Going Number Twos

William Thatcher’s cousin, Maggie Thatcher, wants to introduce the world to the sport of Sky Macing. You know that sport, the one where they launch a person into the air via catapult. That one. However, women aren’t allowed to compete as knights, so she puts on some drag and battles it out with the pope of all people.

Wyatt Earp has long retired from his days as a lawman and now runs Tombstone Park, a western themed amusement park that will close if they can’t turn a profit. How will they do it? By finding some lost treasure. That’s never been done in a sequel before, right?

Dean Proffitt (Kurt Russel) and Annie Stayton (Goldie Hawn) are about to finally tie the knot, until an ancient evil washes ashore. Is she pregnant to a moth? Maybe.

Bill and Jo Harding saved the world, perhaps a little too well. Forced to become TV weather presenters they must become storm chasers once again to hunt down their old nemesis, Dr. Jonas Miller, who has become a living tornado.

Lincoln Hawk (Sylvester Stallone) has to win the love of his only son, but with broken arms how will he do it? By entering into illegal underground tickle fights of course.

Strap on your concrete shoes, because we’re heading to Prohibition Era Chicago to write a sequel for The Untouchables. Things go so far off the rails in this episode, but we somehow still manage to pull it together... kind of.

This week we’re making a sequel for the 1998 film, The Horse Whisperer. This gruelling survival film cum romantic drama explores intimacy, relationships, horses... I guess, tight jeans… I dunno I kinda tuned out around the 2 hour mark because this film NEVER. FREAKING. ENDS.

This week we are feasting on SOYLENT GREEN!

This 1974 science fiction film stars a glistening Charlton Heston and literally no other actor we recognise. SOYLENT GREEN is a dystopian film set in the far off year of 2022 where in this world the Y2K Bug apparently made everybody start boning like no one’s business.