Here’s the thing about ATMs: The machines are designed to take a pretty severe beating and still leave the box of cash out of a would-be thief’s reach. A Maryland man recently learned this lesson the hard way when he stole a backhoe, drove it five miles, and then attempted to excavate some cash out of an ATM. It didn’t work out so well.

For all I know, Uber’s food delivery service UberEats is a perfectly fine method of ordering food. But the stomach-turning product that a Canadian couple claims showed up at their door instead of pizza ensures that I’ll be thinking twice about placing an order. Anna Kotlikova and her boyfriend, Blake Weinzettl, live in the suburbs of Toronto and they wanted to stay in on Sunday evening with a fresh pizza pie.

Apple’s WWDC is tomorrow and you can expect that the latest update to its mobile operating system, iOS 11 will be one of the announcements. With the update, support for 32-bit apps will be going away and it seems that those apps have already disappeared from search results in the Apple store.

Good morning! It’s the first day of a fresh new week in America. Let’s mosey on over to Twitter and see what the President of the United States has to say about our week ahead. Oh. Well, that’s not going to go over well with Trump’s lawyers. Let’s see what else is happening in Trumpland... Ah, I see. Well, the President is mad that the Muslim ban got “watered down.

Mere minutes after Donald Trump finished his batshit bonkers speech about exiting the Paris Climate Accord, White House advisory council member Elon Musk did what many have urged him to do for months: he quit. Which poses the question: Why did Elon Musk join Donald Trump’s presidential councils in the first place? Late last year, Musk drew widespread criticism after he met with the then president-elect in the polished barf halls of Trump Tower.

The loud man did a word bad on the internet and now you can buy an everything of it. Welcome to The Resistance™, we take credit or debit.

One of the most consistently entertaining features of the video game streaming platform Twitch is the series of “Twitch Plays” videos that allow users to work together to beat a game. Today, a software developer who is either a genius or a fool launched StockStream, a channel in which users are trying to beat the stock market using $50,000 of the developer’s money. StockStream is touting itself as the “world’s first cooperative multiplayer stock market.

If there’s one thing on Earth we don’t know enough about, it’s the ocean. We’ve only mapped around five percent of the seafloor, and two-thirds of the ocean’s animal species might remain undiscovered. It shouldn’t be a surprise that we’re only now able to create detailed maps of the seafloor—but that doesn’t each new one from being mind-boggling.

Despite the fact that he has become a meme several times over the course of his miserable life, Paul Ryan is apparently new to one of the most basic forms of internet expression: GIFs. During an interview today with detritus collector Mike Allen, Ryan talked about a lot of things that I did not bother to listen to.

On Tuesday, 27-year-old Melissa Smith was filling up at a gas station in Milwaukee when a man jumped into the driver’s seat of her car, trying to steal it. Smith immediately jumped on the hood, and held tight long enough that the thief eventually ran off. The media are hailing her as a hero. But, in fact, she’s an idiot. No car is worth your life. Milwaukee, like every single city in the United States, is filled with people who have guns. Thankfully, Smith wasn’t hurt.