Girls Can Tell Podcast

We tell each other everything" gets treated as the gold standard for a close relationship. But everything is a lot, every thought, every mistake, every ex, every flicker of attraction, every secret somebody else trusted you with.

This week, where the line actually sits between privacy and secrecy, which parts of your past your partner is entitled to and when, why some confessions are about relieving your guilt instead of respecting them, and the one question to ask before you disclose anything. Plus the standard I think matters more than total honesty: informed choice.

You never actually meet your partner's friends for the first time, not really. By the time you sit down at that table, they already know how you met, what you do, your baggage, and probably things you haven't told them yourself.

This week, the strange evaluation nobody admits is happening, why your friends' approval carries more weight than it should, the information you never agreed to hand over, and the specific way some friends turn seniority into a permanent ranking system just to protect their spot.

Everybody says the honeymoon phase eventually ends. But what exactly is supposed to end?

The uncertainty? Good. The idealized version of someone you barely know? Probably good to lose that too. But somewhere along the way, we also seem to accept that the excitement, curiosity, attention and desire we have for someone at the beginning are supposed to fade right along with everything else.

Why?

In this episode of Girls Can Tell, I look at what we actually mean by the honeymoon phase, what research on long-term romantic love has found, and why some couples still report intense romantic love after decades together.

Maybe the goal isn't keeping a relationship frozen at month three. Maybe it's figuring out which parts of the beginning are worth fighting like hell to keep.

Here's a look back at some of the best moments from the show so far. 

A look back at some of the sharp, funny, and most honest moments from the last 30.

This week I’m doing something a little different. This is an episode of my other podcast, Usefulish, which is a completely different kind of show from Girls Can Tell. So consider this a little detour from our regularly scheduled programming. I hope you enjoy it.

I still have tons of old, dead conversations I've had on the app. This week I went back and reread the ones that went nowhere, some I ended on purpose, and some just sort of ended themselves. Horses, maple syrup urine disease, and a woman who compared a relationship to a newborn baby all show up.

See if you recognize yourself or someone you've talked to in any of these.

Five hundred conversations. Zero dates. Two weeks ago, I was ready to delete the app for good. Then something happened this week that made me stop and ask if I quit one week too early. I don't know how this ends yet, but here's what almost walking away taught me.

This isn't really about concerts.

It's about what people choose to put at the center of their identity, and what that secretly tells you about compatibility.

After decades in radio, playing in bands, working backstage, standing onstage, and watching live music from every possible angle, I've come to a conclusion that surprises almost everyone. It's also one of the fastest reasons I'll swipe left on a dating profile.

Why?

Because "I love live music" often isn't describing a hobby, it's revealing a mindset.

In this episode, I talk about Lollapalooza, dating profiles, getting older, nostalgia, identity, and why the things people proudly advertise about themselves aren't always the things they think they're communicating.

You may completely disagree with my conclusion. That's fine. The more interesting question is whether you're judging dating profiles by what people say, or by what those choices reveal.

If you've ever wondered what someone else's profile says about them, or what yours might be saying without you realizing it, this episode is for you.

Two calls in, before we'd even met, she told me something about her ex-husband that should've ended things on the spot. I almost let it slide anyway. Here's why I didn't, and what I've learned about believing people the first time.

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