Good Night

According to Big Louie his own bad self, one sure way to tell if you're in a real family restaurant is check the conversations that are going on. If there's a lot of screaming going on at all the tables you're in a family restaurant. But there's some nice stuff happening there too. Like this

I told you...let some Louie Louie into your life, and your life will have more life. I'm sitting here in my big, manly, comfortable black leather poppa chair in my living room trying to keep from doing a one man wave. A Harvard professor by the name of Ellen Langer says I'm right. I've told you lots of helpful things through the years, like, "Rectal thermometers are the best way to take a baby's temperature, and besides it really shows who's boss." And "If your kid picks his nose a lot tell him "stop that till you're old enough to buy a car and sit in traffic." And my buddy Big Louie is always telling you that, "If you have any moving parts left, for heaven sake Move ‘em." And, "You never know when something wonderful is going to happen. But an annoying number of you totally ignore this wonderful advice from Louie and me.

Like a lot of Louie-Louie Generation guys, sometimes I just don't think things through. That's why we need the guidance in my book Staying Happy Healthy And Hot, from Big Louie his own bad self the Chief Mustard Cutter of the Louie-Louie Generation. He makes things so simple. He says, "Just figure out what you don't do well, and don't do those things." Brilliant. He says, "Deep down we're all pretty superficial" and he's right. He says "Why make things complicated. The answer to the common cold is gesundheidt." Danke schon ! is all I can say. But his explanation for why a guy is attracted to a particular woman is one of his top ten best. He says, "Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder" and that's one of my favorites.

I don't have a smartphone. My Lady Wonder Wench and I have the last dumb phones in our zip code. All they do is make phone calls. I like the fact that other people's smart phones can't text me, because I like sitting here in my big, comfortable, manly, black leather poppa chair in my living room, just entertaining myself with visions of sugar plums and my Lady Wonder Wench dancing in my head. Like most Louie Louie Generation guys who have real flesh and blood lives, I really don't need to have my phone constantly connected to every other phone or computer in the world like the Pimple People and the Dreary Drones. I am not bored with my flesh and blood life. There's obviously a lot to be said for the virtual reality world. And I go to the movies, I watch UTube stuff, & I love to read books. But I'm a steak and potatoes guy and there's no way I'm going to let some virtual reality eat away at the flesh and blood life I love. I guess you could call this non-virtual reality my "Meat Reality."

I like ladies. I have always liked ladies. When I was a kid, and the other guys were throwing snowballs at the girls, I always threw snowballs at the guys who were throwing the snowballs at the girls. As I said, I have always liked ladies. So does my buddy Big Louie. As I have explained in my book, Staying Happy Healthy and Hot, I am the spokesman for his brand new Louie Louie generation here on earth. Last year Big Louie and I ran a survey of how most guys deal with Valentine's day. The results were really nasty. Almost all the Dreary Drone guys said, "I'm too old to worry about that kind of thing." And almost all the Pimple People guys said, "It isn't Kool." And we have some breaking news from the Pimple People from Proud Podcast Person Betsy K. She sent me a list of a just published Pimple Person list that claims to be the "New Man Rules." And I think it explains a lot. It's in this podcast.

I am sitting here in my big, comfortable, manly, black leather poppa chair in my living room, thawing out from the trip I just took to the mailbox. It's cold. No I mean COLD. That's because it's February. And as I told you in my book, Staying Happy Healthy And Hot (available at Amazon.com) the word is FebRUary. Not Feb-YOU-ary. Think about this please: If you, a priest, a rabbi, and a minister walked into a bar and the bartender asked if you wanted some b-YOU-skis you, the priest, the rabbi and the minister woud all figure it was some kind of joke. It's bREW-skis. And it's FebRUary. February and brew-skis are both cold.

I took my hot cup of coffee with me to keep my hands warm when I went up to the mailbox just now, and by the time I got back to the house, I had a large lump of coffee rattling around in the cup. My next door neighbor Randy was out getting his mail too. I said "Hello", and it was so cold, the "lo" froze, hit the ground and broke before he could hear it. He thought I was just saying "Hell" and he said thanks for the warm wishes. He was wearing his hunting camo, so I didn't actually see him. But I knew where he was because I could follow the sound of his teeth chattering. It was so cold this morning, you could freeze an egg on the sidewalk. In fact I'll bet hens were laying eggs from a standing position. Male dogs were getting stuck on the fire hydrants in embarrassing ways. Flashers were just describing themselves. The forecast was for six inches of snow, but look...there's miles and miles of it. One good thing...when it snows my lawn looks just as good as Randy's.

Looks like Louie has done it again. I'm sitting here in my big, manly, comfortable, black leather poppa chair in my living room, and I just got a note from Big Louie. He said I should tell you to "If things are tough, let a smile be your umbrella, because you're going to get soaked anyway, and grins are always good."

Big Louie is always good company. And good company is precious. If you're new to these weekly podcasts, I should explain that Big Louie is an important part of my book called Staying Happy Healthy And Hot (available at Amazon) and part of the reason for doing the podcasts is to promote the book. But that's a long way from being the only reason.

A more important reason is that some of my friends are getting old. Now I've always believed that getting old has a lot to do with how you feel about things. And how you feel about things has a lot to do with the kind of company you keep...or don't keep...and what you do...or don't do with your life. I've got another birthday coming up, and like most people who've had more than a few of those, I've noticed that some of my parts that are supposed to be stiff, occasionally aren't, which is sometimes embarrassing. And some of the things that are not supposed to be stiff ever...are. And that hurts.

Big Louie's best advice to folks like me is, "If you have any moving parts left, move 'em." I do. And I am. Even though sometimes I wake up in the morning and figure I must be dead, because nothing hurts.

I am convinced that somewhere near here there is a dedicated group of women who call themselves the Fed Up Females Federation of America. And I am sure that it is that group which is responsible for the doll by the name of Mr. Wonderful. Mr. Wonderful is sitting right here on my lap in my big, manly, comfortable black leather poppa chair in my living room right now. He's about 5 inches tall, and he weighs around 6 ounces. He has wavy brown hair, and a big happy-wappy smile. He looks a little like my dentist when he says, "This will just feel like a little pinch," as he hides a foot long needle behind his back preparatory to digging a root canal into my quivering gum.

When you push a button Mr. Wonderful says things like "Here, you take the remote. As long as I'm with you I don't care what we watch." And, "Why don't you relax and let me make dinner tonight."

My buddy Randy's wife Bernadette, got Mr. Wonderful from a friend of hers…probably the president of The Fed Up Females Federation of America. Bernadette and My Lady Wonder Wench are good friends. So the ladies evidently thought that Randy and I could perhaps take some hints from Mr. Wonderful.

Randy is a pretty steady guy, but he's a big Phillies fan and I follow the Mets rather regularly, so both of us got a little nervous and teary eyed when Mr. Wonderful said, "The ball game isn't that important. I'd rather spend time with you." And you should have seen the contented smile on both the ladies faces when Mr. Wonderful said, "Let's just cuddle tonight."

As I have explained in my book, Staying Happy Healthy And Hot, like most Louie Louie Lads, I must admit that I am a man with decades of experience in not having a clue as to what women are thinking. For example, I have never understood why women's magazines keep telling us in big red letters on the cover that all women want sex. Oh yeah? If that is the case, then why don't those women tell us that in person?

There are those who would say that I am sitting here in my big, comfortable, manly, black leather poppa chair doing nothing. Ha. I am constantly doing the very stressful thing that is the obligation of all real men. As I have explained in my book, Staying Happy Healthy And Hot, I am preparing for any possible disaster. Standing by to deal in a manly way with whatever evil lurks in the darkened corners of my loved ones lives.

Or sitting by in my case. That's one of the least understood differences between men and women. Quite often the estrogen enriched amongst us don't understand the strain we men must endure...always preparing. They don't understand the relief it would be for us if we could spare the time to relax by doing simple things, like washing the dishes, or vacuuming the floor, or cooking dinner. But no. It is our obligation to remain prepared... to protect our loved ones from the darkness and despair that hovers...waiting...to pounce on loved ones who are not well protected.

Life is a parade, not a stage show. I've been sitting here in my big, manly, comfortable, black leather poppa chair in my living room watching the parade for quite a while. As a matter of fact, I still get up and do a little marching in the parade myself, because as Big Louie always reminds us, "If you've got any moving parts left, move 'em." I sure moved mine last night.

I'll tell you about that in a minute. Big Louie says lots of things to guide our Louie Louie Generation. Another thing Louie says is: "You can never tell when something wonderful is going to happen." I think you made something I'd call wonderful happenen to me recently. I asked you to tell some friends about this podcast, and we seemed to have picked up a lot of new listeners in the past few weeks, so thank you. I hope you'll keep doing that.