There’s no real “finish line” on this whole building a healthy lifestyle thing, but I’m finally at the point where the immense amount of work put in feels worthwhile. I can now bike again, which feels incredible. After putting it off for some time I finally got my old bicycle (lots of sentimental value there) repaired. I spent many years very despairing that I would never ride again.

Major Milestone: 300lbs down

I’ve also lost the big 300 now. I started this journey over 576lbs and this morning I weighed in at 273.4 with my latest low last weekend being 270. Starting I didn’t know it was even possible, now I realize I couldn’t imagine what it would demand of me. I can personally attest that none of this is easy.

I’m still recovering from some challenging times, but I’m very much looking forward to sharing more moving forward. I’ve learned a lot in this process, and certainty have a great deal to share. I hope you enjoy this attempt to record some thoughts while being able to ride again. It is very good to be rolling.

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It has been a while since I’ve published one of these off-the-cuff walking monologues. In short, I’ve been worn down from the disappointment of continuing to reach higher, and feeling punished when minor injuries accumulate into feeling trapped again. Progress remains steady, but I still have a long way to go.

Biting off more than I can chew

When I think about what’s been troubling me lately a great deal of it boils down to trying to ‘fly too close to the sun’. This entire time I’ve been desperate to actually get moving, now that I’m capable of it I have a very difficult time holding myself back. Some of it’s pressure, some of it is struggling to sit with background frustrations and fears. Looking back, it’s no mystery, but in the moment I feel driven by a very unfamiliar set of compulsions.

Now that I can be much more active than I ever have been, I feel compelled to take it for all it’s worth. For this entire journey every advance has been met with a desire to push even harder. I have certainly hit my limits before, but the severity and damage was limited by my lack of overall capability. Now I feel like I can do significant and lasting damage when I’m not careful and I realize how careless pressure and frustration can make me.

I am still recovering from going ’too hard’ on a couple of rollerblading sessions that included some falls. It’s really not the physical injury that bothers me as much as the regret of not being able to keep going. Each day I’m not back to “100%” consumes me with guilt that is nearly impossible to dismiss without doing something active that only delays recovery. I know this is a problem, sadly I am currently at a loss of how to disentangle it.

It has been surprising, but never before in this journey has the temptation to outright quit been higher. In part I am very disappointed that getting this far hasn’t ‘fixed everything’. In my less optimistic moments I’m angered that I’ve been given a cruel taste of what I am still unable to do. This spirals into despair that I may never actually fix this. It has been made crystal clear to me how strong the negative feedback loop to regaining weight is, but it seems I’m unable to gracefully go the other direction.

It all feels so far above me. This process has taken far more out of me than what I expected. I have some new grey hairs to show for it. It is clear that I need to find the right balance or a new equilibrium will be forced on me. So much of my present despair has to do with the fact that it does feel like everything I’ve done to get to this point has more or less been for nothing. It’s possible that I’m just being greedy. I need to have the patience and gratitude to accept that this is just going to take more time than I would like. On the other hand, I worry that this process itself can break me.

Refueling & Recuperation

A pleasant shift is that I have discovered that the tactical use of carbohydrates can do wonders for mental clarity. In the past particularly demanding days would have me feeling significantly mentally exhausted on top of the physical exhaustion. With some success, I’ve been able to prevent that effect by properly fueling my body with some berries and fruits during difficult days. I’m definitely eager to learn more how how to precisely and efficiently use this to stay lucid despite trying to be more active. In the past I had noticed that doing a lot of exercise after a significant meal feels very good, my hope is that I can time things to take advantage of that.

On the mental side I’m doing what I can to take some of the pressure off. I’ve felt a great deal of frustration for not publishing more, especially because of some of the relevant big picture moves going on right now. I am trying to be patient with myself as I catch up, but it does get me down quite a bit. This feels like the point in the cycle where I have to rediscover inspiration again. I need to find positive reasons to press on and remind myself of where things can go from here.

I realize I need to rest reevaluate, and refocus my efforts. Lately I’ve been prioritizing sleep, which I think is making a positive impact. Sometime soon I hope to more concretely plan out a slightly different approach. If nothing else I need to figure out how to properly restrain my over-zealousness.

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I really appreciated the chance to have my solo debut on Geopolitics & Empire, which is one of my favorite podcasts that I’ve been listening to for many years. I’m thrilled to have had the chance to share my ‘big picture’ thoughts on the fine details of AI while raising awareness that we can take a different path. I hope you’ll enjoy it!

Full Interview:

Watch on BitChute / Brighteon / Rumble / YouTube

More links on Geopolitics & Empire's website

Is ‘Digital Immortality’ more than just a quirky futuristic idea?

I can’t unsee the pattern. It now appears to me that the entire purpose of advancing the idea of ‘digital immortality’ is to define away death. The implications on medical ethics and the consequences of equating our real lives with digital facsimiles can’t seem more dire.

I know it’s cringe to make comic book comparisons, but I think it’s fascinating to see how this idea has been well explored in the idea of “Brainiac” from Superman.

In the interview we talk about my recent piece We will come to regret our every use of AI.

My previous chat on G&E was with Mathew Crawford about the Future of Bitcoin.

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It really wasn’t that long ago that I even struggled with walking, but I am thrilled to share that I have gone rollerblading for the first time in a long time. A lot of great things are coming together this Spring and I am eager to make the best of it. Last week I made a new low of just a hair below 289. Lately I’ve been looking back at just how hard-won my newfound mobility is and reflecting on how different it feels to be able to glide again.

First roll

In truth, I was very anxious to begin rollerblading. I had become so used to everything being a painful and arduous challenge that I was expecting my first attempt to be a humiliating and frustrating experience. Once I got moving, I experienced the exact opposite. Things felt fluid and fun. In that moment it was so hard to believe that I was doing it. Actually having some momentum was a surreal and liberating experience. Feeling the wind against me as I pushed forward made me feel a concrete sense of accomplishment I truly haven’t allowed myself feel until now. It was very helpful that my twin brother sent me a tutorial video on how to avoid common beginner mistakes. I’ve still got a lot to learn but I’m very happy I’ve been able to skate around without any back pain. Hopefully, the weather will cooperate and I can become quite the skating fanatic.

New recipe! Cloud eggs

I’ve been trying to have more egg whites in general, but it’s been boring to only have them scrambled.

New Low

Lately I’ve been anxious about still not being very far from 300. To be blunt, I don’t quite yet trust that it’s fully behind me. I recently bought some XL shorts not expecting them to fit and to my surprise they did! Despite the scale going slowly it does seem that I’m progressing reasonably well.

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Reposted from Gabe.Rocks | Reply via Fediverse

Lately I’ve been wrestling with a quite familiar terror brought on by world events. With escalating wars and energy shocks I find myself reminded of the dark days of the covid years. Since then I have learned that the problem isn’t fear in difficult times, but being ruled by it. One of the most frustrating things to see is how during the chaos, people get taken advantage of by opportunists and institutions alike.

To address my emotional eating, I’ve had to take a deep look at what mental and emotional troubles drive me to seek comfort. As I’ve made progress, I’ve had to wrestle with a deeper understanding of my own fear-driven compulsions. On reflection, it is clear to me that these insights have broader applications beyond just health. I hope you appreciate listening to me try to figure this out.

Related

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It was an honor and pleasure to speak with V. N. Alexander on a wide variety of topics. I hope you’ll enjoy our conversation where we touch on the finer points of many ongoing changes in our digital experience. Learning from her vast knowledge and expertise has been a valuable experience. You’ll definitely benefit from exploring her works, which range from novels to educational courses.

This conversation was a thrilling opportunity for me to learn from her in-depth knowledge and precision about AI tools, online safety, and the fall of our institutions. We explore the opportunities and possibilities in taking part of the change to bring about a better digital future. By precisely understanding the deep differences between biological systems and machines we can make the best of the future.

Links discussed

* Naked Singularity

* The Posthumous Style

* Battle for your Brain

* Response: Is the Military Developing Mind Reading Tech?

* Pledge to America’s Youth: Investing in AI Education

* Catherine Knibbs work

* We are not machines Webinar - IPAK EDU

* Biosemiotics

* How Do We Escape the Panopticon?

* Platform Cooperative Book Publishing

Related:

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Samuel reached out to me to offer people free consultations to improve their digital experience. I took the opportunity to have a rich conversation with him about the finer points of privacy and overall digital autonomy in our time. It was a very welcome chance to connect over not just the perils of our age, but the actual opportunities to build a better digital experience.

This conversation was a helpful way for me to dig deep into some of the finer points of our current struggles to maintain digital autonomy in our time. We start off talking about how telling someone to “just use Linux” should be the start of a conversation, not a command. We talk about how your overall choices have an impact regardless of what particular product or system you chose.

This overlaps with many pressing questions like the end of support for Windows 10, as well as choosing ‘dumbphones’ over a smartphone. It’s not just what you use, but also how you use it. The importance of judicious use of social media is a great example. Yet, neither of us are purists, we believe that changes that ultimately isolate you from other people are wholly impractical for a better digital future.

What I hope you take away from our conversation is an invitation, no matter what your background is, to consider how you can use technology rather than have it use you. Privacy shouldn’t be about hiding, but about building trust and protecting real independence. Both Sam and I would encourage you to nurture a desire to steward a better digital future for yourself and others.

If you’re impressed by this conversation, you may want to consider bookmarking his website haveprivacynow.com which will eventually feature blog posts and a newsletter.

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Updates

New XMRChat from Leo:

Thanks for the excellent article on Zano, and in general for the information you share. Keep up the weight loss! Share how you did it? Staying away from soft drinks was key for me, as well as cutting out all caffeine.

Latest works

Technical blog post: Self-hosting: Speed, decentralization and efficiency

Happy Cybersecurity Awareness Month!

* Personal Security Checklist

Technological Tyranny

* UK Government Dismisses Public Outcry, Pushes Ahead with Controversial Digital ID Plan

* ID cards: UK risks sleeping walking into pre-crime state

* We Don’t Want a “Papers, Please” Web

* Government needs to fix dangerous flaws in federal cybersecurity proposal

* Digital Threat Modeling Under Authoritarianism

Hope in a better digital future

* Taking the Hope Pill on Dead Internet Theory

* Democracy of Reach

* Chatterbox: Federated Chat that Doesn’t Suck

* FSF turns forty with a groundbreaking new project and a new president

* FLOSS 849 - Veilid: Be a Brick

* IMA: Free Speech or Limited Speech – There Are No Other Choices

Honorable mentions

* Hosting A Website On A Disposable Vape

* Supporting the future of the open web: Cloudflare is sponsoring Ladybird and Omarchy

* Is it really FOSS?

* Spartacus: Conscientious Objection In The Digital Panopticon

* VPN Relationships

* Aegis Authenticator and Linux Authenticator

* Can Wearables Be Trusted?

Previous Recaps

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Recent content

Trends to watch

The Future of Android

* Tech Google stock jumps 8% after search giant avoids worst-case penalties in antitrust case

* Google wants to make sideloading Android apps safer by verifying developers’ identities

* “Sideloading” is the rentseeker word for “being able to run software of your choosing on a computing device you purchased”.

* GrapheneOS not affected

Monero’s ‘Hashrate troubles’

* Researchers Debunk Alleged 51% Attack on Monero

* Hashrate Heist or Hype?

* The attacks on Monero’s POW consensus system continue + Price, News & More! | EPI 227

* Anti Moonboy News 40 - Well That Escalated Quickly

* The true target is consensus to change the PoW.

* Notice of delisting for Monero (XMR) in Canada

‘Growing pains’ in decentralized social media

* Some of the New US State Social Media Laws are Driving Away Small Social Media

* 4chan and Kiwi Farms Sue the UK Over its Age Verification Law

* Mastodon says it doesn’t ‘have the means’ to comply with age verification laws

* Technically, [fedi admins are] probably also breaking laws in Afghanistan, Iran, North Korea and so on.

* Are We Decentralized Yet? - Fediverse vs ‘The Atmosphere’

Notable items

* Biotechnology and the lifetime of technical civilizations

* Passkeys and Modern Authentication

* An “AI Sceptic” Tries Using Local Large Language Models: Blogust XXXI

* PinePhone Pro Linux smartphone has been discontinued

* We’ve started an organization to reform the DMCA - here’s why

* USIPS Urges Supreme Court to Rein in Overbroad Copyright Liability in Sony v. Cox

* Key Takeaways: How ChatGPT’s Design Led to a Teenager’s Death

* GrapheneOS calls out Sameer

* The Purism Librem 5 and the Six Year Refund

* [URGENT] DEF CON Researcher Exposes How Password Managers Betray Your Trust

* So.. I kind of Revived a Dead Game..

Appreciate the shout-outs!

As well, as Gabriel notes above, there’s also a sense of dehumanization at play. Many of us ‘non-normies’ have been dehumanized during the great gaslighting Covid campaign. To be misunderstood is one thing, but to be treated as someone undeserving of basic dignity is difficult to endure, even for the more mentally resilient

But I understand why Gabe would feel that taking time for himself was selfish or greedy. It’s crazy that doing nothing in a calm, peaceful place has been labeled an extravagance, a privilege or a luxury. Simply being is why we exist. It’s our Goddess-given right. The words health and self are similar. Whenever we do something for our own mental, spiritual or physical health, we’re giving that gift to everyone.

More from Substack

Weight loss updates:

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Hello friends of the Libre Solutions Network,

It has been some time since I’ve published a video recap and I am pleased to finally bring one for the Summer. I hope you’ll enjoy this update on my latest initiatives and recent content.

Updates

Website

* New vanity address for the Tor hidden service lsnonion2dv35xqlfv2batqdhyasi7oa734h7t4z2py43de4wb6jlyad.onion

* I would recommend bookmarking the new address via the Tor Browser.

RSS Reader project

I really would like your feedback on what features are essential for a desktop RSS reader to have in 2025! I am not a designer, so UX suggestions are very much valued. I want this project to be built for making the open web a first-class contender with other media systems. The more feedback I get early on, the better this can be in the long run.

Help me build the best desktop RSS client!

XMRchat

You can now leave tip messages via XMRChat Feel free to browse the repository for XMRchat. XMRchats will be read and answered in the next relevant piece or recap, whichever comes first!

Collaboration Announcement

“Gabriel has been a close friend and collaborator for years now, and I'm honoured to make official the outsized role he's played in shaping the vision of White Rose Intelligence,” said Sturgess. “We and everyone in the civil liberties space will benefit greatly from Gabriel's passion and commitment to digital autonomy as we build tools to empower citizens to advocate for their own liberty.”

Personal note

I’ve hit a major weight loss milestone of 200lbs down from my high of over 570. That mission has definitely impacted the Libre Solutions Network as a project, but I’m grateful to have made so much progress. I am optimistic that with enough support, I can really go full-throttle into making the Libre Solutions Network an impactful project for digital autonomy.

Items of Interest

GiveWP Data leak

* Data Leak at Corbett Report (and Many Other Sites)!

* Compromised Donor Emails: A post-mortem What Information Was Exposed (and What Was Not)

* Troy hunt on GiveWP

* Github Discussion

* Email aliasing guides:

* Privacy Guides

* The New Oil

ID verification and Digital ID

* EU Digital ID - Do not add Google Play Integrity integration

* EU Age Verification App Repository

* Discussion

* Age Verification Laws: Privacy Trojan Horse

* Privacy Guard: You Don’t Need to Scan My Drivers License

The Fine Details

* GrapheneOS - Devices lacking standard privacy/security patches and protections aren’t private

* The Future is NOT Self-Hosted

* I’m never going back to Matrix

Notable Mentions

* ChatGPT-Induced Psychosis

* For privacy and security, think twice before granting AI access to your personal data

* Amazon Acquires Bee, the AI Wearable That Hears Everything You Say

* Fair Access to Banking: Why do Banks get to decide what you can buy?

* EFF: Atlas of Surveillance

* Samourai Wallet Developers Plead Guilty To Unlicensed Money Transmission

* Curate your own newspaper with RSS

Recent Items

Previous Recaps

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