Gadgets & Tech – Spoken Edition

Jupiter is the biggest, angriest cup of coffee in the solar system. In snapshots from NASA’s Juno spacecraft, Jupiter’s swirling clouds look divinely creamy—but the planet is anything but placid. Jovian storms, chaotic and spectacular as they are, offer a stark reminder of how awesome and terrifying the universe really is. Goddamn are they both.

Have you ever wanted to dig up rocks, give them a classification and then shoot them through a space portal? Yes? Then we’ve got a game for you. The League of Lonely Geologists is a pay-what-you-like game for Windows by a designer named Takorii. It’s similarity to No Man’s Sky is limited to the way you make discoveries and name them. In No Man’s Sky, you discover planets. In The League of Lonely Geologists, you discover rocks... and other things.

When he’s not waxing poetic about floors and digging giant holes in the ground, Elon Musk runs an electric car company. Late Sunday night, he tweeted the biggest news yet in Tesla’s short history. The Model 3, a more affordable Tesla, will roll off the assembly line on Friday. Last week, Musk teased that he would have news on Sunday, and just before midnight, he tweeted, “Model 3 passed all regulatory requirements for production two weeks ahead of schedule.

Monroe MacKinney thought he had reeled in just another largemouth bass from his parents’ eight-acre pond. But after peering into the fish’s mouth, the Missouri fisherman realized he’d actually hauled up a Russian nesting doll of nightmares. MacKinney’s catch had apparently swallowed an Eastern Mole (Scalopus aquaticus), which are common throughout the eastern United States, Canada, and even some parts of Mexico.

You might know Alex Jones as the guy who peddles conspiracy theories about politics and pizza. Or you might know him as the guy who was successfully sued by yogurt. But it’s easy to forget that he also believes some rather interesting things about NASA, the moon, and alien life. Ever since Donald Trump entered the presidential race, the majority of Jones’s energy has been focused on pushing conspiracy theories about politics and the media into the mainstream.

“They are dumb,” Christopher Stracuzza tells the New York Times. “They are like the dumbest people in the world.” They, in this case, are the TSA agents who manhandled his gigantic lobster and went viral with a photo on the agency’s Twitter account. Stracuzza hit the seafood jackpot on a trip to a market in Connecticut. He picked up 12 standard lobsters and one hulking 20-pound beast.

Well, we all saw it coming. Online prices for Nintendo’s Super Nintendo Classic Edition are already out of control. Just give up hope now. Life is short. Retailers in the US currently have landing pages for pre-orders, but Americans can’t technically reserve one yet. Pre-orders did go live in the UK yesterday and they have already sold out. Now those reserved units are up for sale on eBay and the markup is astronomical. One eBay user sold their console for $389.99.

Following a flash crash last Wednesday, the company that runs GDAX, an exchange for the ethereum digital currency, announced that it would pay back investors who lost money. If Monday’s market performance for the cryptocurrency is any indication, that move didn’t reassure investors. The most reasonable explanation for why the Ethereum currency dropped from a high of $311.46 on Monday to a low of $238.

You can say a lot about Apple—it brought smartphones and personal computers to the mass market, it changed the technology industry forever, it was controlled by a megalomaniacal asshole for much of its existence—but you’d have a hard time getting even the staunchest critic of the company to argue its products weren’t groundbreakingly pretty. Alas, nothing gold can stay. Behold, Chicago’s terrible new Apple store! Get it? It looks like a big-ass laptop.

Smash Mouth just found out about one of the alt-right’s favorite artists in a very embarrassing way. To a well-adjusted person whose brain hasn’t been systematically poisoned by the internet, this looks like a normal interaction: fan tweets artwork, band shows appreciation.