"Josh, HELP ME!!!"

We're back after a way-too-long break with more drama!

If you've ever had to ignore a parent's cries for attention because you know all they bring with them is trouble, then this episode is for you.

I'll be taking you through some insane conversations, if you can call them that, I've had with my mother over the last couple of years, including a wild 911 call.

Then we're going to do a deeper dive on some stuff we talked about way back at the end of last season: what does it look like when your protector is the one putting you in danger? Themes we've explored before, but we always find a new way to show them.

Click here to send me a message! There's no way for me to respond unless you give me your contact info, but I will absolutely read it and may even feature it in the next episode!

"They were brother and sister and they were doing things they definitely should not have been doing."

This week's episode is all about the things we do when we should know better. Whether as children or adults, sometimes we do things that we know we shouldn't. Or maybe we don't know we shouldn't. How do you know the difference between right and wrong when you've been taught that the wrong things are okay your entire life?

The journey continues as we explore life after my mother's release from jail. When the system failed to recognize the dangers of returning me to her custody, we found ourselves starting over in one of the roughest parts of downtown.

The neighborhood itself was a microcosm of extreme urban poverty – chain-link fences, homeless people on doorsteps, and neighbors whose living conditions defied imagination. The family next door, perpetually dirty and living in hoard-like conditions, became my playmates in good and bad ways. These relationships crossed boundaries that, looking back, reveal how childhood trauma and neglect reshape a child's understanding of normal behavior.

When a neighborhood bully targeted my friend, my protective instinct manifested in shocking violence. Was this extreme reaction the product of undiagnosed anger issues, or simply the natural response of a child who'd learned that adults couldn't be relied upon to maintain safety?

Click here to send me a message! There's no way for me to respond unless you give me your contact info, but I will absolutely read it and may even feature it in the next episode!

What happens if the only constant in your chaotic world is abruptly removed... in handcuffs?

This is the night everything changed.

The adults were upstairs getting high, so it began with another night of trying to sleep in a car. The red and blue lights lit up the night to rescue a neglected kid. Did it really save me, though? Or did it just throw me from the frying pan to the fire?

I take you straight into that moment. Raw, real and unfiltered.

The terror of being woken up by police flashlights.

Watching my mom, my anchor, being arrested.

The guilt I carried, believing it was all my fault.

Moving in with a father I barely knew and his girlfriend, a woman whose violence and volatility created a new kind of danger.

But this isn’t just a story of trauma — it’s a story of survival and the silent scars of being the invisible kid no one checked in on.

My father's feeble attempts at normalcy, enrolling me in Cub Scouts and Taekwondo, only highlighted how different my life was from other children's. As an introverted, anxious child who'd never known stability, these activities became another source of alienation rather than belonging. Each awkward social interaction and failed attempt at fitting in served as a painful reminder that I existed in a world apart from my peers.

The most enduring pain, however, came from the burden of misplaced guilt. For years afterward, my mother continued to remind me that her arrest was my fault—if I hadn't been sleeping in that car, none of it would have happened. As a child, I accepted this blame without question. But this episode serves as a powerful reminder for anyone who has carried similar burdens: it was never your fault; children are not responsible for the failures of their caregivers.

If you've been made to feel guilty for situations that weren't your fault, I'd love to hear your story. Reach out with a message or comment so we can remind each other that the guilt many of us carry simply doesn't belong to us—and it's time to let it go.

Click here to send me a message! There's no way for me to respond unless you give me your contact info, but I will absolutely read it and may even feature it in the next episode!

Poverty doesn't just mean having less money – it creates an entire ecosystem of experiences that shape how a child views the world. This raw, unflinching episode takes listeners into the realities of growing up with constant instability, from roach-infested motels to sleeping on mattresses stuffed into closets.

The haunting details of motel life paint a vivid picture: drug deals happening just outside, used condoms on the floor and roaches crawling everywhere. These weren't just temporary accommodations, but actual homes for weeks or months at a time. Perhaps most devastating is how these living conditions created a second layer of isolation, as  roaches would hitchhike in my backpack to friends' houses, resulting in some parents banning visits to prevent infestation in their own homes.

We witness childhood resilience in its rawest form. The contrast between these harsh surroundings and normal childhood experiences – cherishing Pokemon cards, attending an NSYNC concert, navigating awkward fifth-grade relationships – highlights how children attempt to create normalcy even in the most abnormal circumstances.

What's most unsettling is how all of this seemed completely normal to a child who had never known anything different. With no adult intervention or questioning whether these conditions were acceptable, the cycle continued as the family moved from place to place whenever they could no longer pay rent.

Have you experienced similar circumstances or know someone who has? Share your stories and reflections – I read every message and am deeply grateful for this community of listeners willing to engage with difficult but important conversations about the hidden realities of childhood poverty.

From Dirt We Grow: https://youtu.be/lIpmNdhX_08?si=6AfIj5Q033KIWvOq

STAG Podcast: https://open.spotify.com/episode/4NZCksMcTCoeiRljlrhu9U

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Website: https://homelesstomansion.com

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Click here to send me a message! There's no way for me to respond unless you give me your contact info, but I will absolutely read it and may even feature it in the next episode!

"These people just want to use you for whatever they can get out of you."

The behaviors we learn in childhood follow us into adulthood in ways we often fail to recognize. Growing up in extreme poverty taught me financial and social patterns that lingered long after I escaped those circumstances. This raw, reflective episode examines the subtle yet powerful ways parental failings shape who we become.

The most insidious lessons came from watching how adults in my life manipulated others. My mother and her circle perfected the art of getting what they wanted without directly asking – creating elaborate displays of neediness designed to maximize what they could get from others. I absorbed these "poverty behaviors" and still catch myself falling into these patterns today.

Breaking these cycles requires first recognizing them for what they are: learned survival mechanisms rather than permanent character flaws. While these behaviors may have served a purpose in an environment of scarcity and instability, they become self-sabotaging once we have opportunities for stability and growth. This episode offers both personal reflection and insight for anyone working to overcome similar patterns.

Have you identified destructive patterns from your own childhood? Share your story or reach out with your thoughts – I'd love to hear how you're breaking cycles and creating healthier behaviors in your own life. Subscribe, leave a review and join me next week as we continue exploring how our past shapes our present.

 From Dirt We Grow: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lIpmNdhX_08

Click here to send me a message! There's no way for me to respond unless you give me your contact info, but I will absolutely read it and may even feature it in the next episode!

The house was burning down around us, but I had already lost most of my stuff, so what did I care?

It was time to be on the move again, this time with no destination in mind. We had left Lexington with a car full of our stuff and we were heading back with no more than could fit in our trunk.

After some nights sleeping in our car, we settled on a tobacco farm. Despite being just ten years old, I was handed a hatchet and sent into the fields to work.

Throughout these experiences, I keep returning to one question: where were all the adults who should have protected me? My father, school officials, social services – the systematic failure that allowed a child to fall through the cracks into homelessness and labor exploitation remains inexplicable decades later. Perhaps most unsettling is how these shocking experiences simply became just another day in my young life.

This journey through my past continues to reveal how childhood trauma shapes us in ways we're still discovering years later. The stories may be difficult, but sharing them has become an essential part of understanding who I am today. Join me as we continue exploring the formative experiences that no child should endure, yet somehow I survived.

Click here to send me a message! There's no way for me to respond unless you give me your contact info, but I will absolutely read it and may even feature it in the next episode!

On the run from the cops, we settled down into our new life in the country.

Our housing situation shifted constantly and taught me early-on that nothing was permanent: not my living situation and not my family; creating a sense of perpetual insecurity.

Perhaps most damaging was witnessing the increasing substance abuse in my home, creating an environment where I couldn't depend on my caregivers.

Childhood experiences of poverty and instability create lasting impacts that shape people's attitudes, behaviors, and relationships well into adulthood and my experiences were only just beginning.

Click here to send me a message! There's no way for me to respond unless you give me your contact info, but I will absolutely read it and may even feature it in the next episode!

The Uncomfortable Truth About Sexual Exposure Across Class Lines

Welcome to the first episode of Side Notes: a raw companion series where I explore topics that didn't quite fit into the main podcast.

Today I'm going more in-depth with personal stories about inappropriate childhood sexual experiences that were common in my upbringing. I examine how these experiences contrast dramatically with those of children from middle and upper-class backgrounds.

I question how this early exposure shapes future outcomes, including the higher rates of teen pregnancy in disadvantaged communities. Is it because these kids don't see a future worth protecting? Or because they haven't been taught to prioritize long-term goals?

The conversations might be uncomfortable, but they're necessary if we want to break cycles that have damaged generations. Share your thoughts, experiences, or insights by leaving a comment or sending me a message—I genuinely want to hear your perspective on this complex issue. 

Click here to send me a message! There's no way for me to respond unless you give me your contact info, but I will absolutely read it and may even feature it in the next episode!

Check out ReComOut: https://recomout.com/

Growing up in extreme poverty means living in a constant state of impermanence. Everything in your life - homes, possessions, even relationships - feels temporary, disposable. I learned this lesson repeatedly as a child, packing up my meager belongings into a single box while watching my mother and her boyfriend prioritize their next drink over stability.

This episode takes you into the very beginnings of the chaos that would become my new normal. The devastating betrayals and Faustian bargains I had to make as a child still in single-digit years. These arrangements led to consequences my mother chose to flee from rather than face.

Listen to understand how poverty creates cycles that are nearly impossible to break without meaningful intervention and why children often remain silent about their suffering even when they desperately need rescue.

Click here to send me a message! There's no way for me to respond unless you give me your contact info, but I will absolutely read it and may even feature it in the next episode!

Today we're talking about young love and toxicity that leaves a permanent stain on the lives of everyone it touches.

We have our first big move that starts everything spiraling brutally downward.

What was once just a lower-class life quickly collapses into the unstable life that would haunt me for the rest of my childhood.

Click here to send me a message! There's no way for me to respond unless you give me your contact info, but I will absolutely read it and may even feature it in the next episode!