Another sacrifice I made for the sake of the relationship I thought I had and the happiness I thought I wanted.

Being reasonable and amicable, or just taken the piss out of. I thought I was being reasonable and consideration given to her, guess I was just a naive fool. It will never happen again!!!

I'll never know the truth but still so many unanswered questions.

March 20, 2021 and the curious story of a "shared many times" meme. Her change in sexual behaviour and then her trips out on a Sunday morning on her own. Good old James with his devils advocate mentality has been an enormous help in finding clarity where she will never give a shred of honesty. Time to heal and move on, it's no point trying to rehash the past, I will never know the truth, I know that much, James asked why I was keen, in his eyes, to see the worst, I explained how it's now a keenness to see the worst but an observation of the happenings surrounding our relationship and her behavioural changes that roused my suspicions but my unwillingness to consider the possibility of her cheating on me, I didn't want to think so lowly of her and I certainly didn't want to believe that she would risk our family for a fling.

One of my good friends rang me to ask how I was after listening to my latest episodes, it's been a tough few days but holy fiddle sticks Batman are we fighting our way through the emotions and cracking on. I won't lie, it's hurting still, I sound better than I feel and I'm holding on to my plans for the future!

Maybe this is karma, our history is long, time to stop over analysing the past and getting myself prepared for my future, easily said but it's still raw and difficult to keep it together.

The sudden realisation that we were over a long time ago, she was just going through the motions until she fell in love with someone else. The sad reality that it is just my feelings that are hurt and she feels no sadness, no remorse for her deceit and betrayal of our family, she had checked out long ago and I was now the only thing standing in the way of her new relationship.

Mad respect to the Instagram followers who picked up on my story with Johnny Cash's Hurt as the sound track to my quotes nigelwilliams78 over there. It hurts less but none the less it still hurts.

Well this is a bit raw, a bit brutal and 100% real life, after 13 years I'm flying solo again, it hurts, the betrayal and destruction of my family for reasons I can't quite fathom. I know gaslighting when I see it and blame shifting, the simple fact is this, just being honest with me from the outset could have saved all this agro, the carbon copy just solidifies my suspicions and her reactions were text book. He knew she was in a relationship, he knew she was about to end it on a whim, she will suffer this choice, easy come, easy go for guys sending dick pix out looking for a hook up. I won't lie, I've tears rolling down my cheeks as I type this, the hurt is immeasurable, who knows how this plays out.

Lots of discussion around freshly ticketed operators getting a seat, agencies seem to be the go to venue, with lying and blagging their way into a machine as the modus operandi, it's not acceptable, the machines we drive can kill in an instant!