving in with family is not a complete care plan
13:47 The potential cost of professional care
15:15 Medicaid planning and the five-year look-back
18:40 Preparing for the next change in a caregiving journey
20:08 Planning for care with limited financial resources
22:20 The difficult questions families need to answer
26:20 Creativity and connection in dementia care
29:31 The first step for families that have not planned
30:17 How LTCareNav supports families
31:31 The experience that inspired CareBloom
35:00 Plan today, protect tomorrow 

Resources and Links

Lindsay Friedman
LinkedIn

LTCareNav

CareBloom

LTCareNav’s Care Compass Podcast

Books by  Lindsay Friedman
Plan Today, Protect Tomorrow
The Questions That Matter

Book Mentioned
Creative Care by Dr. Anne Basting

Program Mentioned
TimeSlips

Episode Sponsor
Savi Security Savi Security

A special thank you to our Sponsor, Savi Security. Learn more about how Savi protects your family from AI-powered scams across calls and texts, 24/7: https://www.savisecurity.com

Jeanette Yates
Website and trusted caregiver resources

Support the show

NOW AVAILABLE! From Guilt To Good Enough: A Caregiver’s Journey of Overcoming Burnout Through Healing Childhood by Jeanette Yates. Having been a caregiver for her mother since childhood, Jeanette knows firsthand the emotional toll caregiving can take. In this memoir-turned-self-help guide, she shares her journey of healing, setting boundaries, and reclaiming her life. Click here to purchase your copy!

At The Self-Caregiver LLC we guide women caring for their aging parents overcome burnout and release guilt to create more freedom and fulfillment in their life. 

We believe you cannot give more of yourself until you heal the wounds, replenish your being and reconnect to the fullness of who you are, embracing the purpose you‘ve been called to live.