Part 1: Intro
Walking along the train tracks with my best friend and roommate Ike shortly after college, he shared this adage with me: “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” When I first heard this, I wasn’t sure how true it was. But as I looked around at my own life, I saw the evidence unfold before me. The quality of my relationships directly influenced my mindset, ambitions, and ultimately, my successes and failures.
The people in our lives set the bar for what we believe is possible. They either lift us up or pull us down, and choosing the right circle is one of the most critical decisions we can make. From personal growth to career success, faith to hobbies, the people around us help define our trajectory. It's been 15 years since that walk on the tracks with Ike, and this truth has only become clearer with time.
Part 2: The Role of Mentors and Guides
Every successful person I’ve had the opportunity to speak with—or whose biography I’ve read—has credited mentors as key figures in their journey. Whether formal or informal, mentors establish benchmarks that challenge us to strive higher. The right mentors guide us in building discipline and setting measurable, attainable goals that push us forward. It’s easy to visualize the big picture—I want to be X, Y, and Z—but figuring out the practical, daily steps to get there is much harder. Mentors help bridge that gap.
The concept of the ‘bar’ is crucial here. We often hear people say, “You set the bar so high!” But what happens when you reach it? You must raise it again. Without continuous progress, complacency creeps in, and nothing kills potential faster than stagnation. Growth requires new challenges, new skills, and new perspectives—all of which are best acquired through the influence of great people.
Steve, a friend I meet with regularly who consistently challenges me to grow, once asked me: "What do you think about being comfortable?" Through our conversation, I realized that the very idea of comfort made me uncomfortable. It was yet another lesson from Steve—another deposit in the "Bank of Steve"—helping me push my limits and continuously raise the bar.
Mentors also help us assess whether we actually want the things we think we want. Their questions guide us toward self-discovery so we invest our energy into pursuits that truly fulfill us. Stephen R. Covey, author of The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, captured this idea perfectly:
“If the ladder is not leaning against the right wall, every step we take just gets us to the wrong place faster.”
Success must be defined on our own terms, ensuring that our efforts align with our true values and purpose. Many people spend years climbing a career or life path only to realize they were chasing the wrong goals. Covey urges deep reflection—making sure your ladder is against the right wall before you start climbing.
Part 3: The Influence of Relationships at Different Life Stages
Childhood: The First Role Models
As a child, my father, mother, and four siblings were my first mentors. They taught me lessons about sports, negotiation (especially when it came to getting extra TV time), and how to maximize results with minimal effort. I didn’t realize then how deeply their influence shaped my behavior and aspirations. To this day, the seeds they planted in daily interactions continue to shape who I am.
High School: The Question That Changed Everything
During high school, I attended one of the finest schools in Michigan, thanks to my parents’ generosity and sacrifice. It was there that I first heard a question that would shape my coming of age:
“Who is the man you seek to become?”
This question echoed in my mind for years. It became a guiding principle, reminding me that every choice—whether in academics, friendships, or ethics—shaped the person I was becoming.
As a grunt salesman and later a sales leader, I faced dilemmas that tested my character. The right choice is often simple but difficult because it is the path less traveled. Each time, the question resurfaced: Who is the man I seek to become? Surrounding myself with integrity-driven people reinforced my commitment to making the right decisions, even when they were difficult.
When life becomes difficult and emotions run high, sometimes the ice beneath us feels so thin that the only thing preventing a fall is the right person offering the right words at the right moment. I've experienced both outcomes—times when the ice cracked and I fell, and times when a well-timed word gave me the extra 1% of strength I needed to stay upright. Recognizing this, I now make it a priority to try and surround myself with people who can offer the right guidance when I need it most.
College: The Power of Intentional Mentorship
College is a transformative period where many people shape the adults they will soon become. For me, it was a time of spiritual awakening—a phase when I began taking my faith seriously, even as many around me drifted in the opposite direction. Looking back, three key mentors played a pivotal role in shaping my foundation:
* Colin Easton – A senior when I was a freshman, Colin helped me articulate life’s big questions: Why am I here? Am I loved? How do I pray?
* Eric Larson – One of my closest friends to this day, Eric helped me wrestle with Colin’s questions over countless espressos. Our deep conversations expanded my understanding of faith, purpose, and relationships.
* Fr. Fred Byrne – My first official spiritual director, introduced to me by Colin. Fr. Fred taught me Lectio Divina, a meditative prayer method that reshaped not only my faith but also my approach to life—helping me see every experience through a lens of personal relevance.
Part 4: The Company You Keep Defines Your Future
Looking back, I see how the people in my life have influenced the person I have become. The right circle elevates you, pushes you, and holds you accountable. Winston Churchill said:
“To each, there comes in their lifetime a special moment when they are figuratively tapped on the shoulder and offered the chance to do a very special thing. What a tragedy if that moment finds them unprepared or unqualified for that which could have been their finest hour.”
Being in the right environment, surrounded by the right people, prepares us for these moments.
The wrong company, on the other hand, can do the opposite. They can dull ambition, reinforce complacency, and lower your standards without you even realizing it. As Proverbs 13:20 states:
“Walk with the wise and become wise, for a companion of fools suffers harm.”
The wisdom of those around us shapes our own.
Bad company can also inspire us to greater heights. Sometimes, negative examples teach us what not to become. Like everyone, I’ve encountered people who were not praiseworthy. At those moments, I faced a choice: either conform to win their approval or use them as motivation to become the opposite and pursue my highest aspirations.
Part 5: Final Thought
The people in your life are either a weight or a wind. They either hold you down or lift you higher. Choose wisely, and watch your life transform. Like anything worthwhile, this is not an overnight, one-and-done task. It takes months and years to cultivate—and I believe it has eternal rewards.
I'd love to hear your perspective! Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments below—let's keep the conversation going!
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