Authenticity has become such a buzzword that some people are starting to reject it entirely — but what if we've been thinking about it all wrong? In this episode, I'm reframing authenticity as something that isn't a fixed destination you arrive at, but something that shifts depending on the day, the season, and the version of you that showed up this morning.

I revisit something my past guest Sasha Feldman (actor-turned-therapist) said that I haven't been able to stop thinking about: that authenticity isn't a general idea, because he's constantly different — sometimes confident, sometimes not. I get real about how I'm actually feeling on the day I'm recording this (not great, if I'm honest), and why showing up in that state is just as authentic as the confident, put-together version of me from last week. I also share a reframe my therapist gave me about anxiety — how a part of me I've resented has actually been helping me all along — and why staying near yourself, even the messy or scared parts, matters more than performing a fixed identity.

This one's for anyone who's tired of performing a version of themselves that doesn't leave room for the full range of who they actually are.

In This Episode:

• Why authenticity isn't a fixed destination — it shifts day by day
• A reframe from Sasha Feldman: "I can't be authentic as a general idea because I'm constantly different"
• Getting honest about how I'm actually feeling today, and why that counts as authentic too
• A therapy reframe on anxiety — how a part of me I resented has actually been helping me
• Staying near yourself instead of abandoning yourself when things aren't going perfectly
• Why vulnerability, contradiction, and mess are the material for creative work, not liabilities
• A conversation with Amy Austin on unraveling yourself from what other people expect
• Authenticity as a practice of telling the truth about where you are right now, not a state you achieve

RESOURCES:

• Get Messy episode with Sasha Feldman
• My mindset coach, Amy Austin

✨Connect with Maddie✨

⁠Explore Maddie's Website⁠ | ⁠@messywithmaddie

Welcome to The Grind — a new series here on Get Messy. Nobody tells you what the middle looks like: the slow seasons, the unglamorous work, and the years it actually takes to build something that lasts. This series is for that middle, told by the people who are actually living it.

Tatiana Pavela has been in the industry for two decades — from experimental theater in New York, to grad school in Seattle, to finding her creative home in Chicago's storefront theater scene. In this episode, she opens up about the darkest, most burnt-out period of her career (a deep depression that forced her into real mindset work out of necessity), and the profound reset that came out of COVID: learning to build space into her life instead of constantly pushing.

We get into what it actually means to "do it" in this industry, why the fearless artist is a myth, and how Tatiana has learned to hold fear as a sign of doing meaningful work rather than something to avoid. She shares the wild, years-long journey of developing and touring her solo show Brandy Alexander — from a grant, to a double-header show in Minneapolis, to an invitation from Juilliard, to a full run in Edinburgh that was, in her words, one of the hardest and proudest things she's ever done. We also talk about the stigma around staying non-union, redefining success beyond bookings, and why she's stopped believing in goals altogether.

This episode is for anyone who's ever felt like the industry's "shoulds" were pulling them further away from what they actually want.

Key Topics Discussed:

• Two Decades in the Industry: New York, Seattle, and Finding Home in Chicago Theater
• Redefining What It Means to "Do It" as an Artist
• Burnout, Depression, and the Mindset Work Born Out of Necessity
• How COVID Forced a Profound Reset and the Gift of Space
• The Stigma Around Staying Non-Union, and Why Talent Isn't the Distinction
• The Fearless Artist Is a Myth: Learning to Use Fear as a Signal, Not a Stop Sign
• Creating Her Own Work: The Years-Long Journey of Brandy Alexander
• Success and Failure Existing in the Same Moment
• Letting Go of Goals and Making Room for What Actually Feels Aligned

✨Connect with Tatiana Pavela ✨

Instagram: @tatianapavella

Website: https://www.tatianapavela.com/

✨Connect with Maddie ✨

Explore Maddie's Website | @messywithmaddie

What if the pursuit of the thing is actually what's keeping you from having it? In this mini episode, I'm sitting with a question I haven't been able to shake: can we ever really have something if we're purely in the pursuit of it? Can I feel at peace when peace itself is the thing I'm chasing?

I get into the paradox of pursuit — how chasing a feeling can actually create the very distance you're trying to close — and why the unfinished, still-figuring-it-out version of you isn't the "before" photo waiting to be edited into something worth keeping. It's the version actually living your life right now, and it deserves to be loved today, not once everything finally clicks. I talk about what it looks like to hold wanting more and being at peace with where you are, at the exact same time.

This one's a shorter, more reflective episode for anyone who's been treating their current life like a waiting room for the one they're chasing.

In This Episode:

• The paradox of pursuit: why chasing a feeling can push it further away
• Can you feel regulated while you're busy trying to figure out how to get regulated?
• Why the "gap" between where you are and where you're going doesn't have to feel like a problem to solve
• The unfinished version of you isn't the rough draft — it's the version actually living your life
• Reframing arrival in a creative career (spoiler: there isn't one)
• How to hold pursuing growth and loving where you are, at the same time

✨Connect with Maddie✨

Explore Maddie’s Website | @messywithmaddie

You can be confident and still have a ceiling. In this episode, I'm getting into something I think gets constantly conflated in the personal development space: the difference between confidence and worthiness. We're always told to just build more confidence, take more action, do more reps — and the worthiness will follow. I don't think that's true, and I've watched it play out too many times, both in myself and in the creatives I work with, to keep letting it go undiscussed.

I break down what confidence and worthiness actually are — confidence is about capability and self-trust, built through keeping promises to yourself; worthiness is about deserving, the belief that the outcome is actually available to you, not because you've earned it, but because you get to have it. I share stories of two women I know who were doing everything "right" on the outside but were quietly capped by an invisible worthiness ceiling they didn't even know they had. I also get into how I personally work through moments of low worthiness (hello, dance parties and nervous system regulation), and how to start identifying where your own ceiling actually lives.

This one's for anyone who feels like they're doing all the right things and still can't figure out why the results keep landing just out of reach.

In This Episode:

• The difference between confidence and worthiness — and why they're not the same thing
• What confidence actually is: self-trust, built through keeping promises to yourself
• What worthiness actually is: the belief that the outcome is meant for you
• Two real stories of women capped by an invisible worthiness ceiling
• Why your potential is capped at what you believe you're worthy of (a concept from Jamie Kern Lima)
• How a worthiness ceiling can quietly erode confidence, even after you've built it
• Bottoms-up vs. top-down nervous system regulation, and how I use both
• Journal prompts to start identifying and examining your own ceiling

RESOURCES:

• Jamie Kern Lima — author, founder of IT Cosmetics
• "The Artist's Way" by Julia Cameron

✨Connect with Maddie✨

Explore Maddie’s Website | @messywithmaddie

Welcome to The Grind — a new series here on Get Messy. Nobody tells you what the middle looks like: the slow seasons, the unglamorous work, and the years it actually takes to build something that lasts. This series is for that middle, told by the people who are actually living it.

Deb Foster has been chasing this dream for two decades — from commercials in New Zealand, to bartending her way through London, to fumbling through New York, to finally landing in LA twelve years ago, where she found her people, her husband, and her creative footing. In this episode, she opens up about what it really took to get here: the "fumbling phase," the humbling lessons no one tells you (like showing up to a casting workshop with the wrong resume format), and why she's actually grateful the big things didn't happen for her in her 20s.

We get into representation and what it actually looks like to build a team of reps who empower you instead of pressure you, the burnout that came from doing 300+ auditions in a single year, and the wild, full-circle story of booking her first SAG co-star on For All Mankind — down to the DIY astronaut costume she built for the audition. Deb also shares the mindset work she's still doing around self-worth, over-apologizing, and not needing external validation even after getting the yes.

This episode is for anyone in the trenches of a long creative career who needs a reminder that the first ten years are supposed to feel like playing in the dark.

Key Topics Discussed:

• Two Decades in the Industry: New Zealand, London, New York, and Finally LA
• Why the First 10 Years Are "Infancy," Not Failure
• Building a Rep Team That Empowers Instead of Pressures
• Burnout From 300+ Auditions in a Year, and Learning to Say No
• Booking a First SAG Co-Star on For All Mankind
• Staying Near Yourself Through Rejection and Self-Doubt
• Letting Go of the Need for External Validation
• Finding a Deeper "Why" Behind the Hustle

✨Connect with Deb ✨

Instagram: @debfoster

Deb’s Short Film, GoodNight, available to stream on The Night Temple

✨Connect with Maddie✨

Explore Maddie’s Website | @messywithmaddie

What if getting the thing you've been working toward doesn't feel the way you thought it would? In this mini episode, I'm unpacking something a guest said that I haven't been able to stop thinking about: "the base is always shifting." Every win quietly becomes the new floor instead of the ceiling you were reaching for, and the finish line keeps moving the closer you get to it.

I get into arrival fallacy, the hedonic treadmill, and why this isn't a personal flaw — it's just how humans are wired. I talk about my own relationship to this, including moments where I've hit milestones I only dreamed about at 17 and still never felt like I "arrived," and why the answer isn't to stop climbing, but to fall in love with the process itself. I also share a quote from one of my acting teachers about what a real creative career trajectory actually looks like (spoiler: it's not a straight line).

This one's for anyone who's hit a goal and felt weirdly unsatisfied, or who's afraid that feeling will never go away.

In This Episode:

• "The base is always shifting" — a guest's quote that inspired this episode
• Arrival fallacy and the hedonic treadmill, explained
• Why every win becomes the new floor instead of the ceiling
• My own experience with milestones that never quite felt like "arriving"
• "The trajectory of your career will look like a bad EKG" — a quote from one of my acting teachers
• Why the creatives who burn out are the ones who decide the ladder is the problem
• Learning to celebrate a win before chasing the next one

✨Connect with Maddie✨

⁠Explore Maddie's Website⁠ | ⁠@messywithmaddie

Social media has us convinced that where we are right now is never quite enough — that there's always somewhere better to be, someone better to become, something better to be working toward. In this episode, I'm asking a harder question: is perpetual self-improvement actually robbing you of your life?

I get into the difference between healthy growth and a version of self-improvement that quietly tips into something less healthy — always preparing to live a better life at some future date, always optimizing for the next chapter, and forgetting to actually be who you are right now. I talk about why social media isn't neutral, how it's specifically designed to keep us feeling perpetually behind so we stay reachable to sell to, and the real distinction between "reaching" and "arriving." This episode isn't about giving up on growth — it's about learning to hold growth and presence at the same time, instead of treating your current life like a waiting room for the real one.

This one's for anyone who feels like they're always becoming, but rarely just being.

In This Episode:

• Why the constant reaching for "more" can quietly rob you of your actual life
• The difference between healthy growth and treating your life like a waiting room
• How social media is specifically designed to keep you feeling perpetually not enough
• The difference between "reaching" and "arriving" — and why they're not the same feeling
• Why growth and presence aren't opposites
• An invitation to appreciate exactly where you are, right now, today

✨Connect with Maddie✨

Explore Maddie’s Website | @messywithmaddie

What if your ego isn't the villain you've been told it is? In this mini episode, I'm offering a reframe I got from my friend Sasha Feldman (actor-turned-therapist and a past Get Messy guest): the ego isn't something to defeat, it's more like a toddler — scared, overwhelmed, and desperately needing someone to hold it together, not shame it into submission.

I get into what it actually looks like when the "toddler" shows up — that defensive, reactive flare when something feels threatening or small — and why the goal isn't to eliminate that reaction, but to bring in "the adult": the part of you that can witness the reaction without being consumed by it. I also connect this to the window of tolerance, a concept from my grad school work, and why creatives specifically are constantly in situations designed to trigger the ego.

This one's a short but powerful reframe for anyone who's been trying to "kill" their ego instead of learning how to hold it.

In This Episode:

• Why the ego isn't the enemy — it's more like a scared toddler
• Where this reframe came from: a conversation with Sasha Feldman
• What it looks like when the "toddler" flares up (and how to notice it)
• The role of "the adult" — holding the reaction instead of being run by it
• The window of tolerance, and why the toddler blows you right out of it
• Why creatives are constantly in ego-triggering situations
• Hold the toddler, let the adult lead
• 
  

RESOURCES:

• Get Messy episode with Sasha Feldman
• 
  

✨Connect with Maddie✨

Explore Maddie’s Website | @messywithmaddie

Sam Valentine is back on Get Messy, and this conversation is a masterclass in staying sane inside an industry that runs on manufactured urgency and radio silence. Sam — actor, podcaster (Working Actor Life, formerly One Broke Actress and Not According to Plan), and co-founder of Fast Forward Productions — gets into the "ASAP" culture of auditions and bookings, why there's no real feedback loop in this business, and how she's learned to build her own instead.

We talk about burning your mental timeline, why "I need to have this by 25" is a story worth interrogating, and how curating your social feed is actually a career strategy, not just a mental health one. Sam shares her "compliments folder" — a running archive of proof she pulls from when her brain starts mining for negativity — and we get into the deeper theme of the episode: why making your own work isn't settling, it's often the most vulnerable and valuable thing you can do for your career.

This one is funny, honest, and full of hard-won wisdom for anyone who's tired of pretending this business isn't as unpredictable as it actually is.

Key Topics Discussed:

• Manufactured Urgency and the "ASAP" Culture of Auditions
• Why There's No Real Feedback Loop in Acting (and How to Build Your Own)
• Burning Your Mental Timeline and Questioning Every "Should"
• Curating Social Media as a Career Strategy
• The Compliments Folder: Building Your Own Proof of Progress
• Podcasting From a Kitchen Table to Building a Business
• Making Your Own Work: Vulnerability, Ownership, and Why It's Not Settling
• Letting Go of Superiority Around "Traditional" Success

✨Connect with Sam Valentine ✨

Instagram:@samvalentine

Podcast: Working Actor Life

Podcast: One Broke Actress

Sam’s Patreon

The Membership Waitlist

Sam’s Amazon Store

✨Connect with Maddie ✨

Explore Maddie's Website | @messywithmaddie

We're a little more than halfway through the year, and if 2026 hasn't looked the way you thought it would either — you're in the right place. This episode is my honest mid-year check-in: bookings and money haven't been flowing the way they have in past years, but connection, community, and confidence have been some of the richest I've experienced. Both things are true at the same time, and I think that's worth saying out loud.

I'm sharing the five things I've had to remind myself of to keep moving through the back half of the year — from holding onto possibility even in a slow season, to "climbing cringe mountain," to why I'm more afraid of staying where I am than of where I'm headed. I also get into the decision to go to grad school, the identity tug-of-war that came with it, and why zooming in to a day-by-day focus has been the thing that's kept me grounded through all of this year's curveballs.

If your year has felt like a series of pivots instead of the plan you had in January, this one's for you.

In This Episode:

• An honest mid-year update on bookings, money, and where things actually stand
• Why a slow season and a rich season can coexist
• Point 1: Hang onto possibility, always
• Point 2: Keep climbing cringe mountain
• Point 3: Be more afraid of staying where you are than of where you're headed
• The decision to go to grad school, and the identity tug-of-war that came with it
• Point 4: You're always going to wish you started earlier — so start now
• Point 5: Adopting a day-by-day focus when the big picture feels like too much
• My word of the year: "go big, baby"

RESOURCES:

• My mindset coach, Amy Austin

✨Connect with Maddie✨

Explore Maddie’s Website | @messywithmaddie