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A Return to the Mic and a Texas Misadventure

After a brief hiatus, the guys are back to wrap up Season 2. The episode begins with a candid acknowledgment of their break, which was due to the "chaos of life" and a "felon on the run"—a joke about Goat's recent leg injury. They assure listeners they're back in the groove and ready to pick up right where they left off.

The conversation quickly turns to a recent trip to Texas. The trip, originally for a florist convention, became a comedy of errors from the start. It began at the airport, where a cafe denied a breakfast order, and a fellow traveler refused to move from his seat, displaying what Glaze called "sheer fucking audacity."

Upon arriving in Texas, the hosts' troubles continued. Glaze discovers his hotel, despite being near the airport, is a 20-minute drive from the conference. This led him to strike a deal with the hotel's airport shuttle drivers, bribing them with a meal to get rides. He also notes that Texans were not particularly welcoming to out-of-towners.

The most notable incident of the trip occurred when Glaze's credit card company alerted him to a fraudulent charge of over $200,000, followed by another for $10,000. To top it off, his return flight involved a comical series of seven gate changes at the Dallas/Fort Worth airport.

Surprise Upgrades and a Shed of Shame

On the flight home, however, his luck turns. He gets a surprise upgrade to first class, where he's treated to hot towels, a meal, and a very generous supply of rum and Cokes from a flight attendant. He even gets to take some of the small bottles with him.

The episode ends with a humorous discussion of their home lives. Goat's yard has been the location of a teenage murder mystery party, complete with chalk outlines and props. He notes that his liquor had to be hidden, and that his newly installed mini-split AC unit was no match for the South Carolina heat. The conversation concludes with a discussion about how they're both slowly getting back on their feet.

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In this episode of "Goat and Glaze," we dive into a truly "horrifying" personal medical experience, where one of us underwent a procedure without any pain medication, despite expectations. We compare this ordeal to a friend's much milder experience and ponder if others have had similar "road Dogg" encounters, even discussing setting up a poll on our "bookface page" to find out. We also introduce our upcoming special guest, who shall be named "Fat rat with no tail." Finally, we share a recent attempt at "paying it forward" that hilariously backfired, proving that sometimes, doing good deeds can have unexpected (and painful) consequences for others. As always, our conversations are unscripted and drawn from our real, often absurd, lives.

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Goat and Glaze kick off this episode, possibly titled "FFP" (Fuckery of F**king with People), by recounting their elaborate methods of pranking scammers. Glaze describes responding to a "wrong number" text with absurd Midwest slang, detailing hydroplaning (moist yeehaw), doing donuts (whipping shitthis), U-turns (flippin' a bitch), and parallel parking (urban butt stuff).

They then dive into their most epic scammer encounter: a "boss" (Elizabeth) asking for gift cards. The duo created a fake group chat, with Goat pretending to be an incompetent assistant named "Greg" who repeatedly fumbled the gift card purchase. The scammer, initially frustrated, eventually lost it when Goat "fired" his assistant and sent a Photoshopped image of their house on fire. The scam ended with the scammer completely ceasing communication after this absurd escalation. They share another story of a hot tub scam involving fake Cash App screenshots, and Goat's bizarre experience receiving unsolicited explicit photos after offering to send money to a scammer.

The conversation veers into dark humor and the concept of "trauma boxes" from their previous "Grace" episodes. They discuss a recent incident where they targeted a scammer named Kate, escalating the conversation to a point where they unleashed a wild, accusatory rant about a fictional disaster involving "lab monkeys" and "Johnaldo" taking out the "wrong car," blaming Kate for "botching everything." This barrage of confusion, designed to be completely baffling, successfully drove the scammer away.

Finally, Goat and Glaze touch on the confusing nature of their conversations, likening their news style to a "Glorious Gazette" that would perplex readers. They discuss an upcoming surgery for Goat, joking about potential DMX impressions while doped up, and ponder starting a "No Leg Mom" (NLM) prosthetic company, even brainstorming low-overhead ideas like using dumpster springs for limbs. They also touch on a bizarre "good meat" story involving Bologna and a customer named Greg who was caught trying to steal a train. The episode concludes with them reeling back in from their chaotic tangents, ready to discuss local bridge construction issues.

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In this episode, Goat and Glaze continue their "Grace" series, explaining that Grace, while temporarily absent, remains a crucial part of their therapeutic podcast journey. They highlight the importance of a support system, noting that some support is public (like the podcast) and some is private. Goat shares his personal connection to Grace's struggles, emphasizing his role in supporting her through difficulties he faced alone at her age. They discuss the evolution of their podcast from aimless "bullshitting" to a therapeutic outlet for processing real-life experiences, acknowledging the challenges of scheduling guests due to their fluid schedules.

The conversation then delves deeper into the concept of trauma, particularly parental trauma. Goat recounts his shocking discovery at age 12 that the man who raised him was not his biological father, and his subsequent relationships with his biological father (who was a drug addict and died from an overdose) and his stepfather (who passed away recently). He explains how he unknowingly compartmentalized these experiences, learning about "trauma boxes" only recently through therapy. Both hosts reflect on the lack of a "parenting playbook" and the unique challenges of raising children in today's world compared to their own vastly different upbringings. Goat also shares his personal struggle with providing for his child without spoiling him, particularly concerning an anecdote about buying expensive, rare sneakers.

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Alright, so, we're kicking this off with some "sugar bitch" talk, 'cause you know, you're always learning, right? We're sipping on some mead – that's honey wine for you uncultured swine – and Glaze's all about this vanilla hive blend. Says it's good, not like that fake "tastes like juice" crap.

Then we're off on a tangent, naturally. We're talking about how the hell they knew about mead in 7000 BC, and if they even had bees back then. And then, of course, we're questioning the whole BC thing and how that works with the Bible. You know, the usual.

But the real gold here is Glaze's Master P story. He met the No Limit soldier himself at some car show back in the day. And Glaze? He was there, looking all hard and thug-like for the photo. P was dropping knowledge and spitting straight fire, 'cause he's a legit business genius. Oh, and he played in the NBA. The more you know.

Glaze is trying to get P on the show to reminisce about their epic encounter. And we're just over here, running a flower shop, dodging bees, and waiting for the phone to ring. You know, living the dream. We'll catch y'all on the next one!

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Wow, episode ten of season two already – it's hard to believe! This time around, it's just Glaze and me holding down the fort, as Grace will be back with us soon. We're kind of going off-script this episode, touching on some of the deeper stuff that listeners have reached out about, even though we usually approach things with our signature dark humor. But honestly, a lot of our jokes have a real foundation. For me, things came to a head where it was suggested I talk to a therapist, someone outside of my marriage. It got me thinking about my own upbringing and some of the challenges there, and how that's played out in my adult relationships, especially with my parents and siblings. It's made me realize how important it is to just talk things out, even if it's just to acknowledge what you're going through and what you need at that moment, without judgment. Because at the end of the day, focusing on yourself is okay, and it's often the first step towards figuring things out.

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We head to Chucktown to perform an interview at a cool location (neither of which happened) and to find out if we won an award.

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