Since I've last been here: weight gain, being tooooo close to friends - finding my boundaries, and being myself, and impulse buying shoes and food. I can spend so much money on shoes, pants, shirts, and nail polish its kind of stupid

I hate quitting but this time I have to realize that I'm letting things go temporarily so that I can come back and be proud of who I am and my contributions and work. It's hard to let go though.

skool is hard but i want to go to college because i want to be able to know that i am confident and capable of doing any project i put my mind to. that's my goal. i want to be able to join any product development team and know, understand, and contribute. that's what i want, but sometimes its hard to not lose sight of that when im constantly battling late assignments or exams ("celebrations of knowledge") every single day

im allergic to tubbies but i love her very much

going to nap now... sry future me

fig 1. tubbies enjoying her ribbon

when people explain things to me that are about me I get confused as to how I should respond. Am I supposed to say that they are a savior for educating me? or should I say what's truly on my mind?

It's hard to not get bogged down by the things you don't have and forget the things you have and all the amazing things you can do what all that you have. You can always get what you want but there will always be more to want.

tubbies is my roommate!!

Also, watch a good K drama if you wanna cry. I finished "start up" on Netflix in like 2 days. 

The haircut I got wasn't what I asked for but I was too scared to speak up. It brought back some memories of elementary school experiences with hair and feminity and making friends. If I ever have a child, I'll always let them pick their haircuts! I hated bobs as a kid.

next time ill tell you about my haircut! might've cut it a bit too short gah

hahah i also talk about seeing someone i used to have a crush on lol. idk why i struggled to say that i used to like them lol. its ok i liked them in sept of freshmen year it doesn't matter anymore :) they don't know i exist : )

Also, this is your life, fill it with amazing people. other people who are rude and mean are just not necessary in your life, don't think too hard about what they say, just call them out so it doesn't happen to anyone else. Love yourself, this life is full of seconds, days, and year that are all yours to experience and fill with love.

Ethan and I spent the day with millie rock. We brought her home and then went to Petco and saw some hamsters with huge genitals and mistook them as females. I scroll through some of my saved posts with you. btw Tubbies was fantastic at the gym and didn't bark and was very calm.

have you ever tried to write nice things about yourself? its kind of hard to be less judgemental; its really hard. I've never written a letter of recommendation but today I decided to take on the challenge of 'gassing myself up'. I read to you my first draft, and the draft I'm forwarding to my coach who will actually be writing my rec. I know this is just a challenge that he has assigned for me so that I can work on acknowledging my own accomplishments:) I think I'm just too scared of being viewed as stuck up. hmm... what do you think? and also, how to write letters of rec??!