From the Good Dads Archive: Kirk Cocanougher, from Keller Williams, and Marlon Graves, VP of "A Girl Like Me," share their experiences on how to communicate with their ex-partners and how to be a good dad through difficult situations.

Our Guest: Kirk Cocanougher

Kirck Cocanougher of Keller Williwams is father of three of his own, and after he remarried he gained three bonus kids for a total of six.

Our Guest: Marlon Grave

Marlon Grave is the VP of "A Girl Like Me" and father of four.

Show Notes

• "Initially, it [the divorce] was definitely the hardest thing that I've ever been through." (1:52)
• "Can you talk about how you felt in the legal system, did you feel like it was stacked against you or did you have a good experience?" (7:42)
• "It [divorce] could make you into a, in my opinion, into a better person.. it could." (16:25)
• "I think the system has become more, and I don't want to say it this way, 'pro-women' or 'pro-mother'... at the end of the day, I just felt like if I did not make that extra effort, there are just some things I would have never found out." (24:45)
• "I think about the happiness I have now with my children, in comparison to then. Everything happens for a reason. At least in my case. I wouldn't be the person I am today if I didn't go through these turmoils." (29:25)

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Dr Jennifer Baker and J. Fotsch talk about being grateful after following addiction or a traumatic event. Hopeful habits and gratitude are some tools we can use to move forward after difficult life events.

Show Notes

• "The action part of being hopeful is starting with a gratitude list." (1:52)
• "Start your day off with little, simple things for you." (4:44)
• "How important is that to give someone positive reinforcement in a relationship?" (8:09)
• "So the portion of action when it comes to being hopeful is very important... Actually getting out, and having that personal interaction." (15:13)
• "Find a way to give back." (16:50)

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Dr Jennifer Baker and J. Fotsch talk about hope following addiction or a traumatic event. Being hopeful and having faith are just a couple of tools we can use to move forward from difficult life events.

Show Notes

• "I've seen any number of couples recover from infidelity and have a better marriage." (1:32)
• "You have to take one day at a time, and that is not always sometimes, unfortunately, not just the addict but the other people around the addict." (5:28)
• "When you start to predict and you try to control your outcome, that's when it can be dangerous. I think it's that fine line of making sure you don't do that. Set some goals, do one day at a time, but let life happen also." (8:43)
• "It's how I react to something that is going to cause me to get me on the wrong path." (14:24)

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From the Good Dads Archive, we are revisiting our discussion with James Mincks, a New Pathways father. James has made a lot of changes in his life in a very short time. His remarkable story includes the journey from convicted felon to responsible father in less than a year. It begins with Victory Mission's Restoration program and includes involvement with the Fatherhood Development Curriculum. Today James works fulltime and has benefits associated with fulltime employment. He regularly sees his sons and appreciates the opportunity to contribute to the care by paying child support.

We take a look back at our interview with Dr. Brent Anderson, a clinical psychologist from the military from West Point New York. He talks about how to handle change, behavioral interventions, and "FML..." Fun. Mastery. Love.

Our Guest: Dr. Brent Anderson

Dr. Brent Anderson has been a clinical psychologist in the army for 15 years. He has been married for 15 years and is a father of 3.

Show Notes

• "I'm hoping that some of the unique challenges that military face may be relatable to listeners that may not be in the military." (1:06)
• "We changed FML to Fun. Mastery. Love." (8:18)
• "When we start the day with a purposeful act of planning what am I gonna do for fun, what am I going to accomplish, what relationships am I going to build, and I view that in my head, I'm going to feel optimistic about the day." (14:59)
• "Write down what you did for fun. Write down what you did for Fun, Mastery, and Love." (19:28)
• "It's useful because you can both use it [the FML method] when you maybe are feeling mildly or moderately depressed, but you could also use it in order to maintain mental health." (23:27)
• "By doing the repetition and doing this stuff regularly, it teaches people that they can influence how they feel." (27:45)

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This week we bring you an episode from the Good Dads archives. Dr. Baker and Drew Dilisio originally met with Doug, a father and a husband, in February 2022 to discuss his battles with addiction. Doug shares his experience, strength and hope for those who still struggle with addiction.

Show Notes

• "I am curious when you first become aware that it [alcoholism] might be a problem?" (3:06)
• "I wouldn't do anything unless I could drink. If there was no drink, there was no Doug." (4:32)
• "It [alcohol] will never solve any problems. It will not make anything better." (10:25)
• "You hear everybody's stories [at meetings], everybody's circumstances. You hear their successes. Not everyone has the same past, but we have the same goal. And that is to be a better person and to be able to live life sober." (16:15)
• "I would imagine that most people in AA know that the illness tends to run in families. What do they tell their children, particularly if their children are maybe right at the age, they're in adolescence, where they might start experimenting with alcohol without their parents' awareness... because have dads listening to the program, what might they say to their kids?" (27:41)
• "Let's say that you have a wife listening to this and she's thinking, 'Oh but I like to have a glass of wine every now and then, so if my husband stops drinking, and he probably should, does that mean I have to stop drinking?" (30:48)

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Kevin Stratton, LPC is a counselor at Victory Mission. He talks about the men he helps with family trauma backgrounds and substance use. Addiction affects the whole family. Kevin also talks about how faith can be helpful on a path to a new life.

Our Guest: Kevin Strattion, LPC

Kevin is a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC), a Certified Clinical Trauma Specialist (CCTP) and a Certified Biblical Counselor. Kevin has been the Counseling Director at Victory Mission for five years, and before that, he worked in the churches for 18 years. He works with patients who are struggling with addiction & trauma.

Show Notes

• "We've been really trying to look at the family as a whole and friends around them [the addict] and how many people are affected by that addiction and it has a lot of healing to do for, not only the actual addict, but the people around them." (2:42)
• "You have to set up boundaries, even with family members." (4:45)
• "The ultimate decision [to address their addiction] is on that person, and if they don't want to accept your help, then they're not going to do it." (10:26)
• "Compassion, a little bit of love in the first place to get them back into a certain stage, but then there's also that certain stage where you have to be kind of firm... Where is the action?" (17:56)
• "National stats about faith-based or religious-based--even that stuff will show you that if someone has some kind of faith, they have a better chance of doing better." (19:55)

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Victory Mission offers outreach services, a men's shelter, and men's and women's 18-month programs for the incarcerated or houseless.

Carl Dawson, an expert in the field of addiction, talks about how addiction and substance abuse is a disease and cannot be fought with "will power" alone. Education and knowledge is the first step to figuring out if someone in you family is struggling with addiction... it's a process, not an event.

Dr. Jennifer Baker, president and founder of Good Dads, talks about addiction and how it can affect the WHOLE family (not just the person struggling with dependency). October is Substance Abuse Prevention Month, and we'll be talking about addiction all this month with different guests.

Show Notes

• "Today, we are going to introduce this topic of the month [addiction] by talking about the impact on families." (1:00)
• "What will happen is a lot of people with justify the degree of their life matched with the degree of their alcoholism and there really is no degree, you're either an alcoholic or you're not." (7:04)
• "It doesn't discriminate on sex, age, your career, how much money you make, it doesn't discriminate at all. And that's with drug and alcohol addiction." (8:14)
• "Their behavior is unpredictable." (15:18)
• [Family dynamics] "The family hero is the one that distracts from their parents drinking, by their exceptionally responsible and high performing behavior. The second one though, who's going to compete with that?... So this kid is often the rebel." (22:28)

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Dr. Chris Ward, a psychologist at Ozarks Community Hospital, shares how social isolation is on the rise. Social connections and human interactions can help battle loneliness and isolation.

Our Guest: Dr. Chris Ward

Chris has been a psychologist at Ozarks Community Hospital for seven years. He works with patients with a variety of different concerns including depression, anxiety, PTSD, and ADHD.

Show Notes

• "Money and finances seem to be, based on my research, very taboo in the therapy world." (5:10)
• "Most of my social connections are by circumstance, not by choice. And I think there's some limitations that come with that." (9:35)
• "It is important to have that emotional connection, most importantly to other men. Us men need that as well." (12:43)
• "The Sergent General's report pointed out that loneliness equates to smoking up to 15 cigarettes a day, in the health impact and morbidity." (13:18)
• "One of the things from the report I thought was very, very telling was the amount of time people today, compared to 2003, are spending feeling socially connected." (18:24)
• "I think about the importance of focusing outward. Focus on other people, connect with other people, but also serve and support other people, getting out of our head." (22:50)

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