Goin In Raw w/ Shakira Deshawn

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For a long time, I thought survival mode looked like falling apart.

The truth is, it looked a lot more like having it all together.

Being independent. Being strong. Being the one who figured it out. The one who didn't need help. The one who kept going no matter what.

In this episode, I'm sharing how survival mode showed up in my life, the ways it protected me, what it cost me, and why healing has been forcing me to let go of versions of myself I thought I'd need forever.

Because sometimes the hardest part isn't surviving.

It's learning how to live once you no longer have to.

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A few days ago, I found myself sitting with a feeling I hadn’t fully let in before.

After years of distance, healing, and learning boundaries, I realized I miss my siblings… and parts of my mom too.

I don’t know what this means yet or what the future looks like. Right now, I’m just allowing myself to sit with it instead of pushing it away.

Maybe healing isn’t always about finding answers… sometimes it’s just about making space for what’s still there.

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In this episode, I open up about something I’m still learning — how to actually receive love, support, and care without shutting down or pushing it away.

I talk about how my default has been to say “I’m fine” even when I’m not, and how that comes from a fear of disappointment and a lifetime of being the one who had to hold things together.

But I’m realizing I can’t want closeness and still keep people at a distance. This is me learning how to let people in, let myself be seen, and stop feeling like I always have to be strong.

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Life is interesting right now.

I can feel things changing, but I can't fully see it reflected in my outer world yet. In this episode, I'm sharing where I am in this current season of life, figuring out what I want for the next 5–10 years, creating routines that support the woman I'm becoming, and learning how to balance faith, relationships, parenting, rest, productivity, and purpose.

One of the biggest realizations I had while recording this episode was that I'm already living in some of the prayers I once cried out for. The friendships, the love, the support system, and the people in my life today are things I asked God for years ago.

If you're in a season where you know you're changing but the results haven't caught up yet, this conversation is for you.

Let's go in raw.

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In this episode of Goin In Raw, I’m giving a real life update on everything that’s been shifting in my life lately — relationships, transformation, obedience, identity, and learning how to trust God even when I have no idea what He’s doing.

I talk about entering a new relationship after years of being single, the discomfort of change, outgrowing old versions of myself, and what it feels like to be in a season where nothing feels fully clear yet.

I don’t have all the answers right now. I’m just learning how to stop resisting what God is trying to do in my life and meet Him halfway.

If you’re in a transition season too, this episode is for you.

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This episode marks a shift.

I’m no longer centered around heartbreak, pain, or what I went through. I’ve already shared the blueprint of my healing journey — now it’s time to walk in what God has been building in me.

In this episode, I open up about entering a new chapter of life — one where I speak from healing instead of pain. I share how letting God into every part of my life transformed the way I see myself, my circumstances, and my future.

This chapter isn’t about reliving old wounds. It’s about becoming.

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At some point…
you have to stop blaming your parents, your childhood, and everything that hurt you.

Not because it didn’t matter.
Not because it didn’t shape you.

But because it’s no longer an excuse to stay the same.

In this episode, we’re having an honest conversation about accountability —
what it looks like to stop identifying with your trauma,
to stop using your past as permission to stay stuck,
and to finally take ownership of the life you say you want.

Healing isn’t just about understanding what happened to you…
it’s about deciding who you’re going to be because of it.

And that part?
That’s on you.

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Everybody loves the version of you that had no boundaries.
The one who overextended, overexplained, and overgave just to keep the peace.

But what happens when you stop?

In this episode, we’re talking about the real cost of setting boundaries — the guilt, the pushback, the loneliness… and the identity shift that comes with choosing yourself for the first time.

Because boundaries don’t just change your relationships — they expose them.

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The version of you that got you here? It was necessary. It was built for survival. But it is not who you are becoming.

If you've been holding on to an old version of yourself because it feels safer than the unknown — this one is for you.

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A vulnerable conversation about surviving sexual abuse and learning how to move toward peace, forgiveness, and healing on your terms.

This episode is about reclaiming your story, not minimizing harm.