Read on Gabe.Rocks
Over the course of my radical weight loss journey I’ve learned a lot. The most important lesson in my opinion has been developing an uncompromising growth mindset. It is clear to me that such a mindset is very applicable to things far beyond personal health. This is my attempt to generalize some of these lessons to the bigger picture.
The rational case for fear and apathy
It is completely understandable that people are overwhelmed (if not outright paralyzed) by the torrent of troubles in our time. These days, it certainly seems that anyone who cares deeply about any particular domain of our lives is sounding dire alarms. Everywhere one chooses to pay attention, there is an endless chorus of urgent calls to action. This exists both on the large and the small scale: from large structural problems like wars and financial havoc to localized hazards and shared personal difficulties. There is no shortage of crucial causes in much need of diligent and discerning effort. These days my pet priorities are focused around health and digital freedom, but these are certainly not the only areas where real work is needed.
Any one of us is just a mere individual.No matter how capable and equipped we may be, we have limits.What needs to be done feels incomprehensibly daunting and what we can accomplish often gives little comfort.What is the point of ’taking action’ if ultimately, the sum of my best efforts are guaranteed to fall short?
Much of these problems are driven by structures and systems that are far beyond any individual. It makes sense that people would simply join one or many movements aiming to improve things. Sadly, just as quickly as movements would rise to the challenge, they would inevitably become infested with the same rot that corrupts the institutions and structures they sought to reform or abolish. Over time, this transforms the most ambitious idealists into jaded cynics. You talk to any experienced activist and they’ll have endless stories about how a hot new trend is actually an old trap that has been sprung over and over.
What’s worse is that everything is so complex. Those deeply knowledgeable about particular topics are often incomprehensible to the general public. Expertise isolates and being comprehensible is an expensive commodity. The more one peers into any serious human endeavor, the more the game looks overtly and harshly rigged. It would certainly appear that our efforts are best placed merely trying to endure the storm and pray that it passes over us. When that doesn’t work we can always numb ourselves out from the pain.
I think what makes our times so difficult to endure is the inherent isolation baked into the structures driving the dysfunction: bureaucracy, algorithmic social media, and now artificial intelligence. This creates a profound sense of hopelessness, because if it’s up to us then it is already lost. The great news is that there actually are other great, kind, smart, and creative people out there. With a bit of patience and courage, a lot more can change than we think.
Contending with reality rather than conceding to it
One of the more difficult challenges in even beginning to wrestle with difficult problems is facing the situation plainly. We need to meet people, problems, and systems how they actually are, rather than where we would like them to be. We don’t have the luxury of ideal circumstances, Through history we have all inherited conditions not of our choosing that carry consequences we can’t fully comprehend. When it comes to addressing things that matter, the enemies of sanity are certainty, catharsis, and completeness.
It is absolutely important to be sure in your convictions, on its own there’s nothing wrong with that. Certainty without acknowledging our mental and emotional confines is a recipe for wearing intellectual blinders. Being open to positive and negative surprises is fundamental to meaningfully growing and changing. We can’t truly expect to make any meaningful improvements anywhere if we’ve already given up on improving ourselves. Learning and the capacity to adapt are non-negotiable in chaotic environments. Actual learning is more than just playing with ideas, it’s about being willing to put them to the test and make changes when necessary.
Some people have to ask themselves if they actually want change, or if they just want to feel something. Catharsis seduces the mind into endless distraction with fanciful pleasures. Both gazing at the abyss of horrific evil, and daydreaming of utopia can easily cause your sense of perspective to slip away without notice. Being aware of dangers and horrors is important, and so too is understanding what better outcomes look like. The problem isn’t about awareness, the real danger comes from letting our unexamined feelings drive our decisions. This opens us up to manipulation, because powers in high places certainly know how to pull people’s strings. A fine understanding of how you’re wound up can absolutely help from getting stuck in similar traps over and over.
All-or-nothing thinking feels very clean and elegant in the abstract, but leads to terrible results in reality. You can learn good things from bad people, and great people can make mistakes. Corrupt and failing institutions can still serve important functions, and even the most robust systems can have dangerous flaws. Reforms that are wholly insufficient may still be necessary. We have to be open to change not just in our own lives, but also in the world around us. Treating others (and ourselves) as beyond repair is just as foolish as presuming anyone’s perfection. Time is a huge part of the equation. Some things can’t be accomplished all at once, and require meticulous work over longer stretches.
Accepting that things are as they are is not the same as acceptance of those things. The point is to witness the problems, not endlessly wallow over them. Being capable of comprehending the issues is vitally important to meaningfully addressing them. That said, the line between constructively minding a problem as opposed to letting it set your reason ablaze is very fine. Even in the best of times the embers of grief need to be properly tended to, or we risk losing far more than just our minds. It is necessary to not succumb to the temptation of avoiding real problems. It can all be a lot worse than you can imagine, yet still not be hopeless.
Fairy tales do not tell children the dragons exist.Children already know that dragons exist.Fairy tales tell children the dragons can be killed.
G.K. Chesterton
Rising to the occasion
This is not a command, but an invitation to consider just being too stubborn to give up. On some level, that’s all that’s required. Whatever your dream, cause, or ambition, facing every obstacle with a mindset of “this too, can be overcome” is the simplest distillation of the perspective required. But I’ve learned enough to ask for more. I don’t just want you to toil away endlessly against the darkness I want you to be joyful while doing it. It is clear to me that these dark times call for a radically different approach to the novel circumstances we face.
High standards with gentleness
Expecting more shouldn’t be about judgement, but about hope. Acknowledging where things fall short is necessary, but so is precise care. Being clear about where criticisms come from, while avoiding inflammatory harshness can make the difference between an honest conversation and an endless brawl. Clearly understanding our own goals and values are what allows us to properly articulate what is important when disagreements arise. Even when diverging goals are in play, there is often still room to find common benefit from something.
There is value in encouraging potential that is yet unrealized, but there does need to be a real path to actualizing it. Shortcomings in particular tactics and initiatives can make the effort a non-starter. On the other hand, that’s not the same as saying there’s nothing to be learned from the exercise. Being open-minded about judgement-free analysis can help spot rare opportunities. We are naturally invested in our approaches, so it can pay to be dispassionate when evaluating them.
Wanting the best is always compatible with at least a touch of kindness. Leave the control, harshness, and venom for the tyrants. An enduring desire for things to improve can just as easily come from compassion rather than rage, if we allow it. Building up your capacity to nurture what you want to see can go a lot further than playing offense all the time. Failure is to be endured, harm is to be pruned with maximum prejudice.
Strategy, not shame
One of the hardest things for most people to wrestle with in our time is that we’re simply not playing the same game as the way things used to be. We’re in a radically different environment than what people in living memory grew up with. These changes need to be accounted for. People often have so much less capacity for things than we would like to have, but this can be built up over time. It can be a lot more valuable to identify steps between where we want to be and where we actually are, rather than obsessing over a complete and total overhaul.
Putting in the work to diligently set the stage for changes can do a lot more good than taking on too much and being disappointed. Preparation goes a long way to make things easier, and small things absolutely snowball into bigger efforts. When things aren’t as we would like them to be, it is important to think about what little changes can clear the way to an easier path. It can be all too easy to be enthralled by the spectacle of things rather than being properly devoted to the substance. Keeping priorities in focus and being gentle about it can often be the difference between success and catastrophic burnout.
The best strategy in most circumstances is to find way to expand the time horizon. Panic can create unnecessary urgency that sneaks in compromise and sub-optimal decisions. Buying time can be a very valuable tactic so long as we are clear-minded about what we’re buying time for. In most cases a touch of patience in the face of difficulty can do wonders for staying the course. Again, being patient in enduring circumstances is not the same as accepting them. Being focused on what needs to be done in the moment is a major pre-requisite to making actual changes. As the stakes rise, harm reduction can often be as good a victory as can be reasonably achieved.
Every non-trivial project is going to involve other people. Taking out your frustration on those around you is at best counter-productive and at worst will leave you entirely isolated. In difficult times stress rises and it takes a toll on everyone. Being mindful of our own capacity as well as that of other people is needed to make practical decisions. Far more interactions can be a negotiation rather than an outright fight. Conflict is inevitable, but we can all decide which battles we will judiciously escalate or diffuse.
Non-linear thinking: Feedback loops
There’s no “magic-fix” to any real problem, but there surely is sorcery to be found once you understand anything deeply enough. The vast majority of people think of things in simplistic linear ways: “I do X, Y happens”. This drives a lot of shaming behavior “Just stop doing X”, or “If everyone did Y, Z would happen”. This very often entirely ignores the incredible power of compounding effects. People rarely dig too deeply into the root causes and struggle to articulate reasonable steps to get from where they are to where they want to be. This creates a scenario where most people are trapped in shame spirals “why can’t I fix it?” and concede to hopelessness and despair.
Once you’ve taken in a broad perspective of a complex issue, pay close attention to the feedback loops. There are self-perpetuating cycles, often for and even against particular trends. By focusing your efforts on slowing down the negative feedback loops and reinforcing the positive ones, you can accomplish transformative results that look ‘magical’ from the outside. Understanding these feedback loops can really improve your ability to connect the micro scale to the macro scale. Big problems often have smaller scale iterations, and vice versa. Understanding this can give you a far wider space to take action in than a binary choice between the biggest fights or being entirely solitary.
Rather than obsessing over total defeat or complete victory, consider both positive and negative momentum and drag. What’s currently making things better? What’s slowing those down? What are the things making everything worse? How can they be mitigated or reversed? These are much more pragmatic questions than trying to build an immovable object to halt an unstoppable force. In reality most things fit neither category. There’s always some meaningful ‘slack’ in any direction that can be addressed on any scale.
Passing the mic, baton, and the torch
If it is all already entirely up to me or you alone, rest assured that all hope is lost. First and foremost you have to release yourself from complete responsibility for the state of things in the world, or even in your life for that matter. Our own agency is powerful, but it’s not the only factor at play. We’re on this planet with over 8 billion other people. Life is not a ‘single-player’ game and there are no bonus points for doing everything alone. Solitude is necessary and valuable in the right dose and circumstances, but it is certainly not the answer to everything all the time. If we help each other out, we may radically transform our ability to resolve these problems together.
Giving up on ourselves and others only gives tyrants an easy win. Encouragement is the best kind of ‘self-fulfilling prophecy’. People forget what they’re capable of. Inspiring and raising others up is a meaningful force multiplier against the evils of our time. Connecting with others is about so much more than just gaining perspective, it’s about reforging our natural defenses against so many of our modern ills. This means we have to take the time to recognize the potential, talents, and even weaknesses of those around us, as well as ourselves.
Finding ways to win together is often much more valuable than trying to endure it all alone. You would be pleasantly surprised what people get out of the smallest things. These days it is more important than ever to be a “team player”, yet also able to be selective about which team is worth playing for. Cooperation should never mean being oblivious to what’s happening before our eyes. Unlike abstract systems and ideals, real people are complicated. Building up the people-skills to navigate that complexity is as urgent as it is difficult.
Have fun
You can’t compete with someone who is having fun.
Tiago Forte
The biggest fallacy of consistency is believing that all meticulous work on a difficult challenge has to be a miserable slog. Finding the joy and spreading cheer in good efforts is its own victory. In the right circumstances, people with enough bandwidth can find a thrill in solving difficult problems. This is an under-appreciated way to accelerate people’s desire to do whatever needs to be done. Taking the time to celebrate small victories, or even just show some appreciation can make even the most dire of situations more enjoyable.
Being radically tough mentally and emotionally demands the ability to pull strength from a place that can’t be exhausted. You should dream bigger, but put focused energy into the simpler things. Having a grim understanding of dire realities does not need to steal joy from every moment. If anything, having open eyes to tragedy and despair can make the smallest joys far more precious. It is not at all easy, but it is a disposition very much worth developing.
Further reading & listening
* Growth Mindset - UNC Learning Center
* Nil Desperandum
* Decentralised leaderless resistance: what to do when the time comes.
* James Corbett on Learned Helplessness and Learned Optimism
* Becoming a Mentally Tough Motherf*cker: How Elite Powerlifting Made Me a Better Person, Parent
* The Science of Rapid Skill Acquisition: Advanced Methods to Learn, Remember, and Master New Skills, Information, and Abilities
* Turtle Forth - Solari
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